How to calm a person: examples of psychological assistance. How to comfort a person who is crying

Sometimes even the strongest person experiences the most negative range of feelings, and desperately needs the support of a loved one. Moreover, psychologists have long proved that sensitive, vulnerable and vulnerable souls are hidden under the “shell” of external strength and fearlessness. Often, each of us faces a simple and banal question - how to calm a person who has experienced a personal tragedy?

Why is it so hard to find the right words?

It would seem that the easiest way is to substitute your “vest” for tears, pat on the head and say something trivial, like "need to live on". But at such moments, most people simply cannot even find the right words to express their participation.

Methods to help comfort a friend in a difficult life situation are very extensive, but not all of them work. Moreover, some of them can backfire. This is especially true of consoling a person who does not tolerate self-pity.

Your girlfriend, friend or colleague has had a misfortune, and you want to support him, but you have no idea how to do it right? Psychological methods aimed at calming a person are based on the principle of empathy, empathy and awareness of his problem in all phases of development.

They are quite simple, but very subtle, and it is important to balance on the verge of participation and neutrality at the same time. It is absolutely unrealistic to calm the nerves of a person who is in hysterics by shouting and calling "to cool your ardor".

A key rule of effective emotional assistance is to find the sweet spot in your own efforts.

Phases of human suffering

If you are determined to restore peace of mind to someone, it will be useful for you to familiarize yourself with the phases of experience in which the person lives:

Shock. This phase is the shortest, and can last from a few seconds to several weeks. At this time, the victim stubbornly refuses to accept what is happening, does not believe in the tragedy or grief that has occurred, refuses to accept the previous event. It is characterized by physical inactivity with periodic bursts of hyperactivity, insomnia, eating disorders. At this moment, it is extremely difficult to influence a person in an attempt to return him to mental harmony;
Suffering. This period can be delayed for 5-7 weeks. If it is associated with the loss of a loved one, the sufferer begins to deify and idealize the deceased, or vice versa. Physiologically, this phase is distinguished by the presence of digestive disorders. A person becomes lethargic, apathetic and distracted, his concentration and intellectual ability are weakened. He increasingly feels anxiety and a desire to retire. At this stage, your help is extremely important, even if it will be expressed in ordinary words;
Adoption. This stage occurs only a year after the loss of a loved one or the tragedy. Now a person can plan his own affairs and goals, taking into account the loss, and suffering fades into the background, although seizures still happen;
Humility. The recovery part comes 1-1.5 years after the incident. The feeling of excruciating grief in the soul of a person is replaced by bright sadness, a more calm attitude is established towards the loss, but not without warm memories.

What if everything is left to chance?

Before thinking about how to calm a person who has recently lost a loved one, you must have caught yourself thinking - is it worth it at all? Of course, this is an absolutely necessary measure. In the absence of elementary support, a person can acquire a lot of chronic diseases, in particular, those related to the cardiovascular system.

Particularly weak personalities can get alcoholism, drug addiction or depression. A certain percentage takes their own lives. Being depressed and absent-minded, a suffering person can provoke an accident with his participation.

How many misunderstood people daily get under the wheels of cars and in car accidents!

Be sure to interact with the person, constantly keep in touch and communicate with him. Even if now he rejects your help, be sure - over time, he will remember all your kindness shown towards him in a difficult and difficult moment for him.

How to calm a person who is crying right now? Tactile sensations are extremely important here. Hug him sincerely and tightly, demonstrate to him with your body language that there is someone next to him who is ready to protect him.

What words to support and calm a person who is in the acute phase of shock?

Speak about the dead or departed only in the past tense;
If your “ward” lost a loved one whom you knew, remember something good about him;
Say that the deceased would be happy if his loved one stopped crying and began to enjoy life further;
Mention that even if the physical body is dead, the soul is immortal and is always there. And it hurts her that the one being calmed is so killed;
Listen more. Even if a person speaks inconsistently and tongue-tied, constantly repeats himself, loses the thread of the conversation, clarify the details of his story, sincerely try to understand what he wants to convey to you. Talk about how well you understand him. Give him the opportunity to verbally throw out his pain, and you will see that he will immediately feel a little better;
Refrain from advice "unwind", and other stupid, inappropriate recommendations. Don't recommend anything at all.

