Real love. This is the kind of man who will truly love you, even in the worst situation.

A woman attracts men with her inner state - first of all. Appearance, intelligence, age, social status, qualities of character - all this, in essence, is deeply secondary. What kind of condition is this that attracts men (and, in general, all the people around you)? This is your enjoyment of yourself and your life.

If you have learned to enjoy yourself, whether you are working or relaxing, drinking coffee or driving, you will attract the attention and interest of those who are nearby. Enjoying yourself is difficult art, but once you master it, you become a powerful magnet.

Love for a man begins with love for yourself. Usually, we want the opposite. When someone loves me, I love myself. But until a Woman has an affair with herself, every man will be just a psychotherapist for her, trying to cure her of self-rejection and fear of being alone. True, deep love arises from a state of being full of oneself. Then love for a man will be born in its highest manifestation - as a gift of oneself to him, and not as a desperate attempt to be needed by someone in order to feel one’s own usefulness.

A man loves not the Woman herself, but his condition next to her. That's why Real woman this is: not the most beautiful, not the smartest at all, and certainly not necessarily the most successful. A woman gives a man not intelligence, not beauty, not body, not success, but CONDITION. A woman who creates a special state in men - MASCULINE - will always have success and admirers. She creates this state by enjoying herself in the company of a man and admiring a man. And a man will be drawn to this special state like a magnet. A real Woman cultivates femininity in herself in order to bestow it on men (lovers, admirers, friends, acquaintances, just passers-by).

The desire to love is born within. As a rule, it has nothing to do with whether there are objects worthy of this in the Woman’s environment. When a Woman thinks that “there is no one to choose from” and that there are no men around her worthy of her love, this may indicate that she is not yet ready to love. She wants something different (to get married, to be “like everyone else”, not to be alone, to arrange her life). She may be afraid to love (her heart is closed by past wounds). And those “unworthy” men who are around only reflect her internal state. As soon as a woman matures to true deep love, the question “worthy or not worthy” ceases to be of paramount importance. The object (and often very “worthy”) materializes as if by itself.

A woman's generosity to love attracts love to her. If a Woman wants to be loved, she must be able to saturate everything she comes into contact with with love. Give it, manifest it, talk about it, think about it, enjoy it. What we give into this Universe comes back to us from the Universe. So love comes to a Woman as a response to her ability to give this feeling. If a Woman has created a field of love around herself, she will never be deprived of the love of other people, including men. A woman who is always waiting for love is like a funnel with no bottom that cannot be filled. Love should be an inhalation and an exhalation, not just an inhalation. If you breathe out love, it will find you naturally.

Men are Gods. Every man is God. Exactly. You heard right. If he does not impress you as God, you are looking through the eyes of the critical mind. God can be manifested in him by 1%. In his life, he has not yet met such a Woman who would inspire him to believe in himself. A real Woman sees Gods in men. Of course, Gods also have flaws, but don’t Goddesses have them? A real Woman does not compete with men and does not prove to them her perfection. She does not remake them and does not educate them (is it possible to remake God?). She sees the best in each of them. A real Woman loves, appreciates and respects men IN GENERAL, as a class. This position creates space in her life for interesting and worthy men.

To charm men, a woman herself must be charmed. If a woman wants to inspire men, she herself must be in a state of inspiration. If a woman wants to ignite them, she herself must be a small flame. A woman’s “fascination” is her love for life, for her little secrets, romance and mystery. It doesn’t matter what a woman is fascinated by - her dreams, a new dress, hairstyle, book, film or her own memory. Fascination creates Inner Light, which is impossible not to feel.

Next to a Real Woman there is always a place for feat. She creates it. A woman arouses in a man the desire to prove himself strong, without imposing “you must” duties on him, but gently inviting him into the fairy tale “Hero and Princess”. She creates the illusion of touching defenselessness and vulnerability, creating in a man a desire to commit actions that will result in her enthusiastic eyes and admiration. A woman prepares a man’s internal impulses to perform actions gradually and imperceptibly, without doing anything for it, simply being in the image of a fragile young lady.

