Anatoly Vilinovich - further adventures of Ostap Bender. Holiday scenarios for children
Completed:
Andreeva V.A., teacher
piano
Ditlova L.V., teacher
Piano
Vorobyova L.A., teacher
Piano
New Year's skit scenario
Prologue : Friends! We will remember at this hour
Heroes Ilf and Petrov.
A story that has long been known to you
We saw in a new light.
Music sounds, the heroes come out. (Dance)
Ostap : My friends, I'm on stage again!
Do you recognize me? Yes, yes, Ostap.
I was the Idol of many generations,
And I’m incredibly glad to meet you.
The soul sings like a bird of paradise,
I'm on the verge of future achievements!
Kisa: Ostap, we don't have a penny in our pockets!
I don't hear any constructive suggestions.
Ostap: Learn to feel and live beautifully, Kisa!
Imagine the perfect feminine ideal,
Add to this a solid capital….
Kisa: Look how he swept the beads!
Ostap: A gorgeous actress is waiting for us!
Kisa: What is her repertoire?
Ostap: Yes, God be with you, come to your senses, Kisa,
We only need a fee!
Song by Madame Gritsatsueva “Hello, Dolly”
Ostap: What passion in the eyes, what pressure,
Loving her is my destiny from now on.
Song and dance by M. Gritsatsueva and Ostap “Black Eyes”
Music, Othello's exit
Othello: Death and damnation!
I'll tear him apart!
I swear by you, shimmering sky,
I will take revenge on the villain.
Blood! Blood! Blood!
Ostap: Maybe we should give him the key to the apartment where the money is?
Madam: Othello, my friend, my husband,
Please don't give up.
Hide your dagger quickly
You keep the whole room in fear!
Othello: Tell him to immediately
This libertine has disappeared from sight!
Ostap: It's crazy, what a type!
Yes, an unexpected passage.
Calm down, gentlemen,
I'm leaving you forever.
Kisa's entrance to the music (orchestra sounds) “In the City Garden”
Kisa: It's not mache pas si jure!
Gentlemen, give what you can to the deputy of the former cadet faction of the former State Duma.
Geben zi mir bitte kopek auf dem shtück!
Music is mixed
Ostap: Well, how do you like it?
Giant of thought, father of Russian democracy!
Kitty, aren't you ashamed?!
Kisa: I think your sarcasm is inappropriate here!
Ostap: I never expected such artistry from you.
You have fallen, my friend, into senile insanity!
Did you do ballet as a child?
Kisa: Are you saying hello, Ostap?
Ostap: Imagine: you are a soloist of a ballet troupe...
Kisa: You wouldn't dare! I am a disabled person of the fourth group!
Ostap: A ballerina is coming to visit us on tour.
Star of Paris, Rome and Berlin.
She is a widow, beautiful and also rich.
We are guaranteed a salary in the near future.
Tango. Ellochka's exit.
Kisa: I am happy to be on this stage with you!
Ellochka: Ho-ho!
Kisa: What a batman tondu, what a pas de deux!
Ellochka: Beauty!
Kisa: I'd rather kneel before you
Ellochka: Darkness! Horrible!
Kisa: Oh, my God, what a neckline!
Ella: You're being rude, boy!
Kisa: At this wonderful moment, allow me to offer
Hand, my life and heart!
Ella: Don't teach me how to live! (leaves)
Ostap: Just look!
For three months now I have been singing, feeding, raising him,
And he gets into third position,
And disgracefully fails our grandiose plan!
Kisa: Well, you know, Comrade Bender,
And you are not ideal at all.
You have insulted me to the depths of my soul.
I'm leaving you, you shameless impudent man!
Ostap: Eh, Kisa, Kisa, you left after all.
We separated like ships at sea!
Mayakovsky's exit. (to the music “Time, Forward”)
Mayakovsky : Comrade Bender, allow me to introduce myself:
Vl. Vl. Mayakovsky.
Like an older comrade, intelligent and sensitive,
I’ll talk to you in Svoyakov’s language.
I don’t want to brag about a new idea,
But, in my opinion, I say this without the author’s arrogance!
Enough to indulge in cheap plans,
Waste your youth and play tricks!
I don't give a damn, comrades to the highest degree
For money, for fame, and for other crap.
Let high goals inspire you,
So as not to waste life on nonsense!
Ostap: Iron syllable, metal in the line,
Oh, it’s a pity that I haven’t leafed through your volume before.
Volodya, you are a most skillful speaker.
The great schemer bows his head before you.
However, everyone has their own philosophy.
I'm afraid that you and I will argue for a long time!
