Chances of getting married at 40. Should a woman get married after 40? When to get married

What am I asking though? They can’t get out here at 29, but I’m talking about forty-year-olds and older. But, on the other hand, I'm not asking how a woman can get married after forty, but I'm trying to understand: is it necessary?
This topic was born in my head after meeting with former classmates in Kazan. There were five of us and only one was married. One is divorced, two have deceased husbands, one has never been married.

To begin with, I would like to understand why a woman should marry after forty years?
At 18-20, they usually get married for great love, at 25-30, so as not to remain an old maid, even if the girl has not been a maid for ten years. At 35, well, this is the last chance to have a baby, but why get married at forty? And indeed,

1. To solve financial problems?

In our country, where all vacancies end with the words “send resumes to applicants not older than 35 years old,” after 40 years old is almost an afterlife. And in order to find a decent job after 40, a woman must show miracles of imagination, ingenuity, and even learn some of the acrobatic tricks. Sometimes it is much easier to get married so that the new husband will support and not allow him to die of starvation. However, in order to successfully marry a financially wealthy man, a woman after 40 must be very smart, very beautiful, very well-groomed, very sexy and very wise. Because there are a lot of 20-30 year old girls who simply do not want to work, but also want to marry a financially secure man.

This is probably the most difficult option when a woman over forty is forced to look for a rich man in order to provide herself and her children with a well-fed life. Such a woman will have to be in good shape all the time, forgive her sweetheart for light intrigues and give him slippers in her teeth.

To marry a rich man after forty, you need to look simply stunning, be smart and sexy, and it is desirable to always meet a sweetheart with a smile on your face.

Wealthy men "are found" in decent restaurants for "business lunches", in "closed clubs", on paid beaches or a hippodrome, near their own stables.

2. To avoid being left alone?

It is also a common option when the children grew up and left, the ex-husband "rested in the wagon train", there is money, there is work, there is health, there is nothing to do. Well, it’s so boring that you even climb the wall - and, looking through the 135th episode of the next sentimental series, the woman decides, “but should I get married?”

In this situation, such a woman after 40 will fit any man, if only he was. You should “take” younger men (while they are still naive), or older (when they already dream only of homemade borscht and warm slippers), well, not like peers who, as one, hit “big sex” with young beauties. The main thing is to feed a man well, drink and please him in every possible way. You can sometimes give him expensive gifts and even buy him beer yourself. In order to get married, escaping loneliness, you don’t have to be smart, beautiful and sexy, you need to cook well, have your own apartment, better - a car, money and a great desire to complicate your life by deciding to “get” yourself a husband.

3. And the most fantastic option: because you want to love and be loved?

Oh, but I believe in this option least of all, or rather, that after forty years you can meet true love. The older a woman gets, the more life experience she has, and if after 40 she is still (or already) alone, then this experience is most likely sad. Having survived betrayals, divorces, betrayals and losses, you involuntarily begin to look at life and at men in this very life in a different way. "Scarlet sails" have long sailed away to other shores, all the princes on white horses galloped away, and it turns out that it is quite possible to live without sails and princes. Still, love must be sought in youth, and after 40 you can find anything, but not love ... But what about “Moscow does not believe in tears?”, You will rightly be indignant? There, the heroine met true love just after 40 years. “This is a movie,” I will answer, and I will be right, although ... miracles happen, but very rarely and not with everyone.

Of course, I like the third option the most, but it's fantastic.
Are there many couples around who have mutual love? Always in a pair, one loves, and the other allows you to love.
And about the second half, I have big doubts that she is restless somewhere, and when she meets, she will make you happy.
It seems to me that a person should become happy himself, and then, perhaps, he will meet another, with whom this happiness will double.

So, I think that a woman over forty should not get married, because why would she have a hemorrhoid - serve slippers in her teeth or, even worse, turn into her husband's nanny?
But if you fall in love and be loved...

What do you think?

Upd. The options are not mine personally, but sounded in a conversation with my classmates.

