What is the greatest fairy tale. The longest fairy tale

It's five minutes before the New Year, which means everyone is pouring drinks, watching TV and, of course, waiting for the time for gifts to come. At these moments you remember everything that happened in the year: all the failures, the moments when you were extremely lucky, what you did good and bad.

It was exactly the same in the family whose members bore the strange surname Musician. They rejoiced and ate delicious food. Their little toy terrier Shusha woke up as if specifically to celebrate the New Year with everyone, and was now getting in the way.

The TV channel they were watching showed 23:55 (everyone knows that such clocks are set by atomic clocks and show the most accurate time in the country). Below, under the sign with the time, the stars of the theater, pop and cinema were shown on the screen, dancing and singing, lighting sparklers and clapping firecrackers.

While I’m telling you all this, two minutes have already passed, it turns out 23:57, but for some strange reason the inscription 23:55 was still on the TV box screen. Everyone was so happy that the Musicians did not pay attention to it. But at the last moment the boy Vanya asked his dad what time it was. Dad, in turn, confidently answered that it was 23:57, that there were 3 minutes left until the New Year. Then Grandma Vanya automatically looked at the clock on the TV and realized that dad was wrong. Grandma told him this, and dad replied that 23:55 was 2 minutes ago, confirming this by looking at his watch then. Then a slight argument began, and Vanya switched the channel to check what he was showing. It was 23:55 there too. Vanya said that something strange was happening, but everyone got really scared when they realized that their home wall clock was on the same division of the dial.

While everyone was realizing the situation, Vanya disappeared.

He fled to the nearest center, where there was an atomic clock that determined the time in the country. He realized that he was the only one who could save the holiday, because he knew that there were no people on duty at this center on New Year’s Day. He had an acquaintance there. He told him a lot about his work. But Vanya also learned from these conversations that his friend was leaving for Austria for the New Year to ski. Accordingly, he could not be called for help.

Meanwhile, Vanya ran and counted the time. While he was running, there was a terrible thunderstorm, it turned out that it took him 1 minute 34 seconds to get to the center, and another 30 seconds to get to the main clock. But here he had a problem - he knew very little about changing atomic clocks. But nevertheless, he found the instructions in the closet and, acting strictly according to them, reset the clock. This took another 34 seconds. As a result, he set the clock to 4 minutes 38 seconds. Hooray! He made it before the main winter holiday! And after 22 seconds he heard the fireworks, which praised the winner over time and rejoiced that the New Year had come.

He quietly came home and saw the result of his actions - the sign on the TV showed 00:01.

The next morning on TV they said that on New Year's Eve there was a temporary anomaly, which Vanya just corrected. Vanya went on television to tell how it all happened.

Already in the second half of the first day of the New Year, an investigation into this incident began. Investigators found traces of a sticky blue liquid, which is emitted only by the evil sorceress Thunderstorm, who was destined to fall asleep until spring on this New Year's Eve from an irrevocable spell, which was cast by the good Snow as punishment for coming at the wrong time of year. The thunderstorm tried to escape her sleep by stopping time, but Vanya did not allow this, without knowing it.

After that, Vanya was recognized on the streets of the city, and everyone loved him very much, and then, in his old age, he once said that these were the longest three minutes of his life.

One day in one office the director got drunk. The general there, or vice versa the executive - who knows... In general, the most important one.

And he’s such a wow man, only when he drinks completely, you can’t tell right away. The look just becomes heavy, like UPS at 6500, and the muzzle is like that of a burbot. And all sorts of ideas come to him, and then he doesn’t remember anything.

And so, it turns out, he got drunk one day and came to the office, just not at all. Darker than toner. Apparently, they had a good rest on the weekend - they came from the head office to see him, and who came and what they drank about there - only the chief accountant knows, and they only hire people as chief accountants who don’t talk about them even in prison, because they have criminal liability.

But this is not about that, but about how melancholy gripped him. And she grabbed it so tightly, like a gripping tool for RJ-45. He entered the office, barked something to the secretary, and went into the office.

Since then, the scenery has crumbled like a picture from a pirate CD. Well, she made coffee (and the coffee in their office was great - they brought the machine from zone.de, but that’s a different story, and I’ll tell it later), she was shaking, and she went into the office. And the director is sitting there at the computer and tinkering with the “Personnel” workstation. Human, then, is exploring resources.

