Odessa dialect. Jokes - pictures, video jokes, funny stories and anecdotes Odessa Explanatory Dictionary

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Yes, that’s right, this “language” grew out of a legend. That's what it says. It turns out that the foundations of the “Odessa language” were laid by the son of the Spanish grandee, the Frenchman Deribas, who arrived from Naples. Many also consider him the first resident of Odessa. According to this legend, Deribas studied Russian from Ukrainian Cossacks. At first, the Frenchman, in his naivety, sincerely accepted what he learned from the Cossacks as the real Russian language.

True, as historians of Odessa write, Deribas was always confused by one fact: many Cossack expressions were often accompanied by the Russian phrase “vigorous mother.” The Frenchman did not really understand what this application meant. However, he probably guessed that they were talking about some kind of “mother”.

So, based solely on this knowledge, Deribas translated the legendary “Letter of the Cossacks to the Turkish Sultan” into most European languages. Moreover, through his efforts this masterpiece was brought to the attention of many European monarchs. And we must admit that Deribas’s sorrowful work was not in vain. After civilized Europe became acquainted with the “Letter...”, it immediately saw in the Zaporozhye Cossacks the true defenders of Christianity.

However, as follows from the same sources, Deribas encountered not only roses, but also thorns in the bosom of his literary and translation activities. He repeatedly received warnings from St. Petersburg that if he did not stop calling European monarchs their mothers, he would be immediately expelled from Odessa and sent to his native Naples to his father.

It is very likely that this is exactly how the so-called Odessa jargon originated. Or, if you prefer, talk. Why not, actually? Indeed, let’s take, for example, five different languages ​​and mix them thoroughly. Then we will bring the verbal “solution” to the consistency of wit, or even better, a witty anecdote. So much for the unique Odessa speech!

The brilliant Russian linguist V. Dal once, having visited Odessa, said that Odessa residents, without any doubt, are cheerful people, but they do not know how to speak Russian correctly. True, he immediately added that Russians don’t speak Odessa either. In short, it's a draw. Russians had no advantages over Odessa residents in terms of language in those years. However, it is fair to say the opposite.

And now a little philology. The Ukrainian language gave a great variety of beautiful and useful things to the Odessa dialect. First of all, I would name prepositions. This is from my own observations. And I often visited Odessa. And I even spent a long time in the “Pearl by the Sea” and its environs. See. So, as they say in those parts, I have something to say. And I want to say this. Sorry for the tautology. During the time spent, I came to a firm conviction: Odessa residents, for the most part, are busy people.

This is probably why they don’t have much time to search for various prepositions and other interjections. Here are the guys who don’t think hard about what excuse to adapt to this or that word in order to simply talk, quarrel or tell something about marriage.

A real Odessa resident, as far as I have been able to figure out, uses prepositions wherever possible. However, more often - precisely where this is completely impossible from the point of view of a more or less literate Russian-speaking person.

And here is another feature of the “Odessa dialect”. For some reason, Odessa residents always choose the most inappropriate of two prepositions. I will confirm the thesis with a couple of examples. In this cheerful city they laugh not “at someone”, but “from someone”, they do not address “to someone”, but “to someone”.

There is definitely something to be missed here. Spectators “behind the theater”, sellers “behind the buyer”, wives “behind their husbands”, etc. But what often puzzled me is that in Odessa they speak not “about someone,” but “for someone.”

For clarity, a small typical Odessa dialogue on the topic of marriage, which is relevant at all times.

A groom comes, say, to Odessa to get married:

Bendersky, let's talk about your daughter, I want to marry her.

Have you already asked your wife?

Yes, but I like my daughter better!

Indeed, what is there to talk about!

Linguists say that it is best to swear in German, to declare love in French, and to conduct scientific discussions in English. But having visited Privoz, the chic Odessa bazaar, I can confidently say that the Odessa style is the most convenient way to bargain.

But on Privoz, trade is not a primitive process of exchanging goods for money. Here all the pleasures are in one vessel: swearing, declarations of love, and even scientific discussion at the same time. This is where I consider it my duty to definitely note the invaluable contribution of the colorful Jewish language to the Odessa folk hubbub.

Yiddish unimaginably brightly colors the inimitable skill of Odessa trade. And mainly thanks to his original art of oaths and curses.

Of the oaths, as the simplest and most universal, I would first of all name this one: “May I live like this!” In the arsenal of Odessa residents, of course, there are others. True, they are, at least from my point of view, more risky. Well, take this one: “I hope I don’t get where I’m going!” Or another equally dangerous one: “I swear by my eerie beauty!”

But what especially struck me. Occasionally, after the seller and buyer finally shook hands, that is, made a deal, their relationship abruptly moved into the next phase. I would call her unfriendly. This is what I sometimes heard at the end of the trading process.

