Young lover. What is a young lover for?

It’s scary to think: he still couldn’t connect two words, and you were already reciting “Borodino” by heart. He rode around the yard on a tricycle, and you ran on school discos. Heplayed war games, and you defended your diploma. Although ... Maybe it's nothing to worry about?

At the age of 21, Marina gave herself the installation: “Dating a man - younger than me? Never!" But some 10 years have passed, and her opinion has changed to the exact opposite. Why am I worse than Demi Moore? - Marinka asked, preening herself before going out with another "student". “At least check your passport. Suddenly the next one will be a minor? - made fun of her friend of the Light. Well, I joked. The current boyfriend of 30-year-old Svetlana is barely 22. As soon as the young man Vitya graduates from university and finds a decent job, they will get married. Unless, of course, by that time the cons of this union do not outweigh the pros.

Sex

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The peak of male sexuality falls on 18-23 years. Women's - for 30-35 years. Therefore, Sveta and Vitya have complete understanding in bed. “And what to take from a peer? Svetlana reflects. - My ex ran to a meeting in the morning, talked with clients until 10 pm, then tossed and turned all night - he was worried that the deal would not fall through. At the weekend I slept ... We had sex on big holidays, and even then “on the go”. Now Svetlana has a holiday every day. “Oh, we do this to him,” she admits, blushing. - For Vitka, I am a goddess. And for an ex, she was a nymphomaniac.

But!

After the peak of activity comes a recession. If the union rests only on "age" sexual compatibility, then the result of such a relationship will be a break. Not in a year, so in two. Yes, and the banal “What about talking?” it is much more difficult to achieve from a young lover. After the third orgasm, he will most likely turn off instantly.

Finance

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You don't have to complain that a young companion put you in an awkward position by giving you diamond pendants or inviting you to a restaurant where one shrimp costs more than your usual full meal. With a young boyfriend, you can feel self-reliant and independent. No one will reproach you for sleeping with him for money. Where does he get the money, please? “Once Vitya spent half of his scholarship on a bottle of champagne, a chocolate bar and a rose,” Sveta says with emotion. - And then I fed him dinners for two weeks. Well, Vitya should not die of starvation because of his generosity? And nothing that now he is poor. But promising. In a few years he will be earning more than me.”

But!

Not every woman has the patience to wait for these "several years." And then, protecting a young companion from financial difficulties, you run the risk of raising a typical gigolo. To prevent this from happening, psychologists advise each of the partners to make a feasible contribution to the overall budget.

Life

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It is much easier to accustom an accommodating young man to the obligatory washing of dishes and cleaning the territory than an inveterate 35-year-old bachelor. “I have already trained mine to sculpt dumplings,” Sveta boasts. - And he runs to the store for bread, like a nice little one. No need to ask three times like an ex. He generally confused me with a coffee maker and a food processor. He couldn't open his eyes until I served him coffee in bed. He thought that since he earns money, I should wear slippers for him. It's like I'm not making money!"

But!

Psychologists say that the willingness to take on household chores depends not so much on the age of a man, but on his upbringing, character and innate craving for order. Sveta was lucky in this matter. But with the same probability, she could run into a sissy, who is used to being fed, washed and served.

Communication

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It is believed that a young man is easy and pleasant with an adult woman. He does not need to persuade her to intimacy for a year through cakes with whipped cream, along the way listening to endless monologues about platonic friendship between a man and a woman. “Victor once admitted that he had never been as easy and calm with anyone as with me,” says Svetlana. - With peers, he had to strain, constantly solve some complex psychological puzzles. And with me he can just live!

But!

Infantile, psychologically immature men often fall in love with older women. They do not want to take responsibility for how the relationship will develop. But again, this is a hypothetical risk. Psychological age often does not coincide with biological. It is possible that in a man who is 10 years younger than you, you will meet a “peer”, and the gentleman with whom you were born on the same day will turn out to be an “eternal boy”.

In any case, psychologists advise to communicate with a younger companion on an equal footing, and not as with an unreasonable baby. Let your “boy” feel that you perceive him as a strong and equal partner, ask his opinion more often. And then the role of the "second mother" does not threaten you.

Children

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Your young macho is unlikely to immediately begin to persuade you to procreate. He must first get on his feet, build a house, plant a tree. And only then it will be possible to think about the son. “The ex-boyfriend terrorized me with children,” Svetlana complains. - He said that by the age of 30 any normal woman should give birth. Yeah. Now! I'm at the peak of my career. But with Vitka you can relax. Both of us are not in a hurry to have children."

30-year-old women who dream of quickly fulfilling their “biological mission” see completely different advantages in a younger partner. The sperm of a 23-year-old man is many times better than that of a 32-year-old. At least the young fighter of the baby will provide healthy genes. And this is already a lot.

But!

Let's say you are not one of those who are ready to give birth to a child "for themselves." You sleep and see that your lover will one day offer you: "Honey, let's be three of us?" Then wake up quickly. According to the observations of sociologists, modern men grow up to conscious fatherhood by the age of 30-35. And in Lately in general, it has become fashionable to “delay” the joyful moment of procreation until the 40th or even 50th anniversary. If motherhood is still included in your plans, and a potential dad is 10 years behind you, then there is a possibility that he will mature too late before the parental mission. For you.

