Godparents and godchildren: informal relationships. Godfather

", published by the Sretensky Monastery Publishing House, provides in an accessible form the initial knowledge necessary for those who are preparing for the Sacrament of Baptism or are just beginning to live an Orthodox life. The book presents the main provisions of our faith, talks about the Sacraments, the commandments of God and prayer.

When I have to baptize an adult, most often I perform the sacrament of Baptism without godparents. Because godparents, or godparents, are necessarily needed only for children. When an adult is baptized, he himself can say that he believes in the Lord Jesus Christ as his Savior and wants to accept Holy Baptism in order to save his soul. He himself can answer the priest’s questions and promise fidelity to Christ. Of course, it is good when next to the adult person being baptized there is an Orthodox church person who can become his successor and help him take his first steps in church and teach him the basics of faith. But I repeat, for an adult it is not necessary to have godparents.

Why are receivers needed at all? Godparents are those people who, due to the minority of their godchildren, make vows of Holy Baptism for them, a promise of fidelity to God. For their spiritual children, they renounce Satan, unite with Christ and confess their faith, reading the Creed for them. We baptize most people in infancy, that is, at an age when the child does not yet have conscious faith and cannot answer how he believes. His godparents do this for him. We baptize children according to the faith of their recipients and according to the faith of their parents as the closest people. Therefore, both bear a huge responsibility. Godparents are not just family friends, they are not some kind of “wedding generals” standing at the sacrament with an “Honorary Witness” ribbon, as happens at weddings. No, godparents are very responsible persons; they become guarantors before God for the souls of their godchildren. At the moment of baptism, together with their parents, in front of the Cross and the Gospel lying on a lectern, they make a promise to God Himself. What promise? That they will make every effort so that the newly baptized baby grows up to be a believer, an Orthodox person. Their duty now is to pray for their spiritual children, teach them prayers, instruct them in the Orthodox faith and take them to church to receive communion, and then, after seven years, to confess. So that when their godson reaches adulthood, he already knows how to pray to God, knows what we believe in and why we go to church. Of course, the greatest responsibility for the Christian upbringing of children lies with the parents, but godparents can also greatly influence their godchildren and become their spiritual teachers and mentors.

Many parents approach the Baptism of their children quite formally and choose godparents in the same formal manner.

Now a little about the sad things. Most modern godparents are very poorly prepared. Unfortunately, many parents approach the sacrament of Baptism of their children completely formally and choose godparents in the same formal manner. After all, a godfather should not just be a good person, with whom we enjoy communicating, our friend or relative - he should be an Orthodox person, a churchgoer and someone who knows his faith. How can we teach someone the basics of faith if we ourselves don’t even know the basics, haven’t read the Gospel, don’t know prayers? Indeed, in any field, if a person knows something well, for example, knows how to drive a car, work on a computer, solve mathematical problems, do repairs, he can teach this to others, pass on his knowledge. And if he himself knows nothing in this area, who can he teach?

If you are godparents and feel a lack of knowledge in the spiritual field (and none of us can say that he has fully studied the Orthodox faith, for it is an inexhaustible reservoir of spiritual wisdom), it is necessary to fill this gap. You need to educate yourself. Believe me, there is nothing complicated about this, especially now, when no one forbids us to read any spiritual literature and when books, brochures, and CDs telling about the Orthodox faith are sold in all churches and bookstores. The Lord reveals himself to everyone who turns to Him, at any age. My grandfather received Baptism at the age of 70 and then mastered the basics of the Orthodox faith so well that he could even teach and mentor others.

You need to start spiritual education with the very beginning, basic books, such as “The Law of God”, “First Steps in an Orthodox Church” and others. You definitely need to read the Gospel; you can start with the “Gospel of Mark”, it is the shortest, only 16 chapters, and was written specifically for new pagan Christians.

The godfather must live according to the commandments of God, pray to God and receive communion

The recipient must know the Creed and read it at baptism; this prayer book briefly outlines the Orthodox faith, and the godfather must know what he believes. And of course, the godfather must live according to God’s commandments, pray to God and receive communion. According to church canons, a child is entitled to one godfather, of the same gender as the person being baptized, but our Russian tradition presupposes two godparents - a man and a woman. They must not be married to each other. Godparents then cannot marry or marry their godchildren. The child's father and mother cannot be his godparents, but other relatives: grandparents, uncles and aunts, brothers and sisters may well become godparents. Recipients, preparing for the sacrament of Baptism, must confess and partake of the Holy Mysteries of Christ.

A young couple gathered to baptize their baby. And then there’s a sea of ​​questions: who should we take as godparents? How to baptize? Where to contact? What is needed for that? The questions were sorted out, the child was christened. And now there’s a new dilemma: who is the godfather of the child’s father? And the godmother is the baby's mother? They became relatives, and that’s understandable. Just what are these relatives called? Now we'll find out everything.

How godparents are chosen

I would like to apologize to the readers for the above story. He could be called funny if he weren't so sad. The story was published in the book of priest Yaroslav Shipov. And it is truthful.

A man comes to church. From among the villagers. He needs to talk to his father. They called the priest from the altar, and the visitor right off the bat. And he has a wild question: is it possible to baptize his son again? The priest, of course, did not allow it. They are baptized once and for life. But I couldn’t resist asking: what is the reason for this decision? To which I received the answer: you can’t drink with your current godparents. The godmother drank herself to death, and the godfather quit.

We in no way want to say that our dear readers baptize children just for the sake of such gatherings. This is completely absurd. But let's think about how we choose godparents for our children. What are we guided by?