Leading: Friends, let me put an end to this.
Let our story be unfinished.
We hasten to congratulate you on the New Year,
And this song will sound for you!
The final song plays.
December 24 - on the same day as in Moscow, the New Year's holiday took place in St. Petersburg. The entire VOG House of Culture was filled with festively dressed people - all glamorous beauties and respectable-looking men in hats in the fashion style of the 1920s and 30s.
It was a theatrical concert called “12 New Year’s Miracles,” based on the book “12 Chairs” by I. Ilf and E. Petrov.
The food on the table was included in the ticket price
"Chasing Chairs"
The concert began with the arrival of the pioneer detachment of the Great Combinator Ostap Bender to the beat of drums (Alexey Kozlov).
Ostap Bender:"Ladies and gentlemen! Glad to see you!
Let's hit the boredom with New Year's fun together!
We are no strangers to this celebration of life! Today I will command the parade!
I promise you 12 New Year's miracles!"
Kisa Vorobyaninov appeared (Yuri Lazarev) who was talking to himself all the time. Ostap saw him and began to observe.
Vorobyaninov:
"A sofa, 12 chairs and a round table... and one of the chairs
my late mother-in-law hid diamonds and pearls worth 150 thousand...
Oh! Where to look for these chairs now?!"
And then he noticed Ostap.
Bender: Ooo! Diamonds, you say... 150 thousand!?
Vorobyaninov(shaking) :
No, no, you thought I didn’t say anything! Who are you?
- I am the great schemer Ostap Bender! Diamonds must be handed over to the state!
- No no!
- Do you want to join the GPU? (In the 1920-30s, such a formidable organization operated in the RSFSR as the State Political Administration under the NKVD of the RSFSR - an organ for ensuring state security and combating elements alien to Soviet power - speculators, spies, counter-revolutionaries and bandits).
Vorobyaninov was forced to give up and explain to Bender about the treasure in the chair. Bender was inspired by the idea, and they agreed on joint actions. Then they went apart. Father Fyodor appeared on the stage and, unfortunately, ran into Kisa.
The meeting began with a fight in which Vorobyaninov tried to take the chair from Father Fedor. Ostap saw this, went up to the fighters and separated them.
Bender (to Kise Vorobyaninov):
“What is this mysterious competitor?”
Kisa :
“This is Father Fyodor, he confessed to my mother-in-law, he knows everything...”
Bender, approaching Father Fyodor, asked him menacingly: “Are we buying old things? Chairs, sofas, wardrobes? Are we speculating? Get out of here!” Father Fyodor, frightened, ran away.
Bender and Kisa tore the upholstery off the chair, but found nothing. Bender decided to go to Madame Gritsatsueva, and Kise ordered to buy a bouquet of flowers and go there.
Song "Communal Apartment"
To Madame Gritsatsueva (Valentina Shinkareva) Ostap appeared in the communal apartment and introduced himself to her as the son of a Turkish diplomat.
Bender: “My God, what a chair! Chic – modern! Abyss of taste!”
Gritsatsueva:
"I bought it at an auction yesterday..."
Tango Ostap Bender with a sultry woman.
What lengths do you go to for the great goal of enrichment!
The hostess managed to please him, so much so that while dancing in his arms, Madame Gritsatsueva immediately agreed to marry him. During the dance, the neighbors of the communal apartment appeared and put a veil on her, and a white flower in Bender’s buttonhole. Vorobyaninov brought a bouquet and handed it to the newlyweds.
Song "Shimmy"
While Madame was singing the song, she was so carried away that she did not notice how Vorobyaninov stole her chair, and the neighbors, along with Ostap, disappeared.
Kisa: “And there’s nothing in this chair!”
Ostap:
"Don't worry! Each opened chair increases our chances!"
At this time two young men passed by (Vadim Baranov and Victor Makhotin), who accidentally overheard a conversation between two accomplices and quickly ran away.
Song "Aunt"
At the end of the song, one guy stole the lady, and the other stole a chair and ran away.
After that, a girl with a chair came onto the stage. Two workers brought in a sofa, the hostess made them angry for a long time, forcing them to rearrange the furniture around the entire stage. Finally she let them go.
This kind of payment is not to my liking!
Ostap came in and knocked on Ellochka the Ogress's door. (Ksenia Ergle) to the apartment. He invited her to give him the chair that she bought yesterday at auction. He showed her a tea strainer and told her that now in Europe, in the best houses of London, the old fashion of pouring tea through a strainer has been resumed. Extraordinarily impressive and very elegant.
- I hug Ellochka’s hand... no, the leg of a chair...
