How to overcome low self-esteem: advice from Philip Zimbardo. Letting go of women's troubles - the psychology of true femininity

How to increase self-esteem and confidence - this question worries everyone who wants to walk through life with a firm step. After all, this question determines how successful and lucky a person will be, what he will achieve in this life, and in all its spheres - personal, in his career, in his studies, in his relationships with the outside world. If it is underestimated, then problems arise - we are not able to protect ourselves, to go towards the goal with self-confidence. But it can be lifted and it doesn’t cost much effort. But there is one thing - each of us needs to defeat the main enemy - ourselves.

It is our “I” that sometimes prevents us from responding and acting firmly, from feeling equal to those around us. This problem arises even in childhood, because everything that happens to us in adulthood is echoes of upbringing, family situation, relationships with peers. And sometimes it seems that it is impossible to improve your character, to increase self-respect - everything seems to be driven in with nails. But do not rush to get upset, it is for those who need help that we wrote this work - how to increase your own self-esteem.

Where does low self-esteem come from?

Believing that it is impossible to change anything, we are simply wasting time, although we could already begin to act. But why do the majority, realizing the unenviability of their situation, not move on to concrete steps? On the contrary, they go deeper inside their “shell” like a snail and continue to vegetate.

But this behavior is easy to explain - it’s all due to the fear of facing the negative consequences of decisive actions. In this case, a person suffers not only morally, but also physically. He moves little, is inactive, and no one has yet canceled psychosomatics.

Fears and worries can lead to serious diseases of internal organs. As they say, “All diseases come from nerves!” – there is some truth in this statement! Let’s say more, a person’s anxiety and restlessness can lead to the point that he will not be able to do not only important and complex things, but even simple, everyday tasks, without which it is impossible to improve the quality of life.

All this happens due to a simple lack of information. We invite you to carefully study an easy and simple way to increase and gain self-confidence.

You are individual

Not a day goes by that we don't look at the stars that many want to be like. But the majority suffer immediately due to the fact that there are no such forms, opportunities, talents. Stop comparing yourself to someone else! You are unique! Most likely, you have a lot of advantages that the advertised star herself dreams of. If you continue in the same spirit, you will find a bunch of competitors and opponents, and their number will grow exponentially. How will you compete with them? No way, it's impossible!

Stop “eating” yourself

We believe that by berating ourselves we are growing and showing how self-critical we are. Do you even know what it is - self-criticism. It must be reasonable and fair. If you keep saying “to yourself”: “How ugly you are”, “Why am I so ugly”, “Why am I so insecure and slack” - nothing good will happen.

The power of your words addressed to yourself is underestimated by you. Believe me, they hurt you no less than insults from the outside, you just don’t notice it. Learn to understand yourself, say “thank you” to yourself for the right actions, moments where you showed willpower and made a good impression on someone.

And if someone gives you a compliment, accept it and be grateful. And you don’t need to answer like: “What are you, what are you, I look so bad today.” On the contrary, “Thank you, I like myself today!” This way you increase your self-esteem, and at the same time, even people notice how confident you are.

Absorb the information

Don’t miss the opportunity to acquire new knowledge, read books, articles, take an interest in new fashion trends, politics, interesting discoveries, etc. You must be aware of all events. For a specific goal - increasing self-esteem, study special literature, attend lectures, and trainings. There you will meet friends of like spirit and interests, and it will be much easier to curb your insecurities.

Once in the brain, any information will allow us to discover new abilities, but also to understand how beautiful, smart and unique we are. But when receiving an information flow, there is one “But” - categorically do not listen to negative news, interesting events, just broadcasts should be positive in nature, stimulating to improve a person’s life.

Hang out with kind people

There should be positivity in your relationships with the outside world. There is no need to communicate with those who are trying to humiliate you, insult you, look for a friend who respects you and supports you in everything. The same should be true with your family and at work. In short, any negativity must be cut off, that is, contact must be stopped.

Optimism

Once you start working on your self-esteem, focus on a positive solution to the problem. Take a blank piece of paper and write down all your achievements on it. For example, today you overcame your shyness and turned to your superiors with a question that you could not even think about before. Or, you put in your place a colleague who keeps trying to hurt you. Also, you should not have too much contact with those who themselves suffer from low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence. This person will suppress your endeavors, and you will not move.

please

A person cannot have high qualities if there is no mercy, understanding, or sympathy in his soul towards other people. There should be positivity and kindness in your soul, a desire to help people in difficult times. Time after time, you will notice that doing good is a huge way to become a better person. This means you increase your own self-esteem. That is, the value and usefulness of your personality and stay on Earth increases. You begin to respect yourself for a good deed.

Do what you like

There is no need to force yourself to work or study where you don’t want to, where you feel superfluous. Since childhood, you have dreamed of getting a certain profession and you understand that it is in this field that you can achieve something and respect yourself - go there and don’t think about it! As a last resort, when it is impossible to change your place of employment or study, learn to enjoy yourself after the work process, with your family and friends.