1. Firstly, we trust those people who should become godparents.
2. Secondly, we know: if something happens to us, the godparents will not leave the baby, they will take care of him.
3. And thirdly, many godparents help godchildren financially. They buy expensive gifts, go out and entertain them. In general, they relieve parents of part of the costs.

Well, they are good people, of course, the chosen godparents.

That's all true. Just absolutely not the right approach. And before we figure out who the godfather is to the child’s parents, let’s find out how to choose godparents.

What should we be guided by?

The godfather is the child's successor before God. And his task includes responsibility for the spiritual education of his godson.

Spiritual education does not mean helping parents financially and physically. No, no one cancels or prohibits this. But the main task is to accustom the godson to the faith, to raise him in the bosom of the church. In other words, the godfather is responsible for the spiritual life of his successor. And it is he who must instill in his godson the love of God.

Therefore, when we choose godparents, we must pay attention to the fact that they are believers. Not just baptized, but familiar with church life from the inside. Otherwise, what can godparents who don’t know a single prayer teach a child? And, by the way, they have a very big responsibility. They will answer before God for their godchildren.

Responsibilities of godparents to the parents of the godson

Who is the godfather of the child's father? A real godfather. It is believed that from the moment the baby is baptized, godparents and blood parents become related. Even if they are not related by blood.

This is not entirely true. The godfather has no responsibilities to the parents, other than raising the godson in the faith. By and large, helping them support the child is not within his competence. Responsibility for his spiritual development is a different matter. And feeding, drinking, clothing is the task of parents. Godparents and blood parents do not become relatives. Spiritual kinship arises only between the recipient and his ward.

Misconceptions about godparents

Who is the godmother to the child's father? Kumoi. What do you need to know about misconceptions related in one way or another to godfathers?

1. An unmarried girl cannot have a girl baptized. Supposedly she gives her her happiness. This is all nonsense. Of course, when a godfather has a husband and children, she is more experienced in everyday life. And he knows how to raise children. But she may be completely unskilled in faith. Just as an unmarried girl can be a believer and instill in her goddaughter the love of God.
2. The same nonsense with an unmarried guy. He can’t baptize the boy, he’s giving up his fate. Don't believe it. This is bullshit.
3. Pregnant women are prohibited from becoming godparents. Either the child will be stillborn, or the godson will die. It would be difficult to think of anything more stupid. The only point is that it will be difficult for a woman preparing to become a mother to devote time to the spiritual education of her godson. Only because of this is it more appropriate to abandon the title of godmother.
4. If a child cries during baptism, God does not accept him. Where this nonsense came from is unknown. But you can still encounter this savagery. The aunties and grandmothers who are at the christening begin to gasp and wail. Like, our little baby is crying a lot. It's not the baby who's bad, it's the aunties and grandmothers who have problems. The child is simply scared, hot, and his mother is not around. So he cries.
5. If you don’t enter into an intimate relationship with your godfather, your life is over. Yes, there is an opinion that godparents are simply obliged to sleep with each other. It is unacceptable. Godparents do not have the right to enter into an intimate relationship with each other, the godson’s parents, or the godson himself. This is a great sin, for which one is excommunicated from the church.

How to prepare for christening?

Who is the daughter's godfather to her blood father? We found this out - godfather. Now let's talk about how godmothers prepare for christenings.

The following responsibilities fall on the shoulders of godparents:

• purchase of a cross, baptismal shirt;
• payment for christening;
• expenses for candles and other paraphernalia.

Parents are responsible for the festive table. Should I give gifts to godparents? And should godparents give gifts to their ward and his parents? This is at the discretion of each of them. Do you have the opportunity and desire? Why not give a gift.

Before christening, future recipients undergo a course of mandatory lectures. Now this condition has been introduced in almost all churches. You will have to listen to at least three lectures.

How to negotiate a christening

Godfather is the one who is the father of the godson to the godfather. And he negotiates with the priest about the baby’s christening.

How to do it? Come to church, preferably on Sunday. You defend the service. No time? Then come to the end of the service. Ask to call the priest for the candle box. And you say that you want to become a godfather, you need to baptize the child.

The priest will tell you everything else: when to come to public conversations, how to behave at baptism, what prayers to learn before baptism.

It is important

We found out who the godfather is to the child's father and mother. What should I do with my godmother? Imagine the situation: you have attended a course of lectures, and a christening day has been set. Father is waiting, the guests have gathered. And the future godmother’s critical days have come.

At this time, a woman must not enter the temple or begin any sacraments. This includes baptism. Therefore, to avoid embarrassment, look at the women's calendar in advance. And ask to schedule a christening after a week of illness has passed. According to church rules, a woman is considered unclean for a week.

And one more thing: come to the christening in a skirt or dress. There must be a scarf on the head. Godfathers come in trousers. Frivolous outfits, such as shorts, are prohibited. Shoulders and arms must be covered, so wrestling jerseys are abolished.

Conclusion

So we talked about who the godfather is to the father of the child. Remember: godparents and blood parents are godfathers. The godfather is the godfather. The godmother is, accordingly, godfather.

The material examined the main misconceptions associated with godparents. It also tells how to prepare for christening, what the actions of godparents are and what obligations they have to the parents of their receiver.

Christ's.

After the baby is immersed in the baptismal font, the godfather receives him from the hands of the priest. Hence the Slavic name - receiver. Thus, he takes upon himself the responsibility for life to raise the child in the Orthodox spirit, and the answer for this upbringing will be given at the Last Judgment.