Well, sort of like, on the road: “So that I can see you on one leg, and you can see me with one eye!” And once even this: “So that all your teeth fall out and only one remains for pain!” The dentist must have cursed it. But what a scoundrel! He also did not forget his self-interest.

Another, after oaths and curses, the most popular genre of Odessa colloquial language, according to my observations, is scandal. Speaking in Odessa, this is something special! I’ll say more in Russian: this is, without any doubt, the most beautiful and poetic thing that has been created to date in Odessa folklore, unique in its humor.

And what unexpected epithets do Odessa residents use?! How colorfully and figuratively they decorate their speech! For example, how do you like this episode:

A former citizen comes to Odessa from prosperous Switzerland. Naturally, at a set table in the circle of family and friends, he immediately begins to praise his life there. However, his tirade is interrupted by a remark:

I apologize, dear Chaim, that you have been talking to me for so long about Switzerland. I’d better tell you for Odessa: so, in Geneva you’re a smart girl, but here in Odessa you’re barely an idiot! Our standard of living is the highest in the world. Which of your Swiss sharks of capitalism can afford to carry two hundred grams of gold teeth in its gnaw? And I beg you, don’t make such a lemon face at me.

And further. I have repeatedly attended “banquets” in Odessa courtyards. How attentive and caring these ordinary people behave at the table! Well, at least this phrase that I accidentally overheard:

I apologize, you guys fell asleep with your face right in the jellied meat, put them in the Olivier salad. Otherwise you'll catch a cold!

The Odessa language is relatively young. For this reason, it lacks all sorts of epics, legends and other various epics. All that is most beautiful, bright and sacred among Odessa residents is embodied in scandal. It is so familiar and ordinary to the mentality of an Odessa resident that it is a rare child in Odessa who can fall asleep without a scandal. They even say that little Odessa residents sometimes literally ask like this before going to bed: “Mom, there’s finally a scandal with Aunt Sima, I really can’t sleep!”

The reason for a scandal can be anything. Well, at least this one:

– Rose, how do you like my new dress?
– Sorry, Sarah, I’m in a hurry, I don’t have time for scandals right now!

Odessa speech is indescribably rich and varied. After all, Odessa residents have never been confused by any rules of grammar: declensions, conjugations, agreements and other cases. Well, I want to especially note the cases. In these parts they were always dealt with in a primitive manner. However, one might say it is brilliant.

For example, if an Odessa resident is not sure which of the two cases is more suitable for his tricky phrase, he will not hesitate. Will discard both. Well, what next? That's right, he will do it the Odessa way, i.e. will choose the third case, probably the most inappropriate one. But, surprisingly, anyone can understand such a phrase. And what’s even more surprising is that you don’t even need any explanations or, to put it scientifically, comments.

While trying on a suit, the tailor has a typical Odessa conversation with the customer, a theater actor:

Do you think, young man, that the most important thing on stage is the actor? So I’ll tell you, no. The main thing on a good stage is a suit. Of course, of course, and you are into it, that is. more precisely - in it. Because without my style, you, even if you were as healthy as hell, will remain his, that is, his!

And yet I don’t want to accuse Odessa residents of illiteracy. Especially Odessa residents. And more precisely, those of them who were lucky enough to receive a higher education in the humanities. Of course, an example:

For example, on Aleksandrovsky Prospekt, opposite the elite gymnasium No. 1, a mother is sitting on a bench. My son is nearby. By all accounts, not an excellent student. But the boy himself is round. An Odessa resident would say: “Look how pink the boy’s cheeks are! You can even slightly add a pale look to them.”

It is clear from the remarks that the conversation is about the Russian language.

Mother! How should you write it in your essay: “flikonchik” or “flaskonchik”?

Mommy, a curvaceous Odessa native with a first-class bust, a graduate of the Odessa philological department, immediately reacts:

Well, what do they teach there in your first gymnasium?! By the way, for mine, I swear by my mother-in-law, not bad pennies at all. In short, it was correct to write “pizarek”. I don’t know how our professor wrote there, but he always said that way.

By the way, a woman has always occupied an honorable place in Odessa folklore. I would even call it significant. But not so much in terms of significance, as literally in terms of the space occupied. And again an example:

She thinks she has a figure. So I’ll tell you, yes or no: she has FEGura. You can tell her this: if the lady doesn’t stop having breakfast at night, you can then see what she will have in six months - FE or FI? Well, in the meantime, admire so much female beauty at once!

Odessa residents are simply obsessed with the sanctity of private property rights. This is probably why their most popular word is “have”. In Odessa they have everything, everything, everyone, and always in large quantities. Here is just a tiny selection: “I don’t have time”, “What do you have to do with me?”, “I had to go to you”, etc. etc. And here is the Odessa dialogue corresponding to the topic:

David, today I dreamed of your wife.