Kofia took a sip, looked out the window, and his secretary asked him, like, so and so, are there any orders. And he asks - come on, tell me about your work.
The color saturation in her face has completely disappeared, the stuttering in the wave buffer has started, so, they say, so, like I’m sending out letters, answering the phone, and that the spoon in the mug is not the director’s name, it was the financial director who took it over the weekend and has not returned it yet, but he didn’t say why. Well, the director immediately said to her, “No, tell me something more interesting.” Why should I tell her, when in three years the most important incident was when she and Anka chatted intercity for half an hour at the expense of the company. He stands with his eyes on the floor and is silent - “four hundred and four,” like, nothing to tell. The director said to the side: “You fool!”, and he said to her: “Now you send me everyone here, starting from the top positions, and let everyone prepare a story or some kind of incident. Now I need to hold out until the evening, because if I get sober now, it could cause great damage to the company. Therefore, those who tell a short story will be fired without leaving the table. And the stories should all be about work, because on Monday in the office, and even with the director, you can’t just talk about it.

In general, for a long time or for a long time, the entire management staff was fired. There is not a single director or deputy director left. Everything was drained. Parasites - one word, what kind of cases are there at work when all the work is to make sure that a subordinate does not go around on a quarry excavator. The financial director held out the longest - he talked about that spoon for eight minutes, but let it slip that he didn’t come to the office to work on Saturday at all - so he didn’t even have time to say “ruble” before the order was signed.

The heads of departments have already been thinned out, and it is the turn of the head of the technical department. And he was absent due to illness - over the weekend he tried the download manager with the guys, and they got so pumped up that in the morning their face couldn’t fit into the roll scanner. And instead of him, a system administrator went, an Enikey guy in our opinion.

When he comes in, the director is even surprised - why are you skipping the line? I have people there with three higher degrees and courses in London who are still unsacked. Well, that crazy guy was, he says, like, he switched lines with the boss. Why, the director asks, did you change it for? The screw, he says, is new. Otherwise my old one is on the server. Do you remember when our server crashed? Oh, well, you can’t see it from here - there’s a hot swap, everything’s going on. And then he fell, as usual, and the backup was lying at the department head’s house, because they don’t allocate funds for backup. And the head of the department was on vacation to travel from the mountains with his whole family. Well, the modem was connected and received incoming messages, just in case. Well, I moved my screw to the server, half the database is alive, but half the database needs to be restored. And the last backup was made before the renovation with the move, when the server was moved to the basement, and now the nearest nipple to the Internet is on the second floor. Well, I turned around and looked - there was a floppy disk. Three inches. I set the backup to merge, uploaded it to a floppy disk with 1.44, and went into the basement. Inserted it, drained it, and went back up. And there the second piece is already waiting for me. Well, I also put it on disk, and down to the server. Then after the next one, and back - almost one and a half meters at a time...

The director feels that he has already begun to nod off, but he holds on. Then he seemed to have a clouding, and he seemed to come to his senses - he wasn’t gawking so much anymore. The sun is setting, and the Enikey guy keeps going on and on about the same topic, like a looped playlist - they say, up the stairs to the second - disk to the disk drive - file - send that - disk to the paw - to the basement - disk to the disk drive - append - to the second .. The director shook his head and said, “How long are you going to carry disks there?” And he answers - well, out of two gigs, only six hundred meters have been dragged so far. The director waved his hands at him - that’s enough, he said, and the Enikey guy responded - just wait, the backup still needs to be restored! In general, the director gave him a bonus right away, in the department of office chairs made of genuine leather (well, I lied about that), the same UPS for 6500, a pancake cutter with a supply of pancakes, a personal gift for the Enikey employee - a USB flash drive for two gigs and a dedicated line was finally paid for .

But the financial director was never taken back. Because there was no spoon.