Natalya Ershova (49), document specialist, married a second time at 48

We met Carlo on a social network four and a half years ago. He had a divorce behind him due to his wife's infidelity. I have been depressed since the death of my first husband. At that time, it seemed to me that nothing would change for the better, I did not even think about a new marriage. Apparently, Carlo felt the same way.

But life always gives hope for the best and a chance for love, regardless of age. Carlo is an Italian from the north of Italy - funny, witty, surprisingly energetic at 54, with an absolute sense of style in everything. He knows exactly what a truly beautiful life is, and knows how to make money on it.

But, most importantly, Carlo loves me. Only a loving man is able to give a woman a feeling of happiness, fullness of life and security, never refuses anything. My husband is just like that.

It was thanks to him that I was fully realized in my profession as a document specialist. He gave me the opportunity to organize the workflow of his own business exactly as I understand it and how it works for the company's profit. This has been my dream since graduating from the Moscow Institute of History and Archives (now RSUH), and it has come true.

I will never compare my past and present life. Now I have it completely different, and I really like it.

"We met on the subway"

Elena Yurievna Logvinova (56), accountant, married a second time at 53

My ex-husband and I have been married for almost 30 years. She filed for divorce herself. I turned 51 years old, and I finally realized: stop carrying everything on your shoulders and it's time to start living for yourself.

At first I was just in seventh heaven with happiness. Finally I could do what I want! But six months later, the long-awaited freedom began to weigh. I wanted someone to be by my side, look after and take care of me. In my first marriage, I did everything myself, I never felt a strong male shoulder.

We met Nikolai Mitrofanovich at the Novoslobodskaya metro station. Somehow it just happened. Kolya appointed me the first date by phone. We met, talked for several hours in a row and no longer parted. In 2013 we got married and got married.

My husband says that this happiness was sent to us by God. And the grandchildren adore Uncle Kolya (as they call him), they often come to visit. I am confident in my husband, I know that we will always be together and that everything will be fine. Now every morning I start with the words: “Good morning, my love!” It is worth living for and worth changing everything for.

“We knew each other for a long time, but fell in love suddenly”

Kira Burenina (48), journalist, writer, business coach, first married at 47

Before meeting my husband, I had never suffered from a lack of male attention. I had a long romance, but for some reason I did not dare to formalize the relationship. It was not bad anyway: freedom, no obligations, great job, lots of friends. She lived with her mother and did not feel lonely.

I wasn't looking for a husband. Strongly protected by my status as a business woman, writer, theatergoer, I did not want to change anything. But one day I lost my job. And then the greatest grief happened: my mother suddenly died. She was 66 years old. And at one point I was alone.

Then I thought about my life. The funeral was modest, I did not want the crowd. Family friend Mark arrived. He always talked more with his mother, called her, stopped by, congratulated her on all the holidays. After the funeral, Mark asked permission to see me off. In general, from that day we no longer parted.

Everything happened miraculously: as if we always lived together, talked, read, sang, loved the same books, songs, films. I think that my mother, who loved me incredibly, arranged my fate in this way.

Whether this is mysticism or a miracle, but then I remembered the words of my grandmother: “Fate will find it behind the stove.” You can be in active search all your life, or you can meet your happiness completely unexpectedly.

“We got hooked on tongues at a professional forum”

Natalya Lutsenko (43), marketing analyst, married for the second time at 40

I was widowed early and did not try to build a personal life for a long time, I was not up to it. It was necessary to earn a living, raise a little son.

Of course, sometimes I had novels and romances. But these relationships rather convinced me that I no longer want to get married. I didn't worry about my status. There are a lot of single mothers around. This does not surprise anyone, our society, unfortunately, is used to it. For the most part, everyone was kind and compassionate. Close friends, however, tried to arrange for me to meet the “right” friends of their husbands. But as a rule, nothing came of this.

I was worried that my son was growing up without a father and without the right male example. And in freedom - you can also perceive loneliness this way - there are advantages, so until the age of 35 it did not bother me.