Live your life

If you look around every now and then and expect that your life will be lived for you, you are mistaken, it is impossible. And if you succeed, then you will not be the main character of your destiny, but a doll on joints, controlled from the outside. This is not possible, learn to take responsibility and not be a coward, make your own decisions!

If you are afraid, there is no need, don’t think about what awaits you next, just take the first step. For example, you decided to live separately from your parents, but you are afraid of independence. How will you get up in the morning and cook your own breakfast, how will you return to an empty apartment in the evenings? And finally, how will you be completely alone there? Oh, how wrong you are. If you spend at least one night there, you will understand how much time has been lost.

Independence also implies freedom. But we are accustomed to constant communication and do not understand that it is always limited for us. You can feel this moment only in comparison. There everyone was sitting on their ears, noise, commotion, questions, walking around the rooms. And here - silence, calm, do what you want, eat what you want, etc.

Take action

If you sit with your hands folded, then it is impossible to achieve anything at all. "A rolling stone gathers no moss!". Get up, do something, turn off the TV and computer, look away from your iPhone, smartphone. Start with at least a walk in the park, give up. Know that everything big starts from small things. Take the first small steps and overcome the long road.

The most effective methods for increasing self-esteem

Now let's talk about what ways there are to develop self-confidence and increase self-esteem. We offer the most effective ones.

1. The first step should be the image you are striving for. Don't let it out of your visual field and hold it constantly. Moreover, it must be clear and detailed, because it depends on this whether you will be able to completely resemble him after working on yourself or not. This image should have everything - appearance, type of behavior, positive qualities, etc.
2. Look at your reflection more often and praise yourself. Tell yourself out loud how beautiful your eyes, hair, figure are and don’t forget to say “thank you” to yourself for even small achievements and victories. For example, today you smoked 2 cigarettes less - “Thank you very much,” tomorrow we will reduce it by a couple more. Also, looking at your reflection, fall in love with your shortcomings - because only you see them as such. Let your hips be a little wider - “thank you”, this will help you carry and give birth to a child normally. You have protruding ears - great, you have excellent hearing. If you read slowly, what’s wrong with that? You absorb information better, etc.
3. Keep a diary. Write “My successes” in large letters on the cover. Write everything you have achieved there. Don’t be upset that at first there are few records, and even then they are small and insignificant. There are no insignificant victories, step by step, no matter how small, you move towards your goal. Like small drops that eventually fill a large vessel, your small achievements will help you gain self-confidence. Let’s say more, it’s better to start with small victories; grandiose achievements can turn your head in an instant and cause apathy, excessive self-confidence and too high self-esteem, which we absolutely do not need.
4. Advertise yourself. Self-promotion is the main way to gain even greater popularity. True, they use any methods, even unscrupulous ones, just to achieve their goal. But we will go a different way! Let's describe our virtues, positive habits, qualities on a blank sheet of paper and re-read it all to ourselves before going to bed. Just describe everything honestly, don’t “sculpt” yourself into an idol.

You can work on your qualities not only with the help of special techniques, but also with the usual moments that all self-respecting people do. Remember that the day begins in the morning. If you want to vegetate in this unenviable position until the end of your days, continue to live by inertia. We offer something else.

1. Get up early and take all necessary hygiene measures. Someone will be surprised that all people without exception do this. Believe me, with low self-esteem, some people even forget that a normal person should look beautiful and well-groomed.
2. Watch your clothes. Confidence can be developed if you do not get distracted by other little things, which include an ugly dress or suit, a torn button, or a stain on your trousers. You will look spick and span – all your thoughts and efforts are focused only on business!
3. Don't think about your physical limitations. Defects, especially if they are congenital, cannot be corrected, and most likely, only you notice them, while others do not even pay attention.
4. Stop noticing the shortcomings of others. Sometimes, we don’t even think about how low we fall when we identify flaws in others and discuss them. Gossip and intrigue are all bad companions for a person with normal self-esteem and self-confidence. And in society, gossipers are at the lowest rank. They are always treated as unscrupulous people. Such people do not take care of themselves, do not work on their personal qualities, and are ready to see a speck in someone else.
5. Know how to listen. Some, in order to show off, when communicating with smart people, try to gush with witticisms, jokes, and tell anecdotes one after another. Sorry, why bother so much? This is how you show your nervousness and excitement. Such behavior will not lead to anything good; you will be mistaken for a talker and a frivolous person. Learn to listen carefully and hear others, speak to the topic, do not chat incessantly.
6. Avoid artificial stimulants. You are too shy and modest, and only a glass or two of alcoholic drinks helps you relax. Avoid this method. Believe me, this is self-deception! Alcohol makes a person not self-confident, but rather cheeky and ill-mannered. Think about how your self-esteem will be boosted by unsightly behavior. Is it possible that the next morning you will be able to write down this “achievement” in your success diary? Hardly!