Japanese fairy tale

In ancient times, long ago, there lived one sovereign prince. More than anything else in the world, he loved to listen to fairy tales.
Those close to him will come to him:
- What would you like to have fun with today, Prince? There are a lot of all kinds of animals in the forest: boars, deer, and foxes...
- No, I don’t want to go hunting. It’s better to tell me fairy tales, but more authentic ones.
Sometimes the prince would begin to carry out justice.
The one who is offended by the guilty complains to him:
- He deceived me, completely ruined me...
And the guilty one responds:
- Prince, I know a new fairy tale.
- Long?
- Long, long and scary, scary.
- Well, tell me!
Here's the court and justice for you!
The prince will hold council, and there they will tell him nothing but tall tales.
The prince's servants ran around all the villages in that region, asking everyone if anyone knew a new fairy tale that was more interesting.
They set up outposts along the road:
- Hey, traveler, stop! Stop, they tell you!
The traveler will be stupefied with fright. What a disaster has come!
- Stop, tell the truth! Have you been to the seabed as a guest of the sea king?
- No, no, I wasn’t. It didn't happen.
- Did you fly on a crane?
- No, no, I didn’t fly. I swear I didn't fly!
- Well, you’ll fly with us if right now, right there, in this very place, you don’t weave weirder tales.
But no one could please the prince.
- Fairy tales in our times are short and skimpy... As soon as you start listening early in the morning, by the evening the fairy tale ends. No, those are the wrong fairy tales now, the wrong ones...
And the prince ordered to announce everywhere:
“Who can come up with such a long tale that the prince will say: “Enough!” “He will receive whatever he wants as a reward.”
Well, here, from all over Japan, from islands near and far, the most skillful storytellers flocked to the prince’s castle. There were also some among them who talked incessantly all day, and all night to boot. But not once did the prince say: “Enough!” Just sigh:
- What a fairy tale! Short, shorter than a sparrow's nose. If I had been as big as a crane's nose, I would have awarded it too!
But then one day a gray-haired, hunched old woman came to the castle.
- I dare to report that I am the first master in telling long tales in Japan. Many have visited you, but none of them are even suitable as my students.
The servants were delighted and brought her to the prince.
“Begin,” the prince ordered. - But look at me, it will be bad for you if you boasted in vain. I'm tired of short fairy tales.
“It was a long time ago,” the old woman began. - A hundred large ships are sailing on the sea, heading towards our island. The ships are loaded to the very brim with precious goods: not silk, not coral, but frogs. - What do you say - frogs? - the prince was surprised - Interesting, I’ve never heard anything like this before. Apparently, you really are a master of fairy tales.
- You'll hear more, prince. Frogs are sailing on a ship. Unfortunately, as soon as our shore appeared in the distance, all a hundred ships - fuck! - they hit the rocks at once. And the waves all around are boiling and raging.
The frogs began to hold advice here.
“Come on, sisters,” says one frog, “let’s swim to the shore before our ships are smashed into small pieces. I’m the eldest, I’ll set an example.”
She galloped to the side of the ship. “Kva-kva-kva, kva-kva-kva, kva-kva-kva.” Wherever your head goes, your legs go.”
And jump into the water - splash!
Here the second frog jumped to the side of the ship.
“Kva-kva-kva, kva-kva-kva, kva-kva-kva. Where one frog goes, so does another.”
And jump into the water - splash!
Then the third frog jumped to the side of the ship.
“Kva-kva-kva, kva-kva-kva, kva-kva-kva. Where there are two frogs, there is a third one.”
And jump into the water - splash!
Then the fourth frog jumped to the side of the ship...
The old woman talked all day, but she didn’t even count all the frogs on one ship. And when all the frogs from the first ship had jumped, the old woman began to count the frogs on the other:
- Here the first frog jumped to the side of the ship:
“Kva-kva-kva, kva-kva-kva, kva-kva-kva. Wherever your head goes, your legs go.”
And jump into the water - splash!...
For seven days the old woman did not stop talking. On the eighth day the prince could not stand it:
- Enough, enough! I have no more strength.
- As you order, prince. But it's a pity. I just started working on the seventh ship. There are still many frogs left. But there is nothing to do. Give me the promised reward, I'll go home.
- What an impudent old woman! She has done the same thing over and over again, like autumn rain, and also asks for a reward.
- But you said: “Enough!” And the prince’s word, as I have always heard, is stronger than a thousand-year-old pine.
The prince sees that you can’t talk your way out of the old woman. He ordered to give her a rich reward and drive her out the door.
For a long time the prince kept hearing in his ears: “Kva-kva-kva, kva-kva-kva... Jump into the water - splash!”
Since then, the prince stopped loving long fairy tales.