A Real Woman does not participate in feminist women's clubs. There are many such clubs: “Men are Goats”, “Real men are gone”, “Everyone worthy is busy”, “We are fine without them” and the like. She also does not participate in the women’s clubs “A Woman’s Lot is Hard,” “Nobody Loves Me,” “Waiting for the Prince.” A real Woman will not make generalizations like “They all…”. She knows that all men are different. Each woman creates her own Universe and there she is surrounded by those men whom she herself attracts into her life. We are always surrounded by our reflections. She will not fan the fire of inter-sex enmity and revel in the imperfections of the universe. Discussing her man with her friends, but she will not focus on his shortcomings, criticize him too much and devalue him, making him appear unworthy.

A Real Woman knows how to say even unpleasant things. She tells them to men in such a way that it does not bring them down, but provokes them to change for the better. It's big women's art– be friendly even when it is necessary to talk about shortcomings and mistakes. It is not what a Woman says that matters, but how she says it. She speaks while maintaining her dignity. She knows that even criticism can be presented in such a way that it will inspire heroism. However, she always leaves the man the opportunity to choose: to change or not.
**took it away

I could be with you

I could forget about everything

I could love you...

- But it's just a game!

(song of the group “Aria”)

Ah, love - love..! There is not a single person in the world who would not be concerned about it - and not theoretically, but very personally! But, paradoxically, the word "Love" everyone uses it, but ask “What is love?”- and almost no one can explain it clearly... This is despite the fact that so much has been written about love and even more works of art have been created - this topic inspires creators, perhaps more than any other.

To get something off the ground, let’s take a look at Wikipedia, which reflects perhaps the most general idea of ​​love:

Love- a feeling characteristic of a person, deep attachment to another person or object, a feeling of deep sympathy.

Love is also considered as a philosophical category, in the form of a subjective relationship, an intimate selective feeling aimed at the object of love.

Yeah, it’s a bit stingy... "Feelings of affection and sympathy, selectively directed", but what is it characterized by? - Both affection and sympathy can have different reasons and motives. For some reason it always seemed to me that one of the main differences true love- this is its infinity in time, which I later found confirmation in a very authoritative source.
And it also seems to me that Love must transform a person into better side and lead him to - after all, she is so often considered and even “the main creative force in the universe”? That’s how “romantic” I am! :) But first things first.

Love is like a feeling

Once, while re-reading the classics, I was surprised to discover that in our classical literature There are no cases where strong love has a happy ending. Fairy tales from the Arabian Nights and our fairy tales often end with optimistic words: “And they lived happily ever after and died on the same day”.

But those are fairy tales, but these are ours literary geniuses recognized by experts human soul and those who claim the realism of their creations talk about strong love completely different. Remember, from Shakespeare to Pushkin - at least one story of great and passionate love ended well? Either lovers never unite for some reason, or they unite after overcoming many obstacles, but they do not live happily - someone will definitely die, for example. Maybe I missed something? You can give an example from the classics so that "lived happily ever after"?

It seems to me that it is not without reason that our geniuses are so unanimous on this issue. And they wanted to tell us something, to warn us about something... Question - What? First, let's look at what they describe, how Love , and what, from their light pen, do many consider love?

And they describe some all-consuming feeling, reminiscent of a painful obsession, characterized by the fact that the desire to be with a loved one becomes more important for the lover than anything in the world, even life itself... He suffers terribly in separation from his beloved and is incredibly happy together, and these emotions can push him even to commit crimes “in the name of love "

This passionate attraction is usually combined with a romantic idealization of the beloved, which directly acquires religious traits- traits of perfection are attributed to him (she) and worship is given to him as a god.

It is this characteristic feeling that is familiar to almost everyone and is considered love. As we know today, it can occur not only between a man and a woman, but is always hormonal. And those who survived it know that it goes away after some time - a person “recovers” from it, like from an illness. The time it takes for everyone is different and the scars remain, but the fact is that this feeling passes. Which is not surprising: any feeling cannot last long - such is the nature of feelings. But what about infinity, “eternity”? true love?

There is an opinion that hormonal romantic attraction is just "love" characterized by selfish desire "possession" object as opposed to "love" who is sacrificial and forgets herself for the sake of her beloved. But the features of sacrifice are clearly visible in drug addiction. love addiction, which is based not only on hormones, but also on deeply hidden and unhealthy psychological factors. And what a sacrifice!