During the Baptism of infants, the recipients recite (confess) the Creed in their place, pronounce vows and take care of teaching faith and morality to those received by them (;,).

The custom of having a recipient at Baptism dates back to the most ancient Apostolic Tradition.

The presence of two receivers is a Russian tradition. According to the rules of the Church, one godfather is enough: a godfather for a boy and a godmother for a girl. In practice, gender mismatch is tolerated.

In the Sacrament of Baptism, the godparents promise God to bring the baby to Him. It's important to remember this.

Who can be godfather

– The godfather (father) must be an Orthodox Christian. A godfather cannot be from the Church (who does not regularly receive communion), a representative of another religion, or an atheist. The recipient is required not only to know and read it at Baptism, but also to spiritually educate the godson in the future, and daily prayer for him.

– The godfather must be a churchgoer, ready to regularly take his godson to church and raise him in the Christian faith.

– After the Sacrament of Baptism has been performed, the godfather cannot be changed, even if he has gone missing or fallen from the faith.

– Pregnant and unmarried women can be godparents to both boys and girls.

– The father and mother of a child cannot be godparents, and a husband and wife cannot be godparents for one child; other relatives - grandmothers, aunts and even older brothers and sisters can be godparents.

– A person should only have one godparent. According to , only one recipient is considered necessary - a man for a male person being baptized or a woman for a female person. The presence of a second godfather is an unwritten, albeit ancient, custom of the Church.

– Monks and nuns are not allowed to be ordained.

– The rite of the Sacrament of Baptism assumes the presence of recipients in person during its celebration. As a last resort, the Baptism of infants is allowed even without godparents, then the priest himself is considered the godfather.

– Marriages between the baptized person and the recipient are prohibited: the recipient cannot marry his spiritual daughter, and the godfather cannot marry the widowed mother of his spiritual daughter ().

It is reckless to invite a non-church person to be godparents: what can someone who does not know the subject teach? It’s like choosing a guide on a dangerous journey, where the price at stake is life (in our case, Eternal), a rogue who does not know the route.
It is also unreasonable for a church person to take vows before God to raise a child in the Christian faith, whose parents are not only outside the Church, but also do not intend to become a church member, to instill their child in Christ the Savior.
If you are invited to be a foster parent by parents who are not only not against baptizing a child, but are themselves ready to become members of the church community, then it is reasonable, before taking your own vows, to make your parents vow to fulfill the Commandments, to pray daily for their children, come to church with them, try to give them communion weekly. Ideally, it would be good to advise parents to go to Sunday school or catechesis classes: after a couple of classes it will be clear whether they are serious about spiritual life, or whether they view Baptism as a magical rite.

According to the ancient church rule, during the Baptism of infants, only one recipient was considered necessary - a man for a male person being baptized or a woman for a female person (Great Trebnik, Chapter 5, “see”). The rule about “being one recipient at Baptism” belonged to the first centuries of Christianity and was strictly observed in the Eastern and Western Churches until the 9th century. In our time, the custom of having two godparents at Baptism has become widespread: the godfather and the godmother.

Only Orthodox recipients or recipients have ecclesiastical significance. Their names are remembered in prayers and included in certificates of Baptism. Receiver " represents the face of the person being baptized and makes vows to God for him, makes, confesses the symbol and is obliged to instruct the adopted son in the faith and law of God, which neither an ignoramus in the faith nor a non-believer can do"(Book on the positions of parish elders, 80).
According to the practice of the ancient Church, just as non-Christians are never allowed to adopt children, it is also indecent for an Orthodox Christian to be the foster child of non-Christian parents, except in those cases when the children are baptized into the Orthodox faith. The canons of the Church also do not provide for such a case as participation in baptism as a recipient of a person.

The insane, completely ignorant of the faith, as well as criminals, obvious sinners, and those who came to church while drunk cannot be recipients. For example, those who, due to negligence, have not attended confession and Holy Communion for a long time cannot give guidance and edification in life to their godchildren. Minors (under 14 years of age) cannot be recipients, since they are still incapable of teaching and are not firm in their understanding of the faith and power of the Sacrament (except in those cases when it is completely impossible to have an adult recipient).

Ancient Russia did not know such a rule that would eliminate monks from succession. It is known that the godfathers of our Russian grand ducal and royal children were mostly monks. Only later were monks prohibited from succession because it involves the monk in communication with the world (Nomocanon at the Great Trebnik). Parents cannot be recipients of their own children from the baptismal font. It is inconvenient for a woman who is in normal purification to be a recipient. In such cases, you can postpone Baptism or invite another recipient.

Church rules do not prohibit siblings, father and daughter, or mother and son from being the adoptive parents of the same baby. Currently, priests do not allow husband and wife to share the same child. In order to prevent violations of existing rules regarding godparents, the priest usually learns in advance from parents who they want to have as godparents for their children.

Prayers for godchildren

Prayer for children and godchildren, father

Sweetest Jesus! God of my heart! You gave me children according to the flesh, they are Yours according to your soul. You redeemed both my soul and theirs with Your priceless Blood. For the sake of Your Divine Blood, I beg You, my sweetest Savior, with Your grace touch the hearts of my children (names) and my godchildren (names), protect them with Your Divine fear, keep them from bad inclinations and habits, direct them to the bright path of life, truth and of good. Decorate their lives with everything good and saving, arrange their fate as You yourself want and save their souls with their own destinies! Lord, God of our fathers! Give to my children (names) and godchildren (names) a right heart to keep Your commandments, Your revelations and Your statutes. And do it all! Amen.