Ostap sings the song "Tango Rio", on the last verse he dances with Ellochka
Ellochka gave up and took the strainer. While she was admiring him, Bender quietly disappeared along with the chair. And Ellochka, not understanding anything, calmly left.
Vorobyaninov appeared on the stage and saw two thieves who were trying to gut the chair.
Vorobyaninov:“What are you looking for? Where did you steal this chair?”
Thieves(scared) :
"M-m-nothing..."
Bender appeared with Ellochka’s chair, Vorobyaninov attacked him.
Bender:"Empty again!"
Vorobyaninov:
"Furniture Museum! Follow me!"
A lady came and called the servants. On her orders, they took away the sofa and brought chairs.
- “Everything is fine, beautiful marquise.
Things are going well and life is easy -
Not a single sad surprise.
Except for a trifle -
So nonsense, an empty matter,
Your mare died.
For the rest, beautiful marquise,
Everything is fine, everything is fine..."
(Song "Beautiful Marquise")
Dance with chairs
Then the girls with the chairs ran away, Bender and Vorobyaninov appeared, who immediately rushed to their new victims. As soon as 2 chairs turned out to have gutted seats, an angry lady - the director of the Furniture Museum - ran in (Elena Shigina).
Bender managed to calm her down and flatter the naive lady, so much so that they sang the song “Happy New Year” together.
Kisa:
“Sing, sing, I still have 4 chairs left!”
Dance "Cancan".
Vorobyaninov wastes no time - examining the chairs
Finally, all 11 chairs were opened and examined. Kisa was upset that the treasure was never found. Ostap remembered that the last, 12th chair is in the VOG House of Culture. And the accomplices ran there.
"Talent show" (in the style of the 20-30s with the participation of the audience)
The entertainer and the lady performed (Vladimir Bocharov and Elena Shigina).
- The competition will begin now! The spectators themselves participate!
The jury of the competition was announced. Chairman - Nikolay Suslov (in the world a teacher at LVC-ICR), assistants - Tatyana Suslova and Anastasia Khagundokova.
A strict jury is ready to evaluate
Dance "Chicago"
Dance "Hat"
In the 1920s, the Bolshevik struggle against the church raged with might and main; all young pioneers were required to be atheists and atheists. A sketch was shown of how the pioneers unanimously fired eggs at the priest, and then formed a line and saluted the audience.
Scene "Flame"
Performance "True Ladies" - they not only know how to flirt, but also rob stores
The 20-30s of the twentieth century were distinguished by freedom of morals. For example, getting married and signing at the registry office was as easy as going to the bathhouse. A scene was shown of how a man met a woman on a bus and they immediately went to the registry office to register their marriage.
Dance "Rio Bar"
Dance "Lezginka"
The thieves kid is preparing to beat and rob the sucker completely. But in the end he lost.
Scene "Va-Bank"
Scene "Mother's Daughters". Mothers at the station show off their daughters; one of them sings well, the other one dances amazingly. And the third one... she’s simply her favorite. The daughters came, showed their skills and quickly flew away, hurrying about their business. Only the third remained to help carry the suitcases to the train.
- What’s my daughter’s voice like, huh?
Song "Charlie" (artists of the VOG Palace of Culture Irina Vasilyeva and Vadim Baranov)
The compere and the Lady announced a break in the competition. They informed the audience that the name of the holiday “12 New Year’s Miracles” was not a coincidence. Because it echoes the approaching New Year 2012, and there are 12 months in a year...
"And - attention! A surprise awaits everyone! Among the 150 spectators there are owners of 12 lucky chairs! Please turn the chair over and see if you have the numbers from 1 to 12!"
This is my happy chair!
The search for that very happy chair. By the way, you can see that there is literally nowhere for an apple to fall in the hall - what it was like to tear your chairs out from under the tables...
The new lucky one received a gift - a bottle of Soviet champagne and a soft toy dragon
The competition continued.
Dance "It can't be." (My hearing-impaired neighbors were all wondering how they danced
without music, keeping the rhythm - O.K.)
"Madame Natalie"
The competition is over. The jury retired to evaluate the results of the competition.
A guest from the Ukrainian theater "Rainbow" Ivan Lisovoy also took part in the celebration. Together with our actress Natalya Kolyazeva, he showed his act “Deaf Dragon”.
The fakir blew and blew into the pipe, beat and beat the drum, but all to no avail.
The little dragon did not want to crawl out of the bag.
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Finally the dragon crawled out of the bag. Along with the "Deaf" car sign.
