On the 40th day after death. Funeral poems

For our people, funerals are an ancient rite that is aimed at remembering a deceased person. It is believed that on the 40th day after death, the soul goes to court, where it is decided where it will end up. There are many superstitions associated with funerals, one of which explains that they are distributed for 40 days after death.

Probably everyone, having lost a loved one, thought about what to do with his things. It is simply impossible to keep them, and it is a pity and even a shame to throw them away, because for someone they were valuable.

What do they give out at funerals for 40 days?

Many different rituals are common among the people, and some of them are, to put it mildly, strange. For example, there is information that after commemoration, it is necessary to distribute to all those present the dishes from which they ate. In fact, this is not only strange, but also dangerous. The whole point is that the dishes are considered a direct participant in the ritual, and if a person takes it with him, he will attract trouble, namely death. Even if some food is taken away, the plate in which it was brought must be returned.

Orthodox traditions have their own version of what is distributed for 40 days and whether this should be done at all. According to existing information, within 40 days after the death of a loved one, it is necessary to sort out and distribute the deceased’s belongings to people in need, asking them to pray for the soul. Such a ritual is considered a good deed, which counts towards deciding the further fate of the soul. You can keep the most valuable things for yourself, some can be taken by relatives and friends, and what is not useful should be taken to.

It is worth noting that the Bible does not say whether it is necessary to give things away after 40 days, so this is a purely personal decision. The only recommendation is that you don’t throw anything away, but rather give things away to those who might still need them.

Funeral 40 days: 7 rules that must be followed when organizing, 10 dishes that can be prepared, 6 prayers that are read for 9 and 40 days, 7 memorial dates in Christianity.

People who do not believe in an afterlife consider death to be the final chord of human existence. Like, he died - and that’s it, nothing was left of him except his grave. And about the immortal soul - this is all nonsense. But even among inveterate atheists, rarely does anyone decide to break funeral traditions.

40 days of commemoration is an opportunity to remember the deceased, drink a glass for the repose of his soul, light a candle in the church, and gather with relatives.

But this date is far from the only one that needs to be dedicated to the deceased.

People say that a person is alive as long as the memory of him is alive.

In the first year, the deceased is remembered quite often not only by grief-stricken loved ones, but also by everyone who takes part in the wake.

Funeral rites are mandatory for Orthodox Christians. They are carried out according to specific rules that you need to know in order to provide peace and grace to the soul of your loved one.

Conventionally, any commemoration can be divided into 2 parts:

Church. This includes a memorial service ordered by relatives in the church and a series of prayers read by those close to the deceased. Unchurched people are afraid of making a mistake, ordering something wrong, doing something wrong. Don’t worry, because any temple will tell you the right decision.
Gastronomic. That is, exactly what we mean when we say the word “commemoration”: a dinner to which people from the close circle of the deceased are invited so that they remember his soul.

Another important point is visiting the cemetery. At a wake, you go “to visit” the deceased in order to:

demonstrate to him that you have not forgotten about him;
tidy up the grave;
bring fresh flowers;
put a treat for the poor, who will eat it with gratitude for the remembrance of the soul.

In the first year there are quite a lot of funerals:

After the burial. It is on the day of the funeral that the first memorial dinner is held, to which everyone who paid their last respects to the deceased in the cemetery is usually invited.
Breakfast. On the morning after the burial, the family goes to the graveyard to take breakfast to the “deceased” and remember him near the grave. No one except the closest relatives is invited to this action.
3 days. This date is important specifically for the family of the deceased. The main stages of the commemoration: visiting the burial and family dinner.
9 days. It is believed that for up to 9 days the human soul lives in the “booths of paradise”, but not yet in heaven. Funeral services are held precisely on the ninth day, because that is how many “angelic ranks” there are.
40 days. According to Christian canons, it was on the 40th day that Jesus Christ ascended to heaven - which is why the date is so important for Christians. Funeral services for the “fortieth birthday” are a prerequisite.
Six months. The date of the funeral is not considered mandatory, and therefore is missed by many. If you want to remember your loved one on this day, visit the cemetery, order a memorial service in the church and sit modestly with your family, remembering the good things about the deceased.
1 year. The last major memorial number. On this day, they not only order a memorial prayer service, but also organize a large dinner in honor of the deceased. Ideally, you should invite everyone who was at the funeral, but if finances do not allow, then you can get by with a smaller number of “guests.”

After a year has passed from the date of death, you can remember your loved one whenever you want (for example, on the day of his birth and death, on other dates that are important to you), ordering memorial services and handing out candy for the repose of the soul. There is no longer any need to organize large feasts.

The most important memorial dates, in addition to the funeral date and 1 year, are the 9th and 40th days. We’ll talk about them in more detail later, because many traditions have been forgotten.

9 days: funeral according to the rules

This is the first of three important memorial dates. There are certain rules and traditions that must be followed.

What does the soul expect from the wake on the 9th day?

According to church dogmas, exactly 9 days are given to a person after death to complete his earthly journey, say goodbye to family and friends whom he had to leave behind and prepare to meet the Lord.

9 is a sacred number in Christianity, because that is how many ranks of angels exist. It is the angels who must bring the spirit of the deceased on the 9th day after death to the Judgment of the Lord, so that her fate is decided: to remain in heaven or go down to hell if her sins are too serious.