On raising children as good Christians: Parents' prayer to the Lord God

God, our merciful and heavenly Father!
Have mercy on our children (names) and godchildren (names), for whom we humbly pray to You and whom we entrust to Your care and protection.
Put strong faith in them, teach them to revere You and deign them to deeply love You, our Creator and Savior.
Guide them, God, on the path of truth and goodness, so that they do everything for the glory of Your name.
Teach them to live piously and virtuously, to be good Christians and useful people.
Give them mental and physical health and success in their work.
Deliver them from the cunning machinations of the devil, from numerous temptations, from evil passions and from all wicked and disorderly people.
For the sake of Your Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, through the prayers of His Most Pure Mother and all the saints, lead them to the quiet haven of Your eternal Kingdom, so that they, along with all the righteous, will always thank You with Your only begotten Son and Your life-giving Spirit.
Amen.

Prayer to the Lord God, composed by the venerable

Lord, You are the only One who weighs everything, who is able to do everything, and who wants to save everyone and come to the mind of Truth. Enlighten my children (names) with the knowledge of Thy truth and Thy Holy will, strengthen them to walk according to Thy commandments and have mercy on me, a sinner.
Amen.
Merciful Lord, Jesus Christ, I entrust to You my children whom You have given to me, fulfill my prayer.
I ask You, Lord, save them in the ways that You Yourself know. Save them from vices, evil, pride, and let nothing that is contrary to You touch their souls. But grant them faith, love and hope for salvation, and may their life path be holy and blameless before God.
Bless them, Lord, may they strive every minute of their lives to fulfill Your Holy will, so that You, Lord, may always abide with them by Your Holy Spirit.
Lord, teach them to pray to You, so that prayer may be their support, joy in sorrow and consolation of their life, and so that we, their parents, may be saved by their prayer.
May Your angels always protect them.
May my children be sensitive to the grief of their neighbors, and may they fulfill Your commandment of love. And if they sin, then grant them, Lord, to bring repentance to You, and You, in Your ineffable mercy, forgive them.
When their earthly life ends, then take them to Your Heavenly Abodes, where let them lead with them other Your chosen servants.
Through the prayers of Your Most Pure Mother, Theotokos and Ever-Virgin Mary and Your saints (all holy families are listed), Lord, have mercy on us, as You are glorified with Your Beginningless Son and with Your Most Holy and Good and Life-giving Spirit, now and ever, and unto the ages of ages.
Amen.

Does it really teach that marriage between godparents is inadmissible according to Article 211 of the Nomocanon?

Obstacles to marriage and adoption at baptism. Grigorovsky S.P. Publishing Council of the Russian Orthodox Church. 2007. With the blessing of His Holiness Patriarch Alexy II. pp. 49-51. Quote from there:

« At present, Article 211 of the Nomocanon [which states the inadmissibility of marriage between recipients] has no practical significance and should be considered abolished... Since during baptism it is enough to have one recipient or one recipient, depending on the gender of the person being baptized, there is no reason to consider the recipients to be in any spiritual relationship and therefore prohibit them from marrying each other».

Prof. Pavlov, in his course on Church law, comments on the problem of spiritual kinship between the recipient and the recipient of one child and the marriage between them:

“...several rules of apocryphal origin and strange content (for example, rule 211, prohibiting a husband and wife from being the adoptive parents of the same baby, on pain of being separated from their marital cohabitation). Already in the first years of its existence, the Holy Synod began to regard such rules with great doubt and often made decisions directly contrary to them, especially in matters of marriage.”

In December 2017, the Council of Bishops of the Russian Orthodox Church adopted a document stating: “ Marriages between recipients can be performed with the blessing of the diocesan bishop (taking into account the decree of the Holy Synod of December 31, 1837)".

Can pregnant and unmarried women become godparents?

Pregnant and unmarried women can be godparents of both boys and girls; there are no canonical prohibitions on this. All prohibitions relate exclusively to dense folk superstitions and have no force for Christians.

At what age do you not need a godfather?

Persons over 14 years of age.

How to baptize a child if one or more family members are against it?

– You should try to bring such people to a meeting with the priest. The main thing here is to understand what is inside a person, why he refuses to baptize his child. If people are atheists, it can be difficult to convince them to give up their views. But it is still possible to convince of the need for a calm and loyal attitude towards the fact of a child’s baptism.

The sacrament of baptism is a great event in the life of every person, and especially for a child. All obligations that recipients undertake before God are very serious and responsible. That's why (this is very important) godparents, responsibilities who understand this responsibility, must convey to their godfather all the knowledge about the saving Sacraments of the Church, such as Confession and Communion, as well as convey knowledge about the meaning of worship. The responsibilities of godparents also include passing on knowledge about the meaning of the church calendar, the miracles of church icons and other shrines.

Responsibilities of godparents - how to do it correctly and what to do?

As soon as the child plunges into the font, from that moment on, responsibility passes to the recipients. Now the “second” parents will have to attend church and services together with the baby, teach
comply with the Church Rules. But the main thing is to pray for your godson both in joy and in sorrow. Always be there in difficult times. What exactly are the main responsibilities of godparents at baptism? They must give them more from the font or help them find a new path in life. The godfather must buy a cross. As a rule, a chain is not bought, since according to customs the baby wears a cross on a string or ribbon. Just like every conscious believer, recipients need to know the following prayers: “Our Father”, “Creed”, “Virgin Mother of God”!