We have already talked in detail about addiction and what to do with it in the article - you can take a look. It seems that this is exactly the kind of love that the heroes of our literature experienced. Yes, this addiction is much stronger and may last much longer, but in general it sick! “These are serious mental problems that give rise to a painful fixation on one person. If those doctors who included “love” in the directory of diseases had it in mind, then they are absolutely right!

So, love-feeling, as in the easy version "falling in love", and in heavy - "dependencies" always accompanied by the fact that a person "out of my mind", the fact that this feeling passes, and, of course, suffering. No wonder in the Russian language the word "passion" originally had exactly this meaning - "suffering". That’s why people who have experienced such “love” are often disappointed in it and either declare that they “don’t believe in love” or close the doors and windows of their souls so that this misfortune will never visit them again. And they do it right!

What is good about a disease that deprives a person of himself and makes him suffer? There is one plus here - the intense suffering that accompanies such “love” can motivate a person to think and grow, but it is the suffering, and not this feeling itself. It seems to me that this is not love at all, but its counterfeit, which is what the classics are perhaps hinting at. And what do you think?

Love as energy and state

Now books and trainings have become fashionable, mainly for women who teach their followers "to be filled with love". The very verbs which are applied to love in such teachings indicate that they consider "Love" some "energy", which, like any energy, is measurable quantitatively, can be accumulated and spent and is absolutely impersonal - not only the object on which it is poured, but also the subject who is filled with it, for it is simply a vessel or carrier.

The accumulation of such “love” occurs with the help of very specific techniques— complete psycho-mechanics! Those who successfully complete such trainings begin to feel an overwhelming bliss and goodwill towards everything and everyone that pours or radiates around them. And he likes himself, and is ready to kiss everyone!

There is nothing wrong with this, but he is absolutely not ready to be compassionate, for example. His “good” is so valuable to him that he tries to emotionally avoid anything that could disturb his bliss. He has to constantly maintain himself in a state of “love” through special practices, because at times reality, in the form life problems, it still catches up with him, at least at first. Again, there is no talk of any personal or moral growth - all concern is about maintaining oneself "able".

Probably, both for the person and for those around him, it is better for him to be in such a blissful state than for him to whine and be irritated. But what does that have to do with Love, if we know that love is still a “subjective, selective attitude”? Perhaps this state was called so because in our language there is no suitable word for it, or because it has some similarities with what happens in happy moments of love-feelings - the desire to love the whole world.

Such books and trainings are based either on Eastern mystical teachings, and they have so much another a view of life and man that it is almost impossible to find analogues for their concepts in our culture. But still, to call this mysterious energy and state "love", in my opinion, it’s impossible - if only because of their impersonality.

However, even without oriental practices It often happens that a person is not looking for another person, but for himself state falling in love. This state is also impersonal - it doesn’t matter about whom or next to whom it is experienced. Romantic pleasure and emotional uplift - all these “sighs on a bench and walks under the moonlight” become valuable in their own right. A person dreams about them, dreaming "about love", but not at all about the other person and not about the relationship with him.

When real relationship pose some questions and tasks to him when real another person tries to draw his attention to his existence, then he immediately "disappointed". Our “lover”, who only yesterday swore to “ eternal love”, announces that “the meeting was a mistake”, abandons this relationship and goes to look for problem-free “sighs” with the other (with another). Is this familiar to you? This “romance”, no less than dependence, is sung in many of our poems and songs, and hers too love cannot be named.

What happens? Do all the ideas about love that are common among us turn out to be erroneous and do not point to true love? “At least they don’t satisfy me.” And you? But so far we have examined the question only “by contradiction”, that is, what love is not.

But then what is “love” and does it even exist? I can reassure you - it exists! But everything doesn’t fit into one article, read the next one. In the meantime, I’m very interested in your opinion: do you agree that what is described here is not love? And if you don’t agree, then why?

If you're interested, you can read the participants' reflections on love competition “What is love?”, which took place on this site from May 8 to June 23, 2013. And of course, don't forget subscribe to updates so you don't miss anything.

Love is the most amazing and unknown of feelings. It is the most powerful thing possible, it is driving force our world and the basis of intelligent life. What is real man's love?