Public opinion

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A young husband is prestigious. You automatically fall into the cage with stars like Demi Moore, Madonna, Gwyneth Paltrow, not to mention Alla Borisovna Pugacheva, in which each subsequent favorite is younger than the previous one. And if the age difference is generally imperceptible and everyone around you consider you the same age, then this is the best way to increase self-esteem.

But!

Despite the mass of "star" examples, unions where a woman is older than a man still cause gossip, envy and discontent. Although, it would seem, who cares? But no. Parents (his and yours), great aunts, neighbors, employees and even close girlfriends and friends are able to bring you back from heaven to earth in a moment with a tactless question: “And why do you need this youngster (this old woman)?” “I was lucky with Vitya's parents,” Svetlana shares. “They immediately accepted me, they said that the main thing is love. But my mother expected that I would find a more impressive groom. She still mourns my ex. I suspect they even call each other."

Appearance

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The young gentleman will definitely not let you go down to extra pounds and a suit a la "an accountant from the village council." You don't want to be mistaken for your companion's older sister, do you? This means that, willy-nilly, you will have to cut your hair in fashion, dress stylishly, visit beauty salons, swimming pools and fitness clubs. Moreover, studies show that the living together with a young partner has a rejuvenating effect on the body. A young lover improves heart activity, improves tone and even slows down the aging process of the skin.

But!

Even the best trainers and creams will not help if there is a fear in your soul that you are too old for your companion. “When I see Vitya with his age, something turns inside me,” Svetlana complains. - No, I understand that it is stupid to be jealous and that this girl still has to grow and grow before me - both in terms of experience and in terms of taste. But she has the main advantage - youth. She can party all night at the disco and look like she just stepped out of a beauty parlor in the morning. And I? I have to constantly monitor what I eat, what I drink, how much I sleep ... ”It is the fear of losing a loved one due to a difference in age that often causes the breakup of“ unequal ”families. Doubt is a direct path to scandals and mutual reproaches. Only right exit- forget about age. And believe that you are loved for who you are.

Naked facts

• In the 1960s, only 15% of women married men younger than themselves. Now their number has increased to 28%. At the conclusion of a second marriage, the bride in the vast majority of cases is older than the grooms.

• Most often, women who are constantly among young people - teachers, coaches - marry the “beardless young man”. Studies show that 16% of high school teachers have had sex with students at least once in their lives. However, such contacts rarely develop into long-term romances.

• One of the reasons that prompts a mature woman to have a young lover is an unconscious fear of aging.

Nowadays, more and more often adult women, whose age can be defined as "40+", enter into relationships with young people who are at least suitable for them as sons.

If earlier such a connection was an exception to general rule, then today you will not surprise anyone with it. Why do such relationships arise? What attracts women and men to them?

Young lover as entertainment

Life is so arranged that freedom, independence and independence come to a woman only in company with age - rarely does any of the representatives of the weaker sex manage to take place in life and profession in their youth.

But by the age of forty, she gains, if not everything, then a lot: she has a wonderful job, money and children who have grown up - or, in any case, grown up to an independent state. But, most importantly, she is confident in her attractiveness and ability to captivate any man she likes. Why not allow yourself such an enjoyable entertainment in all respects?

A young lover as a solution to problems in the intimate sphere

According to sexologists, male sexuality reaches its peak at 20-25, maximum - at 30 years old, while female - by 35-40 years old. By the time the fair sex finally begins to feel the whole gamut of feelings in intimate relationships, the sexuality of a man already underway on the decline - after 45 years, persistent erectile dysfunction is observed in twenty-five percent of men, that is, in every fourth. Of those who are younger, 20% of men experience various difficulties in the sexual sphere.

It turns out that it is very difficult for a woman to achieve harmony in the intimate sphere with her peers, about men older speech and doesn't work at all. by the most best lovers women count men under the age of thirty.

Young lovers are energetic and liberated, they do not have chronic diseases and bad habits that weaken sexuality, an undermined nervous system and negative life experience. There are no taboos for them in bed, unlike an adult man, they are ready to support any sexual experiment.

Young lover as a way of rejuvenation

Relations with a young lover have a positive effect on the appearance of a woman. And so strong that such an effect is sometimes compared with plastic surgery. French doctors assure: such "hormonal therapy" gives a woman the opportunity to rejuvenate by ten years, no less. In addition, such relationships oblige to look good, take care of yourself, play sports and dress stylishly - in general, look your best.

And her mood is always excellent: happy people, as a rule, want to make the whole world happy. If in transport or a store you encounter an angry vixen, you can be 99% sure that intimate life(if she has one at all) in this person big problems. Satisfied vanity should not be discounted either: since a woman is attractive to a man younger than herself, it means that time has no power over her.

