Real love. This is the kind of man who will truly love you, even in the worst situation.

A woman attracts men with her inner state - in the first place. Appearance, mind, age, social status, qualities of character - all this, in essence, is deeply secondary. What is this state that attracts men (and indeed, all the people around you)? This is your enjoyment of yourself and your life.

If you have learned to enjoy yourself, whether you are working or relaxing, drinking coffee or driving, you will attract the attention and interest of those who are nearby. Enjoying yourself is difficult art, but, having mastered it, you become the strongest magnet.

Love for a man begins with love for yourself. Usually, we want the opposite. When someone loves me, I love myself. But until a Woman has an affair with herself, every man will be only a psychotherapist for her, trying to cure her of her rejection of herself and the fear of being left alone. True, deep love arises from being full of yourself. Then love for a man will be born in its highest manifestation - as a gift of oneself to him, and not as a desperate attempt to be needed by someone in order to feel their own fullness.

A man loves not the woman herself, but his state next to her. That's why Real woman it is: not at all the most beautiful, not at all the most intelligent, and certainly not necessarily the most successful. A woman gives a man not a mind, not beauty, not a body, not success, but STATE. A woman who creates a special state in men - MALE, will always have success and fans. She creates this state by enjoying herself in the company of a man and admiring a man. And a man will be drawn to this special state like a magnet. A real Woman cultivates femininity in herself in order to bestow it on men (beloved, admirers, friends, acquaintances, just passers-by).

The desire to love is born inside. It, as a rule, has nothing to do with whether there are worthy objects for this in the environment of the Woman. When a Woman thinks that “there is no one to choose from”, and that there are no men around her worthy of her love, this may indicate that she is not yet ready to love. She wants something else (to get married, to be "like everyone else", not to be alone, to arrange her life). She may be afraid to love (heart closed by past wounds). And those "unworthy" men who are around only reflect her internal state. As soon as a woman matures to the true deep love, the question "worthy - not worthy" ceases to be of paramount importance. The object (and often very “worthy”) materializes as if by itself.

A woman's generosity for love attracts love to her. If a Woman wants to be loved, she must be able to saturate everything with which she comes into contact with love. Give it, manifest it, talk about it, think about it, enjoy it. What we give to this Universe comes back to us from the Universe. So love comes to a Woman as a response to her ability to give this feeling. If a Woman has created a field of love around herself, she will never be deprived of the love of other people, including men. A woman who is always waiting for love is like a funnel without a bottom that cannot be filled. Love should be an in-breath and an out-breath, not just an in-breath. If you breathe out love, it will find you naturally.

Men are gods. Every man is God. Exactly. You heard right. If he doesn't impress you as God, you are looking through the eyes of a critical mind. God can be manifested in him by 1%. In his life, he has not yet met such a Woman who would inspire faith in himself in him. A real woman sees gods in men. Of course, the Gods have flaws, but don't the Goddesses have them? A real Woman does not compete with men and does not prove her perfection to them. She does not remake them and does not educate them (is it possible to remake God?). She sees all the best that is in each of them. A Real Woman loves, appreciates and respects men GENERALLY as a class. This position creates space in her life for interesting and worthy men.

To charm men, the Woman herself must be charmed. If a woman wants to inspire men, she must be in a state of inspiration herself. If a woman wants to ignite them, she herself must be a small flame. The “enchantment” of a woman is her love for life, for her little secrets, romance and mystery. It doesn’t matter what a woman is fascinated by - her dreams, a new dress, a hairstyle, a book, a movie, or her own memory. Fascination creates Inner Light which is impossible not to feel.

Next to a Real Woman there is always a place for a feat. She creates it. A woman arouses in a man a desire to prove himself strong, not by imposing on him the duty of "you must", but gently inviting him to the fairy tale "The Hero and the Princess." She creates the illusion of touching defenselessness and vulnerability, creating in a man the desire to do things that will result in her enthusiastic eyes and admiration. A woman gradually and imperceptibly prepares internal impulses to perform actions from a man, without doing anything for this, simply being in the form of a fragile young lady.