And what did she have to say?

I don’t remember exactly, but it seems like nothing.

Then it definitely wasn’t my wife. My Rose always has something to say.

Or this:

Oh, Yashenka! Ours for you with a brush! How do you feel about yourself? They say you got married successfully?

Who introduced you to your wife?

No, no, I wish you were healthy for me, I don’t blame anyone...

Now a few words about Odessa issues. As is well known, the rhetorical question has long been considered the pinnacle of wisdom. Let me remind you that this question does not require an answer. From my point of view, the Odessa question is much wiser and incomparably deeper in meaning. He doesn't require an answer either.

But, just think, the question is unanswered! Today, such questions hanging in the air cannot be counted in Russia alone. But Odessa residents ask a question in such a way that you can’t answer it in any other way except in Hebrew, i.e. counter question. Here are some typical Odessa dialogues consisting of only questions:

Auntie, why don’t you still get married?

Will anyone take me?

So, have you already asked everyone?

A conversation between two fishermen on a concrete breakwater of one of the Odessa beaches:

Will you give me a worm?

Do you need a worm?

Do you have it as extra?

Do I know?

Mr. Kharchevsky, do you know what Kuptsevich did?

And what did he throw out that is impossible to find?

He took it and died in the midst of complete health! Are you going to his funeral?

Who do you take me for? Why did I quarrel with my brains? Is he

Will it come to mine?

Tsilya! Why don’t you ask how I live?
- So I’ll ask you, Rose, how do you live?
- Oh, Tsilya, don’t ask!

Is it true that in Odessa they always answer a question with a question?
- Who told you this?!

And yet I want to pay tribute to the people of Odessa. No matter what envious people say about them, they are an extremely cultured people. Really, how can you think otherwise? They apologize literally at every step. True, Odessa residents pronounce the word “sorry” differently from all other Russian speakers. It’s clear that they do this in their Odessa manner – “I’m sorry.”

And there is a very deep logic in this approach to the magic word. As far as I understand, no one excuses anyone in Odessa. People here are extremely apologetic. Well, at least this example:

The patient comes running to the doctor and immediately apologizes: “Doctor, I’m wildly sorry, but they told me that only you can help. My last name is Katz. I know yours. Here follows a detailed answer:

Alas, Katz, but medicine is powerless here. You have known for a very long time that I am a cultured person. And I could say with surprise: except for you, everyone without exception in Modavank and half of Peresyp knows this news. There’s no point in repeating for them. But for you personally, I will invest a couple of minutes in your little education. No, no, mine doesn’t need your money yet.

I’ll earn them for myself later, when you understand everything and don’t have to walk through the whole Peresyp anymore. Well, let's continue our higher education. My friendship with Khaya z Debasovskaya was not in vain. You remember her too. She taught at the gymnasium for 30 years. Well, there are all sorts of polkas and various string bags and bags. I know what else... So I’ll add to you: a brilliant lady!

No, no, dear, don’t blow bubbles out of your mouth yet, you may very likely regret your completely uncultured behavior for this. Well, I was a little mistaken, then the Red Bolsheviks called our gymnasiums, I apologize wildly, schools. A shame!!! Is it really possible to teach Jewish children anything from them? Okay, I won’t talk about that shame. Here you are, dear Katz, think not with your head, but with your brains.

Let me add a little rudeness: they think with their heads, but all Jews think with their brains. This is not for you to click seeds on Privoz. And, let me tell you, it’s not a new thing at all. The most honest red communist, although a non-Jew, Yeltsin, defended our Jews with them for a long time. Sorry, sorry, I always asked you not to make such a sour face at me. If I said I’ll answer your stupid question, then you know I won’t get lost. Ask any Odessa resident.

Well, here’s what I’ll tell you, my dear pos, i.e. I'm so sorry - mine is smarter. And at the end of our short conversation, I will answer: do not be offended by my clever assumption, you can even say in a scientific way a question - a thesis. Yes, yes and no. No, I don’t understand: you must have thought that you were taking money from me. It's the taxi driver's money and time. For Jews, money is money. Therefore, I’ll just say two words, since you had information that my last name is also not Ivanov, but just Klugerman, who were you dragging along the whole Peresyp?”

Another fact shows that Odessa residents are extremely cultured people. They, like no one else, have learned to elegantly dress a strong word in an intelligent form. Of course, an example:

Don't be fooled by the place where the back ends its noble name.

Or an example of a euphemism: “Straighten your tie, dear Fima. Lower, lower, even lower. Oh, right here!!!

There is a lot more that can be said about the Odessa language. But I personally have long been convinced that it is incomparably more interesting to listen to him. To put it nicely, eat. And this is not an easy beautiful word. After all, the aromatic, one might say delicious, language of Odessa residents was born in the kitchen, mixing and absorbing all the tastes and aromas that exist in this world.

