How to support a guy when he's feeling bad

Calmness is the key to physical and mental health. However, there are many reasons in the world that can make us angry. Representatives of the stronger sex react especially acutely to various problems and troubles. Men only at first glance seem calm and balanced, but in fact the slightest external stimuli makes them nervous and worried. How to calm your husband when he is nervous? In such a situation, many women arrange an “interrogation” of their lovers, trying to find out the reasons for male anger. However, excessive attention to a nervous man can turn out to be unfavorable for you, because... this will make the situation even worse, and he will begin to lash out at you.

If you see that your boyfriend has returned home in a bad mood, use your charm and the advice of psychologists against his anger. Here are 7 simple ways, which will help you calm your husband if he starts to get nervous.

Method number 1 - defeat him with your optimism and calmness

There is no need to feel sorry for a man. If some trouble has happened in his life, instead of moaning and lamenting, play with contrasts. For example, if your lover has problems at work or he quarreled with best friend, support him by saying that everything is not so scary and that soon the situation will change for the better. Be sure to emphasize that you understand him and love him no matter what. Your support will make a man look at the problem with a “sober” look and he will definitely calm down. Plus, your confidence and carefree smile will give him strength.

Method number 2 - feed him

The statement that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach is very controversial and contradictory. But it is absolutely certain that the stomach and nervous system men are connected to each other in a direct way. A hungry man is a nervous man. Therefore, at the first signs of irritation and anger, hurry to feed your lover. Prepare something unusual and satisfying for him. Firstly, delicious dinner will calm the man and distract him from bad thoughts. And, secondly, the pleasant aromas floating in the house will make him relax.

Method number 3 - arrange a romantic evening for him

To calm a man who is nervous, you just need to surround him with tenderness and affection. Dedicate this evening only to him. Put it on Nice dress, light candles, turn on calm music and invite him to dance. Next, depending on the circumstances, give the man a relaxing massage, or get straight to the point. Having relieved physical tension, a man will probably forget about his problem. In addition, the initiative coming from the girl perfectly strengthens the relationship, making the man go crazy about you.

Method number 4 - go for a walk or play sports

When a man is nervous, his body produces an increased dose of adrenaline - a hormonal substance that makes the heart beat faster, blood circulate faster, and us feel excitement and fear. Adrenaline helps the body cope with stressful situation However, its excess negatively affects emotional well-being, causing psychological fatigue and nervousness. You can reduce the production of adrenaline only with the help of physical discharge. Therefore, if your man returned home “out of sorts,” go with him to Gym, go for a run or swim in the pool. Having devoted only half an hour to sports, your lover, if he does not forget about his troubles, will probably look at them with a calmer look.

Method number 5 - praise him

An upset man is very vulnerable. If your young man is worried or excited about something, do not criticize him under any circumstances and do not utter the sacramental phrase - “I knew it!” Even if the trouble was the fault of a man, you should gently and tenderly encourage him, saying that he still remains the most for you. the best person on the ground. Feeling your support, a man will find the strength to do right choice. Plus, your love and care will act as a healing balm on his self-esteem, making the situation no longer seem so dire.

Method number 6 - become an attentive listener

If a man is ready to talk about his problem, listen to him very carefully. Try not to give any advice or recommendations, because now he just needs to talk it out. Be sure to ask how the man intends to solve the problem that has arisen, and then approve his choice. This way you will help the young man calmly analyze the situation and find ways to eliminate the problem.

Method number 7 - leave him alone

Not all men want to tell their beloved women about their troubles. And this is not surprising, because representatives of the stronger sex want to look in our eyes as brave heroes who are not afraid of any problems. If you start asking young man about the reasons for it bad mood, you will only add fuel to the fire, making him feel discomfort and irritation. That is why many psychologists recommend leaving a man alone with himself in moments of nervousness and anger. Having been in peace and quiet, a man will be able to look at the situation from the outside, thereby solving the problem faster. If a man considers it necessary, he himself will tell you about what worries him. If not, then let him make his own choice.

When calming a man who is nervous, be guided by a sense of tact and your intuition. In some situations it is necessary to show care and attention, and in others - to become for a man the one who, with jokes and optimism, will pull him out of the whirlpool of mental torment. The main thing is to remember that very soon the man’s mood will change, and the situation will no longer be perceived as a disaster.

Nature clearly lays the foundations of interpersonal relationships, in particular, relationships between men and women. Another thing is that sometimes people change gender roles. And now our women are storming Everest and winning car races, and men are walking on the catwalk and babysitting children.

But if we return to natural self-realization, it becomes obvious that men are more susceptible to stress due to failures. This is their task - to be strong and brave, to achieve success, not to be afraid of losses and to get back on their feet after a lost battle. And a woman’s task is to support her loved one, rejoice in his victories and empathize with his defeats.

How to cheer up a man? For this there is required condition- you have to love him. Loving woman will intuitively find ways to care, and maybe use one of the ones below.

1. Hug

Tactile contact between people has been lost in our time for various reasons. Some say that it is indecent, others, armed with defensive psychology, consider touching a gross invasion of their personal territory. By and large, it all comes down to the denial of simple bodily needs, to dislike for one’s own body. Therefore, in moments of despair, disappointment and sadness, there is nothing better than showing this very love - the most in an accessible way. Maybe the hugs will be unemotional, but the feeling of being close, loved one nearby will show the man that he is not alone.

You can hug silently, you can hold your hand. A girl, wanting to cheer up her beloved guy, can sit on his lap and hug him tight. A person, feeling such support, will understand that not everything is lost, that there is, for whom and for what to live.