Real Woman does not participate in feminist women's clubs. There are many such clubs: “Men are Goats”, “Real men have transferred”, “All the worthy ones are busy”, “We are not bad without them” and the like. Also, she does not participate in the women's clubs "It's hard for women", "No one loves me", "I'm waiting for the Prince." A Real Woman will not make generalizations like "All of them ...". She knows that all men are different. Each woman creates her own Universe and there she is surrounded by those men whom she herself attracts into her life. We are always surrounded by our reflections. She will not fan the fire of intersexual enmity and revel in the imperfection of the universe. Discussing her man with her friends, but she will not focus on his shortcomings, criticize and devalue him too much, making him unworthy.

Even hard-hitting things a Real Woman can say. She tells them to men in such a way that it does not lower them, but provokes them to change for the better. It's big women's art- be friendly even when it is necessary to talk about shortcomings and mistakes. What matters is not what a woman says, but how she says it. She speaks with dignity. She knows that even criticism can be presented in such a way that it will inspire a feat. However, she always leaves a man a choice: to change or not.
** took away

I could be with you

I could forget about everything

I could love you...

But this is just a game!

(song of the group "Aria")

Ah, love - love ..! There is not a single person in the world who would not care about her - and not theoretically, but very personally! But, paradoxically, the word "Love" everyone uses, but ask "What is love?"- and almost no one can clearly explain ... This is despite the fact that so much has been written about love and even more works of art have been created - this topic inspires the creators, perhaps more than any other.

To start from something, let's look at Wikipedia, which reflects, perhaps, the most general idea of ​​​​love:

Love- a feeling inherent in a person, a deep attachment to another person or object, a feeling of deep sympathy.

Love is also considered as a philosophical category, in the form of a subjective relationship, an intimate selective feeling directed at the object of love.

Yes, it's stingy... "A feeling of affection and sympathy, selectively directed", but what is it characterized by? - That attachment, that sympathy can have different reasons and motives. For some reason, it always seemed to me that one of the main differences true love- this is its infinity in time, which I later found confirmation in a very authoritative source.
And it also seems to me that Love should transform a person into better side and lead him to - after all, she is so often considered and even "the main creative force in the universe"? That's how romantic I am! :) But first things first.

Love is like a feeling

Once, while rereading the classics, I was surprised to find that in our classical literature there are no cases where strong love has a happy ending. The tales of the Thousand and One Nights and our tales often end with optimistic words: "And they lived happily ever after, and died on the same day".

But those are fairy tales, but ours literary geniuses recognized by connoisseurs human soul and claiming the realism of their creations, they talk about strong love quite different. Remember, from Shakespeare to Pushkin - at least one story of great and passionate love ended well? Either lovers never unite for some reason, or they unite, having overcome many obstacles, but they do not live happily - someone will surely die, for example. Maybe I missed something? You can give an example from the classics to "lived happily ever after"?

It seems to me that it is not without reason that our geniuses are so unanimous on this issue. And they wanted to tell us something, to warn about something ... Question - What? First, let's see what they describe as Love , and what, from their light pen, many consider love?

And they describe some all-consuming feeling, reminiscent of a painful obsession, characterized by the fact that the desire to be with a loved one becomes more important for a lover than anything in the world, even life itself ... He suffers terribly in separation from his beloved and is insanely happy together, and these emotions can push him even crimes "in the name of love ".

This passionate attraction is usually combined with a romantic idealization of the beloved, which acquires downright religious traits— traits of perfection are attributed to him (her) and worship is given as to a god.

It is this characteristic feeling that is familiar to almost everyone and is considered love. As we know today, it can occur not only between a man and a woman, but it always has a hormonal color. And those who survived after it know that it passes after a while - a person “recovers” from it, as from an illness. The time it takes for this is different for everyone and the scars remain, but the fact is that this feeling passes. Which is not surprising: any feeling cannot last long - such is the nature of feelings. But what about infinity, "eternity" true love?

There is an opinion that hormonal-romantic attraction is just "love" characterized by selfish desire "possession" object as opposed to "love" who is sacrificial and forgets herself for the sake of her beloved. But the features of sacrifice are clearly visible in the drug addict love addiction, which is based not only on hormones, but also on deeply hidden and unhealthy psychological factors. And what a sacrifice!