Increasing self-esteem after a breakup

No matter how high our self-esteem may be, no matter how much self-confidence we have, when we are separated or divorced from a loved one, everything falls below the baseboard. In any case, most people feel exactly these emotions.

It seems to us that we are so terrible and ugly that no one wants to be near us. The female half of humanity is especially sensitive to this issue. After all, the responsibility for relationships has been “hanging” on her since childhood. They kept telling her that she was the keeper of the hearth, and not He. And if situations arise in which a woman blames herself for everything, her appearance, habits, personal qualities, character, abilities, etc.

And, of course, she is sure that the rival to whom her lover left is much better, more beautiful and smarter than her. Here you really need to work on your own self-esteem, otherwise a confused woman will crawl into a “shell” and remain there for the rest of her life. And we cannot allow this!

The best ways to increase self-esteem after your loved one leaves

When we are “abandoned,” we fall into a stupor. It is even more difficult if the relationship seemed strong and mutual. For a woman, it’s like a lightning strike from a clear sky. And it is quite natural that she is tormented by such feelings as loneliness, apathy, complete loss of the meaning of life, self-doubt, but even self-hatred.

You shouldn’t be afraid of these emotions; almost everyone who finds themselves in such a situation feels the same. This is a normal reaction of our brain. We ask ourselves questions, but we cannot get answers, because there has been a betrayal, a treachery in which it is impossible to understand.

1. “What am I to blame for? Why am I worse? etc. - these are the questions that need to be driven out of your head with a “filthy broom.” Never blame yourself for being betrayed. It may sound strange, but tell your traitor “Thank you!” After all, he taught you a lesson. After this, you will have a better understanding of people and relationships, and you will understand whether you should build a relationship with this or that person. You should not assume that the breakup with you happened only because of your actions and actions.
2. Let's be honest, the discord between the two is both to blame! Let the person go - after all, in this life, each of us has our own right to choose. Just imagine that you were the initiator of the breakup. Someone's grief, tears and disappointments would hardly be able to stop you. Therefore, perceive what happened as a normal course of life, in which everything unimportant is eliminated, and only what you really need remains. There are still a lot of meetings ahead, one of which will become truly fateful.
3. Don't close yourself off from the world. Most often, abandoned women withdraw into themselves and refuse contact with friends and family. But this is a big mistake. Your condition, in which you “gnaw” yourself, will worsen. Constant communication will help you get distracted, and so, time after time, you will notice that you think less about the loved one who abandoned you, and do not “eat” yourself. Well, that’s the first smile, then laughter. That's it - the time has come when you can wave your hand after the one who lost you!
4. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. The more you think about how unhappy you are, the longer you will suffer. If you can’t do this, switch your attention to those who are really in a difficult situation. Believe me, your grief is not grief yet. A lot of people suffer from more difficult situations and losses. By empathizing with someone else’s misfortune, you seem to understand: “But things are still not so bad for me!” It's like Dale Carnegie's story about a young man lamenting the fact that he didn't have money for new shoes. But, seeing the guy completely without legs, he realized that he had the main thing - legs. And there’s always something to wear with them. So are you! Be happy that you are alive and well, we will buy the rest!
5. Make new acquaintances. No, we are not talking about the fact that you should plunge headlong into a swarm of relationships and change suitors like gloves. Behave yourself, otherwise your self-esteem will fall below the lowest level. A new acquaintance should give you peace of mind and self-confidence. If a person wants to communicate with you, it means that you attract him, you are beautiful, smart, and it’s interesting to be with you. Just please don't compare him to your ex, it won't lead to anything good! Forget him!
6. Sign up for shaping, go to the gym for yoga. Improve your body, let them envy you. Keep yourself in good shape, because you absolutely need to look irresistible.

Exercises to boost self-esteem

The main thing in our business is painstaking work, and daily work. But you can't take breaks. If you missed time, make up for it. Now we will study three exercises, thanks to which we will strengthen self-confidence and increase self-esteem.

1. Love yourself. Identify positive aspects and eliminate shortcomings.
2. Go out looking great, receive compliments and admiration. Enjoy everyone's admiration.
3. Tell your worries and fears “No!” If you are afraid to go on stage, get over yourself and take a step. Let there be excitement, you will start to stutter. Pull yourself together, everything will pass. Most of the public felt the same way. Even television announcers and presenters experience stress every time they go on air. Conquer your fears.
4. You made a mistake - forgive yourself for it. There is no need to dwell on your failures, everyone has them. Mistakes help us correct ourselves and not make new ones.

Be positive, smile. There is no need to increase your self-esteem in despondency - it won’t work. Only a self-confident person can allow himself a positive attitude towards everything that happens to him. Yes it is hard! But we are not talking about too difficult moments. But if there is a failure, this is not a reason to suffer. Our whole life consists of them, so why not live now? We stood up, dusted ourselves off and moved on, like a self-respecting and confident person!