Born in the hustle and bustle of the kitchen and the cramped courtyards of Odessa, it smells of garlic and nutmeg at the same time. This, however, is not entirely a literary language, i.e. it is not printed. Nevertheless, with its help, even a dry, ordinary recipe for, say, ordinary borscht, a real Odessa resident, or even better, an Odessa resident, can easily turn into a big, exciting novel. With many chapters, dozens of characters, a prologue, an epilogue and even an obituary, if it comes to the neighbor’s borscht.

And this is just some kind of borscht! But you understand well that in Odessa there are many more important things? It’s hard to imagine how much more funny and wise things Odessa wits can write. Or at least tell it.

Yes, this is certainly a historical fact: Odessa is a pearl by the sea, a rich city with glorious historical traditions. And yet its main asset, at least from my point of view, is its unique language. To understand it, it is enough to simply have a sense of humor, but to speak it, you must, at a minimum, be born in Odessa.

How is Izya?

Odessa:
- Yesterday I saw two girls swimming on the beach! So completely naked!
- I beg you, in this cold...Probably walruses!
- Well, the older one is definitely a walrus, but the second one is still pretty...

Moishe, is it true that you are marrying Sarah just because she has a crush?
- Abrash, and did you believe that these people were speaking for me?! Lies! I'm marrying her because I don't have a penny.

A 100-year-old Jew fell ill. His old 105-year-old friend comes to him and asks:
- What’s wrong with you, Abram, how are you feeling?
- Azokhn vey, Izya... I’ll probably have to stand before God!
- Abram, then I have a small request for you. If he asks you: “How is Izya? What about Izya? - You haven’t seen me, haven’t heard me, and don’t know anything about me.

The airport customs officer asks the old Jew:
-Where did you come from?
- What profits are you making? Just losses...

Little rose, my dear, finish with the dishes. You, not the dishwasher. So go wash the floor!

During an atheism lesson at school, the teacher gives the children a task:
- Children, shout to the sky - “There is no God!” - everyone starts shouting together, “There is no God!”
And then she notices that one Jewish boy is standing silently. She asks him:
- Yasha, why are you silent?
To which Yasha replies:
- So, if there is no one there, then why shout? And if there is someone there, then why spoil the relationship?

So, you can come to Israel and have your own guide?
- It’s not necessary to have a guide, he’ll tell you everything about the country!

Rabinovich, remember last year you borrowed a hundred rubles from me?
- Young man, anyone will tell you for my phenomenal memory. I still remember everything perfectly, so what?
- And if you remember, then tell me when I will get them back?
- How should I know this? What am I to you, a prophet?

Father - daughters:
- Marry Abram. He definitely loves you.
-Are you sure, dad?
- Absolutely! I’ve been borrowing money from him for six months now, but he still continues to come to us.

Moishe died of a heart attack while playing cards. We need to tell his wife, but no one dares to do this. The choice fell on Aron, who was the calmest. He comes to the house of the deceased, knocks on the door:
- I'm from Katzman.
- Is this from the one whose hubby hangs around all the time playing cards?
- Yes.
- And he plays?
- Yes.
- And, probably, as always, he loses?
- Exactly, he loses.
- He's dead, you bastard!
- Yes already!

Rabinovich, would you like to come in and have some tea?
- Why not?
- Well, no, no.

Conversation between two Jews:
- Monya! Do you play the clarinet?
- No.
- And your brother?
- Yes!
- What "yes"?
- Also no.

Customer in Abram's store:
- Tell me, do you have yellow fabric?
Abram shows a roll of fabric. Buyer with a smile:
- So it’s black.
Abram takes out two more rolls from the warehouse. Buyer:
- Excellent quality, it’s just a pity that one roll is red and the other is blue!!
Abram:
- You know, maybe it’s completely yellow, but no.

Moishe, where are you going in such a hurry?
- To the stop...
- Shaw, are you going somewhere? Are you already late?
- No, Aunt Tsilya is making me a jacket, she asked me to collect buttons...

Sarochka, I beg you, don’t go outside, I’m worried about your health.
- What is it?
- Yesterday in the pharmacy I heard that a maniac had appeared in Odessa who was killing prostitutes...
- Don’t fool me, Rose, what do I have to do with it?!
- You didn’t listen to me, and neither did the bastard.

Two Jews meet. One says to the other:
- Yesterday, for the first time in my life, I listened to the Beatles live, and I absolutely didn’t like it. They are fake, they burr, it’s terrible!
Second:
- Where did you listen to them?
- Moishe sang it for me.

Do you remember Moishe, who lived opposite the prison?
- Yes, so what?
- So now he lives opposite the house...

More cool and funny jokes about Jews, Odessa and ? We do have them.