After that the deaf dragon (Andrey Dragunov) showed his flexible dance "Locking".
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The concert is already nearing its end. The Snow Maiden and Father Frost appeared on the stage (E. Shigina and V. Bocharov).
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Vorobyaninov and Bender ran onto the stage. Kisa, when he saw the chair, immediately threw himself on his knees, asking Santa Claus to give him this chair. But instead he received a cookie from the old man.
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- This chair belongs to the VOG Palace of Culture, and all the treasures too!
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The song "Happy New Year" begins with Viktor Makhotin...
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...and this song is picked up by all the other artists
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Finale of the concert program
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Judge Suslov announces the winners
Competition winners:
1 place took the number "Mother's Daughters"
2nd place went to the sketch "Flame"
3rd place was awarded to "Rio Bar"
4th place - "All-in"
5th place - "Retro"
The winners were rewarded with a ticket to the sauna for the whole team. Then the jury asked "Mama's Daughters" to repeat their number for an encore.
The scriptwriter for the theatrical concert and the stage director is the artistic director of the VOG Palace of Culture Vasilyeva Maria Vadimovna.
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Olga KODILEVA
Please send all comments and suggestions by e-mail: [email protected]
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The event takes place in the assembly hall. There are 12 chairs on the stage.
Props: posters “Chemistry Room”, Physics Room”, “Informatics Room”, “Russian Language and Literature Room”, Foreign Language Room”, Gym”, “Music Room”; Physical and chemical instruments, reagents; portraits of A.S. Pushkina L.N. Tolstoy; vase with Flowers; basketball; laptop.
Characters: Graduates, Ostap Bender, Kisa Vorobyaninov, Chemistry teacher, Physics teacher, Russian language and literature teacher, Foreign language teacher, Music teacher, Physical education teacher, Computer science teacher, Class teacher.
Phonograms of songs:
“My Generation” (music and lyrics by A. Osipova); “We wish you happiness” (music by St. Namin, lyrics by I. Shaferan); “Kurochkin’s Couplets” from the film “Wedding with a Dowry” (music by B. Mokrousov, lyrics by A. Fatyanov); “Marusya” from the film “Ivan Vasilyevich Changes His Profession” (music by A. Zatsepin, lyrics by L. Derbenev); “To Tikhoretskaya” from the film “The Irony of Fate, or Enjoy Your Bath” (music by M. Tariverdiev, lyrics by M. Lvovsky); “Wait, locomotive” from the film “Operation “Y” and other adventures of Shurik” (music by A. Zatsepin, lyrics by N. Ivanovsky); “Help Me” from the film “The Diamond Arm” (music by A. Zatsepin, lyrics by L. Derbenev); “Sponges with a bow” (music and lyrics by O. Popkov); “The Cavalry Guard’s Age is Short” from the film “The Star of Captivating Happiness” (music by I. Schwartz, lyrics by B. Okudzhava); “Winter Dream” (music and lyrics by A. Shevchenko); “Wind of Change” from the film “Mary Poppins, Goodbye!” (music by M. Dunaevsky, lyrics by N. Olev).
The soundtrack of the song “My Generation” plays. The Graduates come on stage and perform the first verse of the song.
GRADUATES:
On turns and currents
My generation is spinning.
Studying in the best gymnasium
And he gains knowledge here.
Everyone wants to find some treasure here,
The secret is kept...
The music fades out. Ostap Bender appears on stage.
OSTAP BENDER: Treasure? What treasure are we talking about? Gentlemen! No need for applause! Let me introduce myself: Ostap-Suleiman-Berta-Maria-Bender Bey. (To teachers.) Bonjour to the proletarians of mental labor! So, I heard that it was about a treasure.
Kisa Vorobyaninov comes out.
KISA VOROBYANINOV: I will command the parade! Allow me to introduce myself - the leader of the nobility, a person close to the emperor.
OSTAP BENDER: Kitty, how old!.. What is your destiny here?
KISA VOROBYANINOV: Monsieur, no mange pa...
OSTAP BENDER: What kind of stupid jokes? Don't put pressure on your psyche. But to hell with you, (waving his hand) stay.
KISA VOROBYANINOV: So, I heard something about a treasure. Gentlemen! Life dictates its own laws: there are not enough treasures for everyone.
OSTAP BENDER: Calm down, Kisa.
KISA VOROBYANINOV (runs up to the chairs): Oh, chairs! My dear ones! Let's start with them!
OSTAP BENDER: Ippolit Matveevich! There is nothing to look for there anymore. If there was anything, everything has long been used to equip the offices. The director clearly worked here. Right? (Addresses the school director.)