What is inappropriate?

Refrain from the following phrases and statements:

"All the will of God"(this is only suitable for calming deeply religious, religious people);
“Be strong, you are strong, you will endure everything”- such an option can further immerse a person in his experiences and make him feel extremely lonely;
"This is an irreparable loss", "Time is the best healer"- expressions that are absolutely inappropriate in this case;
“You are young and beautiful, you will still find yourself a hundred of the same, give birth to children”- such words can not only offend the victim, but also cause her just aggression. She is in pain here and now, and she is offered to indulge in ghostly fantasies;
"Finally got tired" "He's good in heaven"- such expressions can greatly hurt a person, because they hint that it is time to completely forget about what happened, which is a priori impossible;
"Now if you followed", “Now, if it weren’t for the would-be doctors”, “Now if the ambulance arrived earlier”- all these phrases only increase the bitterness of loss, moreover, the current situation does not tolerate the subjunctive mood.

Try not only with words, but also with actions to cheer up a person, in every possible way showing your attention in relation to his person.

How to extinguish sudden outbreaks?

If your friend has had too much alcohol, he may also need to be brought to his senses. Calming a drunk, and even more aggressive, is not only difficult, but also dangerous. But it is also necessary, because at the moment of intoxication a person is not able to control his actions and actions.

How to calm an aggressive drunk person?

Agree with everything he says, as long as it does not go beyond the law;
Try to subtly shame the violent one, but do not resort to his reproaches and showdown;
Infect him with your power - do not say too much, behave peacefully, quietly and calmly;
Douse it with ice water;
Ignore him. Just pretend to be asleep if possible. If a person loses the opportunity to play the theater of one actor, he simply will not be interested in continuing to rage.

How to calm a person

A woman draws vital energy from nature, a man receives energy from a woman. You can return what you received and, accordingly, establish energy exchange with the help of gifts. There is a pattern: everything presented to a woman will return to her lover tenfold. But greedy men close the energy flow on themselves, their business stagnates. And vice versa - generous men achieve a lot: their women easily part with their energy for the sake of their beloved, and it increases his strength and power.

How to support a man?

Men don't like being given advice or sympathy without asking. They want to be trusted. Men need to constantly assert themselves. They get a lot of pleasure, achieving something on their own. A man feels supported when a Woman tells him something like: “I believe in you, that you can handle it yourself. I trust you with this until you yourself openly ask for help.

Many women believe that the only way to get what they want in a relationship with a Man is to criticize when he is wrong and give advice when he does not ask for them. A woman often does not suspect that she can induce a Man to do something, simply by asking him about it directly, without criticism and advice. If a Woman does not like the way a Man behaves, she should directly tell him about it, without judging him and not saying that he is wrong or that he is bad.

There are three magic words that can support a Man: "You are not to blame." When a Woman shares her sorrows with a Man, she will be very supportive if she says: “I really appreciate that you listen to me. If you think that I am blaming you, then this is not so - I am just sharing with you what I feel.

The fact is that a Man often perceives as an accusation that a Woman ingenuously tells him about her grief - this instantly blocks communication and negatively affects relationships. It is important to remember that good communication requires the participation of both parties. A man should not forget that complaints are not accusations, and when a Woman complains, she is simply trying to relieve tension by talking about what upsets her. And it is important for a Woman to make it clear to a Man that she appreciates him, despite all her complaints.

Men are very upset when they are not required to solve a problem, because they need to feel good in every sense. Letting the Man know that he helps her a lot, just by listening to her, the Woman opens his eyes to her nature and at the same time gives him a reason for self-affirmation, which is so precious for the Man.

To support a man A woman should not suppress her feelings or change them. However, it is important for her to learn how to express them in such a way that the Man does not feel that he is being attacked, accused or condemned. A small change in the inner emphasis in expressing feelings can give amazing results!

John Gray

WHAT A MAN WANTS FROM A WOMAN

✔I want you to listen to me, but not judge me.
✔ I want you to speak up without giving me advice unless I ask.
✔ I want you to trust me without demanding anything.
✔ I want you to be my support without trying to decide for me.
✔ I want you to take care of me, but not like a mother to her son.
✔ I want you to look at me without trying to get something from me.
✔ I want you to hug me, but not choke me.
✔ I want you to inspire me, but not lie.
✔ I want you to support me in a conversation, but do not answer for me.
✔ I want you to be closer, but leave me personal space.
✔ I want you to be aware of my unattractive traits, accept them and not try to change them.
✔ I want you to know... that you can count on me... No limits.