But the verdict has not yet been pronounced, and from the 9th to the 40th day the soul will face ordeal. That is why relatives should be especially careful during this period, so as not to aggravate the sins of the deceased with their rash actions. And it’s not just about the proper organization of the funeral.

Of course, you will grieve for your loved one, but it is important that your grief is not so inconsolable that your soul cannot leave this world at all.

Funeral for 9 days according to church canons

Relatives are required to express their grief for the deceased not with endless tears, but with prayers and good deeds.

Required on the day of the funeral:

Book a memorial service at the church.
Hold a service on this day to pray in church for the deceased and light a candle that will light the way for him during the days of ordeal.
Give sweets and money to the poor.

You can make a donation on behalf of the deceased to those in need: to an orphanage or nursing home, hospital, shelter for the homeless, etc.

Be sure to visit the grave on the 9th day to remove dried flowers from the day of the funeral, light a candle, and pray for the soul of the deceased.

If possible, order a litiya - the priest will come and pray at the burial for your loved one. But it is also permissible to read the prayers yourself at the wake.

In addition to the traditional “Our Father,” you can read the following prayers:

God of spirits and all flesh, having trampled down death and abolished the devil, and given life to Thy world! Himself, Lord, give rest to the souls of your departed servants: your most holy patriarchs, your eminence metropolitans, archbishops and bishops, who served you in the priestly, ecclesiastical and monastic ranks; the creators of this holy temple, the Orthodox forefathers, fathers, brothers and sisters, lying here and everywhere; leaders and warriors who laid down their lives for the faith and fatherland, the faithful, who were killed in internecine warfare, drowned, burned, frozen to death, torn to pieces by beasts, suddenly died without repentance and did not have time to reconcile with the Church and with their enemies; in the frenzy of the mind of the suicidal, those for whom we were commanded and asked to pray, for whom there is no one to pray and the faithful, Christian burials deprived of (the name of the rivers) in a bright place, in a green place, in a place of peace, from where illness, sadness and sighing can escape.

Every sin committed by them in word or deed or thought, as a good Lover of mankind, God forgives, as if there is no man who will live and not sin. For You are the only one besides sin, Your righteousness is truth forever, and Your word is truth. For You are the Resurrection, and the Life and Repose of Your departed servants (the name of the rivers), Christ our God, and to You we send glory with Your beginningless Father, and Your Most Holy, and Good, and Life-giving Spirit, now and ever and unto the ages of ages. Amen.

Remember that in prayer it is not so much the words themselves that are important, but sincerity.

40 days of commemoration: everything you need to know about this date

This is the second important date in the tradition of Christian remembrance, which in no case should be ignored if you care about the deceased being well in the next world.

What happens to the soul on the 40th day and does it need a wake?

It is on the 40th day that the soul must hear God’s verdict on where it will be located next: in Heaven or Hell.

It is believed that it is after this time that the soul is completely detached from the body and realizes that it is dead.

The 40th day is the last period when the spirit visits its native places to say goodbye to worldly life, things close and dear to the heart.

Relatives and friends should under no circumstances sob and lament heavily on the day of the funeral, so as not to increase the suffering of an already fragile soul, not to tie it forever to the earth, where it would forever wander between the worlds of the living and the dead.

You can often hear stories that it was on the 40th day that the deceased appeared to his relatives in a dream to say goodbye.

And after this period, you should stop feeling his presence nearby. If this did not happen, then somewhere at the wake you made a mistake, did something to tie the soul of the deceased to the earth.

Consult a priest on how to correct the situation.

Church rules for commemoration for 40 days

The deceased himself is no longer able to change anything, is not able to correct any of the mistakes made during life. But his loved ones can facilitate the transition of a loved one to Paradise with the help of a worthy wake on the 40th day.

Order a magpie from the church and give a donation to the temple. Be sure to pray yourself (in church or at home) in your own words or with the texts of special prayers:

Rest, O Lord, the souls of Your departed servants: my parents, relatives, benefactors (their names), and all Orthodox Christians, and forgive them all sins, voluntary and involuntary, and grant them the Kingdom of Heaven. Amen.

It would not be a bad idea to renounce some of your sins on the 40th day, for example, drunkenness or adultery, in order to make it easier for the dead to pass to heaven, or to make a monetary donation to some charitable foundation.

On the 40th day, in addition to the funeral at home or in some institution, visit the cemetery to:

carry flowers;
light a candle;
give a treat to the poor (if you don’t meet anyone, place a treat on the grave);
pray;
say goodbye for the last time - because soon the soul will finally leave the earth.

Funeral for the deceased

Funeral dinner on the 9th and 40th days

An important part of the memorial day is lunch. It is significant, first of all, for the living, because for the dead, church commemoration and the sincere grief of loved ones are more important.

Remember that neither on the 9th nor on the 40th day are invitations to the funeral sent out. Those who remember the deceased come and want to honor him with their attention. Therefore, commemoration usually takes place in a narrow circle of friends and relatives.