We have already talked in detail about addiction and what to do with it in the article - you can take a look. It seems that the heroes of our literature experienced just such love. Yes, this dependence is much stronger and may last much longer, but it is generally sick! - These are serious mental problems that give rise to a painful obsession with one person. If those doctors who put "love" in the directory of diseases had it in mind, then they are absolutely right!

So, love is a feeling, as in the easy version "falling in love", and in heavy - "dependencies" always accompanied by the fact that a person "out of my mind", the fact that this feeling passes, and, of course, suffering. No wonder in Russian the word "passion" originally had this meaning - "suffering". Therefore, often people who have experienced such “love” are disappointed in it and either declare that they “do not believe in love”, or close the doors and windows of their souls so that this misfortune does not take it into their heads to visit them. And they do it right!

What good is a disease that deprives a person of himself and makes him suffer? There is one plus here - the strong suffering that accompanies such “love” can induce a person to think and grow, but it is suffering, and not this feeling itself. It seems to me that this is not love at all, but its fake, which, perhaps, the classics hint to us. And what do you think?

Love as energy and state

Now books and trainings have become fashionable, mainly for women who teach their followers "to be filled with love". The very verbs that are applied to love in such teachings indicate that they "Love" some "energy", which, like any energy, is quantitatively measurable, can be accumulated and spent, and is absolutely impersonal - not only the object on which it is poured, but also the subject that is filled with it, for it is just a vessel or carrier.

The accumulation of such "love" occurs with the help of quite specific techniques— solid psycho-mechanics! Those who successfully complete such trainings begin to feel in themselves an overflowing bliss and benevolence towards everything and everyone, which pours or radiates around them. And he likes himself, and he is ready to kiss everyone!

There is nothing wrong with that, but he is completely unprepared to be compassionate, for example. His “good” is so valuable to him that he tries to emotionally avoid everything that can violate his bliss. He has to keep himself in a state of “love” all the time through special practices, because at times reality, in the form life problems, it still overtakes - at least at first. Again, there is no question of any personal or moral growth - all care is about maintaining oneself "able".

Probably, both for a person and for those around him, it is better for him to be in such a blissful state than if he were whining and annoyed. But what about here Love if we know that love is after all a “subjective, selective attitude”? Perhaps this state is so named because our language does not have a suitable word for it, or because it has some similarities with what happens in happy moments of love-feeling - the desire to love the whole world.

Such books and trainings are based on either oriental mystical teachings, and they have so much another a look at life and at a person, that it is almost impossible to find analogues for their concepts in our culture. But still, to call this mysterious energy and state "love", in my opinion, it is impossible - if only because of their impersonality.

However, even without Eastern practices it often happens that a person is looking not for another person, but for himself states falling in love. Such a state is also impersonal - it does not matter about whom or next to whom it is experienced. Romantic pleasure and emotional uplift are all these "sighs on the bench and walks under the moon" become valuable in themselves. A person dreams about them, dreaming "about love", and not at all about another person and not about relationships with him.

When real relationship put before him some questions and tasks, when real another person tries to draw his attention to his existence, he immediately "disappointed". Our "lover", who yesterday swore in " eternal love”, declares that “the meeting was a mistake”, refuses this relationship and goes to look for problem-free “sighs” with the other (with the other). Are you familiar with this? This “romance”, no less than dependence, is sung in many of our poems and songs, and it too love cannot be named.

What happens? All the ideas about love that are common among us turn out to be erroneous and do not indicate true love? At least they don't satisfy me. And you? But so far we have analyzed the question only “from the contrary”, that is, what is not love.

But then what is "love" and does it exist at all? I can assure you - there is! But everything does not fit into one article, read in the next. In the meantime, I am very interested in your opinion: do you agree that what is described here is not love? And if you don't agree, why not?

If interested, you can get acquainted with the reflections on the love of the participants competition "What is love?", which was held on this site from May 8 to June 23, 2013. And of course don't forget subscribe to updates so you don't miss anything.

Love is the most amazing and unknown of feelings. It is also the strongest possible driving force our world and the basis of intelligent life. What is true male love?

