Read life stories. Funny stories from life

That’s why I couldn’t find a place for myself, I bit my elbows, why Mitechka hadn’t married yet. And he never had a girlfriend. He is shy with me, hunted.

At first, I thought he had learned by heart. Technical school, and then institute. I crammed my notes, I didn’t roam around my friends. Well, thank God that I did not get into bad company.

My son did not serve in the ranks of the army. Muscovites will be killed there. And he has a squint. And flat feet to boot. But he is smart, but a little rude.

Baby, I don't know what to do anymore. Last summer I was overcome by a feeling of hopelessness and despair. Antidepressants don't help. The anxiety is only getting worse.

And it all started when my husband called me a black sheep. In a furious and insane state, he cursed both me and the children three times. IN sober mind and blessed memory.

The next day, when I woke up in the morning, I felt depressing. His body ached like a bulldozer had run over it. I drove the terrible words from myself.

But they, like leeches, stuck to my mind. For no reason, for no reason, to spew something that even the most inveterate carrion would not dare to do.

I bring to your attention real story(life story) of a 2nd grade student about a dangerous situation with strangers. Let the story be your reminder.

Much more in the world good people. And I'm not going to get mad. But, unfortunately, excessive gullibility can play a cruel joke with you.

And here it’s not even about the fact that all strangers are troublemakers. You just need to distance yourself from those who offer you something for free.

I don't mean to be over-the-top, but a dangerous situation can be seen in the staring eyes of a stranger. As if they are trying to hypnotize you and force you to follow orders.

I am ashamed to talk about it, but with a higher education I work as an ordinary driver. At the meatpacking plant. Why did I just go to college! If only I knew!

Red diploma with honors. But as it turned out, the specialty "Surveyor" is now not held in high esteem. Yes, and the salary, in the case of employment, beggarly, penny.

I'm sure many of you are facing the same problem. Without work experience, you will not be hired for a prestigious position. But where, excuse me, does he come from, if I just got up from the institute's bench!

But nobody cares. Give us work book. Everything is clear with you, comrade. We will call you tomorrow. So I hung around for three years. And let my life story be the most useful lesson for you.

I was excited and inspired by sensual prose. I want to live with you all my life, and die in an instant, falling into the abyss of sticky bliss and the universe.

Lenochka, I'm not a boy who romantically sings praises to you. There is a timeless feeling. It is like a soul, without which life is unthinkable.

And my love for you is expressed in deep and selfless devotion, readiness to go with you through life and be faithful to the very end.

I dream of taking possession of your body and penetrating it at mutual desire. Enjoy voluptuous sobs and incessant moans, uttered in a fit of ecstasy.

I'm a fairly dry person. There were guys, but I didn’t have much love for them. So, they seem to like it, it’s nice together, but there was never a feeling of inspiration, as my friends told me. I have already come to terms with this - well, I don’t know how to love, and okay ... Who doesn’t happen to? I will find a man with whom I will be more or less comfortable, and I will live with him.

1995 One Good boy and one Bad boy went to first grade. So it was destined by fate that they both began to study in the same class. They studied together for 10 years. All these 10 years, the Good Boy studied hard, tried not to get involved with bad companies. In the summer, he helped his parents at the dacha every year. Due to the fact that he studied very hard, read too many books and because of a genetic predisposition, he began to have vision problems. A good boy was very good, only he didn’t have money for laser surgery, however, his parents didn’t have money for it either, so the boy was bought hefty glasses with huge lenses. In the 8th grade, his parents divorced and the Good Boy began to live with his mother. A couple of years later, the mother of a good boy became disabled. And the good boy had to go to work instead of going to school, instead of going to university. The Good Boy did not work for long - he was raked into the army. Since then, he has not received higher education and still lives with his mother because he cannot leave her. He does not have a girlfriend, but he is already over 30 years old. With a hysterical mother, a terrible appearance and hefty glasses, the boy has a sad future.

Yesterday I was visiting a friend. And she, with a glass of wine, told how the other day she broke up with a man whom she had met for about six months. While there was a candy-bouquet period - everything went very well for them, romance and all that. But when the relationship moved to a more serious stage, the man offered to move in together (that is, he would move to Natasha in her apartment, because he lives on rent). And he immediately set the conditions on which they would live, from which the hair on the head of the girlfriend began to stir.

