How to combine work and personal life. How to combine work and relationships - a survey of Russian IT leaders How to combine work and personal life

The proverb about two birds with one stone was not invented by the people in vain. Work and personal life are two of the most important components of human existence. What are we without work and recognition in society? Empty space (at least that’s what people convince themselves of)! And without a family, what is the role of a person in this world and the purpose of his existence? A person's life becomes meaningless without. The simplest option is to choose what is most important to you and give up what gets in the way. Logically, this is what should happen. However, in life it is not easy to make a choice, and people rush from one extreme to another - making excuses at work that there was an emergency at home and urgently need to go save the family, and bowing their heads to their relatives because you will have to do reports on the weekend instead of what was promised relaxation in the water park. So how to find the golden mean? What should those who still want to find a work-life balance do?

You nevertheless decided to try to combine two incompatible things: work and personal life. Well, we will try to help you with advice:

Determine the degree of importance.

Set your priorities. It is better if you clearly know what you are achieving in your career and what in your personal life. If you had to choose between these two extremes, what would you quit – your family or your job? If you refuse a job, you will soon find a new one, no worse, but better than the previous one.

How do you work?

Do you take reports home, access your work computer remotely from home, travel for work on weekends - finish what you didn’t have enough time for during the working day? And other people who have placed so many responsibilities on you, simultaneously removing them from themselves, in an amusement park or in nature. They are used to living like this, starting from the bottom. They did not allow others to use their professional skills, clearly delineated their immediate responsibilities, and swept away unnecessary burdens. Everyone (including management) knew that they “wouldn’t get you very far,” and they didn’t insist on entrusting the same workload to workers like you!

Don’t think that doing well is doing it yourself! Not true! Entrust people with some of your responsibilities. Spend some time teaching the employee how to do this and give him this responsibility. Such issues cannot be resolved without the knowledge of management. Therefore, explain to the director that an unbearable burden has been placed on you.

Working time planning.

When you come to work, you clearly know how many things you have planned for today. Don't do them all at once, you'll get confused and have to start over. So set your priorities. Start with a difficult problem, and leave for the afternoon the one that is not difficult for you to solve. And also, arrange things on the list according to the degree of importance and urgency. Try not to stay too long at your workplace. After a working day, you will be of little use, and your colleagues and bosses will understand that you are not in a hurry to get home and will load you with even more responsibilities.

Get yourself a diary. Plan your work time and moments of your personal life in it - going to the movies with your family, visiting relatives, time for fitness, etc.

Stay away from unnecessary things.

Of course, for starters, leave work matters at work. Now get busy. Keep a notebook in which you write down what you did during the day, minute by minute. Record every hour:

Talked on the phone with my mother - 10 minutes;
Traveled by metro from home to work - 40 minutes;
The road to the office is 10 minutes.

The hour is up!

And this is your personal time! But everything is important here - communication with your mother and the path to work cannot be erased from your life. But after work comes the most interesting part:

Travel from office to home – 50 minutes;
because I forgot to buy a loaf of bread – 20 minutes;
A trip to the store for a loaf of bread – 30 minutes;
Conversation on the landing with a neighbor about which wives are bad - 20 minutes;
Sitting in front of the TV, where there is nothing to watch - 3 hours.

In 5 hours of free time, you spent only 50 minutes on the road from work to home. And how many useful and necessary things could be done during this time - invite your wife to the theater or cinema. Take the kids to the pool or go to the gym yourself.

Everything around is wrong.

We often hear similar words from people. Rest assured, everything is as it should be. These are lazy people who don’t want to work at work, but at home turn away from their relatives because they are tired at work and don’t want to delve into things. It seems to them that such an explanation gives them the right to distance themselves from the problems of the people who live around them.

Dissatisfaction in personal life.

There are people who are disingenuous when they claim that they cannot combine personal life and work. Everything is perfect at work - they are professionals, respected by their superiors and colleagues. However, there are some problems in their personal lives that they do not want to admit to anyone. Therefore, they simply try to “run away from home,” claiming that a lot of urgent matters await them at work.

It is possible to combine personal life with work; this is achieved by understanding the importance of each component.

Men over 40, who have already reached heights in society, tend to spend time at work. Family is in the background for them;
Women of the same age and position are characterized by the opposite direction - for them, family ties are already more important than the illusory happiness of fleeting success.

People realize themselves in different ways. This also depends on gender. A man’s self-affirmation is his job, for a woman it’s family. Most of the powers that be value their families. Whether it’s status or love for them remains a mystery. Most likely, they are driven by the thoughts that my wife is my woman, her children are my children, and the world is my world! Such men are used to ruling, they need a keeper of the hearth, who silently takes care of the children and looks at her master with delight. A woman who does not understand his desire to work will not become respected and appreciated.