In ancient times, long ago, there lived one sovereign prince. More than anything else in the world, he loved to listen to fairy tales. Those close to him would come to him: “What would you like to have fun with today, Prince?” There are a lot of all kinds of animals in the forest: boars, deer, and foxes... - No, I don’t want to go hunting. It’s better to tell me fairy tales, but more authentic ones. The prince would begin to carry out justice. He would complain to him, offended by the guilty one: - He deceived me, completely ruined me... And the guilty one would answer: - Prince, I know a new fairy tale. - Long? - Long, long and a terrible, terrible one. - Well, tell me! Here is the court and the council! The prince will hold the council, and there they will tell him nothing but tall tales. The prince’s servants ran around all the villages in that region, asking everyone if anyone knew a new fairy tale that was more interesting. They set up outposts along the road: - Hey, traveler, stop! Stop, they tell you! The traveler will be stunned with fright. What kind of trouble has come! - Stop, tell the truth! Were you on the seabed visiting the king of the sea? - No, no, no. I didn’t have the chance. - Did you fly on a crane? - No, no, I didn’t fly. I swear, I didn’t fly! - Well, you’ll fly with us if right now, right there, in this very place, you don’t weave stranger tales. But no one could please the prince. - Fairy tales in our times were short, skimpy... Just start listen early in the morning to how the fairy tale ends in the evening. No, the wrong fairy tales have gone now, the wrong ones... And the prince ordered to announce everywhere: “Who will come up with such a long fairy tale that the prince will say: “Enough!” - he will receive as a reward everything he wants.” Well, here, from all over Japan, from near and far islands, the most skillful storytellers flocked to the prince’s castle. There were also some among them who talked incessantly all day, and all night to boot. But not once did the prince say: “Enough!” He just sighs: - What a fairy tale! Short, shorter than a sparrow's nose. If I had the nose of a crane, I would have awarded it! But then one day a gray-haired, hunched old woman came to the castle. “I dare to report that I am the first master in Japan to tell long fairy tales.” Many have visited you, but none of them are suitable for me to be my students. The servants were delighted and brought her to the prince. “Begin,” the prince ordered. “But watch me, it will be bad for you if you boasted in vain.” I’m tired of short fairy tales. “It was a long time ago,” the old woman began. “A hundred large ships are sailing on the sea, heading towards our island.” The ships are loaded to the very brim with precious goods: not silk, not coral, but frogs. - What do you say - frogs? - the prince was surprised. - Interesting, I’ve never heard anything like this before. Apparently, you really are a master of fairy tales. - You'll hear more, prince. Frogs are sailing on a ship. Unfortunately, as soon as our shore appeared in the distance, all a hundred ships - fuck! - they hit the rocks at once. And the waves all around are boiling and raging. The frogs here began to hold advice. “Come on, sisters,” says one frog, “let’s swim to the shore before our ships are smashed into small pieces.” I’m the eldest, I’ll set an example.” She galloped to the side of the ship. “Kva-kva-kva, kva-kva-kva, kva-kva-kva.” Where the head goes, so do the legs.” And he jumped into the water - splash! Then the second frog jumped to the side of the ship. “Kva-kva-kva, kva-kva-kva, kva-kva-kva.” Where one frog goes, so does another.” And he jumped into the water - splash! Then the third frog jumped to the side of the ship. “Kva-kva-kva, kva-kva-kva, kva-kva-kva.” Where there are two frogs, there is a third one.” And he jumped into the water - splash! Then the fourth frog jumped to the side of the ship... The old woman talked all day long, but she did not count all the frogs even on one ship. And when all the frogs from the first ship jumped, the old woman began to count the frogs on the other: “The first frog jumped to the side of the ship: “Kva-kva-kva, kva-kva-kva, kva-kva-kva.” Where the head goes, the legs go.” And he jumped into the water - splash!... The old woman did not stop talking for seven days. On the eighth day the prince could not stand it: “Enough, enough!” I have no more strength. - As you order, prince. But it's a pity. I just started working on the seventh ship. There are still many frogs left. But there is nothing to do. Give me the promised reward, I'll go home. - What an impudent old woman! She has done the same thing, like autumn rain, and also asks for a reward. - But you said: “Enough!” And the prince’s word, as I have always heard, is stronger than a thousand-year-old pine. The prince sees that you can’t talk your way out of an old woman. He ordered to give her a rich reward and drive her out the door. For a long time the prince kept hearing in his ears: “Kva-kva-kva, kva-kva-kva... Jumping into the water - splash!” Since then, the prince stopped loving long fairy tales.