In fifteen years of marriage, my husband and I had three beautiful children and we did not plan more. And without that, we do not always live well: loans, small salaries and children constantly need new clothes, school supplies, snacks. Especially the eldest son, he is thirteen, does not follow things at all, sneakers are torn all the time. The youngest dancer needs new ballet flats and a swimsuit every season, because she is growing by leaps and bounds, and the middle one is already chasing new gadgets and throwing tantrums with might and main. Houses need renovation for a long time, things are worn out, furniture becomes unusable. It's not thank God, as they say.

Many years have passed since that incident, but I still cannot forget the betrayal of my sister. Strange, but seemingly close people should respect each other, respect their personal lives and partners. But people who have not experienced the pain of betrayal in their lives do not understand this.

I have loved twice in my life. I do not mean that fleeting feeling that comes instantly, and after a few days disappears forever. I'm talking about true love, all-consuming and strong.

I am 61 years old. I have 39 years of experience behind me. Was married twice. There are two children who already have children of their own. I lived interesting life. She also worked in the Far North and as a technician in Black Sea coast. Fate threw so that it was enough for several thick novels.

As a child, I loved to lean on the lid of the secretary. My mother scolded me very much for this, because on top of the secretary was a beautiful tea set brought by my grandmother from Ashgabat. And then one day, while doing my homework, I once again leaned on my elbows. There was a terrible roar. Grandmother flew in, saw a broken service, grabbed me in an armful and ran out into the street. And only at the bottom she came to her senses that she was in Leningrad, and there was no earthquake here. Oh, and it hit me then! And in the evening, my mother added ...

I am a very calm person who rarely raises his voice. But there is one way that makes me scream - mirrors in a closed room from which there is no way out. My boyfriend decided to somehow play a trick on me, to make sure that I can raise my voice. One fine morning I woke up in a locked room with a dozen fairly large mirrors. He found me two hours later under the table in hysterics, the nightmares did not leave for several more months. The guy is no more.

I work in a cinema for two. Usually loving couples come. romance, movies, tasty food, wine, kisses ... But how enrage those who cross the line of kisses and translate the matter into a horizontal plane. There is a camera, there is an announcement at the entrance, and so we tell the guests, but it’s a pity that not everyone gets it.

My husband and I decided to take a serious step - to adopt a child. Our daughter distant relatives, a fire in the house, only she escaped. Immediately she was silent all the time, then she began to speak occasionally. But two years later it did not move forward. I dreamed that we would replace her family, but she is still cold. I don't blame anyone, but this is so bittersweet.

I recently cheated on my husband because he's a fucking workaholic, and last sex We had a year and a half ago. I love him so much, but I couldn't resist. I went to the city to a friend, went to a club and slept with a guy whose name I don’t even know. He fucked my soul out of me, and I returned home happy, to which my husband offered to visit her more often. On the one hand, she finally felt herself a desirable girl, and on the other hand, cats scratched her heart.

Grandma and grandpa met in the park when grandma, headlong, ran home, covering herself with her hands from pouring rain. She accidentally bumped into him, knocking him off his feet. Mom and dad got to know each other school disco when my mother accidentally collided with my father, knocking him to the floor, falling on top of him to the tune of “slow” And I found my love in the garbage, when, without looking, I threw a bag of garbage into a barrel, and accidentally hit a guy, knocking him down and dropping him right into the trash. But found.

A year and a half ago I was hit by a car. As a result, spinal injury wheelchair. My husband supported me as best he could, blowing dust particles away. Recently, doctors said that it is possible to undergo surgery, the chance is 50/50 that I will be able to walk again, but the condition may worsen. My husband, with tears in his eyes, begged me not to risk it, he would take care of me. I really started to fear intervention. And then my tablet broke, I took my husband’s laptop and found a bunch of disabled porn there. I will be operated on soon.

I have a strange mania for making up dialogues for various pieces of furniture. So I was sitting in line at the clinic, a woman pulls the handle of the office, the door is closed, and I immediately imagine a dialogue between two doors: - Oh, what are you pulling, tear off! Can't you see? Closed! No, did you see? She pulls here! Give me more polish on the handle erase! - Mdaa, here people go! They kick, they clap. Mom told me, go to paper ...