Parents, as well as the godson, must be prepared for the Sacrament of baptism. Recipients must know the basics of Orthodox teaching, as well as have a pious attitude towards the rules of Christian piety. Such important events as Fasting, Confession and Communion for godparents are not strictly obligatory, but the believer must adhere to them. All this must be competently transferred to the godson. If he is a baby, then love for the church will be instilled from a conscious age. A very good sign will be the reading of the Creed prayer by one of the recipients. For a godson, the prayer is read according to gender: for a girl - the godmother, for a boy - the father.

Before Baptism, it is advisable to confess, because it is important that not only your thoughts are pure, but also your soul. There must be blessed crosses on the body. Those invited must bring donations to the church. This is not necessary, but you should not neglect customs.

Godparents should know about such responsibilities!

From this day on, the godparents must protect the godson from all kinds of temptations and enticements. This is precisely what is most dangerous for children and adolescents. In the future, a godparent can help with choosing a profession. Important will be advice when choosing a life partner. The Russian Church teaches that it is the chosen successors who prepare the wedding for the godson. It is worth noting that even in case of physical suffering, godparents should provide assistance and this is done first, and brothers, sisters, grandparents help only then! Spiritual connection is stronger than physical!

The responsibilities of godparents for a girl are no different from those for a boy. However, girls are given a little more attention, as they are taught humility and faith, which directly leads to submission. For a girl, the chosen godmother is the second closest person, because she can replace the physical mother. The mother's responsibilities include buying a kryzhma or rizka - this is a special towel in which the baby is wrapped after the bath.

If godparents take their responsibilities lightly, then this becomes a grave spiritual sin. This is what will pass on to the fate of the chosen godson. Do not become a godson if you cannot take on such great responsibility; you should not accept the invitation to become a second godson. Physical parents should also not take rejection as neglect or insult. After all godparents responsibilities must be performed fully and with a pure soul.

Please note that all people must be churchgoers, otherwise: how can a godson go to church with his godparent? All main
the positions that should be instilled in the godson are love, humility, forbearance, patience and continuous work in the spiritual education of your child - all these are the main ones responsibilities of godparents! All this is also the main proof of the truth of Orthodoxy for the godson and for his successors.

You can learn in advance how to behave correctly in church during the Sacrament of Baptism. Mainly, you need to buy the right baptismal set. If one of the parents buys it, it will not be considered a mistake. What is important is the meaning of the reception itself; presence during the celebration of the Sacrament is important. Of course, both parents must give their consent. Without godparents, baptism is performed only in special cases, for example, if the child's life may be in serious danger.

More about godparents

The sacrament of baptism relates a person to the One Apostolic Church. Orthodox teaching has its own certain doctrinal principles, from which one cannot deviate. That is why only people of the same faith can become guarantors of a godson. The recipients assume the responsibility to educate only the Orthodox faith. A person with other religions simply cannot do this.

As soon as baptism takes place, parents and baby will become spiritually closer and become related. This is mandatory; godparents fulfill their duties in full. And such spiritual kinship belongs to the first degree and is fully recognized by the church and its canons!

It is worth noting that such a relationship becomes stronger than biological. Between themselves, these two concepts become practically incompatible. An important point is that parents who adopt a child cannot become godparents for him. This is explained by the fact that they will find the closest family connection with each other and will not be able to continue their marital cohabitation.

Godparents: who can become a godparent? What do godmothers and godfathers need to know? How many godchildren can you have? The answers are in the article!

Briefly:

• The godfather, or godfather, must be Orthodox Christian. A godfather cannot be a Catholic, a Muslim, or a very good atheist, because main responsibility godfather - to help the child grow in the Orthodox faith.
• There must be a godfather church man, ready to regularly take his godson to church and monitor his Christian upbringing.
• After baptism has been performed, godfather cannot be changed, but if the godfather has changed greatly for the worse, the godson and his family should pray for him.
• Pregnant and unmarried women CAN to be godparents of both boys and girls - do not listen to superstitious fears!
• Godparents the child's father and mother cannot be, and husband and wife cannot be godparents of the same child. other relatives - grandmothers, aunts and even older brothers and sisters can be godparents.

Many of us were baptized in infancy and no longer remember how it happened. And then one day we are invited to become a godmother or godfather, or perhaps even more joyfully - our own child is born. Then we think once again about what the Sacrament of Baptism is, whether we can become godparents to someone and how we can choose godparents for our child.

Answers from Rev. Maxim Kozlov on questions about the responsibilities of godparents from the “Tatiana’s Day” website.

– I was invited to become godfather. What will I have to do?

– Being a godfather is both an honor and responsibility.

Godmothers and fathers, participating in the Sacrament, take responsibility for the little member of the Church, so they must be Orthodox people. Godparents, of course, should be a person who also has some experience of church life and will help the parents raise the baby in faith, piety and purity.

During the celebration of the Sacrament over the baby, the godfather (of the same gender as the child) will hold him in his arms, pronounce on his behalf the Creed and vows of renunciation of Satan and union with Christ. Read more about the procedure for performing Baptism.

The main thing in which the godfather can and should help and in which he undertakes an obligation is not only to be present at Baptism, but also then to help the one received from the font to grow, strengthen in church life, and in no case limit your Christianity only to the fact of Baptism. According to the teachings of the Church, for the way we took care of fulfilling these duties, we will be held accountable on the day of the last judgment, just as for the upbringing of our own children. Therefore, of course, the responsibility is very, very great.

– What should I give to my godson?

– Of course, you can give your godson a cross and a chain, and it doesn’t matter what they are made of; the main thing is that the cross be of the traditional form accepted in the Orthodox Church.