The soundtrack of the song “We wish you happiness” plays. Graduates sing.
GRADUATES:
In the world of integrals, theorems,
In the world of gymnasium problems
You and I have been there many, many times.
They taught us to count accurately,
And the issues are difficult to solve.
And now we say thank you for everything.
Chorus:
We wish you happiness,
Dear director, you are ours,
Good luck and good luck,
And solutions to all problems.
We wish you happiness,
And it should be like this
When you're happy yourself
Share your happiness with others.
KISA VOROBYANINOV: What should we do? Where to look for treasure? After all, the school is so big, but the treasure is so small. And all sorts of people walk here all the time...
OSTAP BENDER: The ice has broken, gentlemen of the jury! In search of treasure we go through the offices.
On the stage there is a poster “Physics Cabinet”. There are physical instruments on the table. The physics teacher is sitting at the table.
OSTAP BENDER: Let's listen to what people are talking about here.
The phonogram of “Kurochkin’s Couplets” plays. Graduates sing.
GRADUATES:
We won't brag to you,
We know physics perfectly.
And any law we can
No problem to prove it to you.
Gravity and the atom -
Everything is not a dark forest for us.
Having understood this clearly,
Let's move progress forward.
KISA VOROBYANINOV: Physics! It's so difficult!
OSTAP BENDER: Calm down! I won’t make the Count of Monte Cristo, but know that a great strategist is taking over with you. So, we won't find any treasure here. During the physical experiment, the diamonds changed their state. They went from solid to liquid, then completely to gas and evaporated. Let's move on, giant of thought!
On the stage there is a poster “Informatics Cabinet”. A computer science teacher is sitting at a laptop. The soundtrack of the song “Marusya” plays. Graduates sing.
GRADUATES:
Computer study,
Know everything about the Internet
I really want to become an economist.
You told everything, you explained everything,
And the company will be promoted in no time.
Chorus:
“Informatika” sheds tears of happiness,
Her soul sings with joy.
Now everyone has learned about the computer,
Anyone can become a hacker here.
Big money, small money
We can pump it at our own expense.
OSTAP BENDER: Well, there’s nothing for us here. If there were any jewelry, they were transferred to a virtual account.
KISA VOROBYANINOV: Maybe we can break it in, I grabbed a crowbar.
OSTAP BENDER: Ippolit Matveevich, crowbar is yesterday. There's an intelligent protection system!..
KISA VOROBYANINOV: Yes, and you need to know some other password. Maybe we can go further?
On the stage there is a poster “Chemistry Room”. There are chemical instruments and reagents on the table. The chemistry teacher is sitting at the table. The phonogram of the song “To Tikhoretskaya” plays. Graduates sing.
GRADUATES:
They’ll start asking us about it in chemistry,
How to test Mendeleev's law.
We try so hard, we try so hard
And our chemistry teacher is still smiling.
We crammed chemistry day and night,
And they forgot all other items.
We dream of test tubes with flasks day and night,
(Addressing the Chemistry Teacher.)
No one can help but you!
OSTAP BENDER: We won’t find anything here either. They say that the chemistry teacher (names her full name) discovered a new chemical element. It's called "Graduate of the 21st Century"!
KISA VOROBYANINOV: Yes, and here are his characteristics: his physical condition is excellent, he doesn’t struggle in his studies, he doesn’t drown in tests, he doesn’t fail in exams.
OSTAP BENDER: Chemical properties - it does not react to anything, it is absolutely inert, but on the test it enters into a violent reaction of exchanging cheat sheets.
KISA VOROBYANINOV: Our money was spent on paying the prize for the discovery of such an element. Let's continue searching...
On the stage there is a poster “Foreign Language Classroom”. The Teacher is sitting at the table. The soundtrack of the song “Wait, Locomotive” is playing. Graduates sing.
GRADUATES:
Don’t stand there, locomotive, but take it abroad,
I'm ready to meet her!
A foreign language has long become native to me:
(Addressing the Foreign Language Teacher.)
Hello, I love you, my darling teacher!
MUNICIPAL BUDGETARY EDUCATIONAL INSTITUTION
SECONDARY SCHOOL No. 104
VOROSHILOV DISTRICT OF ROSTOV-ON-DON
SCENARIO
LITERARY AND MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
FOR 11TH CLASS
"THE TWELVE CHAIRS"
(based on the novel by Ilya Ilf and Evgeny Petrov)
HIGH QUALIFICATION CATEGORY
SMIRNOVA NATALIA ALEKSANDROVNA
Rostov-on-Don
2012
CHARACTERS:
NARRATOR 1 (boy) …………………………………………………………....…….…………….