Bye everyone.
Best regards, Vyacheslav.

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The level of self-esteem influences all human actions. Most often, a person’s self-esteem is underestimated, that is, a person’s real capabilities are higher than a person’s ideas about their capabilities. This is usually due to the fact that the formation of self-esteem occurs mainly in childhood, when a person’s capabilities are poorly developed. In addition, a negative environment has a serious influence. Of course, there are cases when a person has inflated self-esteem, but, in my opinion, this is typical only for very young people.

But for adults, the opposite situation is typical - low self-esteem, which is understandable. Personality is formed in childhood and early youth, when a person’s capabilities are, for obvious reasons, seriously limited.

Increasing self-esteem is quite possible, although it is often a rather slow process. However, making a conscious effort to build self-esteem can benefit almost everyone.

How to increase self-esteem and self-confidence? Here are 12 tips to help with this:

1. Stop comparing yourself to other people. There will always be people who have more of something than you, and there will always be people who have less of it than you. If you make comparisons, you will always have too many opponents or opponents in front of you that you cannot surpass.

2. Stop scolding and blaming yourself. You cannot develop a high level of self-esteem if you repeat negative statements about yourself and your abilities. Whether you're talking about your appearance, your career, relationships, financial status, or any other aspect of your life, avoid self-deprecating comments. Correcting your self-esteem is directly related to what you say about yourself.

3. Accept all compliments and congratulations with a “thank you.” When you respond to a compliment with something like “no big deal,” you are deflecting the compliment and simultaneously sending yourself the message that you are not worthy of praise, creating low self-esteem. Therefore, accept praise without belittling your merits.

Book by the famous American psychologist Philip Zimbardo Shyness was published in 1977 and became popular both abroad and here. The book is written in a very accessible language. First half of the book F Zimbardo covers what shyness is, what its causes and consequences are for a particular person and for society as a whole. The second half of the book is devoted to practical exercises to overcome shyness.

It all started with the so-called “prison experiment”, which brought Zimbardo wide fame. To study the issue of the influence of social roles on personality, the psychologist equipped a “prison” at the faculty and invited students to take part in an experimental game. Student volunteers were divided by lot into “prisoners” and “jailers.” On the first day, everyone just played, realizing that it was all conditional. But already in the next 2 days the guys began to play seriously. This resulted in the prisoners rebelling, and the jailers suppressed the riot by force. The prisoners felt helpless and humiliated. The jailers began to abuse their power by mistreating prisoners. As a result, the prisoners became passive and submissive. On day 6, the experiment was interrupted early, as everyone was psychologically traumatized. Before the game, all participants passed a test for psychological stability, but just a few days in “prison” led to depressing changes in the personality and moral principles of the young people. Conclusion: Social roles have a huge impact on a person’s personality. An interesting point: one of the most cruel jailers was a shy guy; he thought that the prisoners were laughing at him, and therefore he was especially strict and demanding of them.

Analyzing the experiment and discussing it with students, Zimbardo put forward another assumption: both “jailer” and “prisoner” can coexist in the head of one person, this is especially true for shy people. For example, a young man knows how to dance, but when he comes to a disco, he doesn’t invite anyone. Or a student who knows his homework and wants to get a good grade does not raise his hand in class. Something is stopping him. People refuse to take actions, refuse to communicate, because their inner supervisor tells them: “What are you doing? Do you want to embarrass yourself? It’s better to keep your head down, don’t take risks, then you’ll be safe.” And the inner prisoner obeys, without taking action, remaining quiet and unnoticeable.

F Zimbardo began to systematically address the issue of shyness after many insecure students began to turn to him for help. The scientist conducted a survey among students aged 18 to 21 and found that 42% of them considered themselves shy. After receiving these results, he created the Stanford Shyness Clinic, which enjoyed great success.

If you suffer from self-doubt, then the book Zimbardo Shyness can really help you. On our website you will find many useful exercises to help.

How to increase self-esteem and love yourself? How to gain self-confidence and believe in your strength? What tips and ways to increase self-esteem really work?

Greetings, dear readers! Denis Kuderin is with you.

Scientists have long proven that self-esteem is one of the most important factors in achieving success in life and a sense of self-confidence.

Low self-esteem leads to poverty, depression and a feeling of meaninglessness of one's own existence.

If you or someone you know is facing this problem, today I will share with you effective ways to resolve it that have helped me personally.

All the techniques and techniques described in the article are recommended by leading psychologists and simply successful people who use them every day in their own lives.

Using them in practice, you can not only become more confident, but ultimately even increase your income and even start a business.

Let's start, friends!

1. What is self-esteem: definition and its impact on our lives

To achieve success in any area of ​​one's activity, a person must be self-confident and be able to convince others that he is right.

People with low self-esteem cannot be happy by definition: their entire existence consists of doubts, disappointments and soul-searching. Meanwhile, a bright, eventful life passes by, going to those who do not doubt that they are right and confidently walk towards their goal.