First, I propose to figure out why a woman of forty years or more seeks marriage? I'll explain what I mean if anyone is confused by this question. The very title of the article contains the answer to this question, the main emphasis is on age - married after 40 years maybe at that age, it's done somehow

differently. For great love, they get married at 18-20 years old, so as not to be considered an old maid (even if you have not been a girl for a long time) at 25-30 years old. And at 35, getting married is the last opportunity to have a child, but why do it at 40? And really, why?

Marry after 40 to improve your financial situation

In our country, all job offers have a note: “no older than 35 years old are accepted for work”, i.e. if you are 40 years old, you are already an old woman and you cannot find a job. And this is despite the fact that the retirement age bar for women has been raised, and every year they promise to raise it again and again, without giving explanations on how to get a job and what to live on until retirement. Therefore, in order to get a job at this age, women are forced to show miracles of imagination and ingenuity. Sometimes it's easier to get married and let the new husband take care of himself. But in order to find and marry a financially independent man, a woman of 40 or more must be not only smart, beautiful, well-groomed, healthy, but also quite wise. Since there is a crowd of 20-30 year old girls around who do not want to work, but who want to have financial independence at the expense of a man.

This is probably one of the hardest ways to find a rich husband who will provide for you and your children (if any). A woman will be forced to constantly be in good shape, monitor her appearance, figure, forgive fleeting intrigues to her husband and indulge him in everything.

Therefore, in order to find a husband, woman over 40, you need to be just perfect, wise, charming, sexy, always in a good mood and meet your loved one with a pleasant smile.

Where to look for them, wealthy men? Usually "their habitat" is expensive restaurants, private clubs, hippodromes or their own stables, paid beaches and other fashionable establishments.

Marry after 40 ... so as not to be left alone

A fairly common practice, the children have matured and parted, the ex-husband either died or left for another, there are finances, work, health, but there is nothing to do. Boring and sometimes dreary, and looking through the next sentimental series, a woman decides to get married.

With such an attitude to life, any man is suitable for such a woman, the main thing is to be. You should stop your choice on young men (they are still poorly versed in women's tricks), or choose older men who dream of a quiet home comfort. And exclude peers from this list, since almost all of them pursued sexual pleasures with young nymphets. Gray hair in a beard ... as they say. The main thing to remember is that a man needs to be fed deliciously and fulfill all his whims. From time to time to present expensive gifts and maybe run for beer herself. Marriage, as an escape from loneliness, does not require the presence of beauty, intelligence, sexuality, the main thing is to be able to cook, have your own apartment, car, bank account and a strong desire to complicate your life by deciding to get a husband.

Marrying after 40 … the desire to love and be loved

It’s hard to believe in this option, and many women have clearly abandoned all attempts to meet true love after forty. The older the woman, the more life experience she has, and if by the age of 40 she was left alone, then this experience is too sad. Meetings, partings, betrayals, losses, betrayal and involuntarily you learn to perceive this world and relationships with men in a different way. Scarlet Sails landed on other shores, princes with white horses got lost on the road, and you understand that you can live peacefully and happily without princes and sails. It's easier to fall in love when we're young, because we don't make special demands on our lovers. We first fall in love, and then we think. And after forty we think more, and after weighing everything, perhaps we allow ourselves to fall in love.

I am 40. Two years ago I met a wonderful man and married him. Many acquaintances asked how it happened, I thought, and my thoughts formed into a clear plan of action, almost an instruction.

I don’t pretend to be a systematic approach, advice for everyone, etc., I’ll just share my experience, maybe it will be useful to someone or just prompt useful thoughts.

Point number 1: lose weight (crossed out) - get prettier!

This is the first of all points, because, for example, it took me the most time and moral effort. Of course, this recommendation does not apply to already slim women. I'm talking about those who are overweight and they know about it. You need to lose at least a little weight, at least a couple of kilograms, and preferably 5-7.