Men and women love differently. Man's love is physics female love- chemistry. Much more often, both of them give out something completely different for love: falling in love and passion, dependence and jealousy, an escape from loneliness or a need for security. Real love is based on respect and acceptance of a partner for who he is, and usually love sprouts in a relationship far from the first date.

How to determine if a man loves you or not? There are five main signs of male love. If there are at least 3 of them, then you can be sure that the man is seriously passionate about you.

1. A man does not limit communication with you only to have sex.

It would seem like an obvious statement. Moreover, we deliberately "jumped" through the stage of acquaintance and mutual seduction: we are talking about love, not about what precedes it. And the fact is that a loving man wants to do something with a woman. loving man- a person who creates, creates and is active. He creates FOR the woman, he wants to create TOGETHER with her. He sees in a woman not only a lovely mistress (to whom he is attracted, this is not even discussed), but also a friend, and even a business partner. In the most extreme cases, relationships develop into family business, and usually a man will offer his beloved to participate in his plans, projects, goals and dreams. For him it is important.

2. A man cares about you because you believe in him.

That's just how it works. A believing woman for a man is a diamond. He will cherish his jewel and admire it. He will show some elements of care at an early stage, hoping that in front of him is not just a muddy piece of quartz, but something much more beautiful. He is already ready to do a lot for you: give funny ridiculous gifts, carry him through puddles, tell his plans to conquer the world. By doing this, he awakens a reciprocal faith in his talent and masculinity ... or does not awaken. In the second case, most likely, the matter will be limited only to sex. And the first option is a sign of male love, which consists in its strength and protection.

3. A man trusts you immensely.

He is ready to open for you the doors to secret and dark rooms your soul. And he does this not on the first date (looking for a vest for tears or a substitute for a mother - a solver of his childhood problems). With deep trust, the man says: “Look at me from the shadow side, I'm not always good, I'm bad too. Take me like this, my love."

Trust must be backed by respect for your "skeletons in the closet", as well as the absence of unhealthy jealousy of both your past and your present. Then sign of male love number 3 is absolute.

4. A man takes responsibility for the relationship with you.

He introduces you to friends and relatives, declares that you are his woman not only in real life, but also on the Internet. You become an "official couple" and face the opinions of others about this fact. Some of his or your friends will not like it - they will be offended, envious, criticizing, giving stupid advice. All this will fall on the man too. The essence of responsibility is to go through such socialization and systematically move towards your common goals. True love endures even less hardships. And if a man is ready to cope, for example, with conflicting parents for the sake of a relationship with you, then this is obviously a sign of his love.

5. A man is not bored with you

And without you - on the contrary. This, of course, does not mean that you need to spend together 24 hours a day (this is typical of lovers, but not yet loving). Sometimes it’s worth being separated, be sure to have personal territory and the opportunity to spend leisure time without your soul mate. And in such separations you will miss each other much more the right way than when unsure of a partner's love. Personal freedom is a space for love to grow, and any fetters only interfere with it.

When your man is next to you, he is cheerful, joyful and good. You have something to talk about, something to discuss, and something to be politely silent about. You are ready to experiment together, not afraid to be funny and imperfect for each other. And that means you are in love! The most real thing ever!

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You want to have a man in your life who will not call you crazy for those things that are so incomprehensible to him, but have such an effect on you. strong action. He should be someone who can put you at ease when you get home from work. Before he asks you about what happened, he will patiently reassure you to make you feel good. And when you share the reason for your disappointment, he will make you dry your tears and hug you tightly so that you can forget all the pain and disappointment. Yes, he will do this because he wants to make you happy, even if the reason for what happened is incomprehensible to him.

You want someone in your life who will never call you stupid. He shouldn't find it strange when you yell at your phone or computer. He will not allow you to solve your problems on your own and will be at a safe distance while you fight desperately. His comforting presence does not make you ask for help.

You will never feel alone. He will prove it with every moment spent together. You know you can count on him.

You need a person who will never accuse you of being overly emotional. A person who will understand your mood in a given period. He loves you for bringing honesty and clarity to the relationship, and he knows you're only doing it because you're comfortable around him. He will not blame you when you become overly sensitive. Such a person will really love you, even in the worst situation.