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A little boy approaches a very fat man on the street. - Uncle, your pants are unbuttoned. You can already see Anton! - Say hi to him, kid. I haven't seen him for six years.

BABKI (BASHMALA, CABBAGE, LAVE)- money.

The plans of the party are the people's grandmothers!
Back then doctors knew how to treat in the same way as today they can only take lave.

BANDERSHA- the owner of a brothel.

The client turns to the bander: - Madam, I would like to use the services of your establishment in an unusual way. - We just have a girl for this part. Rosette! Accept the client. A minute later, from behind the door of Rosa’s room, her heart-rending scream is heard: “A-ah-ah... Not this!” - and the frightened girl flies out of the room. - Rose, is there really anything impossible for you? - the bander asks in surprise. - Madam, he wanted to... Oh, it’s scary to repeat this... - Be brave, Rosochka, be brave! - He wanted... on... on credit!

BINDYUSHNIK a man who was once engaged in cargo transportation on a huge steam-horse cart called a “bindyug”. Currently, B. is synonymous with a rude, uneducated person.

Fedya Trapochka was the last of the binders in Odessa. After the war, he worked part-time and with him this profession died forever.

I beg you, what kind of professor is this? The binder is even better at swearing.

BO- because; otherwise.

Yanka! How many times have I told you: don’t eat shit in the yard, because I won’t give you dinner. Is this your dog or a chocolate factory?

MORE WHOLE- so many.

-Where are you whipping so much? There will be nothing left for the guests. Put down the bottle! - There’s even more left intact. And in general, do they come here to congratulate me or drink?

VALUTCHIK- reseller of currency.

Instead of becoming, like the other boys, a speculator, a bottle collector, a grocery store director, or some other respected person, like a second-hand salesman or even a currency dealer, this disgrace of our yard went to a factory, where he is now striving to receive last year’s salary.

In those years, becoming a foreign exchange trader was as dangerous to health as drinking tap water today.

VASYA- a name that is not in any demand among parents of Odessa babies for several reasons. The first, but far from the main one, is the catchphrase from grandfather Krylov’s fable “And Vaska listens and eats.” The second is based on the now outdated (in connection with a significant change in the ethnic group of the city) oath: May my name be Vasya! There is no need to even remember the tons of jokes about the exploits of the illiterate and limited Vasily Ivanovich, as well as the expression “naked Vasya” (see NAKED VASYA). In addition, the dry cargo ship “Peter Vasev” was called Petin Vasya even before its collision with the “Admiral Nakhimov”, which resulted in the largest tragedy in the history of navigation on the Black Sea. Despite the fact that the tragedy claimed over four hundred human lives, Odessa remained true to itself, immediately spreading a joke around the country: In connection with the entry of the cargo ship Petin Vasya into the Mediterranean Sea, the Seventh American Fleet hastily left these waters.
Abram brought the cat home. - Sarah! Look what a beautiful cat, he will live with us. - What should we call him? - Moishey. - You, mishigene, is it possible to call an animal by a human name? - OK. Let there be Vasya.

TAKE UNDER PROTECTION An ancient Odessa term that is translated into modern Russian as providing a roof. It can also mean basic extortion.

Monsieur Pavlovsky, terrible doubts are swirling among my brain convolutions. Are there really idiots in Odessa who are tired of living with their heads on their throats in order to do things in your gamazine, when everyone knows who took you under protection?

VUYKO S POLONINY The term was coined by E. Simonenko. Odessa is a synonym for such common expressions as Zapadenets, that is, a resident of Western Ukraine, or even a Banderaite. V.S.P. is the character of many old jokes, and to this day they often strike not the eyebrow, but to the point. The long-standing philosophical views of V.S. P. are reflected in some modern Western Ukrainian publications. Such as “Nationalist”, “Naskorana nation”, etc.

Vuiko descended from the meadow to the city. He returned to the village with the black boy. - Vuiko, what kind of guy is this? - I adopted him. - So he’s a black man. - But there is a guarantee that he is not a Jew or a Muscovite.

Vuiko from the meadow waters the flower garden with oil. - Vuiko, what are you doing, the flowers will disappear. “I do what I want, my flowers,” Vuyko answers, and he himself thinks: “The flowers may disappear, but the machine will not rust.”

In Lviv, nationalists are discussing the project of a monument to Petliura. They had already decided that he should be ten meters long, with a saber in his left hand and a noose in his right. But here opinions are divided. Some say that a Jew should hang in the noose, while others want a Muscovite to take his place. Vuiko from the meadow says: - Guys, why are you arguing? Let a Jew hang for one day, and a Muscovite for one day.

WHERE Where.

Where are you going?