Jorge Bukay

PHRASES that can have a striking effect on men:

1. My Beloved (this is IMPORTANT: do not use the word - Dear, this word no longer contains the necessary information. On the contrary, this word in relation to a man has a glamorous and mannered connotation);
2. Strong (I think comments are unnecessary here)
3. The most courageous (the main thing is to say with a complete lack of irony)
4. You are the best (awesome phrase, it works for almost all types of men of all ages)
5. Sexy (Oh yeah!)
6. Smart (amazing effect - word bomb!)
7. Generous (Real men think that they are, however, not real Jews - too)
8. Clever, well done (do not be shy: use these words generously and often, and you will be happy!)
9. Unsurpassed (in a particular case)
10. Awesome
11. I feel so good with you (you can after intimacy, you can just like that, a great phrase that never happens!);
12. You turn me on (and also “insert” - and to be honest, this is a treasure for close relationships, a hook phrase);
13. I miss you so much (a good phrase if you are apart);
14. I admire you (no comment!)
15. I love you so much (often, often, constantly say this phrase to HIM, believe me - it works!)
16. You can make me laugh
17. Only you understand me (Often, with a heartfelt intonation, the result will be excellent!)
18. You know me inside and out (A wonderful phrase that generates trust, the main thing is not to do the opposite, otherwise it will not work)
19. You are the only one for me (Let's please their male Ego!)
20. I love your touch (Let them learn, dear and beloved, it will be useful for them where a woman is pleased and where not)
21. I'm behind you like behind a stone wall (Once a week is an excellent frequency of use)
22. I breathe you (you can change the ending to “live”)
23. I can’t imagine what I would do without you (How they (men) dream about it, therefore more often, with the right intonation and tenderness in their eyes.)
24. I am so calm next to you (same effect as in the phrase with "stone wall")
25. You are so gallant (refined compliment)
26. I'm so happy with you (Chic phrase, which is 90% of the male population)
27. I don't want you to stop loving me sometime (small suggestion)
28. I can't stop admiring you (Psychologists say that men look in the mirror more often than beautiful ladies, which means it works!)
29. I will love you forever (No need for pathos, it's better to say - "always")
30. I miss your hugs (Great phrase that works 100% when you are apart)
31. I beg your pardon
32. You are so insatiable (Men dream of being like that, so let's tell them THIS!)
33. I'm so lonely without you (Good energy, often tell him this on the phone, in letters, sms)
34. I can't wait to see you
35. I miss you so much (on the phone, in a letter - amazing effect)
36. I don't need anything but your love. (Yes, yes, cool wording, here you are hinting that he is needed as he is, without a car, apartment, etc. They appreciate it.)
37. I trust you in everything (Good phrase, works)
38. I will follow you to the ends of the world (You can also use "earth", "planet")
39. You are my prince on a white horse (or on a Mercedes. Use only in relation to a loved one)
40. Just be with me (yes, they, these boys, still believe in “just”)
41. I am so grateful to you for everything you have done for me (works well, proven phrase, works 100 percent)
42. I want to be with you forever (Oddly enough, despite some pathos, this is a phrase that many men fall for. Try it.)
43. I want to wake up next to you every morning (Gorgeous magnet, act girls!)
44. The thought of separation from you kills me (sometimes this is possible, if infrequently and on business!)
45. I have never loved anyone so much! (Do not say this very often, otherwise the man begins to think, but were there many of them, these same “no one”, and why did she set it up, what if ...? Well, in general, you understand!)
46. You know how to be so gentle (great phrase, let them believe in it and become more tender, bumpkins!)
47. Your kisses drive me crazy (let him try more often)
48. I go crazy when you look at me like that (Let him look more often and more closely, this is only good for us)
49. When you leave me so bad (sometimes, but not very often, it can be used)
50. I couldn't even dream that I could meet you (yes, hook phrase)
51. My life became bright when I met you (Effective, worth using)
52. I don’t have enough words to express how much I love you (Phrase-lighter in a relationship, say once a week or a little less often)
53. You are the man of my dreams (Oh yes! The logical conclusion of this worthy list of phrases, the frequency is about once every 5-7 days, not more often).