Men and women love differently. Male love is physics woman's love— chemistry. Much more often, both of them pass off something completely different as love: love and passion, dependence and jealousy, escape from loneliness or the need for security. Real love is based on respect and acceptance of a partner for who he is, and usually love does not grow in a relationship on the first date.

How can you determine whether a man loves you or not? There are five main signs of male love. If at least 3 of them are present, then you can rest assured that the man is quite seriously interested in you.

1. A man doesn’t limit his communication with you to just sex.

It would seem an obvious statement. Moreover, we specifically “jumped” over the stage of acquaintance and mutual seduction: we're talking about about love, and not about what precedes it. And the fact is that a loving man wants to do something with a woman. Loving man- a creative, creative and active person. He creates FOR a woman, he wants to create TOGETHER with her. He sees in a woman not only a lovely lover (to whom he is attracted, this is not even discussed), but also a friend, and even a business partner. In the most extreme cases, relationships develop into family business, and usually a man will invite his beloved to participate in his plans, projects, goals and dreams. This is important to him.

2. A man cares about you because you believe in him.

That's how simple it works. A believing woman is a diamond for a man. He will take care of his jewel and admire it. He will show some elements of care at an early stage, hoping that in front of him is not just a muddy piece of quartz, but something much more beautiful. He is already ready to do a lot for you: give you funny, absurd gifts, carry you through puddles in his arms, tell you his plans to conquer the world. By this, he awakens a response of faith in his talent and masculinity... or does not awaken. In the second case, most likely, the matter will be limited only to sex. And the first option is a sign of male love, which lies in its strength and protection.

3. A man trusts you immensely

He is ready to open doors for you into secret and dark rooms of your soul. And he doesn’t do this on the first date (looking for a vest for tears or a substitute mother - a solver of his children’s problems). With deep trust, a man says: “Look at me from the shadow side, I am not always good, I am bad too. Accept me like this, my love.”

Trust should be supported by respect for your “skeletons in the closet”, as well as the absence of unhealthy jealousy towards both your past and present. Then sign of male love number 3 is absolute.

4. A man takes responsibility for his relationship with you.

He introduces you to friends and relatives, declares that you are his woman not only in real life, but also on the Internet. You become an “official couple” and are faced with the opinions of others about this fact. Some of his or your friends will not like this - they will be offended, jealous, criticize, and give stupid advice. All this will fall on the man too. The essence of responsibility is to go through such socialization and systematically move towards your common goals. True love can withstand even less difficulties. And if a man is ready to cope, for example, with conflicting parents for the sake of a relationship with you, then this is obviously a sign of his love.

5. A man is not bored with you

And without you it’s the other way around. This, of course, does not mean that you need to spend together 24 hours a day (this is typical for those in love, but not yet in love). Sometimes it’s worth being separated; it’s imperative to have personal territory and the opportunity to spend leisure time without your significant other. And in such separations you will miss each other much more in the right way than when you are not sure of your partner’s love. Personal freedom is a space for the growth of love, and any fetters only hinder it.

When your man is next to you, he is happy, happy and happy. You have something to talk about, something to discuss and something to remain politely silent about. You are ready to experiment together, you are not afraid to be funny and imperfect for each other. And this means that you have love! The most real thing!

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Do you want a man in your life who will not call you crazy for those things that are so incomprehensible to him, but which have such an impact on you? strong effect. He should be someone who can calm you down when you get home from work. Before he asks you what happened, he will patiently reassure you to make you feel good. And when you share the reason for your disappointment, he will make you wipe your tears and hug you tightly so that you can forget all the pain and disappointment. Yes, he will do this because he wants to make you happy, even if the reason for what happened is unclear to him.

You want someone in your life who will never call you stupid. He shouldn't find it weird when you yell at your phone or computer. He will not allow you to solve your problems on your own and will remain at a safe distance while you desperately fight. His comforting presence does not force you to ask for help.

You will never feel alone. He will prove this with every moment spent together. You know you can count on him.

You need someone who will never accuse you of being overly emotional. A person who will understand your mood at one time or another. He loves you because you bring honesty and clarity to this relationship, and he knows you're only doing it because you're comfortable around him. He won't blame you when you become overly sensitive. Such a person will truly love you, even in the worst situation.