I often choose music for performances. This is a laborious process, you can sit for several days and listen-listen-listen until the notes that catch you slip through a bunch of music that starts to seem the same. And how many incredible melodies found along the way are now in my piggy bank and are waiting in the wings! I want to have the opportunity to show all the images that this music draws.

I have a tooth scar on my tongue. According to my parents, when I was two years old, I was sitting on a chair, and my older brother pushed him, I fell, hit my head on the battery and bit my tongue. Parents thought that it would grow together, so they did not sew it up. As a child, a friend called this scar a pocket, since a piece of skin can be pushed back with your teeth and you can see the indentation. Priceless is the expression on the face of the people to whom I tell this story and, in conclusion, show my tongue!

My grandmother is 84. She has beautiful makeup, hair, dress and high heels. She has a husband who is 17 years younger, who loves her to the point of madness. She runs in the morning on the balcony on the treadmill, cooks awesome, sings great and sews amazing clothes to order. And I just want to be like her, at least at 70 years old, and not like at 80 and a half!

No matter how much I get to know people, every time with amazing skill I manage to spoil the attitude towards myself. Because... Apparently, I do not understand the personal facet of each person. A careless action or a word - the relationship becomes strained, and they themselves are already like strangers. I don't even know how many times I've seen this in my life. People with whom, it seemed, he could communicate about anything and constantly, now barely exchange a couple of phrases ...

They put a heart defect, we have to fly for an operation. And then a friend says that it is expensive to deliver the body, and many bring the ashes back in urns. The positive disappeared, I saw how my husband was looking for the delivery of the body. She said how she spat ... I feel sorry for my loved ones - they are worried, and I myself became scared. We are realists, but here it is hard and scary.

In life I Gray mouse. But after sex I become prettier. The eyes shine, the lips become slightly plump and bright, the skin turns beautifully pale, the cheeks are pink. I even learned how to use it: if I had to attend an event, I made love before it, it helped more than makeup. I did not take into account only one thing, that this feature was noticed not only by me, but also by my beloved husband. My ex-beloved husband, who burned me beautiful after work.

I moved into the apartment where my friends had lived before. From their stories: they fucked on the table and made as much noise as possible, for which all the neighbors hated them. On the first evening at about 10, I decided to move the closet a little. Five minutes later, all the grandmothers of the world leaned out, shouting that I was a whore and arranging orgies, another half an hour later two policemen arrived. When they saw me in pajamas and my cat, who had crap himself from knocking on the door, they apologized for a long time, and then for another half an hour they reprimanded the neighbors on the stairs.

I never liked visiting my grandmother. They came once a year with the whole family for a couple of days, and the trash began. A booze with moonshine and a massacre, in which my grandmother and her sons participated, and after that she tried to enlighten the 7-9-year-old me about sex in all the vile details. In another argument, when she pulled up her skirt and showed me where to go, I found out that she did not wear underwear either. It’s a pity that I didn’t recognize another grandmother - she died when I was a year old (

Recently I came across a series about Katya Pushkareva. My God, then her image seemed terrible, and today she is downright in the trend, but everyone who was in style looks like a klucker. What a strange thing - fashion!

When the war began, my grandfather went to the front, and my grandmother and her four-year-old daughter left for evacuation. We lived hard, there was not enough food, my daughter was very sick. Grandmother was a beauty, and an officer in a high rank looked after her, brought stew, butter, chocolate. And she gave in. girl on good nutrition recovered quickly. When my grandfather returned from the war, my grandmother immediately confessed to him. He smoked, paused and said: "Thank you for saving my daughter." They lived 55 years together, and he never reproached her with a word.

Hate cash coins. Seeing them immediately makes me sick. As a child, there was a habit - to collect a change around the house and stuff it into your mouth. Years have passed, the habit has gone, but only now I understand that it was disgusting.

I hate this spring, because it's impossible to keep your eyes down on your phone! You get into the minibus after the street, bend over the phone, and the snot flows down so treacherously ...

For a long time in the office I picked out huge boogers and sculpted them at the table. I kept thinking that I would take it off. While I was on vacation, we moved to another office, the boss sat there. It's embarrassing to go back to work

As a child, I was afraid of old people because it seemed to me that they would steal my youth in order to prolong their lives. And because I was a sweet child, they often took me on their knees in crowded vehicles. Moments of horror.