NARRATOR 2 (girl) …………………………………………………………………………………..
NARRATOR 3 (boy) …………………………………………………………….
NARRATOR 4 (girl)……………….…………………………………………………………….
OSTAP BENDER …………………………………………………………………………………………..
IPPOLIT MATVEEVICH VOROBYANINOV ………………………………………..
KLAUDIA IVANOVNA PETUKHOVA ………….....…………………………………..
FATHER FEDOR……………………………..……………………………………..
Ellochka ………………………………………………………………………………..
GIRL 1………………………………….…………………………………………..
GIRL 2…………………………………..………………………………………….
GIRL 3………………………………….…………………………………………..
GIRL 4 ………………………………………………………………………………
GRITTSUEVA …………………………………………………………………………………………..
MEMBER OF THE COMMISSION……………………………………………………………………..
MANAGER ……………………………..……………………………………………………
SWORDMAN FIXER ………………………………………………………………….
STREET CLEANER…………………………………………………………………………………
WORKER 1 ………………………………………………………………………………
WORKER 2 ………………………………………………………………………………
SCENE 1
PHENOMENON 1
Melody No. 1
All artists appear in front of the audience,
then they leave and prepare for the start of the performance.
PHENOMENON 2
Narrators 1, 2.
NARRATOR 1: In the district town of N, life was quiet. The spring evenings were delightful, the dirt sparkled like anthracite under the moon. The issues of love and death in this wonderful city from nine in the morning to five in the evening every day with a half-hour break were in charge of Ippolit Matveevich Vorobyaninov, the former leader of the nobility, a man oppressed by poverty and his mother-in-law Claudia Ivanovna Petukhova.
NARRATOR 2: Claudia Ivanovna was stupid, and her advanced age did not allow her to hope that she would ever grow wiser. She was extremely stingy. Her voice was so strong and thick that Richard the Lionheart, whose scream was known to make horses crouch, would have envied it. On top of that, a mustache grew under her nose, and each mustache looked like a shaving brush.
NARRATOR 1: On Good Friday, April 15, 1927, Klavdia Ivanovna felt worse, she had a severe heart attack, and she confessed to the priest of the Church of Flora and Lavra, Father Fedor V O strikova. Then she called Ippolit Matveevich, after which a VERY IMPORTANT conversation took place between them.
The narrators leave.
PHENOMENON 3
Melody No. 2
Petukhova, Vorobyaninov, father Fedor.
PETUKHOVA: Ippolit, sit next to me, I have to tell you... Ippolit, do you remember our living room set?
VOROBYANINOV: Which?
PETUKHOVA: That one... upholstered in English chintz...
VOROBYANINOV: Oh, is this in my house?
PETUKHOVA: Yes, in Stargorod...
VOROBYANINOV: I remember, I remember very well... A sofa, a dozen chairs and a round table with six legs. The furniture was excellent, A mbsovskaya... Why did you remember?
PETUKHOVA(“in a wooden, indifferent voice”): I sewed my diamonds into the seat of the chair.
VOROBYANINOV: What kind of diamonds? Weren't they taken away then, during the search?
PETUKHOVA: I hid the diamonds in the chair.
VOROBYANINOV: Your diamonds! Into the chair! Who gave you the idea? Why didn't you give them to me?
PETUKHOVA(calm and angry): How was it possible to give you diamonds when you let the O my daughter's estate to the wind?
VOROBYANINOV(got up): But did you take them out of there? They are here?
PETUKHOVA: I did not have time to. You remember how quickly and unexpectedly we had to flee. They remained in the chair that stood between the terracotta lamp and the fireplace.
VOROBYANINOV(shouted): But this is madness! How similar you are to your daughter! (Passed around the room.) But do you have any idea where these chairs could have ended up? Or do you think, perhaps, that they are quietly standing in the living room of my house and waiting for you to come to pick up your r-regalia? How? Plant seventy thousand worth of diamonds in a chair! In a chair on which no one knows who is sitting!..
Melody No. 3
The heroes leave.
SCENE 2
PHENOMENON 1
Melody No. 3 (continuing)
Narrators 3, 4.
NARRATOR 3: The news stunned Ippolit Matveevich. In his diamond dreams, even his mother-in-law seemed sweeter to him than she was. He decided to go to Stargorod and find the treasure.
NARRATOR 4: However, not only Vorobyaninov went in search of treasures. The impetuous soul of Father Fyodor, who confessed Claudia Ivanovna, never knew peace, especially when it came to profit: at all stages of his spiritual and civil career, Father Fyodor remained a money-grubber. He dreamed of his own St. e private factory, therefore, without hesitating for a moment, he went to Stargorod “on a mysterious matter, but apparently promising great BENEFIT.”