You need to lose weight because:

1. Losing weight makes you feel more attractive. Regardless of the objective need to change the weight. That's the way we are. Even if you weigh 100 kg, dropping 3 kg will make you feel new and inspired. Let any nutritionist and the Internet calculate the weight norm for you, and it turns out that you need to lose weight more to the norm, it doesn’t matter. And it is important to feel refreshed and beautiful. And then - as you decide.
2. You will receive compliments. "How did you lose weight!" "You look great!" Feel how nice?
3. There will be confidence that you control your life, you can change it. And really, you can say what.
4. You will fit into your favorite dress or buy yourself a beautiful new one, which will add sparkle in your eyes and self-confidence.

In general, you need to get prettier so that you have self-confidence and a feeling of being beautiful. For those who are already in the normal weight, you can probably do something for yourself to care for. For example, a course of massage or facial treatments, well-groomed hair, manicures, etc. You know yourself better, which gives you confidence in your beauty.

Item #2: Clear out your wardrobe

Better yet, the entire apartment. Do I need to say how much positive order gives. If you're ready to sort out your wardrobe, you're ready to sort out your life!

What else is the point of taking things apart? Look at your wardrobe through the eyes of a man. What do men love? They love feminine things. Not extremely sexy, not home-worn, not baggy, but feminine. These are elegant quality clothes, classic or fashionable, if the fashion looks towards femininity.

I think a lot of people want to argue here. Different, of course, there are men.

Let's put it this way: look at your wardrobe through the eyes of a man you might like.

But be careful, it's not a fact that a rocker on a harley wants to see a similarly dressed girl next to him, or maybe he dreams of flowing dresses and lace.

In any case, men do not like our “comfortable clothes”: sweaters, pants that are tight on the back and stomach, hoodies. Many men, if asked, will say that women are beautiful in dresses and skirts. Arrange a poll if possible.

In general, try! Change your wardrobe, add classic basic things that suit your figure to it (besides, you have already lost weight 😉)

Same approach with shoes. She must be feminine. Even if these are sneakers, let them be female in color and non-bulldog style. But remember that superheels, which make the leg a deck and a hoof, involuntarily make you tortured, not joyful in the eyes of people.

If there is no money for new things, experiment with kits, diversify with accessories. You can arrange an exchange with friends. It often turns out that what you really need, someone takes up space in the closet and lies idle.

So, the goals of parsing the wardrobe:

• Willingness and a sense of positive change,
• freedom from unnecessary things,
• feeling new and beautiful
• willingness to sort out not only the wardrobe, but also your life (hereinafter, point by point).

Item #3: Forgive all men

Close friends told me "you're not married because you don't want to." Why don't I want to?! As if she wanted to get married! But when my spiritual father told me the same thing, I decided to seriously think about it. And then, as often happens in such cases, the Lord directed my thoughts.

At our entrance, residents lay out unnecessary things and books below. One day I saw a pink thin brochure about "true love." It turned out to be some kind of American psychological theory, but one chapter puzzled me.

It suggested that you make a list of everyone you are offended by or who has influenced you badly.

The point was to remember and forgive. Do not just forgive, but enter into the circumstances, understand that they did not want evil, did not want to offend, but it just so happened. And if you wanted to, you still have to forgive and let go, leave it in the past.

And I realized that, it turns out, I don’t expect anything good from marriage, because I saw a lot of “bad” deeds of men.

I began to think and realized that in my heart there is a lot of resentment against men, close and not close. On those who deceived the senses, who did not act as they would like.

It turned out that if you reconsider these situations, understand and forgive all men, it will be very easy on the soul.

Item #4: Turn to God

With grievances and other burdens, it's just the right time to get to confession. Then the heart will receive final relief and purity.

It is no secret that the Lord wants us to be good and happy. Does He want you to get married? Why not, if it will be for the best, if it will contribute to your spiritual growth. And if not? What if marriage becomes a nightmare for you and ends in divorce? Maybe you're not ready yet? How to prepare?

I thought I didn't know if I was ready, so I decided to ask.

Why not pray to God and ask Him to reveal what to prepare for, what to change in yourself. Ask Him to direct thoughts and deeds for the better.

And He answered.

Circumstances appeared in my life, and people with stories and advice, and most importantly, I began to clearly see what qualities of mine would interfere with my family life.