My husband works in an agricultural company - he plows the fields and carries the crops. He drives a tractor at work, and when we get bored at home, he asks: "How much is 150 + 150?" I say: "300", - and I go to suck the tractor driver)

Before each flight, of which there are not so many, I put a status from the series "life is so short" or I make a post with the song "If I die young". If suddenly I die in a plane crash, then everyone will go to my page and think that I had a premonition of my death. I suffer from aerophobia.

From childhood, my father beat me and tormented me mentally until I left home. Now I live abroad and we communicate occasionally in the messenger. Somehow, telling him a story, she cursed. Dad took out the whole brain that I do not respect him, because "I cursed in front of him." And that if I continue to swear, he will stop communicating with me. And I really thought about the fact that I do not respect him and that if he stops communicating with me, I will not be very upset.

Recently I heard from friends who have a month-old child that, they say, it's time to baptize the child. She casually asked if they had read the Bible (no); do they even know "Our Father" (also not); What time was Jesus baptized and was he baptized at all? Last question drove them into a rut. Then I asked why to baptize such a crumb. The answer was ingenious: "Well, wow, we're kind of Orthodox..." Orthodox, who didn't even hold the Bible in their hands, but wear a cross as an ornament. Infuriates!

Grandma always scolds me when she sees HOW I peel potatoes. He says that during the war, my cleanings could feed the whole village.

She was returning home from the store. The five-year-old daughter ran into the elevator, I drag the bags behind. And then someone calls the elevator, I do not have time. The doors close and I hear my daughter's scream as she rides upstairs. I drop my bags, rush around the floors, trying to figure out where the scream is coming from. She ran to the seventh. You should have seen the face of the man who was waiting for the elevator. When the doors opened, there was a little crying angry girl in front of him, who ran into him, yelling at the bass of a healthy man: "Where is my mother?! Answer!"

I define men by their ass. Rounded chubby asses or loose hips, more like a woman's - most likely, he is lazy, and he may also be cunning or a sissy. How many times did it match!

I started dating a 19-year-old girl who smokes, drinks and doesn't mind earning extra money for blowjobs. He wanted to put her on the right path, moved in with her, got a better paying job to support her and her mother. As a result, for three years he almost drank himself, and twice they wanted to plant him. Dropped and left. Fuck this charity. Occasionally we talk as friends. I don't regret what I did, and I'm not going to repeat it. I don't drink at all, I'm 27.

Historical facts Almost all peoples, nations and countries have them. Today we want to tell you about different interesting facts that were in the world, which many people know about, but it will also be interesting to read again. The world is not perfect, just like a person, and the facts about which we will tell will be bad. You will be interested, as each reader will learn something informative within their interests.

After 1703, Poganye Prudy in Moscow began to be called ... Chistye Prudy.

During the time of Genghis Khan in Mongolia, anyone who dared to urinate in any body of water was executed. Because the water in the desert was valued more than gold.

On December 9, 1968, the computer mouse was introduced at a display of interactive devices in California. A patent for this gadget was received by Douglas Engelbart in 1970.

In England, in 1665-1666, the plague devastated entire villages. It was then that medicine recognized the usefulness of smoking, which supposedly destroyed the deadly infection. Children and teenagers were punished if they refused to smoke.

It wasn't until 26 years after the founding of the FBI that its agents got the right to bear arms.

In the Middle Ages, sailors deliberately inserted at least one gold tooth, even sacrificing a healthy one. For what? It turns out that for a rainy day, so that in case of death he could be honorably buried away from home.

First in the world mobile phone this is a Motorola DynaTAC 8000x (1983).

14 years before the sinking of the Titanic (April 15, 1912), a story by Morgan Robertson was published that foreshadowed the tragedy. Interestingly, according to the book, the ship "Titan" collided with an iceberg and sank, exactly as it actually happened.

DEAN - The head of the soldiers in the tents, in which the Roman army lived for 10 people, was called the dean.

The most expensive bathtub in the world is carved from a very rare stone called Caijou. They say that it has healing properties, and the places of its extraction are still kept secret! It was owned by a billionaire United Arab Emirates who wished to remain anonymous. The price of Le Gran Queen is $1,700,000.