Here are a number of rules that must be followed when organizing funerals on the 9th and 40th days:

Don't chase the amount of food. Don’t set yourself the goal of impressing the “guests”, showing them that you have money, or feeding those present to the fullest. Such pride is a sin from which it is the deceased who will suffer.
Look for a post on the calendar. If the wake falls on the 40th or 9th day during a church fast, give up meat - give it up altogether. Several fish dishes are allowed; the rest of the food should be prepared from vegetables in vegetable oil. If the fast is strict, then dairy products should also be excluded. But even if the wake falls during a period free from food restrictions, do not fill the table with meat. Adhere to a policy of moderation when creating your menu.
Do not place forks on the funeral table. They symbolize the pitchforks that devils use in hell to torment sinners. The main cutlery is spoons, even for main courses and snacks. To the illiterate who are outraged by the lack of forks at a funeral, you can explain why you do what you do.
Begin your meal with the Lord's Prayer. Ask everyone present to pray for a loved one and make the sign of the cross before eating.
Speeches in memory of the deceased should be welcomed by relatives. There is no need to force anyone to speak, but you also cannot prevent people from speaking or rush them to finish their speech quickly. Those present gathered not to eat for the week ahead, but to remember the deceased with a kind word.
Prepare the room where the funeral will take place on the 9th and 40th days. Be sure to include a photo of the deceased with a mourning ribbon. Light a candle or lamp near the image and place a bouquet of flowers. A glass of water, covered with a slice of bread, and cutlery are also placed near the photo so that the deceased eats with everyone else.
Keep order. If you see someone behaving inappropriately (foul language, laughing, talking loudly), carefully reprimand this uncultured person. If this does not work, ask him to leave, explaining that by his behavior he is increasing your grief. But under no circumstances start scandals at a wake - this is a great sin before people, before God, and before the deceased.

Dishes that can be prepared/ordered for funerals on the 9th and 40th day:

Separately, it is necessary to say about alcohol. The Church does not encourage drunkenness at funerals and believes that you can do without alcohol altogether, but people usually have a different opinion and put wine and/or vodka on the table.

It won’t be a big sin if you add alcohol to the funeral menu, but make sure that those present drink no more than three glasses, otherwise the wake will turn into a banal drinking session, during which they will forget why they gathered in the first place.

You can control the amount you drink on the 9th and 40th day after the funeral by limiting the number of bottles on the table. Estimate how many people came to the wake and how many bottles of wine/vodka are needed so that everyone drinks only 3 glasses. Hide the excess and do not give in to requests from drunks, such as: “Bring more alcohol. How can one commemorate Mikhalych on dry terms? He’ll be offended!”

40 days - funerals, which are organized only for those closest to you. It is not so much the feast itself that is important, but the church component of the commemoration and the sincerity of your feelings for the deceased.

The generally accepted tradition of commemorating the dead in folk culture, which dates back almost to the times of ancient Slavic funeral feasts, can be divided into four types:

commemoration on the third day after death (the so-called “tretina”).
on the ninth day (nine).
on the fortieth.
on the anniversary and annual commemoration on the day of the person’s death.

All these commemorations are usually classified as “private”, dedicated to specific people - in contrast to calendar ones, dedicated to all the dead. At their core, they represent a continuation of the funeral rite and in the pagan tradition were considered as a consistent transition of the soul from the world of the living to the world of the dead. Christianity not only accepted this point of view, but also adapted it to its concept, filling each case of private commemoration with sacred meaning. From this position, the most important thing in her tradition is the commemoration on the fortieth day.

Magpies and their meaning in culture

However, it would be wrong to say that the forties acquired any sacred significance only with the Christianization of the Slavs. Even in the pre-Christian era, they were the main date of private commemoration and its final stage, after which only the commemoration of the deceased followed in the first year after death and then annually, which symbolized his joining with all the dead. Thus, among the majority of Slavic peoples he was deprived of individual commemoration. And although, for example, the Serbs could organize private funerals up to the seventh anniversary of the death, and the Bulgarians until the ninth, this was more by choice than by tradition.

The frequency of private funerals among various Slavic tribes (the Slavs could celebrate the twelfth day, the twentieth, and three weeks) was due to the fact that, according to the ideas of that time, until the fortieth day the soul of the deceased was on earth. She can return to the house and yard, from where she left on the third and ninth days (retina and deyatiny, respectively), hovers near the grave, walks where the deceased was during his lifetime. All the ritualism of this period was associated with the stages of the departure of the soul, its farewell and a kind of prevention of the return of the deceased, so that he would not return and in any way begin to annoy the living. In this sense, the forties were something of a final point: if on the third day the soul of the deceased left the house, and on the ninth - the yard, then on the fortieth it finally left the earth. If everything was done correctly and according to tradition, so that the soul remained satisfied with its farewell, then the living could be calm: the deceased became their protector and no longer bothered them.

Christianity supported this tradition, but not only because its distributors aimed to introduce pagans to the new religion in various ways. The Christian tradition had its own meaning for the fortieth day, largely formed under the influence of the funeral customs of the Middle Eastern tribes. For example, according to the Bible, the fortieth day is:

day of the ascension of Jesus Christ.
the day of the third repose of the soul before God, which finally determines its afterlife fate and the place where it will remain until the Last Judgment.
the last day of mourning for the forefather Jacob and the prophet Moses.
the last day of fasting, after which Moses received from God the tablets of the Covenant with the Ten Commandments.
the day when the prophet Elijah reached Mount Horeb (Sinai).