In the old days, there was a traditional church gift for christening - a silver spoon, which was called a “tooth gift”; it was the first spoon that was used when feeding a child, when he began to eat from a spoon.

– How can I choose godparents for my child?

– Firstly, godparents must be baptized, church-going Orthodox Christians.

The main thing is that the criterion for your choice of godfather or godmother is whether this person will subsequently be able to help you in a good, Christian upbringing received from the font, and not just in practical circumstances. And, of course, an important criterion should be the degree of our acquaintance and simply the friendliness of our relationship. Think about whether the godparents you choose will be the child’s church teachers or not.

– Is it possible for a person to have only one godparent?

- Yes it is possible. It is only important that the godparent be of the same gender as the godson.

– If one of the godparents cannot be present at the Sacrament of Baptism, is it possible to carry out the ceremony without him, but register him as a godparent?

– Until 1917, there was a practice of absentee godparents, but it was applied only to members of the imperial family, when they, as a sign of royal or grand-ducal favor, agreed to be considered the godparents of a particular baby. If we are talking about a similar situation, do so, but if not, then it is perhaps better to proceed from generally accepted practice.

– Who can’t be a godfather?

- Of course, non-Christians - atheists, Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, and so on - cannot be godparents, no matter how close friends the child’s parents are and no matter how pleasant people they are to talk to.

An exceptional situation - if there are no close people close to Orthodoxy, and you are confident in the good morals of a non-Orthodox Christian - then the practice of our Church allows one of the godparents to be a representative of another Christian denomination: Catholic or Protestant.

According to the wise tradition of the Russian Orthodox Church, a husband and wife cannot be godparents of the same child. Therefore, it is worth considering if you and the person with whom you want to start a family are invited to become adoptive parents.

– Which relative can be godfather?

– An aunt or uncle, grandmother or grandfather can become the adoptive parents of their little relatives. You just need to remember that a husband and wife cannot be godparents of one child. However, it’s worth thinking about this: our close relatives will still take care of the child and help us raise him. In this case, aren’t we depriving the little person of love and care, because he could have one or two more adult Orthodox friends to whom he could turn throughout his life. This is especially important during the period when the child seeks authority outside the family. At this time, the godfather, without in any way opposing himself to the parents, could become the person whom the teenager trusts, from whom he asks for advice even about what he does not dare to tell his loved ones.

– Is it possible to refuse godparents? Or baptize a child for the purpose of normal upbringing in the faith?

– In any case, a child cannot be re-baptized, because the Sacrament of Baptism is performed once, and no sins of either godparents, or his natural parents, or even the person himself can cancel all those grace-filled gifts that are given to a person in the Sacrament of Baptism.

As for communication with godparents, then, of course, betrayal of faith, that is, falling away into one or another heterodox confession - Catholicism, Protestantism, especially falling into one or another non-Christian religion, atheism, a blatantly ungodly way of life - essentially speaks of that the person failed to fulfill his responsibility as a godfather. The spiritual union concluded in this sense in the Sacrament of Baptism can be considered dissolved by the godmother or godfather, and you can ask another church-going pious person to take a blessing from his confessor to take care of the godfather or godmother for this or that child.

“I was invited to be the girl’s godmother, but everyone tells me that the boy must be baptized first.” Is it so?

– The superstitious idea that a girl should have a boy as her first godson and that a baby girl taken from the font will become an obstacle to her subsequent marriage has no Christian roots and is an absolute fabrication that an Orthodox Christian woman should not be guided by.

– They say that one of the godparents must be married and have children. Is it so?

– On the one hand, the opinion that one of the godparents must be married and have children is a superstition, just like the idea that a girl who received a girl from the font will either not get married herself, or this will affect her fate some kind of imprint.

On the other hand, one can see a certain kind of sobriety in this opinion, if one does not approach it with a superstitious interpretation. Of course, it would be reasonable if people (or at least one of the godparents) who have sufficient life experience, who themselves already have the skill of raising children in faith and piety, and who have something to share with the baby’s physical parents, are chosen as godparents for the baby. And it would be highly desirable to look for such a godfather.

– Can a pregnant woman be a godmother?

– Church statutes do not prevent a pregnant woman from being a godmother. The only thing I urge you to think about is whether you have the strength and determination to share the love for your own child with the love for the adopted baby, whether you will have time to care for him, to advise the baby’s parents, to sometimes pray warmly for him , bring to the temple, somehow be a good older friend. If you are more or less confident in yourself and circumstances allow, then nothing prevents you from becoming a godmother, but in all other cases, it may be better to measure seven times before cutting once.

About godparents

Natalia Sukhinina

“I recently got into a conversation with a woman on the train, or rather, we even got into an argument. She argued that godparents, like father and mother, are obliged to raise their godson. But I don’t agree: a mother is a mother, whoever she allows to interfere in the child’s upbringing. I also once had a godson when I was young, but our paths diverged long ago, I don’t know where he lives now. And she, this woman, says that now I will have to answer for him. Responsible for someone else's child? I can’t believe it..."

(From a letter from a reader)

It so happened, and my life paths veered in a completely different direction from my godparents. Where they are now, how they live, and whether they are alive at all, I don’t know. I couldn’t even remember their names; I was baptized a long time ago, in infancy. I asked my parents, but they themselves don’t remember, they shrugged their shoulders, they said that people lived next door at that time, and they were invited to be godparents.

Where are they now, what are their names, do you remember?