NARRATOR 3: From the side of the village of Chmarovka, fate sent Ippolit Matveyevich assistant Ostap Bender, who seemed to the “leader of the nobility” to be a swindler. But, despite this, Vorobyaninov told Ostap, the first rogue he met, everything he knew about diamonds from the words of his dying mother-in-law.
NARRATOR 4: From his biography, Ostap usually reported only one detail: “My dad was a Turkish subject.” The liveliness of his character brought Bender to Stargorod without anything to do, without socks, without a key, without an apartment and without money.
Melody No. 4
The narrators leave.
PHENOMENON 2
Melody No. 4 (continuing)
Ostap Bender, Vorobyaninov.
BENDER: The ice has broken, gentlemen of the jury! The ice has broken! How much did all this mother-in-law music cost?
VOROBYANINOV: Seventy thousand - seventy five thousand.
BENDER: Now, that means it costs one and a half hundred thousand. Not less. Only you, dear comrade from Paris, spit on all this.
VOROBYANINOV: How to spit?
BENDER: Saliva, as they spat before the era of historical materialism. It won't work.
VOROBYANINOV: How so?
BENDER: That's how. How many chairs were there?
VOROBYANINOV: Dozen. Living room set.
BENDER: Your set burned out in the stoves a long time ago. (Vorobyaninov got very scared and stood up.) Calm down, calm down. I'm taking over the matter. The meeting continues. By the way, you and I need to conclude a small agreement. If the treasure is sold, I, as a direct participant in the concession and technical manager of the business, receive sixty percent.
VOROBYANINOV: This is robbery in broad daylight.
BENDER: How much were you thinking of offering me?
VOROBYANINOV: Well, five percent, well, ten, finally. You understand, this is fifteen thousand rubles!
BENDER: Don't you want anything else?
VOROBYANINOV: N-no.
BENDER: Or maybe you want me to work for FREE, and also give you the key to the apartment where the money is?
VOROBYANINOV: In that case, forgive me. I have reason to think that I can handle my job alone.
BENDER: Yeah! In this case, forgive me, I have no less reason to believe that I alone can cope with your case.
VOROBYANINOV: Scammer!
VOROBYANINOV: Twenty percent.
BENDER(with a laugh): And my grub?
VOROBYANINOV: Twenty five.
BENDER: And the key to the apartment? Well, so be it – fifty percent. Half is yours, half is mine.
VOROBYANINOV: Forty percent. Sixty thousand.
BENDER: You are a rather vulgar person, you love money more than necessary.
VOROBYANINOV: Don't you like money?
BENDER: I do not like.
VOROBYANINOV: Why do you need sixty thousand?
BENDER: Out of principle! Well, has the ice broken? (Gives his hand to Vorobyaninov.)
VOROBYANINOV(quietly, offering his hand): Started moving.
BENDER: Well, deal with each other, district leader of the Comanches! The ice has broken, gentlemen of the jury!
Melody No. 5
The heroes leave.
SCENE 3
PHENOMENON 1
Melody No. 5 (continuing).
Narrators 1, 2.
NARRATOR 1: A real hunt for 12 chairs began, in which the technical manager of the case, Ostap, showed inexhaustible energy and ingenuity. The competitor of the event, Father Fedor, made himself known. Ippolit Matveyevich got into a fight with him on the street over a chair that didn’t have any diamonds in it. The concessionaires also encountered Vostrikov in St. A city hotel.
NARRATOR 2: Ippolit Matveyevich, encouraged by orders for furniture received from Bartholomew Korobeinikov, is in a joyful mood , smiling radiantly, he went out into the corridor and began to walk. At the same time, Father Fyodor went out into the corridor for a walk, whose face was blurred with happiness, because he also had a warrant for what he then thought was diamond furniture. The rivals met several times and, looking triumphantly at each other, moved on.
Melody No. 6
The narrators leave.
PHENOMENON 2
Vorobyaninov comes out. Then Father Fyodor appears to meet him.
They proudly walk past each other several times.
VOROBYANINOV(“with inexpressible sweetness”): Hello, father.
FEDOR(with sarcasm): Good morning, Ippolit Matveevich.
They pass each other, then return.
VOROBYANINOV: Did I hurt you during the last meeting?
FEDOR: No, why, it was very nice to meet you.
VOROBYANINOV: Are you no longer serving Mass?