Carefully observing my life, I saw the main character traits - passions (speaking in spiritual terms) that can ruin everything.

That is, I myself can ruin my own happiness and ruin the life of a loved one.

So what can be done? Pray, ask all questions and carefully monitor the circumstances of your life, relationships with people and how you build them, what mistakes you make, and how all this may look in family life.

God help!

Only these passions of mine interfere with my family happiness now, so the Lord showed me everything correctly. I continue to struggle, but with a clear understanding of what needs to be corrected in myself.

Item number 5: wait and trust

Your future husband, too, may be making his spiritual journey towards you. Maybe he is not ready yet, does not want marriage, but he thinks and works on himself. Let's trust God, He thinks about us more than we about Him, and wishes us all happiness and love. Christ performed the first miracle at a wedding, and the water became wine. The Lord wants us to meet our husbands, to have a wedding and a loving family life. So that we work for each other, work on our shortcomings for the sake of each other and thus become closer to God.

Therefore, there is no need to rush what is not happening yet. It is best to change for the better and trust God.

Item number 6: activity and openness

Can you smile at a stranger at a bookshelf or in a supermarket? Why not. If you do not close yourself off from people, do not expect negative things from everyone, but believe that they are all good and kind, then life is more pleasant, at least. Why not post your beautiful new photo on social media?

My husband and I met on Facebook, although we live in the same building and go to the same church.

I think you know many such stories.

In general, social networks can be used for dating. Not like a dating site, but just to show yourself as you are. Beautiful, smart, funny, thinking and not indifferent. Open posts "for everyone", share your thoughts and pies, because among the friends of your friends there may be people very close to you in spirit. Let them see you.

We have such an information age, people recognize each other in social networks. What's wrong?

But in real life, one should not forget about openness, a smile and a positive attitude. People are everywhere around us, we don't need to shun or be afraid of them, although we don't need to see every potential husband, of course. Just try to be open and positive. It is very interesting.

Charitable organizations and the Mercy service have a lot of activities for volunteers. Many volunteers, helping people, met both friends and future wives and husbands.

And why not be like all those lectures about everything in the world that so many are doing now. And how many interesting things are in museums and at numerous exhibitions. What a circle of nice cafes, shops, small galleries. What interesting people go there - everyone has a smile and a friendly infusion.

Item number last. "And then we'll live!"

I often catch myself thinking that here is a little more “and we will live!”. In a sense, everything will be fine and forever. That's my fault. Life is not like that. There is nothing stable in our life.

Do not think that now you are unhappy because you are not married. But marry your beloved and you will be happy. There is a very high chance that you will not be happy. Because you need to see it not in marriage, but everywhere: in people, in work, in nature, in creativity, in general around, in yourself, in God.

Many times I heard and read when the priests said that you need to fight against sins in order to be happy. As clichéd as it may sound, it's true.

If you are unhappy now, then it is very likely that marriage will not change this, but will only add problems.

But if you start correcting yourself with God's help, then even now life will get better, and then it will be easier and happier to live with your husband.

Illustrations by Olga Sutemyeva

When republishing materials from the Matrony.ru website, a direct active link to the source text of the material is required.

Since you are here...

… we have a small request. The Matrona portal is actively developing, our audience is growing, but we do not have enough funds for the editorial work. Many topics that we would like to raise and that are of interest to you, our readers, remain uncovered due to financial constraints. Unlike many media, we deliberately do not make a paid subscription, because we want our materials to be available to everyone.

But. Matrons are daily articles, columns and interviews, translations of the best English-language articles about family and upbringing, these are editors, hosting and servers. So you can understand why we are asking for your help.

For example, is 50 rubles a month a lot or a little? A cup of coffee? Not much for a family budget. For Matron - a lot.

If everyone who reads Matrons supports us with 50 rubles a month, they will make a huge contribution to the development of the publication and the emergence of new relevant and interesting materials about a woman’s life in the modern world, family, raising children, creative self-realization and spiritual meanings.

6 comment threads

1 thread replies

0 followers

Most reacted comment

Hottest comment thread

new old popular

0 You must be logged in to vote.