A person with low self-esteem considers himself unworthy of happiness, and therefore subconsciously inferior to others in everything. To change the situation in your favor, you need to change yourself - there is no other way.

In this article I will tell you why a person’s self-esteem is so important, what reasons influence its decline, and how to increase self-esteem for a man, woman (girl), and teenager using the most effective methods.

Self-esteem- this is an individual’s idea of ​​the importance of his personality in relation to other people and an assessment of his own qualities - advantages and disadvantages.

Self-esteem is extremely important for the full functioning of the individual in society and the achievement of various life goals - success, self-realization, family happiness, spiritual and material well-being.

Self-Esteem Functions

The functions of self-assessment are as follows:

• Protective– ensures stability and relative independence of the individual from the opinions of others;
• Regulatory– enables a person to solve problems of personal choice;
• Developmental– provides an impetus for personal development.

The assessment of our personality by others - in particular, parents, peers, and friends - plays a decisive role in the early formation of self-esteem. Ideally, self-esteem should be based only on the individual’s own opinion of himself, but in reality it is influenced by many different factors.

Self-esteem is a person’s attitude towards himself: towards his capabilities, physical and spiritual qualities. An adequate assessment of one’s own capabilities helps to avoid mistakes and at the same time is an incentive for further development.

Psychologists believe that ideal self-esteem is the most accurate assessment of a person’s abilities.

Low self-esteem makes a person doubt, think and make wrong decisions, while too high one leads to making a large number of mistakes.

In most cases, we are dealing with a person underestimating his capabilities, which is why a person is not able to fully realize his potential and does not understand how to increase self-esteem.

A well-known trainer in the field of success psychology believes that low self-esteem is the main reason for a person’s financial insolvency. After all, if you feel bad about yourself, you don’t have confidence in your abilities, then you are doomed to be poor, and you won’t even have to dream of having your own business.

On the contrary, increasing your self-esteem leads to an increase in your income and earning more money. So if you have financial problems, be sure to look for the reason in your emotional state.

A pathological manifestation of low self-esteem is an inferiority complex.

Self-esteem is the key to achieving success in any area of ​​human activity. Self-confidence leads to making important and timely decisions, and underestimating one’s strengths reduces the level of a person’s personal energy, makes him constantly doubt himself and, instead of taking action, think about action.

2. Why is it important to love yourself and what will happen if you don’t?

Increasing self-esteem means loving yourself: accepting yourself as you are with all the shortcomings and flaws. Everyone has disadvantages: a self-confident person differs from someone who is always doubtful and insecure in that he sees in himself not only shortcomings, but also advantages, and at the same time knows how to present himself favorably to others.

If you don't love yourself, how can others love you? It is known that consciously and subconsciously people strive for contact and communication with self-confident individuals. It is these individuals who are most often chosen as business partners, friends and husbands (or wives).

If you doubt yourself and blame yourself for every little thing, you are automatically programming yourself for further failures and making decision-making more and more difficult. Learn to praise yourself, forgive yourself and love yourself - you will see how the attitude of others towards you will change.

Signs of low (-) self-esteem

A person with low self-esteem usually exhibits the following qualities:

• excessive self-criticism and self-dissatisfaction;
• increased sensitivity to criticism and the opinions of others;
• constant indecision and fear of making a mistake;
• pathological jealousy;
• envy of the success of others;
• passionate desire to please;
• hostility towards others;
• constant defensive position and the need to justify one’s actions;
• pessimism, negative worldview.

An individual with low self-esteem perceives temporary difficulties and failures as permanent and draws incorrect conclusions. The worse we feel about ourselves, the more negatively those around us treat us: this leads to alienation, depression and other psycho-emotional disorders.

3. High self-esteem and self-confidence are an important factor in achieving success.

Before I talk about ways to increase self-esteem, I want to emphasize the importance of self-love for achieving success and well-being. For some reason, it is believed that selfishness is a sin, or at least something that should be avoided.

In fact, the lack of love and respect for one’s own personality is what gives rise to numerous complexes and internal conflicts.

If a person has a low opinion of himself, it is unlikely that others will think differently. And vice versa - self-confident people are usually highly valued by others: their opinions are listened to, people strive to communicate and cooperate with them. Having learned to respect ourselves, we will gain the respect of others, and also learn to adequately relate to the opinions of others about us.

Signs of high (+) self-esteem

People with healthy, high self-esteem have the following benefits:

• accept their physical appearance as it is;
• self-confident;
• are not afraid to make mistakes and learn from them;
• calmly accept criticism and compliments;
• know how to communicate, do not experience shyness when communicating with strangers;
• respect the opinions of others, but also value their own view of things;
• take care of their physical and emotional well-being;
• develop harmoniously;
• achieve success in their endeavors.

Self-confidence and self-esteem are the same necessary factors for achieving success and happiness as sun and water for a plant: without them, personal growth is impossible. Low self-esteem deprives a person of perspective and hope for change.