To be honest, for me this circumstance was never a flaw, I grew up and grew up without godparents. No, I was lying, it happened once, I was jealous. A school friend was getting married and received a gossamer-thin gold chain as a wedding gift. The godmother gave it to us, she boasted, who could not even dream of such chains. That's when I became jealous. If I had a godmother, maybe I would...
Now, of course, having lived and thought about it, I am very sorry about my random “father and mother”, who are not even in my mind, that I remember them now in these lines. I remember without reproach, with regret. And, of course, in a dispute between my reader and a fellow traveler on the train, I am completely on the side of the fellow traveler. She's right. We must answer for the godsons and goddaughters who have fled from their parents’ nests, because they are not random people in our lives, but our children, spiritual children, godparents.

Who doesn't know this picture?

Dressed up people stand aside in the temple. The center of attention is a baby in lush lace, they pass him from hand to hand, go out with him, distract him so that he does not cry. They are waiting for the christening. They look at their watches and get nervous.

Godmothers and fathers can be recognized immediately. They are somehow especially focused and important. They are in a hurry to get their wallet to pay for the upcoming christening, give some orders, rustle with bags of baptismal robes and fresh diapers. The little man does not understand anything, gawking at the wall frescoes, at the lights of the chandelier, at the “persons accompanying him,” among which the godfather’s face is one of many. But when the priest invites you, it’s time. They fussed, became agitated, the godparents tried their best to maintain importance, but it didn’t work, because for them, as well as for their godson, today’s entrance into God’s temple is a significant event.
“When was the last time you were in church?” the priest will ask. They will shrug their shoulders in embarrassment. He may not ask, of course. But even if he doesn’t ask, you can still easily determine from the awkwardness and tension that the godparents are not church people, and only the event in which they were invited to participate brought them under the arches of the church. Father will ask questions:

- Do you wear a cross?

- Do you read prayers?

– Are you reading the Gospel?

– Do you honor church holidays?

And the godparents will begin to mutter something incomprehensible and lower their eyes guiltily. The priest will certainly reassure you and remind you of the duty of godfathers and mothers, and of Christian duty in general. The godparents will hastily and willingly nod their heads, humbly accept the conviction of sin, and either from excitement, or from embarrassment, or from the seriousness of the moment, few will remember and let into the heart the main thought of the priest: we are all responsible for our godchildren, and now and forever. And whoever remembers will most likely misunderstand. And from time to time, mindful of his duty, he will begin to contribute what he can to the well-being of his godson.

The first deposit immediately after baptism: an envelope with a crisp, solid bill - enough for a tooth. Then, for birthdays, as the child grows older, a luxurious set of children's trousseau, an expensive toy, a fashionable backpack, a bicycle, a branded suit, and so on up to a gold chain, to the envy of the poor, for a wedding.

We know very little. And it’s not just a problem, but something that we don’t really want to know. After all, if they wanted to, then before going to the temple as a godfather, they would have looked there the day before and asked the priest what this step “threatens” us, how best to prepare for it.
Godfather is a godfather in Slavic. Why? After immersion in the font, the priest transfers the baby from his own hands to the hands of the godfather. And he accepts, takes it into his own hands. The meaning of this action is very deep. By acceptance, the godfather takes upon himself the honorable, and most importantly, responsible mission of leading the godson along the path of ascension to the Heavenly inheritance. That's where! After all, baptism is the spiritual birth of a person. Remember in the Gospel of John: “Whoever is not born of water and the Spirit cannot enter the kingdom of God.”

The Church calls its recipients with serious words – “guardians of faith and piety”. But in order to store, you need to know. Therefore, only a believing Orthodox person can be a godfather, and not the one who went to church for the first time with the baby being baptized. Godparents must know at least the basic prayers “Our Father”, “Virgin Mother of God”, “May God rise again...”, they must know the “Creed”, read the Gospel, the Psalter. And, of course, wear a cross, be able to be baptized.
One priest told me: they came to baptize a child, but the godfather did not have a cross. Father to him: put on the cross, but he can’t, he’s unbaptized. Just a joke, but the absolute truth.

Faith and repentance are the two main conditions for union with God. But faith and repentance cannot be demanded from a baby in lace, so the godparents are called upon, having faith and repentance, to pass them on and teach them to their successors. That is why they pronounce, instead of babies, the words of the “Creed” and the words of renunciation of Satan.

– Do you deny Satan and all his works? - asks the priest.

“I deny,” the receiver answers instead of the baby.

The priest is wearing a light festive robe as a sign of the beginning of a new life, and therefore of spiritual purity. He walks around the font, censes it, and everyone standing next to the lit candles. Candles are burning in the hands of the recipients. Very soon, the priest will lower the baby into the font three times and, wet, wrinkled, not at all understanding where he is and why, the servant of God, will hand him over to the hands of his godparents. And he will be dressed in white robes. At this time, a very beautiful troparion is sung: “Give me a robe of light, dress in light, like a robe...” Accept your child, successors. From now on, your life will be filled with special meaning, you have taken upon yourself the feat of spiritual parenthood, and for how you carry it, you will now have to answer before God.

At the First Ecumenical Council, a rule was adopted according to which women become successors for girls, men for boys. Simply put, a girl needs only a godmother, a boy only a godfather. But life, as often happens, made its own adjustments here too. According to ancient Russian tradition, both are invited. Of course, you can’t spoil the porridge with oil. But even here you need to know very specific rules. For example, a husband and wife cannot be godparents to one child, just as a child’s parents cannot be his godparents at the same time. Godparents cannot marry their godchildren.