The English admiral Nelson, who lived from 1758 to 1805, slept in his cabin in a coffin that had been cut from the mast of an enemy French ship.

The list of gifts for Stalin in honor of the 70th anniversary was printed in advance in newspapers more than three years before the event.

How many types of cheese are produced in France? The famous cheese maker Andre Simon mentioned 839 varieties in his book “On the Cheese Business”. Camembert and Roquefort are the most famous, and the first one appeared relatively recently, only 300 years ago. This type of cheese is made from milk with the addition of cream. Already after 4-5 days of ripening, a mold crust appears on the surface of the cheese, which is a special fungal culture.

The famous inventor of the sewing machine, Isaac Singer, was married to five women at the same time. In general, from all the women he had 15 children. He named all his daughters Mary.

27 million people died in the Great Patriotic War.

One of unusual records when traveling by car, it belongs to two Americans - James Hargis and Charles Creighton. In 1930, they covered more than 11 thousand kilometers in "reverse", driving from New York to Los Angeles, and then returning back.

Two hundred years ago, not only men, but also women participated in the famous Spanish bullfights. This happened in Madrid, and on January 27, 1839, a very significant bullfight took place, because only representatives of the weaker sex took part in it. The most famous as a matador was the Spaniard Pajuelera. Women were banned from bullfighting in the early 20th century, when Spain was ruled by the Fascists. Women were able to defend their right to enter the arena only in 1974.

The first computer to include a mouse was the Xerox 8010 Star Information System minicomputer, introduced in 1981. The Xerox mouse had three buttons and cost $400, which equates to nearly $1,000 in 2012 inflation-adjusted prices. In 1983, Apple released its own one-button mouse for the Lisa computer, which was reduced to $25. The mouse gained wide popularity due to its use in Apple Macintosh computers and later in Windows for IBM PC compatible computers.

Jules Verne wrote 66 novels, including unfinished ones, as well as more than 20 novels and short stories, 30 plays, several documentary and scientific works.

When, in 1798, Napoleon was heading for Egypt with his army, he captured Malta along the way.

During the six days that Napoleon spent on the island, he:

Abolished the power of the Knights of the Order of Malta
- Carried out administration reform with the creation of municipalities and financial management
-Abolished slavery and all feudal privileges
- Appointed 12 judges
-Laid the foundations of family law
-Introduced primary and general public education

65-year-old David Baird ran his own marathon to raise money for research into prostate and breast cancer. For 112 days, David traveled 4115 kilometers, while pushing a wheelbarrow in front of him. And so he crossed the Australian continent. At the same time, he was on the move for 10-12 hours a day, and for the entire time of jogging with a wheelbarrow he covered a distance equal to 100 traditional marathons. This courageous man, visiting 70 cities, collected donations from Australian residents in the amount of about 20 thousand local dollars.

In Europe, lollipops appeared in the 17th century. At first they were actively used by doctors.

The group "Aria" has a song called "Will and Reason", few people know that this is the motto of the Nazis in fascist Italy.

A Frenchman from the town of Landes - Sylvain Dornon made his way from Paris to Moscow, moving on stilts. Having set off on March 12, 1891, covering 60 kilometers every day, the brave Frenchman reached Moscow in less than 2 months.

Capital of Japan, Tokyo this moment- most Big city in the world with a population of 37.5 million people.

Rokossovsky is a marshal of the USSR and Poland at the same time.

Despite the popular belief that the transfer of Alaska to the United States of America was carried out by Catherine II, Russian empress has nothing to do with this historic deal.

Military weakness is considered one of the main reasons for this event. Russian Empire which became evident during the Crimean War.

The decision to sell Alaska was made during a special meeting that took place in St. Petersburg on December 16, 1866. It was attended by all the top leadership of the country.

The decision was taken unanimously.

Some time later, the Russian envoy in the US capital, Baron Eduard Andreyevich Stekl, suggested that the American government buy Alaska from the Republic of Ingushetia. The proposal was approved.

And in 1867, for 7.2 million gold, Alaska came under the jurisdiction of the United States of America.