4. Low self-esteem – 5 main reasons

There are a great many factors that directly or indirectly influence our attitude towards ourselves. These are genetic characteristics, external data, social status, and marital status. Below we look at the 5 most common reasons for low self-esteem.

Reason 1. Improper upbringing in the family

Our attitude towards ourselves directly depends on proper upbringing. If our parents did not encourage us, but, on the contrary, scolded us and constantly compared us with others, we simply will not have a reason to love ourselves - there will be no basis on which faith in our abilities will be based.

A decrease in self-esteem and a lack of confidence in one’s own words and actions is influenced by parents’ criticism of any initiatives, undertakings and actions. Even as an adult, a person who was constantly criticized in childhood subconsciously continues to be afraid of mistakes.

Parents (teachers, coaches) should know how to increase the self-esteem of a child who suffers from doubts and lack of self-confidence.

The best way is praise, unobtrusive encouragement. It is enough to sincerely praise your child several times for a correctly completed school task or a carefully drawn drawing, and his self-esteem will inevitably increase.

Psychologists say that the family is the center of the world for a child: it is there that all future characteristics of an adult personality are laid. Passivity, lethargy, uncertainty, and other negative qualities are a direct reflection of parental suggestions and attitudes.

Self-esteem is usually higher among only children and those who were born first. Other children often develop a “little brother complex,” when parents constantly compare the younger child with the older one.

An ideal family for adequate self-esteem is one in which the mother is always calm and in a good mood, and the father is demanding, fair and has unquestionable authority.

Reason 2. Frequent failures in childhood

No one is immune from failures, the main thing is our attitude towards them. A strong traumatic event can affect the psyche in the form of a guilt complex and decreased self-esteem. For example, some children blame themselves for their parents' divorce or their frequent quarrels: in the future, the feeling of guilt is transformed into constant doubts and an inability to make a decision.

In childhood, completely harmless events take on cosmic proportions. For example, having taken second rather than first place in a competition, an adult athlete will sigh and continue training with redoubled force, while a child may receive psychological trauma for life, especially if the parents do not show proper understanding of the situation.

What fuels low self-esteem in childhood? Failures, mistakes, ridicule of peers, careless remarks from adults (parents first of all). As a result, the teenager develops the opinion that he is bad, unlucky, inferior, and a false sense of guilt appears for his actions.

Reason 3. Lack of clear goals in life

If you have nothing to strive for in life, you do not need to strain and make volitional efforts. Lack of clear goals, laziness, following standard philistine imperatives - this is easy and does not require the manifestation of personal qualities. Such a person does not plan to become successful and rich; he is passive at his core.

Often people with low self-esteem live on autopilot, half-heartedly. They are satisfied with gray tones, an inconspicuous lifestyle, the absence of bright colors - there is no desire to get out of the swamp. Such people stop paying attention to their own appearance, income, stop dreaming and striving for changes. Naturally, self-esteem in such a situation is not just low, but completely absent.

Growing up, a person becomes passive, and then shifts all these problems onto his family when he gets married.

Here the conclusion suggests itself: it is just as necessary for a man and a woman, that is, an adult, to increase self-esteem as it is for a child. After all, everything starts from childhood, and then nothing changes unless an adult himself makes an effort for this.

Reason 4. Unhealthy social environment

If you are surrounded by people without specific goals in life, who are in constant spiritual anabiosis, you are unlikely to have a desire for internal transformation.

High self-esteem and ambition appear where there are role models - if all your friends and acquaintances are accustomed to living in the shadows, without showing initiative, then you, most likely, will be completely satisfied with such an existence.

If you notice that everyone around you is pathologically accustomed to complaining about life, gossiping, judging others and overly philosophizing for no reason - it’s worth thinking about whether you are on the same path with these people?

After all, such people can become energy vampires for you and prevent you from awakening your true potential.

If you feel that this tendency is taking place, change this environment or at least limit communication with him.

It is best to communicate with people who are already successful, have their own business and know how to earn money. We have already written earlier on the topic, we recommend that you read this article.

Reason 5. Defects in appearance and health

Low self-esteem often occurs in children with defects in appearance or congenital diseases.

Even if parents behave correctly towards such a child, he can be significantly influenced by the social environment - first of all, the opinion of peers.

A typical example is overweight children who are given offensive nicknames in kindergarten or school. Low self-esteem in such cases is practically guaranteed if appropriate measures are not taken.

In this case, you should try to eliminate the existing shortcomings, and if this is not possible, then you need to begin to develop other qualities that will make the person (child) more developed, charismatic and self-confident.

Example

If a child is overweight and has a corresponding unattractive appearance, then with the right approach to developing his abilities and talents, this disadvantage can be turned into an advantage.

Perhaps he will show an ability for sports (weightlifting or wrestling, or boxing), or vice versa, he will be able to become a sought-after actor with his inherent type.