You need someone who will work to create a strong relationship. He is someone who wants to be with you and for this he will try to solve all the problems and difficulties that arise. He will try to answer all your questions and make you understand that not all of your feelings are true. He wants long and Serious relationships with you.
You need someone who understands your biggest problems. He never makes fun of you when you're depressed or needlessly worried. He will never tell you that you are a psychopath or crazy. He will understand that at times you have little control over your emotions. He knows at what moments anxiety takes over you, as a result of which you behave quite strangely.

You need a person who is able to freely reveal to you his own emotions. He will be upset without a share of embarrassment at the loss loved one. He won't hide his emotions when he's worried about the plot of that romantic comedy you're watching together. He is a man who does not consider himself less courageous when he shares his most intimate emotions. This person wants you to know everything about him, including his flaws.

Look for someone who will love you unconditionally. He will love you for who you are. your upset appearance does not repulse him, but makes him want to wipe away his tears. For him, this is the meaning of his whole life, and he will do this only because he loves you.

We are constantly haunted by the idea that Love is the only thing that matters. In his article in the journal Family life"Paul Popenoe describes what most people think of romantic love: "Love is an incomprehensible obsession that comes from nowhere and immediately completely takes possession of you, like measles. You recognize it intuitively. If this is a real feeling, you do not have to guess for a long time. You will see it, without a doubt. Love is so important that you should to give up everything for her. It is excusable for a man to leave his wife for love, it is excusable for a woman to leave home and children, for a king the throne. She comes completely unexpectedly, and you can’t do anything. She is not subject to man. " But this is NOT true love! True love is not like that.

Infatuation really arises suddenly, and you can't do anything about it. But true love is committed and selfless love. That's what she's based on. You may wonder why it is necessary to know the difference between infatuation and love? The reason is this: knowing the differences will save you from making a huge mistake. Every year, millions of couples with shining eyes come to church and solemnly swear be in love Each other for the rest of your life. For some of them marriage truly becomes an invaluable asset. For others, he is simply tolerant. But for half of these couples, marriage becomes a real misfortune. After a short period of time, they begin to realize that they can’t stand it at all life together. What's the matter? The difference is that some couples build their marriage on true love, while others build their marriage on infatuation that is fake love. Such marriages do not last long. How to understand the difference? During the Gold Rush, many miners thought they had hit a vein. But later, to their great disappointment, they found out that their find was not real gold, but the worthless mineral pyrite. Pyrite looks very similar to gold, but has no value. It is also called "fool's gold".

As we said, it is NOT easy to tell the difference between infatuation and true love. In his book "Sex, love or infatuation - how to define it?" Dr. Ray Short gives some key tips to help a person examine their feeling and determine if it is real gold. love or "gold for fools" - a simple hobby.

We'll look at 12 of these keys, but first let me point out the following: (1) The order of the keys doesn't matter. Each of them has the same meaning as the others. (2) These keys should not be randomly accepted. You must take into account all 12!

Key #1 What attracts you the most.

Passion: When you are infatuated, you are likely to be more interested in the other person's physique. Beautiful face and a good figure - of course, very attractive qualities, but appearances can be deceiving. It is like wrapping paper wrapped around a gift. It cannot be used to judge what is inside. Moreover, the physical beauty not eternal. Dr. Short says, "Of the dozen school meetings I attended as a young man, I remember only one. "Young people! said the speaker solemnly. - Before marry on a girl because of her pretty face and attractive curves, think about how she will look in 30 years, "And it stopped me" ?

True love: If your love is genuine, you will be interested in the personality of your chosen one as a whole. Surely, physical attraction will also be present in your feelings, but only along with many other attractive qualities for you.

Key #2 How many different qualities attract you to this person?

Hobby: Usually the number of such qualities is small, but they can influence you very much. A guy can go crazy with his girlfriend's smiles or sexy walks.

True Love: When you truly love, you like all or most of the qualities in the other person. Each of us has many characteristic features, your judgments and attitudes How many features do you notice in another, and how many of them do you find attractive? This is important because once the initial excitement after marriage wears off, you'll need a lot of common interests to keep the marriage going and make it a success.

Key #3 How did it start?