In 1502–1506 Leonardo da Vinci wrote his own significant work- portrait of Mona Lisa, wife of Messer Francesco del Giocondo. Many years later, the picture received a simpler name - "La Gioconda".

girls in Ancient Greece got married at the age of 15. For men, the average age for marriage was a more respectable period - 30 - 35 years. The father of the bride himself chose a husband for his daughter and gave money or things as a dowry.

One of my good friends has been working as an acrobatics coach in a sports school for many, many years. Each new group parents at the first training session, he shows the same trick ... He puts several mats on the floor and commands the children to run around these mats. A few minutes later he gives the command: "Everyone quickly lie down on the mats!".
So: the boys lie face down on their stomachs, and the girls lie face up on their backs! Always!

Saturday morning (8.15 am) I'm going to Drahomanov to study... I sit in a minibus at Pushkin Park. The minibus is half empty, dad and daughter are riding behind me, talking about how they will go to the theater in the evening ... a child of 8-9 years old ...
Well, finally we got to metro station Universitet. I got off the minibus and dad with a child (and dad looks so intelligent) ... we went down to the transition, we go, and I see a girl screwing an ordinary light bulb into the base and something doesn’t work out for her and she says “oh, b ^ &"...
And then the daughter asks her father:
- Dad, what is "B^&???"
Father thinking probably from second 2 answers:
- This, dotsya, is your mother ...

During the years of stagnation, I happened to work at an enterprise with a strict access control.
Once, a worker Vova was detained at the checkpoint - he was trying to take out a bottle of alcohol. The head of security handed him a pen and paper. "Write an explanatory note about where the alcohol comes from."
Some time later, the The guards came out with a completely stunned look and said: "I had to read all kinds of x..nu, but this one!"
The explanatory note told a touching story about how Vova wiped contacts in radio devices with alcohol and ran out of alcohol. The storekeeper did not give him any more due to overspending.
And then Vova went home at lunchtime, brought a bottle of alcohol, which he once bought in a pharmacy for his second cousin. He partially used this alcohol, and carried the rest home.
Outwardly, at the moment of detention, Vova looked like this: Red face, cloudy eyes, and a terrible exhaust.

Read on the Internet.
"When I was in factory practice, a wonderful incident happened. At this plant, two buildings stood side by side, and in the first of them the men's toilet was on the second floor, and in the parallel building the women's toilet was on the third. The buildings were new and the windows in the toilets were not yet they managed to smear it with white paint according to the then custom.This circumstance allowed the female part of the team to observe with impunity male half and lively discuss their merits and, moreover, their shortcomings.
When the men cut through this case, one of the hard workers - a peasant of small stature - did the following. He cut off a healthy piece of power cable, stripped it of its sheath, and painted it flesh-colored. After waiting for the moment when the audience had gathered, the man put the cable in his pants and went to the toilet.
You should have seen the faces of the taken aback women when the man pulled a thing of this caliber out of his pants! To top it all off, he did the following: "having relieved himself", he shook off the "dick # n" with a powerful blow of it against the plywood partition in the toilet.
All the men almost died of laughter, and after this incident, the culprit became terribly popular at the plant among the female half of the team ... "

Here was the case today.
An obese patient came in, trying to lose weight. In addition to talking about the diet, there was something like this dialogue with her:
- Do you have any exercise equipment at home?
- Eat treadmill, but only a dog runs on it.
- And what does she like?
- No, but if you tie and turn on the track, it runs ...
- Why are you doing this?
- So after all, a shepherd needs to run 5 km a day! And we can't walk around like that.
I think I understand what your problem is...

(Udovichenko Oleg)

What do you know about love! I remember once my husband woke me up with a gentle kiss and asked: "Do you remember what day it is today?" "Of course!, - I cheerfully report, - today the horses are playing with "Partizan"!!!".
Turns out it was our 10th wedding anniversary.
But before marriage, I did not distinguish a penalty from a corner.