One more nuance! Women complain that they work at work and don’t stop at home, while their husbands calmly come home from work and fall on the sofa in front of the TV. This happens because a woman understands that she needs to work both at work and at home, while for a man everything is clearly demarcated - she needs to work at work and relax at home. Therefore, many ladies cannot stand double shifts and sit at home with their children, simultaneously taking care of the house and their husband.

Middle-aged people often come to me with a not entirely clear request. They come and cannot clearly formulate what exactly brought them. Everything seems to be there, everything is fine, but something is not comfortable. After a short conversation, they express their feelings; they are unable to combine their personal life and work. Most people are concerned about their personal life and family relationships.

The situation is the same for many, but the reasons and solutions are different.

Combine work and personal life

In the rhythm of the modern world and its possibilities, there really may not be enough time for everything. In this case, it is advisable to decide what is more important at the moment and act according to the decision made. If you and your loved ones understand that work is the most important thing and everyone is ready to put up with it for some time, then work for your health and for the benefit of your family. If this option is not suitable now, then it is necessary to allocate more time to the family, reducing the time spent on work. How to reduce time at work can be studied in detail in the book. Gleb Arkhangelsky “Time Drive: How to have time to live and work” and, applying knowledge in practice, enjoy work and personal life. At the same time, use small gifts, flowers, SMS, kind words to often convey your love to your loved ones.

There is a feeling that the other half of your personal life is taking less and less part in your personal life together. There is not enough time. And in your opinion, if you want, you can find this time, but for some reason your partner is not looking for it. First of all, we need to understand why. You need to talk to your partner, express your thoughts simply and clearly, and listen to your loved one’s specific suggestions. Perhaps your partner has not thought about this and after talking together you will spend more time together. There may be another option, that for some short period of time your significant other needs to be completely immersed in work. If you are ready for this, you can support and help your loved one. It is also possible that during a conversation you may find out that your partner does not value the relationship with you very much, and that work is much more important to him. With the latter option, you can accept this, or start looking for a new partner.

Some think about the quality of filling their time and understand that there are many unnecessary things that simply need to be abandoned. Initially, we understand what we are spending our time on now and figure out what we want to do. In order to understand what we spend time on, we carry out a simple time tracking, where we record all the events of our day with time periods: sleep, morning toilet, cooking, talking on the phone, shopping, watching TV, going to work, from work, what you do at work, conversations with neighbors... The first few days people usually start doing more than usual, and then they relax and return to their usual way of life. In this regard, it is better to carry out such timing for at least a month. And you will get more things done, and you will understand how much time you can spend on your personal life. For example, you discovered that you can spend 36 hours on your personal life. You can distribute it as follows: dedicate 9 hours to yourself, spend 9 hours only with your significant other, devote 9 hours to people who love you, with whom you feel good, leave the remaining 9 hours for household chores together with your loved ones. Well, how did you like the idea? If yes, share your knowledge with your partner and start filling your life with quality time.

Sometimes there may be moments in a person’s life when work and personal life are normal, but somehow everything is not going that way. A person does not change anything in his life. At work, he spends most of his time sitting around, and at home he simply spends it, not wanting, and sometimes not being able, to bring bright colors into his life and the life of his loved ones.

There are also situations when a person, having come for a consultation, says that everything seems to be fine and there is enough time for work and personal life, but something is wrong. There is no joy in work. Then we figure out what is needed to make the work enjoyable, what it should be. If there is no joy in our personal life, we think that we can change it, and where can we ask our better half for help. And, of course, we improve the emotional background in the family and at work - we add drive, laughter, smiles, compliments, gratitude, love!

Combining work and personal life is a normal process. Do not forget about the differences in the approaches of men and women. For a man, when he is full of strength and energy, it is important to realize himself in work. Work is more important to him than his personal life. For women, on the contrary, their personal life is often more important. A woman is realized in family, love, relationships. This does not mean that the implementation ends there. Most modern people appreciate . Men make their own world in the family, establish their own rules, build relationships as they consider correct. Many men really like it. They say: “This is my woman, my children!” Such a man treats them with all love and tenderness if his woman accepts that work occupies one of the main places for a man. When a woman respects his business, she becomes the most dear woman to him. But when a woman allows herself to raise her voice at a man, accusing him that he does not take care of children, family, that he only thinks about work, most likely he will look for a more understanding woman.

Having put things in order at work, a man reaches a point when many processes no longer require so much time from him, and this time is allocated to his family, children, and his own health. When a man was able to put things in order at work, it is easier for him to put things in order in the family, since the rules are the same.