It is not difficult to see some very significant intersections between Christian and pagan Slavic ideas about the fortieth day, due to which at one time there was a relatively easy adaptation of one culture to another in this regard.

Order of remembrance

Folk traditions of commemorating the deceased on the fortieth day, which were called differently in different localities, are already so intertwined with church traditions that it is almost impossible to separate them from each other. Very often, old people living in villages and talking about the customs of the fortieth day call those traditions that are essentially pagan in their essence church traditions. Perhaps this reflected the adaptation of Christianity to pagan consciousness, when priests in certain localities were forced to turn a blind eye to many customs, or even participate in their observance, thereby unwittingly sanctifying this or that tradition with their authority. A common practice in all regions was to place a “memory” on the window near the red corner or on the table for the deceased and the ancestors who could visit him on that day to remember him. Pomin consisted of bread or a pancake and a glass of water (over time, sophisticatedly turned into a glass of vodka), which was changed daily by pouring the old one out the window. In the Smolensk region, this commemoration was accompanied by an unlit candle.

In addition, in many areas the following customs were followed:

make the bed for the deceased on the bench/bed where he slept. After the fortieth day, it was taken to church or distributed to the poor. In addition, the ban on lying down alive in this place or occupying it in any other way was lifted.
hang a towel by the window in the house or on the street so that the soul can dry itself. After forty, they did the same thing with him as with the bed.
hang a spruce paw outside so that the deceased can recognize his home, and those passing by so that he can be remembered, and a towel/ribbon/cord, which was used to tie the hands and feet of a deceased person at a funeral. After the funeral, they were taken to the graveyard or burned.
visit the cemetery and arrange a wake right there, inviting those who dug the grave on the day of the funeral (Smolensk region).

On the eve of the forties in some areas it was customary:

to heat a bathhouse (in Zaonezhye), and also to go to the cemetery, remove wreaths from the grave and burn them, thereby symbolizing the last day of grief for the deceased. Particularly earnest lamentation was associated with him during the wake on the fortieth day.
pour the millet, where the candle stood for all forty days, onto the grave or behind the back gate “for the birds” along with reading a prayer, standing facing towards the sunset (Vladimir region).
organize night vigils with the reading of prayers and spiritual poems and a funeral dinner, which then turned into a wake in the cemetery and a funeral meal at home (Smolensk region).
bake cookies in the form of a “staircase” with seven jumper steps along which the soul rises to heaven, and after lunch go to the cemetery, seeing off the soul (some southern Russian regions).
treat all residents of the village (Ryazan region) with jelly and satoy (honey diluted with water) near the gate.
Having bowed three times, eat and distribute drachens, pancakes, kanun (northwestern regions, possibly Ryazan region) at crossroads.
open the gates and bow with lamentations to all directions of the world, starting from the east (Tambov region).

In addition, as we have already mentioned, many prohibitions on mourning were lifted, which was customary to observe until the fortieth day (in fact, mourning itself was, by and large, considered completed). For example, after the forties it was allowed:

touch and decorate the grave.
leaving the house empty and locking it.
touch the clothes of the deceased.
turn off the lights (in some areas).
to lie down/on the bed/bench that the deceased occupied during his lifetime (and even more so to sleep on it).
remove mourning decorations from the house, remove curtains from mirrors and reflective objects.
distribute or even burn the clothes of the deceased.

The official church, of course, disapproved of such customs, considering them relics of paganism and pointing out that the only thing you need to do on the fortieth day, besides the wake, is prayers in order to atone for the sins of the deceased and ease his afterlife. However, she did not prohibit these manifestations of grief, preferring to explain to her parishioners the features of commemoration on the fortieth day according to Christian canons. It was especially pointed out:

modesty and restraint in the preparation and decoration of the funeral meal.
avoidance of alcohol.
the undesirability of eating a funeral dinner in a cemetery.
avoiding, if possible, excessive grief for the deceased, especially its external manifestations.

This position of Orthodox clergy has been preserved to this day, and it should be noted that many psychics agree with it (especially its last point). In their opinion, the deceased becomes very uncomfortable when relatives mourn them too much. Sometimes the deceased may even come to them in a dream with a request to “let him go” and not to grieve for him so much, because he is “wet to lie.” You can have different attitudes to the opinion of psychics, but in any case, in our opinion, this is a good reason to think about the acceptable degree of grief for the deceased for the living.

Menu forties

As for the question of what the funeral meal should be on the fortieth day, the answer is extremely simple: the funeral table, which is made by the relatives of the deceased on the day of the funeral, is taken as a model. Its mandatory elements must be the following:

Kutya with honey is a porridge made from wheat grains, pearl barley or barley, which were eventually replaced by rice. When preparing it, you can also use poppy seeds, raisins, nuts, milk, jam, and sometimes bird cherry. Kutya on the funeral table is a symbol of resurrection and the cycle of life, and by eating it, a person, as it were, partakes of this cycle and becomes part of it. Each of its elements not only symbolizes something different, but is also something like a wish for prosperity, sweetness, pleasure and a high harvest. It is allowed to cook both rich kutia, which includes all of the above components, and poor one. There is no single recipe for kutya; all recipes are similar to each other, but at the same time they differ depending on the regions.
meat broth with meatballs, noodle soup or borscht - again, depending on where you live.
rich (or lean) pancakes. The fundamental difference between them is that lean pancakes are made not with milk, but with water.
potatoes with meat, usually stewed or mashed, served as a side dish. If desired, this dish can be replaced with buckwheat porridge.
cutlets or chicken.
some fish dish, usually fried fish.
dried fruit compote or jelly.