GOLD STAR a world-famous corporation in whose fate Odessa played a fatal role. - What did you conjure up for the Kristall company two days before the ruin? Could it be advisable to make a deal with these businessmen from Gold Star? They deliberately attached the name to a well-known company and are fooling the fraters. Are you cutting off friars, not our clients, Madam White Witch? It was necessary to warn Kristall: this distributor is not so much Golden Star as old Goldman with his habits. - What is it? - the white witch raised her voice. - Golden Star was also my client. And he asked for some vital energy to conclude a deal with Crystal. - By the way, “Crystal” paid us grandmas. “Yes,” the white witch answered calmly. - But Golden Star paid more. And then “Crystal” is just as much a swindler as Goldman. There can be no complaints against us. It all came down to timing: which of them would fool the other first. As it should be in business. Is it our fault that Golden Star is a more powerful corporation than Kristall?? ■ For reference. A year after the events described, the non-Odessa company “Gold Star” was forced to change its name and is now called “LG”.

GOP STOP robbery in the street. Not a single self-respecting criminal before 1917 humiliated himself to undress people. Only gopniks once did this, hence the name. Nowadays, this type of robbery, as a rule, is also carried out not by people who deliberately became “under the law”, but by young lovers of easy money, who do not at all dream of turning into professionals, judging by their further sincere confessions, caused by deep remorse in the investigators’ offices.

Three people stop a lone passerby late at night. - Life or wallet? - Give me your wallet, to hell with your lives. For reference. After this dialogue, which took place on one of the Odessa streets, the once catchphrase “Life or wallet” disappeared forever from the lexicon of robbers

GOD GRANT...AND DON’T DENY YOURSELF ANYTHING!

The most polite form of one of the many Odessa good wishes. May God grant our Prime Minister to live on my pension and not deny himself anything.

MAKE MONEY- an innate skill of most Odessa residents, absorbed with the milk of Odessa-mother.

This thickhead didn't know how to do anything, not even money. No, can you imagine this? If his dad knew what kind of shit it would be, he would cum on the wall, and his mother would still run for an abortion just in case.

TO THE FUCK BROWN EYES An expression of absolute indifference. Corresponds to the phrase “Neither warm nor cold” in Russian.

- I don’t care, who will remove the trash from the premises? - Shura asked curiously. - And I have brown eyes until my ass! I came to work here as a clerk, not as a sweeper.

"WILL I LIVE UNTIL THE MORNING?" name of a group of homemade food products. Advertised by the sellers themselves, in accordance with the consumer protection law.

Pies, meat pies! Pies “Will I Live Until Morning?”

BE FRIENDLY WITH HOMES (FAMILY) This seemingly harmless phrase is actually one of the most powerful curses not only addressed to the interlocutor, but also to all his relatives and friends. D. D. is just part of a sentence: - Let's be friends at home. You will come to us for name days, and we will come to your funeral.

INSANE a person whose soul hurts for his work; experiencing anxiety, suffering, worries about the fate of all progressive humanity.

My heart bleeds and my soul ache so much for our brothers from Mozambique that I have no time to go to the doctor.

ZAMKOMPOMORDE Now an obsolete term. This is how the position of deputy commander for maritime affairs was once officially called in the USSR. Z. is just one term from the Newspeak of the twenties of the last century, which aroused great admiration among all Odessa linguists.

“Let's see how you will command after the deputy commander,” is the most harmless of all paraphrases using the expression Z.

BORROW The direct opposite of the interpretation of this word in Russian. Borrow something from someone, but mostly money.

- Rabinovich, borrow a hundred rubles. - Fine. And from whom?

HELLO! the weakest degree of disturbance.

On Privoz. - Young man, why was it necessary to slaughter such a small rabbit, there is almost no meat in it. - Did I hit him? Hello! He himself died.

GOLD (GOLD) The term is derived from the now obsolete expressions “golden company”, “golden miners”, which were often used in a figurative sense already at the beginning of the twentieth century. They, in turn, originated from the word “golden man” - a sewer man. So, if in Odessa they start calling you a “golden man”, “a master of golden hands”, or they give a compliment to your offspring, like: “Gold, not a child”, do not be too happy.

Go to your mother, my darling, because you’ve already taken the illness.

No, my mother-in-law is not gold for me, but real gold. Just like a cousin... And the safest way to store gold is deep underground.

ZUSMAN cold; a surname that was once common in Odessa.

It's five degrees outside as said by Zusman.

AND a connecting conjunction, which in the Odessa language is often placed at the beginning of a sentence.

And when will you stop peeing in the water?

And in order to go crazy, you could come up with something cheaper than getting married.

And these are my children?! Then what are fascists?

GO THROW YOUR HEAD INTO THE DURING!

One of the most powerful insults. Translated into Russian it means: “It’s time for you to return to where you come from, because people like you have nothing to do in this city.” In recent decades, the phrase has become outdated, as life itself has convincingly proven: long ago, Odessa residents themselves had nothing to do in their hometown. –
Are you talking about sirniki matches, you thieves? And to splurge for life with all its hospital consequences? Go throw your head into the manure before I pull my hands out of my pockets!