2. “Offer your ears”

Men do not like to talk about problems, existing within the framework of the attitude of “being ashamed to admit failures.” However, a woman may well play the role of a household psychologist. It is important to listen to a man without criticizing or adding fuel to the fire. The one who loves will never harm and will not use the trust of a man for selfish purposes - for example, reminding him in the future about these manifestations of weakness.

It is important for a man to know that a woman will not push him away and will not begin to perceive him as “bad” - weak, cowardly, making mistakes. This is a very delicate moment in any close relationship - the overthrow of the idol from the pedestal. It turns out that the one whom the woman considered a hero is quite a common person, far from perfect. And he also needs help sometimes. Trust is the basis true friendship and sincere love. Trust each other!

3. Give the opportunity to show emotions

This support option follows from the previous one. A man can tell why he is sad, but showing it is very problematic. Especially if he is offended, first of all, at himself. And the expression of emotions, whatever they may be, is one of the main psychological tools for healing trauma.

You can cheer up a man by giving him “permission” to cry. Perhaps, after such a revelation, a woman will understand that her beloved is also a person. And that the ban (associated with the same shame) on male tears is one of the most destructive from the point of view of the socialization of a little boy.

4. Find a solution together

Practical help from a woman should not be “motherly” - this harms male pride and sooner or later will turn the beloved guy into a muslin young lady. If a woman, having found out why her beloved is crying, goes and punishes the offenders herself, or declares “I will do everything, just tell me that I must,” then this, of course, will help, but not for long. The task of an encouraging woman is not to perform feats herself, but to inspire a man to do them. If something happens, she will, of course, back up and film the feat on her phone... but that’s the most she can do. It is best to simply let the man experience an emotional decline, and then, turning on logic - first your own, and then the man's - start building an algorithm that will help solve the problem. An advanced woman can offer brainstorming or a coaching session. The decision must be reasonable, there may be several solutions, and it would be a good idea for a woman to make sure that the man begins to take the first practical steps to bring his plans to life. This is the ideal end to a home psychotherapeutic consultation for your beloved man.

But if a guy relaxed, went soft, and after talking with his girlfriend he went to get drunk with friends, it means that the girl didn’t finish something or twisted something. An excess of support contributes to running away from reality, in which there is pain and fear, and a lack of support contributes to the search for new, fresh solutions with the same goal - to forget and do nothing.

So don’t limit yourself to platitudes like “Don’t worry, be happy!”, but also don’t harbor the illusions of someone who is looking for an ideal world without its shadow side.

Cheering up your loved one is an art of love based on very scientific principles. Caring for each other is the basis of a strong trusting alliance, so show it more often - in reasonable quantities!

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He sits in front of you, so unhappy, so lost. I just want to press him to my chest and say: “Cry, honey, you will immediately feel better.” But you know very well that after this phrase your man will hate you!

Because they, men, are like that: strong, courageous, principled. You can’t easily knock them out of the saddle or lead them astray! Any representative of the stronger sex sees himself this way. And when it happens to him, he is so afraid of falling out of the image of a strong macho that he rejects any pity...

Is pity humiliating?
All men think so. But this is not entirely true, because you and I know this, right? To sympathize and sympathize with your loved one when he is in trouble - what could be more natural for any woman! However, men perceive our lamentations, sobs, and attempts to help as humiliation. Therefore, remember what you should never do if your husband is in trouble:

• You can't cry and lament
• You can’t solve his problems for him (especially behind his back)
• You can’t tell your friends and relatives about his troubles, at least until he allows it.
• You can’t say something like: “I warned you!”
• You cannot give valuable instructions and teach how he should behave.
• You can’t say that he never succeeds in anything, that he is incapable of achieving anything and in general is a loser in life

So why not regret it at all?!
Why - to regret, and even actively. Only taking into account the peculiarities of male psychology and with the understanding that we show compassion not for ourselves, but for another. That is, showing pity should bring relief to your husband, and not additional bonuses for you personally. What bonuses are we talking about? Yes about these:

• Schadenfreude: I was right when I foresaw this outcome!
• Satisfied pride: I was convinced that I was head and shoulders more capable and smarter than him!
• Pleasure: he can’t cope without me!
• Statement: as usual, I will sort everything out myself!

All these bonuses indicate that in a relationship you strive, first of all, to satisfy your own ambitions and drown out your own complexes. Agree: a strange way to feel sorry for a person, immediately pointing out his worthlessness!

Listen! It is important for your man to speak out, pour out his negative emotions on someone, talk about his anger and helplessness. Just silently but actively listening, taking in his words and truly empathizing will help your husband cope with stress.

Doesn't he want to say anything? Perhaps he needs to process his problems alone. You shouldn’t ask him why he’s so gloomy: when he matures, he’ll tell you himself. Surround him with unobtrusive care: prepare him favorite dish, let me be alone in front of the TV. You yourself know that sometimes loneliness heals better than the most compassionate participation.

Believe in him. It is important for a man to know that even in times of failure, his woman is on his side. Show that you have not lost faith in him. You can say something like: “Yes, the situation is difficult. But I know you can handle it or figure something out.”

Praise. Has your man completely lost faith in his abilities? This means you just need to find words of support. And the best way to do this is by telling him how wonderful he is. Say: “You know how to get out of complex problems, you are resourceful, you have authority, you know how to behave with such people.” Try to list to your husband all the qualities that will help him overcome troubles. This will instill in him faith in his own strength.

Help. But only if the husband himself turned to you for help. If he has not done this, you can help him with advice, but it should be formulated in the form of a recommendation, not an order. Not “do it this way”, but “it seems to me that you should do it this way...” Does your husband not accept your, from your point of view, wise advice? Well, give him the opportunity to do as he sees fit. And make your own mistakes.