Optional elements of the fortieth day menu, which can be prepared at will and if possible, are:

pies with rice, mushrooms or cottage cheese or pies with potatoes and sour cream (lately this element has become a regular feature).
sliced cheese or sausage (except during fasting, when these products are prohibited).
one or two salads from fresh vegetables.
the deceased's favorite dish. However, if it is too difficult to prepare or exotic - for example, foie gras with white wine - then it is better not to cook it. Folk tradition calls for modesty, and the Orthodox Church completely agrees with it on this.
the vinaigrette.
Olivie.
various snacks and salads.
various pickles.

They also prepare special memorial bags with sweets (sweets and cookies), which are given to each departing guest after the end of the meal. Following folk tradition, it is imperative to ensure that there is an even number of sweets and cookies in these bags. You can complement this sweet memorial set with a Lenten bun.

Usually, relatives and closest friends of the deceased are invited to fortieth celebrations, and ideally, everyone who treated him well. At the same time, it doesn’t hurt to approach the organization of a wake rationally and figure out how many people can be treated to a funeral dinner without unduly burdening the family budget (alas, no one has canceled the harsh reality, not even God’s representatives on this sinful earth). The same applies not only to the number of guests, but also to the formation of the menu: you should not amaze the guests with the abundance and variety of treats. If the wake falls on days of fasting, then it goes without saying that there should be no meat dishes on the funeral menu. In this case, the borscht can be cooked lean, replacing the meat with beans or mushrooms, and it would be appropriate to replace the mashed potatoes with buckwheat porridge, which we have already mentioned. The same applies to pancakes: taking into account the obligatory nature of this symbolic dish on the funeral table, priests recommend making them not fast, but fast. It is also advisable not to hold funeral services on weekdays of Lent, but to move them forward to the next weekend. If the fortieth day falls on Easter or on any day of the Easter week, then it is best to move it a week ahead, to the beginning of Radonitsa. It is recommended to do the same if this day falls on Christmas: move it a week ahead, after consulting with the priest.

Some funeral table recipes

Of course, every housewife wants to diversify the strict funeral meal with something special in order, on the one hand, to please the soul of the deceased (especially if he loved to eat deliciously during his lifetime), and on the other hand, to please relatives and guests invited to the funeral. However, it is not at all necessary to turn a funeral dinner into a feast like the same ancient Slavic funeral feast, investing almost all your savings in it. It will be quite sufficient to add one or two treats from the optional to the dishes from the mandatory and generally accepted menu. And to make the preparation of these dishes easier, we will be happy to share recipes for some that will certainly diversify your table.

There is no need to dwell on how to prepare the same mashed potatoes with meat or Olivier salad. And here, for example, is a recipe for preparing such a snack as ham rolls:

thinly slice 300 gr. ham (if you purchased it whole).
prepare the filling: hard-boil 3 eggs, separate the yolks from the whites and grate them into different bowls (whites on a coarse grater, yolks on a fine grater); On the same coarse grater, grate 2 processed cheese or 200 grams. hard cheese; wash, dry and finely chop the greens; Peel and squeeze 2 cloves of garlic through a garlic squeezer.
combine all the filling components (except the yolks), add mayonnaise and mix well.
arrange the ham, placing 1 tbsp/dec. on the edge of each slice. spoon of filling and roll into a roll.
Dip each roll in mayonnaise and roll in grated yolks.
Place lettuce leaves on a plate, place rolls on them and garnish with herbs.

Or - an equally simple snack called “tomatoes with fish salad”:

Wash 5-6 tomatoes, cut off their tops and carefully scoop out the pulp using a teaspoon.
Boil and grate (or chop) 5 eggs, mixing them with tomato pulp.
mash the contents of 1 can of canned food in oil with a fork, season it with mayonnaise and, if desired, add a little finely grated cheese, then salt, pepper and add herbs.
combine and mix grated eggs and canned food.
salt the tomatoes inside and fill them with filling, then place on a plate and garnish with herbs, if desired - with handfuls of grated cheese or green peas.

Finally, here is the recipe for the “ladder” cookies we already mentioned:

make the starter: stir 1 package of dry yeast with 5 tbsp. l. sugar, add 300 ml to the mixture. warmed milk, 3 eggs and 50 gr. butter, then add 3 tbsp. l. flour, mix and place in a warm place for 30 minutes.
sprinkle half a kilogram of fresh or frozen berries with sugar to taste (you can use any variety). If desired, you can keep them on low heat for a while.
sift the remaining flour (the recipe calls for half a kilogram of flour in total), pour it into a container, make a well in the middle and gradually add the starter.
mix everything, sprinkle flour on top so that the dough does not dry out, and put in a warm, wind-free place for another 2-3 hours, kneading it two more times during this time.
When the dough is ready, roll it in flour mixed with aromatic seasonings, then divide into two parts. Make a cake from one, and a ladder from the second.
Place the berries on the flatbread, cover it with a ladder, decorate it with berries and raisins, brush with yolk or milk, leave for 15-20 minutes. and then place in the oven at +200 for 20 minutes.