... The baby's baptism is behind us. He has a big life ahead of him, in which we have a place equal to the father and mother who gave birth to him. Our work lies ahead, our constant desire to prepare our godson to ascend to spiritual heights. Where to begin? Yes, from the very beginning. At first, especially if the child is the first, parents are knocked off their feet by the worries that have fallen on them. They, as they say, don’t care about anything. Now is the time to give them a helping hand.

Carry the baby to Communion, make sure that icons hang over his cradle, give notes for him in church, order prayer services, constantly, like your own natural children, remember them in home prayers. Of course, there is no need to do this edifyingly, they say, you are mired in vanity, but I am all spiritual - I think about high things, I strive for high things, I take care of your child so that you can do without me... In general, the spiritual education of a child is only possible in case if the godfather is his own person in the house, welcome, tactful. Of course, you don’t need to shift all your worries onto yourself. The responsibilities of spiritual education are not removed from parents, but to help, support, replace somewhere, if necessary, this is mandatory, without this you cannot justify yourself before the Lord.

This is truly a difficult cross to bear. And, probably, you need to think carefully before placing it on yourself. Will I be able to? Do I have enough health, patience, and spiritual experience to become a recipient of a person entering life? And parents should take a good look at relatives and friends - candidates for the honorary post. Which of them will be able to become a truly kind assistant in education, who will be able to bestow your child with true Christian gifts - prayer, the ability to forgive, the ability to love God. And plush bunnies the size of elephants may be nice, but they are not at all necessary.

If there is trouble in the house, there are different criteria. How many unfortunate, restless children suffer from drunken fathers and unlucky mothers. And how many simply unfriendly, embittered people live under one roof and make children suffer cruelly. Such stories are as old as time and banal. But if a person who stood with a lit candle in front of the Epiphany font fits into this plot, if he, this person, rushes, as if into an embrasure, towards his godson, he can move mountains. Possible good is also good. We are not able to discourage a foolish man from drinking half a liter, to reason with a lost daughter, or to sing “put up, put up, put up” to two frowning halves. But we have the power to take a boy who is tired of affection to our dacha for a day, enroll him in Sunday school and take the trouble to take him there and pray. The feat of prayer is at the forefront of the godparents of all times and peoples.

The priests well understand the severity of the feat of their successors and do not give their blessing to recruit a lot of children for their children, good and different.

But I know a man who has more than fifty godchildren. These boys and girls are right from there, from childhood loneliness, childhood sadness. From a big childhood misfortune.

This man’s name is Alexander Gennadievich Petrynin, he lives in Khabarovsk, directs the Children’s Rehabilitation Center, or more simply, an orphanage. As a director, he does a lot, gets funds for classroom equipment, selects personnel from conscientious, unselfish people, rescues his charges from the police, collects them in basements.

Like a godfather, he takes them to church, talks about God, prepares them for Communion, and prays. He prays a lot, a lot. In Optina Pustyn, in the Trinity-Sergius Lavra, in the Diveyevo Monastery, in dozens of churches throughout Russia, long notes written by him about the health of numerous godchildren are read. He gets very tired, this man, sometimes he almost falls from fatigue. But he has no other choice, he is a godfather, and his godchildren are a special people. His heart is a rare heart, and the priest, understanding this, blesses him for such asceticism. A teacher from God, those who know him in action say about him. Godfather from God - can you say so? No, probably all godparents are from God, but he knows how to suffer like a godfather, knows how to love like a godfather, and knows how to save. Like a godfather.

For us, whose godchildren, like the children of Lieutenant Schmidt, are scattered throughout cities and towns, his service to children is an example of true Christian service. I think that many of us will not reach its heights, but if we are to make life from anyone, then it will be from those who understand their title of “successor” as a serious and not an accidental matter in life.
You can, of course, say: I am a weak person, a busy person, not much of a church member, and the best thing I can do in order not to sin is to refuse the offer to be a godfather altogether. It’s more honest and simpler, right? Easier - yes. But more honestly...
Few of us, especially when the time has imperceptibly approached to stop and look back, can say to ourselves - I am a good father, a good mother, I do not owe anything to my own child. We owe everyone, and the godless time in which our requests, our projects, our passions grew, is the result of our debts to each other. We won't give them back anymore. The children have grown up and are doing without our truths and our discoveries of America. The parents have grown old. But conscience, the voice of God, itches and itches.

Conscience requires an outburst, and not in words, but in deeds. Couldn't bearing the responsibilities of the cross be such a thing?
It’s a pity that there are few examples of the feat of the cross among us. The word "godfather" has almost disappeared from our vocabulary. And the recent wedding of my childhood friend’s daughter was a big and unexpected gift for me. Or rather, not even a wedding, which in itself is a great joy, but a feast, the wedding itself. And that's why. We sat down, poured the wine, and waited for the toast. Everyone is somehow embarrassed, the bride’s parents let the groom’s parents pass ahead with the speeches, and they do the opposite. And then a tall and handsome man stood up. He stood up somehow very businesslike. He raised his glass:

– I want to say, as the godfather of the bride...

Everyone became quiet. Everyone listened to the words about how the young people should live long, in harmony, with many children, and most importantly, with the Lord.
“Thank you, godfather,” said the charming Yulka, and from under her luxurious foaming veil she gave her godfather a grateful look.

Thank you godfather, I thought too. Thank you for carrying love for your spiritual daughter from the baptismal candle to the wedding candle. Thank you for reminding us all of what we had completely forgotten about. But we have time to remember. How much - the Lord knows. Therefore, we must hurry.