In general, there are thousands of examples where people with huge physical disabilities have achieved worldwide recognition, created happy families and at the same time live the life that “healthy” people can only dream of.

The most striking example of this is the world famous speaker and preacher. Nick was born no arms and no legs , naturally experienced a huge inferiority complex and even wanted to commit suicide.

But, thanks to his willpower and desire to live, he achieved public recognition and helped thousands of people around the world find themselves and cope with psychological difficulties.

Now Nick is a dollar millionaire and a favorite of thousands of people, because he helped them change their lives. By working on your self-esteem, you can reach unprecedented heights and even repeat the success of Nick Vujicic, despite the fact that now your condition may not be the best.

We have already written about how rich people think and what it takes to become a millionaire.

5. How to increase self-esteem and confidence - 7 powerful ways

How to increase self-esteem and love yourself? There are many ways to make yourself believe in your own abilities, but I have chosen seven of the most reliable and effective options.

Method 1. Change your environment and communicate with successful people

Since man is a social being, he is completely dependent on his environment. How to believe in yourself and increase self-esteem with the help of other people? It’s very simple – you need to change your environment.

I already wrote above that communicating with uninitiated, sluggish and lazy people without ambitions and desires for change is a direct path to decreased self-esteem and lack of motivation in life.

If you radically change your social circle and start communicating with successful, purposeful, self-confident people, you will almost immediately feel yourself changing for the better. Gradually, self-respect, self-love and all those qualities without which it is impossible to achieve success will return to you.

By communicating with successful and prosperous people, you will learn to value individuality (including your own), begin to think differently about your personal time, find a goal and begin to achieve success on your own.

Method 2. Attending events, trainings, seminars

In any city, events, trainings or seminars are held where specialists teach everyone to gain self-confidence and increase self-esteem.

Experts in applied psychology will be able to turn a timid, indecisive individual into a strong-willed, self-satisfied and purposeful person in a few months: the main thing is to have an initial impulse and desire for change.

There are many competent books that talk in detail, with examples and explanations, about the need for self-love and respect: if you want changes, familiarizing yourself with such literature will be very productive.

The books “The Charm of Femininity” by Helen Andelin and “Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay will be especially relevant for increasing female self-esteem.

It is also useful to watch video content on this topic - documentaries and feature films that help increase self-esteem.

Method 3. Leaving the “comfort zone” - performing unusual actions

A person’s desire to escape from problems into a personal comfort zone is quite understandable. It is much easier in difficult situations to console yourself with sweets, alcohol, and savoring your own powerlessness. It is much more difficult to face the challenge and do something that is unusual for us.

At first it may seem that outside your comfort zone there is a hostile and inhospitable world, but then you will understand that real life, full of beauty, adventure and positive emotions, is exactly where you have not been before.

Staying in familiar conditions is like living in an invisible cage, from which you are afraid to leave simply because you are accustomed to it. By learning to leave your comfort zone and still remain calm, collected and balanced, you will gain a powerful incentive to raise your self-esteem and shape your new image.

You can start small - for example, stop sitting in front of the TV after work, and buy a gym membership, go jogging, yoga, and meditation.

Set a goal - to learn an unfamiliar language in six months or to meet the girl you like tonight. Don’t be afraid if you don’t succeed the first time – but new sensations and increased self-esteem are guaranteed.

Method 4. Refusal of excessive self-criticism

By stopping self-flagellation, blaming yourself and “eating” for mistakes, flaws in appearance, failures in your personal life, you will achieve several goals at once:

1. Release enormous amounts of energy. You will not lose your attention to self-criticism, and you will find time for other, more creative and worthy tasks;
2. Learn to accept yourself for who you are. You are the one and only person on this planet. So why compare yourself to others? It is better to focus on achieving your own goals according to your potential and your idea of ​​happiness;
3. Learn to see the positive traits of your personality. Instead of dwelling on the negative, purposefully find your strengths and work on developing them.

In the end, any failures, disappointments and mistakes can be turned to your advantage by using them as life experience.

Method 5. Playing sports and leading a healthy lifestyle

In the course of experiments conducted by European scientists, it was found that one of the simplest and most effective ways to increase self-esteem is to engage in sports, physical exercise, or activities aimed at improving health and well-being.

A healthy body is a container for a healthy spirit and correct thoughts, and vice versa: it is difficult for a person who is heavy to lift, with an untrained body, to make decisions and act independently.

Having started playing sports, a person begins to perceive his appearance less critically and treat himself more respectfully. At the same time, increasing self-esteem does not depend on the results of training: even if the changes are minor, the process of training itself is important.

The more actively you exercise, the better you begin to feel about yourself.

Any physical activity (especially for a person working in an office) is an opportunity to gain confidence and love yourself. There is a completely scientific explanation for this phenomenon: during sports, a person intensively produces dopamine - neurotransmitters responsible for reward (in bypass they are sometimes called “joy hormones”).