One very interesting custom of fortune telling is associated with these cookies, which, perhaps, very clearly shows how folk traditions have mixed with religious ideas. In the old days, they threw it from the bell tower and, based on the number of pieces into which it scattered, they guessed about the future fate of the soul of the deceased person. If several pieces fell off the ladder, then heaven was destined for the soul, since it was believed that the deceased led a righteous lifestyle; if the ladder shattered into small pieces, then the deceased was a sinner and his relatives faced long days of prayer to ease the afterlife fate of his soul.

Conclusion

Without a doubt, everyone knows the pain and grief associated with the loss of people close to them. Usually in such situations any words seem banal and unnecessary, but without them it would be much worse to experience such tragedies. The death of a person creates such a strange state when you want to be alone and at the same time strive for other close people so that they share this grief. From this point of view, a wake for the deceased can be considered not only as a tribute to tradition, but also as a kind of psychotherapeutic event.

It is generally accepted that wakes are needed more for the living than for the dead. This is partly true: the dead are alive in memory and will be alive as long as they are remembered. On the other hand, for believers there is no doubt that their spiritual assistance to deceased people in the form of commemorations and prayers really helps their souls after death to find a well-deserved place in heaven. A wake is, first of all, an opportunity for all his close people to gather at one table, remember the deceased with a kind word (for example, about the good deeds he did, about good character traits), pray for him and rejoice that his soul has finally found peace . Therefore, the Church calls:

do not turn funeral dinners on any day - whether the ninth or the fortieth - into celebrations of the belly.
do not conduct conversations on everyday or abstract topics at the table on this day and do not allow the wake to develop into an exchange of gossip or a quarrel.
behave modestly, sedately and reservedly.
give everyone who wants the opportunity to make a memorial speech (in practice, it turns into a memorial toast).
Be sure to pray before the start of the meal and at the very end. In addition, if the deceased was baptized, it would not be superfluous to submit a note “On repose” to the church on this day.

And finally, before starting lunch, it is advisable to sprinkle the kutya with holy water.

40 days after death, what does this date mean for the soul of the deceased person and his loved ones? They may drag on forever or pass too quickly. Everyone goes through the stages of grief differently. But we know that after death a person’s soul meets with the Heavenly Father. And we can help the soul of the deceased pass post-mortem tests. That is why it is so important to pray for a person even after his death. But how to do it right? How to behave so that prayer for the deceased is pleasing to God? In this article, we tried to collect answers to frequently asked questions about why it is customary to remember deceased relatives and loved ones on 40 days after death.

What does 40 days after death mean?

40 days is an important period that appears frequently in biblical history. Prophet Moses fasted for 40 days before receiving the tablets of the Law. The Israelites wandered in the desert for 40 days before they came to the promised land.

According to Orthodox tradition, after death a person’s soul does not immediately go to heaven or hell. For three days after death, the soul remains next to the body and does not immediately leave everything earthly. Only on the third day does the Guardian Angel take the soul of a person and show it the heavenly abodes. This time will not last long, only until the ninth day, when the soul of a person appears before God and under the weight of unrepentant sins, this meeting can be difficult for the deceased. That is why the prayerful support of loved ones is so important. Of course, God is merciful, but we cannot imagine Heavenly Father the way we imagine a person. It may be difficult for the soul to face the perfect creator from the awareness of its unworthiness. Until the 40th day, a person sees what hell is, life without God.

What happens to the soul of the deceased 40 days after death

On the 40th day after death, it is determined where the person’s soul will reside - in the heavenly abodes or in hell. We don't know exactly what heaven and hell look like, but we have the promise that in hell a person's soul suffers. This decision remains in force until the Last Judgment. We assume that it is especially difficult for a person’s soul at these moments, which is why prayer support for those who remain in earthly life and are worried about the deceased is so important. Man’s sins create obstacles for him to meet joyfully with the Lord. But the Guardian Angel and the prayers of loved ones help the soul pass difficult trials, which last from 9 to 40 days after death. This is also important for loved ones. After the death of a dear person, we can no longer do anything for him except prayers. We can express our love to a person who has gone into Eternity only through prayer.

Funeral service for 40 days after death

Until the 40th day after death, the soul undergoes trials and ordeals. These days, a person is forced to answer for the sins that he committed during his life without repenting of them. On day 40, the Church tries to help a person when he meets the Lord and on the day his future fate is determined. To pay tribute to the good deeds performed by a person during his lifetime, memorial services are organized where the relatives of the deceased can remember the good deeds of the person and find words of consolation for each other. In the Orthodox tradition, death is considered grief and an inevitable consequence of the fact that evil has come into this world, so grief over the death of a person is natural. The Lord created us all for eternal life. But we know that Jesus Christ, the Son of God, came to give us Eternal life, therefore despair and despondency do not accompany the Christian’s transition from earthly life to Eternity. It is very important that in difficult times there is someone next to the loved ones of the deceased who could find words and consolation and reminders of the Eternal Life that the Lord has given us. For someone to pray for the soul of a person next to the mourners. But swearing and arguing at a person’s funeral, memories of past grievances are completely inappropriate.