Passion: Passion arises quickly. There is no true love at first sight, but passion at first sight can flare up. As one love song says, "the eyes of the lovers met in the crowd, lightning flashed, and they immediately realized that they were made for each other." In reality, they could only understand what they produced on each other. good first impression.

True love: True love always comes slowly. Otherwise it can not be. You have to get to know a person before you can really love them, and that takes time, a lot of time, to really get to know someone. A long courtship is much better than a short one. A year is better than half a year, two years is better than one, three years is better than two, and four is better than three. Three years? Four? Yes, the statistics on this subject are absolutely clear. But most young couples do not want to wait even a year. They are in a hurry to get married own experience convinced of justice old saying: "Hurry - you will make people laugh." If you, on your own head, marry too hastily, then you will have enough time later to regret it.

Key #4 How consistent is your interest?

Infatuation: When you are infatuated, your interest flashes on and off. One of the reasons for this is that infatuation arises too quickly, and therefore its roots are not deep. And in general your relationship superficial.

True love: When you truly love, your feelings will be warm and tender rather than fluctuate from ardent passion to cold indifference, they will be more permanent. True love grows slowly, but its roots are deep.

Key #5 How does the feeling affect you?

Infatuation: Infatuation has a disorganizing effect on your personality. Makes you less responsible and efficient. Romantic feelings completely take over you, and you walk, immersed in dreams. The girl who says "I know he has flaws, but nothing matters but our love" is infatuated... TEMPORARY! When she gets married, she will eventually discover that a lot more matters.

True love: If your love is genuine, your best qualities and you strive to be even better. A guy who really loves says about his girlfriend: "I I love her not only because she is so beautiful, but also because she inspires me to show my best qualities."

Key #6 How do you treat others with this?

Passion: When you are passionate, for you the whole "universe" revolves around one person. The rest of the relationship seems completely unimportant to you. You are even ready to reject relatives and friends. Your feeling becomes the most important thing in your life. It's the only thing that matters to you from now on. You think that for the sake of this delightful "love" that has entered your life, you are forgiven for doing any actions. As we said before, most passions are short-lived, but the mistakes you make while under the influence of this feeling often have lifelong consequences.

True love: When you really love, your beloved person is the most important person in the world for you, but relationships with family and friends do not lose their meaning.

Key #7 How do others view your relationship?

Passion: What others think of your "lover" is a very important test. When you are passionate, it is likely that your parents and many of friends disapprove of this relationship. One of the dangers of infatuation is that you tend to idolize the other person. You do not see the flaws, because "blinded by love." Your Friends trying to point out some danger signs but you ignore them. Your parents lovingly warn you, trying to prevent you from making a big mistake, but you don't listen. Young people sometimes say: "So what? We marry each other, and not relatives and friends." You, too, can take this position, but it is unforgivable stupidity - to neglect the advice of people who love you. Over the years of life, both you and your loved one have developed a certain circle of friends. We all strive to be like those we choose as friends, they become like us. Therefore, your friends are, in a sense, your "mirror". If you are infatuated with someone, friends often do not share such feelings. If they see dangerous signals, you should pay attention to this and listen to their opinion.

True love: When you truly love, more chances that your parents and most of your friends will approve of your choice. For God to bless your marriage, the consent and approval of your parents is very important.

Key #8 How do breakups affect?

Passion: One of the best tests for feeling is the test of distance. If you are simply infatuated, then time and distance will kill your feeling, “This also explains the breakups of those couples whose main interest was physical attractiveness. Over time, another living person nearby will replace the beloved who remains only in the photograph.

True love: When you really love, the absence of a loved one only exacerbates your feeling. True love will surely stand the test of distance and time. It is based not only on the physical attractiveness of a person, it accepts him as a whole, as a person. Time spent together helps you "grow together". Therefore, when you part, you seem to lose your part. Another person, even a very attractive one, cannot fill the void in your heart. Being at a distance, of course, you can experience anxiety and sadness. You will be disturbed by the thought: "What if he (or she) meets someone else?" And this can happen. But if your loved one is able to find happiness with someone else, then it is better to find out about this before, and not after marriage. Therefore, if you have to part, put up with it and do not worry. If your feeling is only infatuation and it won't stand up to such a test, it's best to find out before it's too late.