Adult lover as a way to get freedom

And what does a young man get from such - unequal - relationships? Contrary to popular belief, such a relationship is very attractive to him as well. As for women, for them this pleasure is associated primarily with a sense of freedom. An adult woman is wise and experienced, therefore she does not claim the freedom of her beloved man: she does not control him, does not ask where he was and with whom he spent free time. He, in turn, cherishes relationships that give him the opportunity to enjoy in pure form- without any obligation.

Adult mistress as a way to avoid responsibility

In our world, a man everywhere and everywhere - at home, at work, even on the street - is pressed by a sense of responsibility. Men constantly owe something to someone - genetically they have a sense of responsibility for a woman, home, family and money.

Romeo or Alphonse?

Why Mature Ladies Get Young Boyfriends

Ilya Brushtein © / Syda Productions / Shutterstock.com

Today, you can often meet couples where a man is 10-15 years younger than his girlfriend. What is such an alliance based on and does it have prospects?

Our expert - psychologist Artem Nikolaev.

Found my son!

Despite numerous examples from the world of show business, public opinion is still skeptical about the situation when an experienced matron links her fate with a young gentleman. When a forty-five-year-old college professor introduces a twenty-three-year-old graduate student as his girlfriend, this is perceived as completely normal and even approvingly. Such couples often create families, give birth to children. But if a forty-five-year-old woman professor does the same and chooses a twenty-five or even thirty-year-old man as her second half, then she will certainly become the object of gossip, gossip and ridicule. “I found my son! I bought myself an Alphonse! - these are still the softest characteristics that fellow citizens reward such couples with.

Not a mom, but a perky girl!

Women who start dating young men are often called mothers and nannies of their young beau. At the same time, men are certainly accused of selfish intentions. Next to experienced matrons, they are supposedly kept only by material opportunities, as well as business connections and comfortable living space of patronesses. However, the ladies in the middle life path, least of all want to play this role. “For my Zaya, I’m not a mommy, but a perky girl!” - notes the 46-year-old widow Galina, who met 32-year-old builder Peter six months ago. Galina's husband was 18 years older than her. Three years ago he died of a heart attack.

“Most importantly, with Petya I don’t feel the difference in age at all,” says Galina. We both love to dance, go to discos and nightclubs. Petya often rides me on his motorcycle… I feel twenty years younger!”

The attraction of youth

What are the wise ladies striving for, seeking the favor of young men? It is no secret that the intimate side of the relationship plays a huge role in such unions. Often, ladies after forty are disappointed in the love potential of their peers and older men. Stress, malnutrition, alcohol abuse, a sedentary lifestyle and many other factors adversely affect male potency. At the same time, it is quite natural that middle-aged women are not going to give up intimate pleasures. Therefore, many of them turn their eyes to the young.

Related article Unequal marriage. What drives women who choose young husbands?

However, the fair sex is attracted not only by the almost limitless intimate possibilities of young gentlemen, but also by their character. “Young guys are capable of spontaneous actions. For example, Petya can come home from work and… unexpectedly invite me to ride a motorcycle around the city at night, meet the dawn together, although in the morning he has to go to work again. Older men are no longer capable of this! Galina shares her experience.

Live for today

Does Galina see the prospects for her relationship with a man who is fourteen years younger than her? “That question does not bother me,” the young woman replies confidently. - I live for today, enjoy intimacy with a young, energetic man. If in the future Peter wants to exchange me for his peer or another young lady, then I will understand and accept his choice ... Love implies respect for each other.

And why are young men attracted by the hot embrace of experienced matrons? “Dating an older woman, a man does not necessarily pursue some selfish goals,” emphasizes Galina’s friend, Peter. - Experienced women often turn out to be wonderful lovers and wonderful friends! Women's sensuality is sometimes revealed only after forty years. Peter believes that older girlfriends accept their young gentlemen as they are, with all their weaknesses, mistakes and minor flaws. They do not try to fix a man, change his character. “Young girls are often unnecessarily demanding, including in material terms. Many of them regularly expect expensive gifts… Relations with a lady after forty are psychologically more comfortable,” explains the builder.

But what about the wedding?

Couples where the woman is significantly older than the man are less likely to formalize their relationship than lovers, where the man acts as an experienced mentor. But still, today such marriages are no longer an exception. “My husband Vyacheslav is nine years younger than me,” says Carolina, a 43-year-old accountant from Tver. We got married three years ago. Recently, our daughter Oksana was born. According to Carolina, a young husband is the best motivator for a woman. She constantly strives to keep herself in shape, to follow the figure. Is Carolina jealous of her husband for young women? “I am confident enough in myself not to make my husband jealous. In the end, he himself chose me and proposed to me!”

Experience for youth

Psychologist Artem Nikolaev is convinced that by choosing young boyfriends, ladies seek to prolong their youth and actually copy the male style of behavior: “With an age difference between partners, an experienced patron or patroness is fueled by the energy, passion, naivety, romance of her counterpart.”

Personal opinion

Antonina Komissarova:

- It's great when one generation can pass on experience to another. But if we talk about long-term relationships, then couples in which the woman is older than the man seem unpromising to me. Because in most cases it is always a mother-son relationship. At some point, a man will inevitably want to become a leader, which is almost impossible in such a relationship.