Relatives at a wake are united by a joint meal. Orthodox funerals do not involve the consumption of alcohol. It is customary to dress modestly, in dark-colored clothing. One of the dishes of the funeral meal is kutia - porridge, which is prepared from whole grains of wheat, barley, rice or other cereals. Nuts, raisins or other sweets are added to kutya. The dish is topped with honey and kutia is served at the very beginning of the funeral meal. If the commemoration of the deceased occurred during fasting, the dishes at the funeral table should be lean. The meal ends with pancakes or pancakes, if church regulations allow this on a particular day. At funerals, as a rule, they drink compote. The memory of the deceased is sometimes honored with a minute of silence.

Is it possible to remember 40 days earlier?

For 40 days after death, relatives mourn the deceased and intensively help him with prayer. 3, 9 and 40 days after death are especially celebrated, because it is on these days, according to the teachings of the Orthodox Church, that important events occur with the human soul. Especially on the 40th day, when the fate of a person before the Last Judgment is decided. You can remember a person in prayer on any day, but it is these milestones in saying goodbye to a person that are considered important. You can always go to the cemetery and pray for the deceased through the rite of cell prayer for the laity. The most important thing for a person’s soul is prayer; all other worldly traditions are secondary. There are also exceptions:

If 40 days after death fall on the last week before Easter and the first Sunday after Easter week. There are no memorial services held on Easter itself. On Christmas and other twelve holidays, it is also not customary to serve a memorial service, but, in agreement with the priest, a litiya is read.

40 days after death - what should the relatives of the deceased do?

40 days after death is an important milestone in saying goodbye to the Deceased. On this day, a funeral service is ordered in the Church. The funeral table is being assembled. They read prayers for the deceased privately. Unfortunately, there are many superstitions and worldly traditions that are often attributed to the Church. Questions are often asked: “Is it possible to clean up before 40 days after death? Is it possible to distribute the deceased’s belongings?” The church charter does not prohibit cleaning and there are no special instructions on how to deal with the things of the deceased, because everything related to the material world no longer matters for a person who has passed into Eternal Life. The main thing we can do is to pray and not desecrate the memory of a person with memories of his bad deeds or past grievances against him.

What prayers to read up to 40 days after death

The rite of litia (zealous prayer) performed by a layman at home and in the cemetery
Through the prayers of the saints, our fathers, Lord Jesus Christ our God, have mercy on us. Amen.
Glory to Thee, our God, glory to Thee.
Heavenly King, Comforter, Soul of Truth, Who is everywhere and fulfills everything. Treasure of good things and life to the Giver, come and dwell in us, and cleanse us from all filth, and save, O Blessed One, our souls.
Holy God, Holy Mighty, Holy Immortal, have mercy on us. (Read three times, with the sign of the cross and bow from the waist.)

Most Holy Trinity, have mercy on us; Lord, cleanse our sins; Master, forgive our iniquities; Holy One, visit and heal our infirmities, for Thy name's sake.
Lord have mercy. (Thrice.)
Glory to the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages. Amen.
Our Father, who art in heaven! Hallowed be Thy name, Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, as it is in heaven and on earth. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our debts, just as we forgive our debtors; and do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.
Lord have mercy. (12 times.)
Come, let us worship our King God. (Bow.)
Come, let us worship and fall down before Christ, our King God. (Bow.)
Come, let us bow and fall down to Christ Himself, the King and our God. (Bow.)

Living in the help of the Most High, he will settle in the shelter of the Heavenly God. Says the Lord: Thou art my Protector and my Refuge. My God, and I trust in Him. For He will deliver you from the snare of the trap, and from rebellious words, His splash will overshadow you, and under His wing you hope: His truth will surround you with weapons. Do not be afraid from the fear of the night, from the arrow that flies during the day, from the thing that passes in darkness, from the cloak, and from the demon of the midday. Thousands will fall from your country, and darkness will fall at your right hand, but it will not come close to you, otherwise you will look at your eyes, and you will see the reward of sinners. For You, O Lord, are my hope, You have made the Most High your refuge. Evil will not come to you, and wound will not approach your body, as His Angel commanded you to keep you in all your ways. They will lift you up in their arms, but not when you dash your foot on a stone, step on an asp and a basilisk, and cross a lion and a serpent. For I have trusted in Me, and I will deliver, and I will cover, and because I have known My name. He will call to Me, and I will hear him: I am with him in sorrow, I will overcome him, and I will glorify him, I will fill him with long days, and I will show him My salvation.
Glory to the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages. Amen.
Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia, glory to Thee, O God (three times).
From the spirits of the righteous who have passed away, rest the soul of Your servant, O Savior, preserving it in the blessed life that belongs to You, O Lover of Mankind.
In Thy resting place, O Lord, where Thy holiness rests, rest also the soul of Thy servant, for Thou art the only Lover of mankind.
Glory to the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit: You are God, who descended into hell and loosed the bonds of those who were bound. May you and your servant rest in peace.
And now and ever and unto ages of ages. Amen: One Pure and Immaculate Virgin, who gave birth to God without a seed, pray for his soul to be saved.