Key #9 How do disagreements affect feelings?

Hobbies: When you are passionate, you often quarrel. You can put up, but over time, quarrels become more frequent and serious. You become like. two porcupines in the cold. When they are apart, they shiver from the cold, but as soon as they snuggle up to each other, they prick each other with their needles. "Phil and Alice met for more than two years. During this time they quarreled and reconciled at least once a month. Disagreements arose because of any trifle or imaginary insult. Both played out terrible jealousy. And then Maria, best friend Alice tried to open their eyes. Once Alice shared with her the details of the last quarrel and threatened: "Let him just try to get me back! I won't even talk to him!" “I think you will, Alice,” Maria gently addressed her, “but I hope that you firmly say to him:“ Farewell, Phil, it’s over. ”And then she explained her position to her surprised friend:“ You both awaken in each other the worst. You fight because you have nothing else to talk about. Discord, tears and romantic "reconciliation" only relieve you of boredom.

True love: When you are truly in love, you may have disagreements, but true love survives them, and quarrels become less frequent and serious. Every couple should learn how to resolve conflicts. It is much better to discuss disagreements openly and honestly than to let them smolder in the back of your mind.

Key #10 How do you view your relationship?

Passion: When you are infatuated, you tend to think of yourself and your loved one as two people, and accordingly use pronouns in your thoughts and speech: "I", "me", "mine", "he", "his ", or "she", "her". You think of you as two separate individuals. True love: When you really love, you usually use the words: "we", "our", "us". You think of you as one. This key doesn't seem to be as important when you're just dating, but it's hugely important in a marriage. When a marriage is based on passion, a husband and wife may find more pleasure in pursuing different interests than in working together. A husband may want to "go out with friends" more than spend time at home with his family. Or the wife will become more interested in her social connections than in household chores.

In families where true love exists, husband and wife enjoy doing things together. A common answer here is: "I don't want to go if you can't go too."

Key #11 Are you selfish or selfless?

Infatuation: When you are infatuated, your interest in the other person is mostly selfish. A guy can meet a beautiful and noticeable girl, just because it flatters his pride, raises his prestige. She can be capricious and spoiled, but since she is the "queen" of the school, he becomes the "king" next to her. Exactly the same young woman can hold guy"on a leash" not because she is really interested in him, but because his devotion raises her price in the eyes of others. True love: When you are truly in love, you like the person for who they are, not because they can help you assert yourself.

Key #12 What is the basis of your feelings?

Passion: Is your goal to find a person who will devote his entire life to making you happy? Are you taking care of yourself first? If so, then you're just infatuated. Your overall stance is selfish - you care most about what you can get out of this relationship.

True love: Love is selfless and devoted. You strive to do everything possible to bring joy to another. You are primarily interested in what you can give, not receive.

Rate your feeling. Take a sheet of paper and carefully study the keys, starting with the first one. Give each of them an assessment of your feelings. If you want, the keys can show not only whether your love is real, but also a certain degree of your feelings. In most cases, the keys show a mixture of infatuation and true love. So rate each key by ten-point scale. Zero would mean infatuation, and 10 would mean love. For example, looking at Key #1, you might decide, "To be perfectly honest, I was mainly interested in physical attractiveness, so I'll give myself two points." If, when examining key #7, you see that about half of your friends approve of your choice, and half do not, then give yourself five points. When you rate yourself on all twelve keys, add up your points. A total score of 80 or higher indicates that your senses are reasonably reliable. For your part, you can believe that your love can become the basis for a successful marriage. But that's only on your side. The person you love must also take this test and score a large number of points. Love must be mutual. No matter how much you love that person, one-sided love won't help. He should feel the same way in return. If you score between 50 and 80 points, you will need more time to see how your relationship develops. If the score is less than 50, you are only carried away. So try to keep your heart. First of all, do not complicate the relationship with sexual intimacy and do not rush into marriage. Also note the following: High score on this test does not necessarily mean that you are already ready for marriage. First, you may still be too young to get married, even if you score a lot. Secondly, even if you are of the right age, you may simply not know each other well yet. As we said, you need to know each other well for at least two years before thinking about marriage.