FUCK YOU Hello (mockingly).
Shred you through the window. Where do you dry your clothes? On the rope, near the oven, so that the thieves don’t smear?

HAVE the most common term in the Odessa language. In colloquial speech it should be used very carefully, since the word I. often serves as a synonym for the overly specific concept of “live.” If you say: “I have a woman from Kaluga itself!”, then everything is clear with your sexual-geographical orientation, but by saying the phrase: “I have a dog,” you can put yourself in an awkward position, unless of course you are a bestiality.

■ Young man! Why are you bothering me with these kopecks? Have shame! I'm not asking for bread, but for vodka..

KEEP IN MIND don't bet on anything.

I had you in mind and close-up!

HOW TO DRINK GIVE certainly. The expression was filled with new meaning in 1941, when the defenders of the besieged city, experiencing a shortage of drinking water, divided it into sips.

Sure enough, he'll be late.

CANTOR In the Catholic Church - a choirmaster, in the Protestant Church - a teacher; choir conductor; organist, in the synagogue - the main singer. Since in Odessa there were not only Catholic, Protestant, Orthodox and other churches, but also mosques, kenas, synagogues and other charitable institutions, in order to eliminate misunderstandings of the term K., citizens and atheists belonging to different religious denominations began to call the cantor the scales.

My Rosochka had such a good cantor. Until she stood on him.

- Zyama, you look like something straight out of an office. Why did you eat such a face? It's hard to get through doors with her. - I'm blowing on you. I'm on a diet now. Every day I go to the doctor, I sit down with the cantor and he says that everything is going well. - So why are you so upset? - Because of the diet. I almost died of hunger. Then I gave the doctor a couple of kopecks and he allowed me to eat as much as I wanted.

KARLA MARKS The creator of the Ghost of Communism, which wandered slightly throughout Europe and quickly moved to Russia for permanent residence. K.M. highly valued Odessa; he wrote that without St. Petersburg and Odessa, Russia would turn into a giant with its legs cut off. Odessa responded to K.M. in return.

- Dad, who is Karla Marx? - Economist. - How is Aunt Tsilya? - Mishigene, Aunt Tsilya, senior economist!

I SWEAR a word used in only one single phrase.

I swear on the health of my neighbors' children!

BY THE WAY, ABOUT BIRDS By the way, about anything except birds.

By the way, about the birds. When we lived in the Soviet Union, Eisenstein’s film “Battleship Potemkin” was one of the ten best films of world cinema. And now the place of “Battleship” in it is taken by “Earth” by Dovzhenko. By the way, about the birds. Do you have any idea what will happen tomorrow regarding the main masterpieces of cinema?

BUY YOURSELF A ROOSTER! don't fool me! Part of the popular Odessa phrase “Buy yourself a rooster and twist his balls.”

A visitor asks an Odessa resident: - Tell me how to get to Sadovaya Street? - So, go a block forward, there is a bookstall, Tanya with a fat ass is working on it, I fucked her last year. You turn right, walk two blocks, you will see Rozochka, who sells pasties, I fucked her too, and you go further and take any tram. When you get to Privoz, you’ll buy yourself a rooster there. - Why do I need a rooster? - So you will fuck his brains and twist his balls, not me. We are standing on Sadovaya Street. This is of course a joke. Because on the houses of Sadovaya Street there are signs with its names. Like on other streets, but only in the very center of the city. As soon as you move a little away from Deribasovskaya, you will find yourself on streets where old signs were removed from houses in the last century, but new ones have not yet been hung. It is clear to Kose that someone wanted to rise up in the production of new, beautiful, metal signs (see RISE), but for some political-economic reasons they could not. For which ones, either guess for yourself, or buy yourself a rooster.

Or will you tell me about Madame Perelman? Is this an elderly person? I laugh twice! This is a plug for any ass! She's a hundred years old on Saturday, and pioneer fires are burning in her ass! Does she see well? But he hears well. Or didn't you see her eyes? Let me tell you, even her pupils have long since taken on the shape of keyholes.

Everyone knows that in Odessa they like to answer a question with a question. A real conversation between two fishermen on the concrete slabs of Arcadia beach. -Will you give me a worm? - Do you need a worm?

Two old women met by chance on the street. One to the other:
-So, how is your health?
-Oh... how it affects me!

Dialogue on Privoz:
- Mila, are the tomatoes already good, or will they be cheaper later?

An acquaintance had to go somewhere by train. My aunt says:
— Wear nicer underwear.
- ??? For what?
- Well, what if a person happens...

The housewife sewed a T-shirt out of panties!