Kontakion, tone 8:
With the saints, rest, O Christ, the soul of Your servant, where there is no sickness, no sorrow, no sighing, but endless life.

Ikos:
Thou art the One Immortal One, who created and created man: we were created on earth from the earth, and let us go to the same earth, as Thou Who Created me commanded, and who gave unto me: as Thou art the earth, and thou hast gone to the earth, and even as men shall go, weeping at the grave, creating a song: Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia.
We magnify You, the most honorable Cherub and the most glorious without comparison Seraphim, who gave birth to God the Word without corruption.
Glory to the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages. Amen.
Lord, have mercy (three times), bless.
Through the prayers of the saints, our fathers, Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on us. Amen.
In blessed dormition, grant eternal peace. Lord, Thy departed servant (name) and create for him eternal memory.
Eternal memory (three times).
His soul will dwell in the good, and his memory throughout generation and generation.

Memorial service for 40 days

There are prayers that can be said for the soul of the deceased by lay people and prayers that are performed on the 40th day after death in the temple. The memorial service is read both on the 3rd and 9th day after death. This service begins in the evening and continues throughout the night. This service moves into Matins. Unfortunately, you can only pray for some of the deceased in private. The Church cannot pray for those who during their lifetime did not want this prayer, since faith is an act of good will. You cannot order a memorial service for a person who has not been baptized, for blasphemers and for people who committed suicide without suffering from mental illness.

Even if the Church for some reason cannot pray for the deceased, loved ones can always pray in home prayer and hope for the mercy of the Lord.

Great requiem service - O Lord, rest the souls of your departed servants (Assumption Church, Yekaterinburg)

Another important tradition for 40 days is holding a wake. Prayer for the 40th day can be either at home or in church. Day 40 I received everything I was supposed to. Don't view the 40 days as an opportunity to gather with friends and family. And according to another popular belief, it is on the 40th day of the wake that the soul returns to its home for the whole day, and leaves only after it has been carried out.

Until the 40th day of the funeral, the deceased is called newly deceased, and on the 40th day of the funeral itself, a magpie or memorial service is additionally ordered from the church, for which money must be paid. And the memorial days, which fell on the first week after Easter (Bright Week) and on Monday of the second Easter week, were transferred to a special day of commemoration of Radonitsa.

Funerals on the 3rd and 9th day after death

Sometimes this glass of vodka was left until the 40th day of death, and when the vodka dwindled, they said that the deceased was drinking it. Also, sometimes they left vodka with a snack at the grave itself. It was also considered a rule not to install a permanent monument on a grave earlier than a year from the date of death. At this point, the holding of wakes dedicated to death often ended, and then mainly traditional wakes were held on common parental days and church holidays equated to them.

We are doubly happy about even negative reviews, they allow us to become better every day and do more for you. Good afternoon Svetlana, I sincerely sympathize with you. And soon it will be 40 days. I was told that I need to give someone all the clothes from head to toe, please tell me can I give all this to a blood person or should I just give it to a stranger.

That is, at a minimum, he should not then make a cult of veneration and remembrance in his home from these things and then cry all day long and remember the departed. It will be very bad on all sides, both for him and for the departed. According to Orthodox traditions, on the fortieth day the fate of a person’s soul is decided. And if the soul itself is no longer able to change and correct anything for the sake of a better fate, then the relatives of the deceased can do this.

Sometimes they even carefully prepared for such a coming of the soul, making the bed in the evening with a white sheet and covering it with a blanket. Often at the table all the deceased ancestors and relatives were remembered at the same time, and the recently deceased himself was imagined as incarnated and being together with everyone at the common table. Often the owners even bowed and addressed the empty space for the deceased with the words “Eat up, dear.” Often they also left a glass of vodka and a piece of black bread, but this is also an echo of pagan rituals.

How to spend 40 days after the death of a loved one in a Christian way?

Therefore, especially if the deceased did not drink alcohol or eat black bread, performing this ritual in this form is simply strange and not even entirely adequate. In theory, such “secret” alms obligated neighbors to pray for the deceased, and even those who took this alms accepted a portion of the sins of the deceased’s soul. Sometimes wooden spoons were distributed to the guests of the wake, and when people subsequently ate with these spoons, while eating, they involuntarily remembered the person in whose honor the wake was held.

40 days and 1 year (anniversary)

Sometimes all the clocks in the house were stopped and the mirrors were curtained for mourning. Women were required to wear a headscarf, and men often wore mourning only on important dates and during burials, and wore ordinary clothes the rest of the time. Since ancient times, the Slavs held their general commemorations of the ancestors of their clan also on approximately the same dates, of which Maslenitsa and Rodonitsa were considered the most important for commemoration.

The most important funeral meal was usually held on the fortieth day of the funeral. 40 days from the date of death is a very important and responsible date, because it is on this day, according to Orthodox canons, that the soul of the deceased is given a verdict regarding its future location. The first and most important thing to do not only on this particular day, but also on all previous ones is to pray. This was done because large Divine Liturgies and memorial services are held on weekends.