Pre-perestroika Moscow. Northern River Station. Walking with a friend. We look at the ships that bring tourists to Moscow - the port of five seas.
An ice cream maker is standing selling delicious ice cream in cups (20 kopecks each) from a mobile tray. In line in front of us is a girl - ruddy, rich, pretty, healthy and fresh all over her body. Obviously not a Muscovite.
The ice cream maker works fast. He opens a box, there are 40 cups, pours wooden sticks and sells, putting a stick on each cup.
And now the turn of the dear guest of the capital comes up, she goes to the tray and asks with an indescribable sweet common folk dialect:
- Tell me, is this a plombir?
- Ice cream, ice cream, - the saleswoman politely agrees.
- Well give then please, - the ten is stretched.
- How many? - asks the saleswoman.
- A box!
Blushing even more, the girl leaves, looking at the box with such love, which, alas, I have rarely seen in women's eyes.
And then some witty man from the queue asks her:
- Hey, beauty, do you need chopsticks?
She stops and a slight thoughtfulness, completely unsuitable for her, darkens her brow for a second, but only for a second. Then she turns to the saleswoman:
- Yes, give... One...

"Whatever they do, things don't go,
Apparently on Monday their mother gave birth ... "

One of my comrades, in the days of the Soviet shortage, snatched a terribly scarce Polish cabinet for bribes and acquaintances. The closet, as it should be at that time, was dark, varnished. They brought him home with a friend. And they began to collect.
What is to assemble a polish cabinet - separate story. Not only was nothing categorically planned, but the 4-year-old daughter of the owner terribly interfered with her help. So that she would somehow lag behind them, she was told: "Natasha, let's assemble a locker and let you play with a hammer." Natasha sat down in the corner of the room and began to wait for what had been promised.
After 4 hours of struggle with the furniture industry of fraternal Poland, the cabinet took on the desired shape and Natashka received the promised hammer. A family friend shows Natashka that this hammer can be used to knock on the floor, hammering carnations.
At this moment, my mother enters the room and says that Saturday lunch is waiting for the workers in the kitchen, with all the ensuing consequences...
Men retire to the kitchen, where they culturally wash the assembled cabinet. They talk decorously, the whole conversation takes place against the backdrop of Natashka's knocking with a hammer on the floor.
Two hours later, a friend is going home and offers to put the closet in place. Men enter the room... The closet, along the perimeter, exactly to the height of Natashka's height, is rapped with this very little hammer.
The next weekend, the cabinet was painted and taken to the country, where it still lives.

Once a drunken officer stood at the post at the Admiralty. Paul I, noticing this, ordered the arrest of the offender.
“According to the charter, before you arrest me, you must replace me at the post,” the officer said to those who came to fulfill the order of the sovereign.
“He drunk knows his business better than us sober,” said the emperor, when he was informed of what had happened.
And promoted an officer in rank.

Teenagers sit on benches in the park. Already like adults, raspaltsovannye, with beer, all the cases. Discuss all passers-by, especially girls.
A quite nice person walks by, but, alas, with slightly crooked legs. Not with a wheel, of course, and no one would pay much attention, but ... there is always a vigilant goat. The boys forgot about the beer:
"Ge, girl, you must have been so f@# yesterday that your legs don't fit together! Ga-ha!"
Girl - SMART - without slowing down:
"After your bristles will not come together by themselves."
Can you imagine their faces?

I touch my son's freckles with my finger, I say: - The sun kissed you ...
He, sullenly: - And my grandmother says cockroaches crap @ me ...

A brother describes his car to a potential buyer over the phone:
"... and on the front bumper there is a dent the size of a human head"...
The client delayed the appointment.

A friend told how he met a girl in a tavern to create a strong connection for the night, or how it goes ..
He is a simple man. And in a relationship, too, loves simplicity. He came up and introduced himself.
- Sergey.
“I'm glad,” the girl said.
She was even happier with mojitos, tequila boom and other gifts from the bar.
Needless to say, the connection turned out to be strong, strong. Until the evening of the next day. Saying goodbye, she once again said that she was glad.
- Well, still, - thought Sergey. And then I guessed. Now she’s thinking - before leaving, she introduced herself again, or was she sincere? Maybe she was being ironic...
Suffering...

This story took place during what is now called "stagnant".
In one city, N decided to build a pool. And since I wanted to have a good pool, the Finns were contracted to build it.
The result was not long in coming: a handsome pool, the pride of the city, grew up strictly on schedule.
All the "fathers of the city" came to its opening: the first secretary of the city committee, early. militia, prosecutor, etc. and so on. The Finns were also invited - the president of that construction company who erected the pool, with a retinue.
Undress means everyone, swim, enjoy ...
Suddenly, our "fathers of the city" begin to be surprised: "For something around them, the water begins to turn into purple colour?!"
And the Finns swim a little to the side and smile embarrassedly ...
It turned out all later: it turns out, according to their Finnish technology, a special reagent (substance) is added to the water in the pool. It (substance STE), when it comes into contact with urine, it colors the water in lilac color ...