Who among us hasn't had a hard time at least once in their life?

There are times when we despair and hysteria.

In this case, it is important that there is a person nearby who is ready to listen and support.

How to calm a person?

in hysterics

How to calm a crying person? At times in a person, you can resort to some measures that will help to cope with this condition.

Depressed

It is very difficult to communicate with a person suffering from. After all, it's not just that it will linger for a few days, this condition can last for months..

All that you can do for a person is just to be there all the time, to go through this difficult path together.

Remember that you need help after the end of the "acute phase" when a person becomes easier and he gradually returns to life.

Be there all the time.

Even if it seems to you that a person does not need it and he does not understand at all that you are nearby.

Help him. You will have to collect all your patience, refrain from any advice, they are absolutely not needed for a depressed person.

Bring more light into his room, bring fresh flowers. Try to cook him his favorite food. Let him know that he is not alone and should not be afraid to be alone. Say nice things to him more often. Show more tenderness hug him.

Most importantly, be sincere. Speak only what you feel, do not pretend. After all, the patient can understand this, and this will aggravate his recovery.

What cheers up a girl? Learn about it from ours.

In anger

There are 4 main ways to help calm an angry person:

A person whose relative dies

How to comfort a person who has lost a loved one? If you do not and do not know how to behave in such a situation, then it would be best to bring a person who has experienced it.

But the meeting must be organized unobtrusively. Tell carefully that there is a person with the same problem, and he will be able to help.

If a person is a believer, then you can seek help from a priest. The help of a specialist in psychology also does not hurt.

If you knew the deceased, then remember him together. If you have shared memories, it's time to talk about them. Remember only positive things that bring you joy. And, of course, only good things need to be said.

And most importantly, you just need to be there.

Be there and listen. Lots of listening. Do not console and force to rejoice.

A person who has lost a loved one will cry and suffer, will repeat the same thing over and over. But you just need to listen to it.

Help with chores and other chores. Important in this difficult time just be there all the time. The person needs to feel supported. This will be the best consolation.

Beloved

It is important for a loved one to know that you are there and ready to support him. Find out the reason why he is upset, hug him. The main thing is to let him talk.

Listen carefully to him, he must know that you are really interested in his problems, and not just pretending. Therefore, periodically repeating that you understand it.

Women or girls

Women tend to be more emotional than men. There are several ways to help them deal with tantrums.

How to calm a girl if she is crying?

You don’t need to immediately find out the reason, you just need to come up and hug.

Stroke on the head, gently kiss and hug. Gently ask her what happened.

In no case should you laugh at her tears or the reason why she cries, even if she seems frivolous to you. Show her that you care and understand.

Say only nice things to her. You can do some romantic act or make an unexpected surprise.

How to calm your wife?

Stay calm and reserved, no need to shout and try to prove anything.

During a period of hysteria, try to stay one on one with your wife.

Try to talk, ask a distracting question, and then ask her what happened. Give her a big hug and only say nice things to her.

How to calm a girl at a distance, for example, in VK? At a distance, reassuring a girl is much more difficult, if possible - call her, she should speak out, and you console her with pleasant words, express your support to her.

If this is not possible, then write to her VK, ask her to talk about the problems. Also write her words of support.

How to calm down a girl who was dumped by a guy?

First of all, make her go outside, you can go to some cafe or just to nature.

It will be useful for her to be among people, and not sit in her room and cry.

Do not leave her alone with your bad thoughts, distract her with something. But in no case should you immediately introduce her to someone, this will cause unpleasant associations and will not lead to anything good.

You should not say the phrase "You will find better", it usually does not help. Forget about alcohol, it will only aggravate the situation, drinking, feelings will flood over her and she may call her ex.

How to calm a friend who broke up with her husband? You need to be prepared for a huge stream of tears. The main thing is to listen and support. Bring lots of sweets, nothing like chocolate.

Make her go out for a walk. During a walk, you need to distract your girlfriend with some topics.

Together you can remember funny stories that happened to you during your friendship. You can go shopping together or arrange a spa vacation.