You need someone who will work to create a strong relationship. He is the one who wants to be with you and for this he will try to solve all the problems and difficulties that arise. He will try to answer all your questions and make you understand that not all of your feelings are true. He wants long and Serious relationships with you.
You need someone who understands your biggest problems. He never makes fun of you when you suffer from depression or unnecessary anxiety. He will never tell you that you are a psychopath or crazy. He will understand that at times you have little control over your emotions. He knows at what moments anxiety takes over you, as a result of which you behave quite strangely.

You need someone who is able to freely reveal their own emotions. He will be upset without any embarrassment at the loss loved one. He will not hide his emotions when he is worried about the plot of the romantic comedy that you are watching together. He is a man who does not consider himself less of a man when he shares his deepest emotions. This person wants you to know everything about him, including his flaws.

Look for a person who will love you unconditionally. He will love you for who you are. Your upset appearance does not push him away, but makes him want to wipe away his tears. For him, this is the meaning of his whole life, and he will do it only because he loves you.

We are constantly haunted by the idea that Love- that's the only thing that matters. In his article in the magazine " Family life"Paul Popenoe describes what most people think about romantic love: "Love is an incomprehensible obsession that comes out of nowhere and immediately completely takes over you, like measles. You will recognize it intuitively. If it is a real feeling, you will not have to wonder for long. You will see it, without a doubt. Love is so important that you must to give up everything for her. It is excusable for a man to leave his wife for the sake of love, for a woman it is excusable to leave his house and children, for a king to leave his throne. She comes completely unexpectedly, and you cannot do anything. She is not subject to man.” But this is NOT true love! Real love is not like that.

Infatuation really comes out of the blue and you can't do anything about it. But true love is devoted and selfless love. This is what she is holding on to. You might be wondering why you need to know the difference between infatuation and love? The reason is this: knowing the differences will prevent you from making a huge mistake. Every year, millions of couples with shining eyes come to church and solemnly vow be in love Friend of each other for the rest of our lives. For some of them marriage truly becomes an invaluable acquisition. For others, he is simply tolerable. But for half of these couples, marriage becomes a real disaster. After a short period of time, they begin to realize that they cannot stand it at all. life together. What's the matter? The difference is that some couples base their marriage on true love, while others base their marriage on infatuation, which is false love. Such marriages do not last long. How can you tell the difference? During the Gold Rush, many prospectors thought they had "struck a vein." But later, to their great disappointment, they found out that their find was not real gold, but the worthless mineral pyrite. Pyrite is very similar in appearance to gold, but has no value. It is also called "fool's gold".

Like we said, it is NOT easy to tell the difference between infatuation and true love. In his book "Sex, love or infatuation - how to determine it?" Dr. Ray Short gives some key tips to help a person explore their feeling and determine if it is real gold. love or "fool's gold" - a simple hobby.

We'll look at 12 of these keys, but first let us point out the following: (1) The order of the keys does not matter. Each of them has the same meaning as the others. (2) These keys should not be selectively accepted. You have to take all 12 into account!

Key #1 What attracts you most?

Infatuation: When you are infatuated, you are more likely to become more interested in the other person's physical attributes. Beautiful face and a good figure are, of course, very attractive qualities, but appearances can be deceiving. It is like the wrapping paper in which a gift is wrapped. It cannot be used to judge what exactly is inside. Moreover, physical beauty not eternal. Dr. Short says: "Of the dozen school meetings I attended as a young man, I remember only one. 'Young people!' - the speaker said solemnly. - Before marry on a girl because of her pretty face and attractive curves, think about what she will look like at 30, "And that stopped me" ?

True Love: If your love is genuine, you will be interested in the overall personality of your chosen one. Surely, physical attraction will also be present in your feelings, but only along with many other qualities that are attractive to you.

Key No. 2 How many different qualities attract you to this person?

Passion: Usually the number of such qualities is small, but they can have a very strong impact on you. A guy can go crazy with his girlfriend's smiles or sexy walk.

True Love: When you truly love, you like all or most of the qualities in the other person. Each of us has many characteristic features, your judgments and attitudes How many characteristics do you notice in another, and how many of them do you find attractive? This is important because once the initial excitement of marriage wears off, you will need many common interests to keep the marriage going and make it successful.

Key No. 3 How did it start?