The case was a couple of years ago.
At one get-together, a biker guy from Vorkuta cried loudly that they had all the ringers from the zone, but they really want to make a real cool biker tattoo ...
Three Kolshchikov immediately showed up. The boy says that he doesn't have enough grandmas with him, and takes out a huge bag of grass ... The guys did not object, but first they decided to try the grass.
The grass turned out to be deadly tight. They sat down at 4 o'clock, came to their senses the next morning from the bestial roar of the Vorkuta. He looked like a Dalmatian dog, instead of spots they were pricked ... Cheburashki ... Then the whole day Cheburashkas were redrawn into skulls ...
PS: And skulls with ears are cool!

I have been in wedding photography and videography for over 10 years. During this time, before my eyes and the eyes of my colleagues, there were many curious and, at times, sad episodes that could easily have been avoided. As the saying goes, forewarned is forearmed!
History first.
The newlyweds are met on the threshold of the restaurant. They offer to bite off a piece of loaf. "Whoever bites off the most will be the head of the family!" As a result, the bride has a dislocated jaw, and while her jaw is being adjusted in the department of maxillofacial surgery, the groom and his friend are sitting in the waiting room and drinking beer.
Later history repeated, but then the wedding toastmaster herself acted as the bride (they also sometimes get married) and again the bite of the loaf, which ended in a dislocation of the jaw. I have known her for a long time and she does not like to remember this episode.

The second story.
After the ransom of the bride, the cortege goes to the registry office. Behind the wheel of the lead car is the groom himself. Friends ask to see wedding rings with diamonds, made by special order. The groom, without being distracted from the road, gives the rings to his kunak. Upon arrival at the registry office, they cannot be found. Suspicion each other best friends and don't try.
It turns out that after "walking around" the box with rings somehow (through the efforts of one friend) ended up lying in a pile of garbage in the back seat (champagne bottle, chocolate wrappers, banana skins, etc...
How good it is - silence, no TV and no telephone. I brought textbooks and notes, decided to prepare for the session here.
Then he thought and invited his girlfriend Masha.
In this insidious silence, we flunked the session, but our daughter was born.

There was a case in the glorious city of Minsk - a wire break. I go home, but the trolleybuses do not go. At the ring road, where I wanted to sit down, a huge crowd of people came running and I decided to be smarter - I went to a bus stop in front of the ring road.
The trolleybus did come, but I discovered that there were people more cunning - they had gone two stops and now they were sitting happy like that. I stood up, holding on to the handrail, next to a sitting mighty woman with a mighty chest.
A stream burst into the trolleybus at the ring road. I could hardly hold on to the handrail, but then some big man pressed me from behind and a terrible thing happened - my hands came off the handrail and, looking for support, rested on powerful breasts.
I expected that an explosion of emotions would follow, looked up and ... saw a satisfied, blurry smile of a sultry woman. They pressed me from behind, there was no way to remove my hands from my breasts - they drove like that - I, like a child, held on to my chest, the lady smiled.
But the worst thing happened when the workers stormed into the trolleybus after the shift - they pushed me and I sat on the lady's lap. She just sighed heavily.
Imagine the situation - a 23-year-old dunce sits on the lap of a lady and holds on to his chest. This spectacle amused the whole trolleybus. Jokes began, including from a sultry woman (she turned out to be without complexes), I tried to get up, but was literally nailed to her.
So we arrived - fun, with jokes ...

Yesterday I was walking past an office building, a traffic cop comes out and walks in the direction of the BMW X3. Here, I think, a creature, a bribe-taker, cf @ ny, I have to work for such a machine for half my life. And he suddenly turns and walks along the parked cars. I even felt a little ashamed - maybe normal person maybe even almost honest. Sadly, it goes like this, and his face does not seem to be very impudent.
In the meantime, the Guyanese walks about fifty meters and gets into the BMW X6.
And you know, sometimes you want to think about them well, but X6 greatly undermines this desire...