Men or guy

It is believed that men are less emotional than women. But this is not entirely true. They just hide all their emotions deep inside. And this should not be done.

How to calm your husband?

You need to remain calm and positive, you should not sit next to your husband and start crying, such behavior will only make him worse.

Feed him delicious and favorite food. You can arrange a romantic evening.

Listen carefully to him, express words of support and hug him tightly. If a man demands that you leave him alone, then do it. But if he does not tell you anything, then be there.

How to calm a guy down when he's angry? Do not immediately say something to him, first you need to listen to him. No need to try to calm him down and tell him not to get angry.

It's best to let it cool down. When the anger passes, distract him from his problems with a delicious dinner and transfer the topic in a different direction.

How to calm a guy down when he's feeling bad? No need to try to extort from him the reasons why he feels bad. It's better to hug and hug. There will come a time when he himself will tell. Feed the guy delicious food and offer to watch some together.

How to calm a friend? Be a good listener. Let him know that you are interested in his problems. Do whatever you can to make your friend feel comfortable. In no case do not tell him that his problems are not so terrible already, that it can be worse.

You should not give unnecessary advice, if a friend asks him, then only say what you think is necessary.

How to calm your son? Express all your motherly love to him. Do not impose your questions, express understanding. Feed your son's favorite dish and tell him that everything will work out and everything will be fine.

What words to calm a man?

It is important for a man to know that you support him.

Say the following to him:“You are strong”, “I know you can handle it”, “You will succeed”, “I will always be there and will always support you”, “You can rely on me”, “If something is wrong, it's okay , Everything will be alright".

Everyone has bad times. It is important that he has people who ready to help at any time. After all, support is so easy, and from time to time, we all need it.

How to properly support a loved one:

Hello dear friends!

First aid may not always be medical. Sometimes misfortunes happen in life and people should be prepared for them in advance. How to help a person cope with the flow of tears? How to calm a person?

Psychological methods and techniques are designed primarily to remove the state of passion and awareness of what happened. You should not say phrases like “calm down” or “you will survive, everything will work out!”.

The fact is, a person who has lost a loved one, at the moment of realization, cannot believe in the truths you pronounce. Even if they are truthful and effective. Similar phrases will be perceived as a betrayal and insult to the deceased.

The most important task of others at the peak moment of necessary support is to describe as accurately as possible to the victim what is happening to him and what will happen next.

People sometimes think that when faced with grief, they will simply go crazy. They are afraid of their own reactions to stress and may behave inappropriately. Starting from and hysteria, ending with complete and suicidal apathy.

What's happening?

When we cry, our body produces substances that can calm and relax the central nervous system, alleviating mental suffering.

It's great when there are people nearby who tactfully and wisely approach the issue of support in such a difficult life period. And at the same time, it is worth understanding all the responsibility for the emotional state of a friend, since at this moment he certainly will not be able to.

What is the peculiarity of such a state?

the person is already crying with might and main or is about to cry;
noticeable twitching of the chin or lips;
, Bad mood;
the gaze is directed to one point.

It also happens that the individual is ready to cry, but the psychological barrier does not give her the opportunity to do so. Accordingly, discharge due to emotions does not occur, and as a result of this, the long-awaited relief does not occur.

If such behavior lasts for a long time, then nervous strain can cause great harm not only to the body, but also to psychological health.

And at the same time, it happens that streams of tears transform into oceans and take on the appearance of an uncontrollable element that develops into a dangerous hysteria. In such a state, a person who cries does not sensibly assess what is happening, but is subject to an emotional display of internal experiences.

It is pointless to appeal to logic at such a moment. How to help a person get out of a pernicious state?

First psychological aid for “flooding” with tears

1. Be there

Do not leave a person alone. You can qualitatively and tactfully help him overcome the excitement and step by step lead him out of the frightening feeling of helplessness, self-pity or uncontrollable anger.

When a person is left alone, she cannot stop chasing thoughts in a circle that push her to continue the “wet” banquet. Winding himself up and encouraging with words or thoughts, an individual can run into a dead end and heap up trouble.

Staying close, you provide support even without words. Who wants to be alone with themselves when the whole world has collapsed on its head? Sometimes even silence and the awareness of the presence of another living soul in the room already calms and pacifies.