I consider it necessary to raise one more point. Many people are accustomed to thinking that at home we relax and can allow ourselves to completely relax. For a man, these thoughts are permissible. For a woman, home is her most important job. She can relax by spending time at work, walking around the shops, visiting exhibitions and museums, but when she comes home, she must be as attentive, responsible, caring as possible, and all that kind of stuff. A woman is obliged to take care of herself, her good mood... A woman’s main job? - to be the sun, first of all, to be joy; and this work should be a favorite job for a woman, and not something burdensome: to please everyone, to inspire her husband, to be a beloved mother for children.

There are industries in the working world that don't give you room for error. You know this well if you work in the banking or finance sector, where any misstep can cost you your job. Hundreds of promising employees who are committed to professional growth will line up to fill the vacant position. That is why your personal life fades into the background, you are ready to forget about happiness in the usual sense and throw all your resources into achieving a specific goal.

This is common to all careerists who are focused on their prospects in a particular company. Another successful project becomes a pass to seminars and business meetings with partners. A careerist never rests on his laurels, otherwise he will be replaced by a more motivated employee.

Career shift?

Such a shift in consciousness changes the behavior of careerists and significantly affects relationships within the team. People think that in conditions of fierce competition there cannot be friends and acquaintances. Therefore, jobs that involve constant stress give rise to superficial relationships, lack of trust and even cruelty between colleagues. Many employees of large companies play it safe, not wanting to pour out their souls in the team in order to avoid vulnerability or not to put their loved ones in a sensitive position. They know that any information not related to professional activities can have negative consequences.

Every man for himself

Some people behave like egocentrics in groups. They do not show a shadow of regret in response to your complaints, and prefer to keep their problems to themselves. These people are focused on performing several tasks at the same time and are ready to go head-to-head if a promising position looms on the horizon. They may appropriate other people's ideas for themselves or tell their superiors unpleasant facts about their colleagues. Even if they do not have an extreme degree of meanness, they are extremely cautious, do not trust anyone and do not go to corporate informal events. Unfortunately, the model of behavior that can be described as “every man for himself” is all too common in today's realities.

How to behave outside of the work environment?

There are many consequences for the interpersonal environment that arise from professional activities. Many successful people spend up to 12 hours a day at work, and this cannot but affect the attitude of household members who want more attention and support. When people allow such a bias towards their career, in the foreseeable future this will lead to the fact that personal life will completely disappear as unnecessary.

This raises another common problem: the habit of hiding your feelings in the workplace among colleagues leads to the fact that people are less willing to share their feelings with friends or relatives. Careerists are accustomed to the fact that there may be unwanted ears around every corner in the office, and every step is examined by colleagues as if under a microscope. These people cannot trust others because of fear of betrayal, they do not want to get brutally stabbed in the back and have already erased the line that ran between work and personal life. It is difficult for them to switch consciousness when crossing the threshold of their home; it is much easier to remain cautious and silent on a regular basis.

Friendships are at risk

Friendships are also undergoing certain changes due to the changes that are happening in the work environment lately. As a result, many go beyond what is permitted and do not follow the unspoken rules of friendship. Cautious behavior leads to the fact that you stay at home more and more often, and social life, which gives a colossal emotional charge, actually passes by. You become so obsessed with not sharing personal information that you begin to see enemies everywhere. Eventually you will find that your relationships outside of work are fragmented and superficial. You are voluntarily depriving yourself of much-needed social support.

How to change the situation?

To prevent this kind of distance from friends and family from happening, make sure you can clearly separate your work and personal life. Refuse to spread information about yourself among your colleagues, but at the same time recognize that friends and family provide a safe haven where you can feel completely safe. It is important to convey your problems to family members and try to seek consolation from them; it is important to feel emotional support. Outside of work, people need to relax and relieve stress, otherwise careerists risk emotional burnout.

Conscious effort

Make a conscious effort to spend more time with the people you love, giving yourself the opportunity to completely unload your brain from professional responsibilities. This will allow you to be yourself and forget for a while about the competitive existence in the office.

Understand that empathy and sincerity are not a sign of weak character. Social support is important for everyone to increase happiness and reduce stress, so be open to friends and family outside of the workplace. Remember that emotional well-being is directly related to physical well-being. Just because office intrigue exists, you cannot think that all people can be traitors.

Everyone wants to succeed at work and not lose anything in their personal life. Like a golden mean between work and family, when there is so much to do and so little time.

Finding harmony between your career and family, when both are of great importance to you, is a very difficult task. You want to succeed at work, your goal is career growth and advancement through the ranks. This means that the standard five working days and 40 hours a week is not enough.

And this is where the dilemma arises. You spend a lot of time at work, putting your family on the back burner. Your relationships at home begin to suffer. So, how do you find the middle ground between work and family when there is so much to do and so little time?