A phrase to a dissatisfied customer: “I had that nail on which the portrait of your grandfather hung.”

Why not when yes?

I saw you walking along Deribasovskaya...

You screwed up and there was no water!

A very good answer to the phrase: “We don’t have the money for this.”
- This is not the money you don’t have.

Well, why are you sitting like Dunka on the samovar?!

Neighbor across the fence to mom:
- Zoya?!
- Huh?!
- Are you home?!

An old Odessa poem that Borya and Styopa are actually the same name:
Borya is Borukhis
Borukhis is Tuhis
Toohis is an ass
And the ass is Styopa

Let's visit each other: you come to us for name days, and we come to your funeral!

In Odessa you would be barely alive!

- “If you agree for me to fry eggs in your lard,
I will allow you to cook your meat in my soup..."

- Oh, I don’t care, as long as YES...

I don’t like you because of your intentions. Do you want to become cooler than Yashka Kosoy? Take into account the local contrasts - download your license - this is not the place for you...

A friend at work had a colleague named Keniksberg. They called him to the phone only: “Comrade Kaliningrad, come to the phone.”

At the Odessa Polytechnic University, students among themselves called Albert Einstein Alik Odnokamushkin.

From the shoemaker:
— When do you need these shoes?
- Already!
- Well, I won’t do it for you yesterday - come tomorrow after five.

One shoemaker friend warned clients: “According to the old shoemaking tradition, shoes that are not picked up before the evening are drunk at night!”

A service house, an old, old Jew was sitting in his closet. One day his mother (according to her stories, she was about 20 years old) brought him shoes that needed to be glued, there was nothing to take to the collective farm... So the uncle looked carefully over his glasses at the shoes, picked the soles and said: “Madam, it’s high time to sell them!”
Since then, in our family, when we talk about something that is long overdue to be thrown away, we say, “It’s time to sell it”...

(Odessa resident about a very healthy guy) - Yes, he could easily clutch a loaf of bread in his fist and ask those around him to guess what was hidden in his hand.

- Hello, tell me how you are!
“I don’t want to upset you, but I’m fine.”

- Now it’s time to decide: either you are a Man, or you are a Girl Natasha!

- Crappy food - crap and mustard. It looks like meat, but I don’t want to eat it.

I’m sitting at the pier, I watch two fishermen coming, I ask:
- And what did you catch?
In response, I immediately teach the answer from one:
- Whale for the balls!
I continue
- And How??
- The bastard left, only the mandavos remained, but the bucket was full! (pointing to a bucket full of bulls)

A neighbor’s grandmother spoke about a man who was tired of her: “Oh, he’s keeping me in Odessa!”

The inscription on the fence in the private sector: “CURSE FOR GARBAGE!”

Girls from Moscow approach a booth in the center of Odessa where cigarettes are sold.
- Please give me 2 packs of “LM”.
Seller from the window:
- The blue ones are over, only the red ones remain, if you want, I can give you this pleasure...

Chaotically remembered Odessa words:

- Thin as Itskov's bitch.
- It wasn’t a beetle that sneezed on the tablecloth!
- So that I don’t get to where I was going
- Dumb as three elephant butts covered with tarpaulin.
- Dumb as a hundred majors.
- Did you get fucked?
— Bekitser
-Where are you going?
— Ketsik (piece)
- Sour in the forelock, sour in the borscht
- Listen here, listen here
— Fulyugan
- It's cold in the head
- These are two big differences
- And what do you know? He (s) does...
- “WEIGHT THE WORLD” - similar to our “Oh my God!”
- Don’t give me years of ruin!!!
-Where are you going?
— Do you play this music? (applies to all instruments)
- These words do not come out of my mouth!
- Mudebeytsaly - eggs (and not chicken or ostrich...)

Reaction to the well-known verdict: - EVERYTHING!
- “That’s it” - when your feet are cold!

In Odessa they don’t say: “Be stingy at the market.” We say: Make a market!
An Odessa woman made a market and, standing in the center of the yard, shares her thoughts with her neighbor:
“I was at Privoz, I bought two kilos of blue ones, I’ll make a stew... A kilo of whips: I’ll fry the older ones, and I’ll boil the younger ones for a side...

An Odessa resident says.
— I was once visiting in Orenburg. We sit and have a nice conversation. There is a question for me, the answer to which I do not know. Can you guess at once what I answered? Correctly, without even thinking too much, in Odessa I answer the question with a question: “Do I know?”
Pause. To my surprise, I notice that my interlocutors are patiently waiting for the continuation of the phrase - What do I know anyway?

In Odessa there was a cafe without a name, but Odessa residents called it “Chernobyl”. It was located under the Kyiv restaurant, hence the apt popular name.
Another nameless establishment was located at the intersection of Karl Marx and Karl Liebknecht streets. The people staunchly called it “Two Charles”.