2. Build a connection

Touches, stroking and tangible warmth - warm the soul. When you make physical contact, it's as if you're saying, “I'm here, everything's fine! You are not alone in your grief."

Hold the crying hand, lightly stroking the phalanges of the fingers. Light touches on the person's back or hair are possible. The main thing is to feel the measure and not if this aggravates the relationship.

An extreme situation can provoke tantrums and aggressive behavior. Often in this case, hugs are practiced. Unless, of course, it threatens your life.

The raging mind instantly calms down if it is treated with kindness, affection and tenderness. If you were able to enclose a person in a strong and reliable hug, then try to adjust to his respiratory rhythm and gradually slow it down at the first sobs.

Stroking and rocking will add an atmosphere of comfort and security while calming a crying person.

3. Accession and consent

The teachings and lessons of mentorship do not apply in this delicate matter. If you were able to calm down with the help of touch, try to talk the person. Ask questions that will allow him to express his pain as much as possible and let it out.

« Tell me how you feel», « I'm listening to you...», « Yes, I understand how upset you are.», « I heard you, keep going". Similar verbal devices confirm the fact that he was heard and understood. And most importantly, they paid attention to him and sympathized with the loss or sad event in his life.

Nod your head, make eye contact, and express calmness. But this does not mean that you need to sit opposite and drill a person with your eyes, “hoo-kat” and “aha-kat” for the sake of appearance.

Try to understand and in no case condemn the person for expressing emotions. Just don't rate them. Do not try to pacify or convince an emotionally unstable interlocutor.

Only in this way can you become a full-fledged support and the right listener. Talk about your feelings less than about the feelings of the crying.

You do not need to give personal examples from life, unless you are asked to. When people experience grief, they think it is unique. But the joy is the same for everyone. Therefore, radiate a friendly smile and invite your loved one to drink a cup of herbal tea for soothing.

4. In severe cases

If the situation is at an impasse and you can not get the tear factory back to normal, then be sure to check out these recommendations:

remove unnecessary onlookers from the room and create a cozy atmosphere. Subdued light, blanket and water;
try to stay alone with the individual, if the situation and the emotional disposition of the crying person allow it. If he strongly disagrees with someone's presence, then invite him to talk to you on the phone. Leave the room and continue the dialogue using your mobile. Stay close;
switch man. For this, a sharp sound is suitable, sometimes even a symbolic slap in the face or a joint battle of dishes. Offer to take out all the pain on a pillow or with a scream;
speak to the person in short verbal phrases: Sit down. Wash your face. Have a sip of water." etc.;
after a tantrum, complete relaxation usually occurs due to lack of strength. Therefore, put him to bed;
remove all sharp, piercing and cutting objects from the field of view;
do not follow the whims of the "sufferer".

Friends, this is the point.

See you on the blog, bye bye!

And which ones are not worth it? the site will tell you how to provide moral support to a person in a difficult situation.

Grief is a human reaction that occurs as a result of some kind of loss, for example, after the death of a loved one.

4 stages of grief

A person experiencing grief goes through 4 stages:

shock phase. Lasts from a few seconds to several weeks. It is characterized by disbelief in everything that happens, insensibility, low mobility with periods of hyperactivity, loss of appetite, problems with sleep.
phase of suffering. Lasts 6 to 7 weeks. It is characterized by weakened attention, inability to concentrate, impaired memory, sleep. Also, a person experiences constant anxiety, a desire to retire, lethargy. There may be pain in the stomach and a sensation of a lump in the throat. If a person is experiencing the death of a loved one, then during this period he can idealize the deceased or, on the contrary, experience anger, rage, irritation or guilt towards him.
Acceptance phase ends a year after the loss of a loved one. It is characterized by the restoration of sleep and appetite, the ability to plan one's activities taking into account the loss. Sometimes a person still continues to suffer, but attacks occur less and less.
recovery phase begins after a year and a half, grief is replaced by sadness and a person begins to relate to the loss more calmly.

Should the person be comforted? Undoubtedly yes. If the victim is not helped, then this can lead to infectious, heart disease, alcoholism, accidents, depression. Psychological help is priceless, so support your loved one as much as you can. Interact with him, communicate. Even if it seems to you that the person does not listen to you or does not show attention, do not worry. The time will come when he will remember you with gratitude.