Biochemical changes have a positive effect on the psyche and increase our self-esteem.

Method 6. Listening to affirmations

Affirmations are one of the most effective ways to reprogram your own consciousness. In psychology, affirmations are understood as short verbal formulas that, when repeated many times, create a positive attitude in a person’s subconscious. In the future, this attitude contributes to changing character and personality traits towards improvement.

Affirmations are always formulated as a fait accompli, which forces a person to accept them as a given and think accordingly. If our subconscious considers us self-confident, successful and purposeful, then gradually we really become so.

Typical examples of affirmations for increasing self-esteem: “I am the master of my life,” “I can have everything I want,” “I believe in myself, so everything comes to me freely and effortlessly.” These linguistic formulas can be repeated independently or listened to in the player: the main thing in this practice is regularity.

Read these phrases into the microphone, record a track of several minutes from them and listen to them in your free time. This technology is recommended by Western psychologists and has proven to be highly effective.

Method 7. Keeping a diary of successes and achievements

A diary of your own victories and achievements will help teenagers, men and women, to raise their self-esteem.

Start such a diary right now and write down everything that you managed to achieve in a day (week, month). A success diary is a powerful stimulating tool that will make you believe in yourself and allow you to increase your own effectiveness many times over.

Every day, write down any victories you have, no matter how small.

Example

• I took my grandmother across the road;
• I wanted to eat junk food, but I restrained myself;
• Woke up and went to bed on time (according to plan);
• Gave a gift to my beloved (beloved);
• Earned 10% more than the previous month;

All these “little things” relate to your personal successes, be sure to include them in your success diary and read it regularly.

If you write down only 5 simple things a day, then this will already be 150 of your achievements per month!

Not so little for one month, would you agree?!

In one of our articles it was written about how, and keeping a success diary can be the first step towards this.

6. Dependence on public opinion is a factor that destroys personality: we overcome self-doubt

Public opinion can ruin our lives if we give it too much importance.

Constructive criticism pointing out specific mistakes is useful and helps in development, but completely depending on the opinions of others is a big mistake.

Learn to value your own opinion and your own view of things, then the words of others will cease to be so important to you. If, when performing any actions, you think first of all about what people will say, how they will look at you, then you are unlikely to succeed in your endeavors.

Let public opinion depend on you, not you on it. Embody your own will and think less about the consequences.

How to become more self-confident - practical exercises

1. "You're your own clown." Preparation: You dress ridiculously, for example, in curlers, a huge tie, funny clothes. Then go outside, go into stores, generally behave as if this is your everyday appearance. Naturally, you will feel discomfort in this form. But at the same time, your psychological threshold for critical perception of you by others will decrease;
2. "Speaker for Life" Try to speak publicly as often as possible. If at work your boss asks someone to prepare a presentation, organize an event, or go on a business trip with an important report, take the initiative and take on these functions yourself. If you have a fear of public speaking, then ways to overcome it have already been described in.

Both of these exercises involve getting out of your comfort zone. Our brain begins to think that this behavior is normal for us and these things no longer cause as much stress as before. Remember, the best way to get rid of fear is to do what you are afraid of!

7. How to find yourself and learn to manage your self-esteem - 5 important tips

And now 5 short tips for managing self-esteem:

1. Stop comparing yourself to others;
2. Stop scolding and criticizing yourself;
3. Communicate with positive people;
4. Do what you enjoy;
5. Take action, don't think about action!

Remember that you are a unique individual with enormous potential and unlimited possibilities. Increasing your self-esteem is one way to realize your full potential.

8. Self-esteem test - determine the level of attitude towards yourself today

My self-esteem test consists of a few simple questions that you only have to answer “YES” or “NO.” When you do this, count the number of positive and negative responses.

1. Do you often scold yourself for mistakes (yes/no);
2. Do you like to gossip with girlfriends (friends) and discuss mutual acquaintances (yes/no);
3. You do not have clear goals and you do not plan your life (yes/no);
4. You do not engage in physical education and sports (yes/no);
5. Do you like to worry about trifles (yes/no);
6. Finding yourself in an unfamiliar company, do you prefer to remain “in the shadows” (yes/no);
7. When meeting the opposite sex, you cannot carry on a conversation (yes/no);
8. When you are criticized does it make you depressed (yes/no);
9. You like to criticize people and are often jealous of other people's success (yes/no);
10. You are easily offended by a careless word (yes/no).

Key to the self-esteem test:

Answers "Yes" from 1 to 3: congratulations, you have normal self-esteem.

Answers "Yes" - more than 3: you understated self-esteem, work on it.

9. Conclusion

Now you know that believing in yourself, not being afraid of criticism and adequately assessing your own talents is quite possible and not at all difficult. The main thing is a deep desire to change and the ability to take the first step in the right direction!

Once you realize that you need this, you can, without exaggeration, change your life, achieve recognition, increase your earnings and perhaps even.

Good luck and love yourself!