Infatuation: Infatuation occurs quickly. There is no such thing as true love at first sight, but there can be infatuation at first sight. As one love song says, “the eyes of the lovers met in the crowd, lightning flashed, and they immediately realized that they were made for each other.” In reality, they could only understand what they had done to each other. good first impression.

True Love: True love always comes slowly. Otherwise it can not be. You have to get to know a person before you can really love them, and that takes time, a lot of time, to really get to know someone. Long-term courtship is much better than short-term courtship. A year is better than six months, two years is better than one, three years is better than two, and four is better than three. Three years? Four? Yes, the statistics on this subject are absolutely clear. But most young couples do not want to wait even a year. They are in a hurry to get married and own experience convinced of justice old saying: “If you hurry, you’ll make people laugh.” If you get married too hastily, you will have plenty of time later to regret it.

Key No. 4 How constant is your interest?

Passion: When you are passionate, your interest flares and fades. One reason for this is that infatuation occurs too quickly and therefore the roots are not deep. And in general yours relationship superficial.

True love: When you truly love, your feelings They will be warm and tender rather than fluctuating from ardent passion to cold indifference, they will be more constant. True love grows slowly, but its roots run deep.

Key No. 5 How does the feeling affect you?

Infatuation: Infatuation has a disorganizing effect on your personality. Makes you less responsible and efficient. Romantic feelings completely take over you, and you walk around, immersed in dreams. The girl who says, "I know he has flaws, but nothing matters except our love" is infatuated... TEMPORARILY! Once married, she will eventually discover that many other things still matter.

True Love: If your love is genuine, your best qualities and you strive to become even better. A guy who really loves says about his girlfriend: "I I love her not only because she is so beautiful, but also because she inspires me to show my best qualities."

Key No. 6 How do you treat others?

Infatuation: When you are infatuated, your entire “universe” revolves around one person. The rest of your relationships seem completely unimportant to you. You are even ready to reject family and friends. Your feeling becomes the most important thing in your life. It is the only thing that matters to you from now on. You think that for the sake of this amazing “love” that has entered your life, you can be forgiven for doing any actions. As we've said before, most hobbies don't last, but the mistakes you make while under the influence often have lifelong consequences.

True Love: When you truly love, your beloved person is the most important person in the world for you, but relationships with family and friends do not lose their importance.

Key No. 7 How do others view your relationship?

Infatuation: What others think of your “lover” is a very important test. When you're infatuated, it's likely that your parents and many of you friends will not approve of this relationship. One of the dangerous aspects of infatuation is that you tend to idolize the other person. You don't see flaws because you are "blinded by love." Yours Friends trying to point out some danger signs, but you ignore them. Your parents lovingly warn you, trying to prevent you from making a big mistake, but you don't listen. Young people sometimes say: “So what? We’re marrying each other, not our family and friends.” You can also adhere to this position, but it is unforgivable stupidity to neglect the advice of people who love you. Over the years of your life, both you and your loved one have developed a certain circle of friends. We all strive to be like those we choose as friends; they become like us. Therefore, your friends are, in a sense, your “mirror”. If you're passionate about someone, your friends often don't share the same feelings. If they see red flags, you should pay attention and listen to their opinion.

True love: When you truly love, more chances that your parents and most of your friends will approve of your choice. For God to bless your marriage, the consent and approval of your parents is very important.

Key No. 8 How do breakups affect?

Passion: One of the best tests for feelings is the test of distance. If you are simply infatuated, then time and distance will kill your feeling, “This also explains the breakups of those couples whose main interest was physical attractiveness. Over time, another living person nearby will replace the beloved, who remains only in the photograph.

True love: When you truly love, the absence of your loved one only exacerbates your feeling. True love will definitely stand the test of distance and time. It is based not only on the physical attractiveness of a person, it accepts him entirely as a person. Time spent together helps you grow together. Therefore, during separation, you seem to lose your part. Another person, even a very attractive one, cannot fill the emptiness in your heart. Being at a distance, of course, you may experience anxiety and sadness. You will be worried about the thought: “What if he (or she) meets someone else?” And this can happen. But if your loved one is capable of finding happiness with someone else, then it is better to find out about this before, rather than after, marriage. Therefore, if you are facing separation, accept it and do not worry. If your feeling is only infatuation, and it will not withstand such a test, it is better to find out before it is too late.