Should you console unfamiliar people? If you feel enough moral strength and desire to help, do it. If a person does not push you away, does not run away, does not scream, then you are doing everything right. If you are not sure that you can comfort the victim, find someone who can do it.

Is there a difference in comforting familiar and unfamiliar people? In fact, no. The only difference is that you know one person more than the other. Once again, if you feel the strength in yourself, then help. Stay close, talk, involve in common activities. Do not be greedy for help, it is never superfluous.

So, let's look at the methods of psychological support in the two most difficult stages of experiencing grief.

shock phase

Your behavior:

Don't leave the person alone.
Gently touch the victim. You can take the hand, put your hand on the shoulder, relatives can be stroked on the head, hug. Watch the victim's reaction. Does he accept your touch, does he repel you? If repulsive - do not impose, but do not leave.
Make sure that the comforted person rests more, does not forget about meals.
Keep the casualty busy with simple activities, such as some sort of funeral arrangements.
Listen actively. A person can say strange things, repeat himself, lose the thread of the story, and then return to emotional experiences. Refuse advice and recommendations. Listen carefully, ask clarifying questions, talk about how you understand it. Help the victim to simply speak out his feelings and pain - he will immediately feel better.

Your words:

Talk about the past in past tense.
If you know the deceased, tell something nice about him.

Can't say:

“You can’t recover from such a loss”, “Only time heals”, “You are strong, be strong”. These phrases can cause additional suffering to a person and increase his loneliness.
“God’s will for everything” (helps only deeply believing people), “Was exhausted”, “He will be better there”, “Forget about it”. Such phrases can greatly hurt the victim, because they sound like a hint to reason with their feelings, not to experience them, or even completely forget about their grief.
“You are young, beautiful, you will get married / have a baby.” Such phrases can cause irritation. A person experiences a loss in the present, he has not yet recovered from it. And he is invited to dream.
“Now if the ambulance arrived on time”, “Now if the doctors paid more attention to her”, “Now if I didn’t let him in.” These phrases are empty and do not carry any benefit. Firstly, history does not tolerate the subjunctive mood, and secondly, such expressions only increase the bitterness of loss.

Phase of suffering

Your behavior:

In this phase, the victim can already be given the opportunity to be alone from time to time.
Give the victim more water. He should drink up to 2 liters per day.
Organize physical activity for him. For example, take him for a walk, do physical work around the house.
If the victim wants to cry, do not interfere with him to do it. Help him cry. Do not hold back your emotions - cry with him.
If he shows anger, don't interfere.

Your words:

How to console a person: the right words

If your ward wants to talk about the deceased, bring the conversation to the realm of feelings: “You are very sad/lonely”, “You are very confused”, “You cannot describe your feelings”. Talk about how you feel.
Tell me that this suffering is not forever. And loss is not a punishment, but a part of life.
Do not avoid talking about the deceased if there are people in the room who are extremely worried about this loss. The tactful avoidance of these topics hurts more than the mention of the tragedy.

Can't say:

“Stop crying, pull yourself together”, “Stop suffering, everything is over” - this is tactless and harmful to psychological health.
"And someone is worse off than you." Such topics can help in a situation of divorce, parting, but not the death of a loved one. You cannot compare the grief of one person with the grief of another. Comparative conversations can give the person the impression that you don't care about their feelings.

It makes no sense to tell the victim: “If you need help, contact / call me” or ask him “How can I help you?” A person experiencing grief may simply not have the strength to pick up the phone, call and ask for help. He may also forget about your offer.

To prevent this from happening, come and sit with him. As soon as the grief subsides a little - take him for a walk, take him to the store or to the cinema with him. Sometimes it has to be done by force. Don't be afraid to be intrusive. Time will pass, and he will appreciate your help.

How to support a person if you are far away?

Call him. If he does not answer, leave a message on the answering machine, write sms or e-mail. Express condolences, report your feelings, share memories that characterize the departed from the brightest sides.

Remember that it is necessary to help a person survive grief, especially if this is a person close to you. In addition, it will help to survive the loss not only to him. If the loss touched you too, by helping another, you yourself will be able to experience grief more easily, with less loss to your own mental state. And it will also save you from feelings of guilt - you will not reproach yourself for the fact that you could help, but did not, shrugging off other people's troubles and problems.