“Discover the joy of a harmonious life - study, think, draw, sing, dance and play, and work every day.” Robert Fulgham

Adviсe. How to combine work and personal life

Determine what is most important to you

In order to find harmony between work and personal life, you need to prioritize. The best way to achieve this is to sit down and write down your career goals and your family goals based on your personal values. What is more important to you? If you were given an ultimatum by family or work, which would you choose? If you lose your job, you can always find another one. But if you lose your family, will your job still mean anything? Think about it.

Are you working hard or right?

Some people continue to work from home because they can't get everything done on time. And smart people who work “correctly” delegate their work to another person. These are successful leaders who have achieved harmony in the family and at work. They spend as much time relaxing and enjoying life as they do on their careers.

Find something interesting and exciting outside of work

If you are single because you are a workaholic or for some other reason, find an interesting hobby that will distract you from work. Sometimes people use work, work, to hide from their loneliness and get rid of boredom. And some people simply haven’t yet found anything interesting and exciting to devote their free time to. you can devote your free time.

If we experience discomfort because work interferes with our personal life or vice versa, then something is wrong in our personal life. If work prevents, in your opinion, your partner from establishing a full-fledged personal life, this does not mean that he has a bad job and that is the reason.

Are you lacking attention? Does your partner seem to devote a lot of time and effort to work? Achieving dominance in his life, do you run into a wall of dull irritation and misunderstanding? Take a closer look at your own behavior, not at his work. Perhaps your relationship needs a serious overhaul.

Pay attention to your own appearance and internal content. Sometimes it happens that we demand attention to ourselves, completely forgetting about our attractiveness - both external and internal.

Start with the question: what does my loved one get from personal relationships? Am I an interesting person to talk to? Does my loved one receive enough warmth, participation, and care?

If your partner doesn’t feel comfortable around you, if he doesn’t feel protected from domestic attacks and claims, and if your life is falling apart before your eyes can make anyone angry, then it’s not surprising that a person throws himself into work “with his head.” Sometimes people simply avoid conflicts in this way, hide in a heap of work issues, and while away the time at their desk. In other words, they do everything to avoid returning to an unpleasant environment for longer.

On the other hand, do not give in to the temptation to stay late at work just to please your boss or simply out of inertia and the habit of “getting it done.” Think about what is more important to you: overtime work or the good mood of your loved one? Human relationships need time, which is sometimes lacking precisely because of the habit of overloading oneself with work. You still can’t earn all the money, and no amount of production success can replace communication with loved ones. In such cases, it is better to stick to the “golden mean”, remember the promises made at home and not exaggerate the importance of work activities in your own life.

In this situation, a shared personal life risks turning into a mechanical existence of two singles under one roof. This cannot last forever, sooner or later the loneliness will be filled by someone. Situations in which work takes up all your life time are dangerous because another person may appear “on the horizon” who can offer your soul mate love and care, understanding and an established life, good rest and interesting communication. If you don’t want your partner to share his personal space with another person, start with yourself, ask yourself the question: do you yourself devote enough time and love to your loved one?

If work is preventing you from putting things in order with your partner, and you want to change the atmosphere at home for the better, start with yourself. Try not to pester your partner with complaints and reproaches, devote time to making sure that the person you love enjoys being at home. The atmosphere in the house should be comfortable and welcome. This applies to everything: cleanliness in the apartment, deliciously prepared food, the absence of irritants that can upset the balance, and goodwill. Then your significant other will fly home from work, in full confidence that home is cozy and good. But this does not mean that you need to take on all the household chores. Your partner must be sure that you cannot solve many problems at home without him. This increases the feeling of need and responsibility.

Don't forget about leisure. Don't turn your weekend into endless household chores. Perhaps a hike in nature, a visit to friends, a visit to the theater, a fashion exhibition, a walk around the city or a romantic dinner for two will add a touch of freshness, brightness, and joy to your personal relationships.

Talk to each other. Share your impressions, exchange information. Try not to turn any topic of conversation into personal relationships. People are interested in each other when they learn something new together, discuss plans for the future, and express interesting thoughts about the world around them. You shouldn’t get hung up on your own feelings, it quickly becomes boring. Filling all your time and attention only with personal relationships, passions, stormy showdowns and demands for exclusive attention is, at a minimum, unreasonable.

In addition to work and personal relationships, any person should have time that he can devote to himself: to think, reflect, put things in order in his thoughts and feelings, play his favorite online game, read a book, be silent, find inner balance, be in peace, accumulate vital energy. If there is no such “gap” between work and personal relationships, sooner or later a person may break down, and conflict will become inevitable.

Between a husband and wife - besides bed and borscht - there must still be something else: common work, hobbies, joint creation. It's good when personal life and work are in one bottle. When people are united by common activities. Then the question “work or personal life” does not arise - personal life develops into work, and work into personal life. The mistake partners make is that some begin to demand a choice: either me or work. Claim more attention. And then both work and personal life collapse...