Key No. 9 How do disagreements affect feelings?

Infatuation: When you are infatuated, you often fight. You can make peace, but over time, quarrels become more frequent and serious. You become like. two porcupines in the cold. When they are apart, they shake from the cold, but as soon as they press against each other, they prick each other with their needles. “Phil and Alice dated for more than two years. During this time, they quarreled and made up at least once a month. Discord arose over any trifle or imaginary offense. Both acted out terrible jealousy. And then Maria, best friend Alice tried to open their eyes. One day, Alice shared with her the details of the last quarrel and threatened: “Let him just try to get me back! I won’t even talk to him!” “I think you will, Alice,” Maria said to her gently, “but I hope that you will firmly tell him: “Goodbye, Phil, it’s all over.” And then she explained her position to her surprised friend: “You both awaken in each other the worst. You fight because you have nothing else to talk about. Strife, tears and romantic “reconciliations” only relieve you of boredom.

True Love: When you are truly in love, you may have disagreements, but true love survives them and quarrels become less frequent and serious. Every couple must learn how to resolve conflicts. It is much better to discuss differences openly and honestly than to let them fester in the back of your mind.

Key No. 10 How do you view your relationships?

Infatuation: When you are infatuated, you tend to think of yourself and your loved one as two people, and accordingly use pronouns in your thoughts and speech: “I”, “me”, “mine”, “he”, “his” ", or "she", "her". You think of you as two separate individuals. True love: When you really love, you usually use words: “we”, “our”, “us”. You think of you as one. This key may not seem so important when you are just dating, but it is of great importance in marriage. When a marriage is based on passion, husband and wife may find more pleasure in pursuing different interests than in joint activities. The husband may yearn and want to “go out with friends” more than spending time at home with his family. Or the wife will become more interested in her social connections than in her household responsibilities.

In families where true love exists, husband and wife enjoy doing things together. A common response here is: "I don't want to go if you can't go too."

Key No. 11 Are you selfish or selfless?

Infatuation: When you are infatuated, your interest in the other person is mostly selfish. A guy can date a beautiful and noticeable girl only because it flatters his pride and raises his prestige. She may be capricious and spoiled, but since she is the "queen" of the school, he becomes the "king" next to her. Exactly the same young woman can hold guy"on a leash" not because she is really interested in him, but because his devotion raises her value in the eyes of others. True love: When you truly love, you like a person for what he is, not because he can help you prove yourself.

Key No. 12 What is the basis of your feelings?

Passion: Is your goal to find someone who will fully devote his life to making you happy? Do you take care of yourself first? If yes, then you are just infatuated. Your general attitude is selfish - you care most about what you can get from this relationship.

True Love: Love is selfless and committed. You strive to do whatever it takes to bring joy to others. You are primarily interested in what you can give, not what you can receive.

Evaluate your feeling. Take a sheet of paper and carefully study the keys, starting with the first one. Give an assessment of your feelings for each of them. If you want, the keys can show not only whether your love is real, but also a certain degree of your feeling. In most cases, the clues show a mixture of infatuation and true love. Therefore, evaluate each key by ten point scale. Zero will mean infatuation, and 10 will mean love. For example, when looking at clue #1, you might decide, “To be completely honest, I was mainly interested in physical attractiveness, so I'll give myself two points.” If, when examining key No. 7, you see that approximately half of your friends approve of your choice, and half do not, then give yourself five points. When you rate yourself on all twelve keys, add up your points. An overall score of 80 or higher shows that your senses are fairly reliable. For your part, you can believe that your love can become the basis for a successful marriage. But that's only on your part. The person you love must also take this test and score a large number of points. Love must be mutual. No matter how much you love this person, one-sided love will not help. He should experience the same feelings in return. If you score between 50 and 80 points, you will need more time to see how your relationship develops. If the points scored are less than 50, you are just carried away. So try to save your heart. First of all, do not complicate your relationship with sexual intimacy and do not rush into marriage. Note also the following: High result on this test does not necessarily mean that you are ready for marriage. First of all, you may still be too young for marriage, even if you have scored a lot of points. Secondly, even if you are the right age, you may simply not know each other well yet. As we have already said, you need to know each other well for at least two years before you think about marriage.