FEDOR: Where to serve there! Parishioners fled to the cities. They are looking for treasures.
VOROBYANINOV: Note - your treasures! Their!
FEDOR: I don’t know whose, they are just looking for it.
PHENOMENON 3
Same with Bender.
Melody No. 4
Ostap comes out and goes to Father Fyodor.
BENDER(menacing): Do you buy old things? Chairs? Offal? Polishing boxes?
FEDOR(quietly, scared): What do you want?
BENDER: I would like to sell you some old trousers. Why are you silent, like a bishop at a reception? We buy old things and steal new ones! (Father Fyodor retreats.) What about the pants, dear clergyman? Do you take it? (Mocking evilly.) There are also sleeves from a vest, a circle from a donkey and ears from a dead donkey. Wholesale the whole batch - it will be cheaper. And they don’t lie in chairs, no need to look for them! A?! (Father Fyodor hides.)
Ostap was about to leave.
FEDOR(squeaked indignantly): You yourself are a fool! (Hides behind a chair.)
BENDER: What? (Come closer, making your palms like a pipe.) How much is opium for the people? (Silence in response.) Dad, you are a vulgar man. (Turns to Vorobyaninov.)
VOROBYANINOV: As if he wouldn't follow us!
BENDER: After today's ministerial meeting on the yacht, no rapprochement is possible. He's AFRAID of me.
Melody No. 7
The heroes leave.
SCENE 4
PHENOMENON 1
Melody No. 7 (continuing)
Narrators 3, 4.
NARRATOR 3: At a dinner with the long-time mistress of the former leader of the nobility (Elena Stanislavovna), Ostap introduced his partner to the guests as “a giant of thought, the father of Russian democracy and a person close to the emperor,” and called for the creation of an underground “Union of SWORD and Plowshare.” Bender collected five hundred rubles for the future needs of the secret society.
NARRATOR 4: The next day, Ostap married the widow Gritsatsueva, “a sultry woman and a poet’s dream,” and on his first wedding night he left her, taking other things in addition to the chair. The widow's chair turned out to be empty, and the accomplices left in search of treasures in Moscow.
NARRATOR 3: In the capital, the concessionaires failed the operation: 10 chairs left the hands of the great operator in disgrace, their distribution O were given at auction one by one. Two chairs out of 10 were bought by Ellochka Shchukina, a charming creature whose vocabulary consisted of 30 words: 10 times less than the vocabulary of a savage from the cannibal tribe “Mumbo-Yumbo”.
NARRATOR 4: Ellochka dreamed of outdistancing the daughter of American billionaire Vanderb And ice and tried very hard to keep up with her, not missing a single French fashion magazine. Ostap did not prepare for a conversation with Ellochka, because for conversations with ladies he preferred INSPIRATION.
Melody No. 8
The narrators leave.
PHENOMENON 2
Melody No. 8 (continuing)
Set to music: Ellochka and girls with fashion magazines.
PHENOMENON 3
Ellochka and her new robe, trimmed with “mysterious” fur.
Ostap appears, immediately understands everything, closes his eyes and takes a step back.
BENDER: Lovely fur!
Ellochka(gently): You're kidding! This is a Mexican jerboa.
BENDER: This can't be true. You have been deceived. They gave you much better fur. These are Shanghai leopards! Well, yes! Leopards! I recognize them by their shade. See how the fur plays in the sun!.. Emerald! Emerald!
ELLOCHA: You are the right guy.
BENDER: You were, of course, surprised by the early visit of an unknown man?
ELLOCHA: Ho-ho!
BENDER: But I am coming to you on a delicate matter.
ELLOCHA: You're kidding!
BENDER: You were at the auction yesterday and made an extraordinary impression on me.
ELLOCHA: Be rude!
BENDER: Have mercy! To be rude to such a charming woman is inhumane.
ELLOCHA: Horrible!
BENDER: Dear girl, sell me a chair. I really like it. Only you, with your feminine instincts, could choose such an artistic piece. Sell it, girl, and I’ll give you seven rubles.
Ellochka(slyly): Be rude, boy.
BENDER(explaining): Ho-ho. You know, now in Europe and in the best houses of Philadelphia they have resumed the old fashion of pouring tea through a strainer. Extraordinarily impressive and very elegant. (Ellochka became wary.) A diplomat I knew just came to me from Vienna and brought it as a gift. Funny thing.
Ellochka(interested): Must be famous.
BENDER: Wow! Ho-ho! Let's exchange. You are a chair to me, and I am a strainer to you. Want to? (Ostap takes a strainer out of his pocket. It makes an irresistible impression on Ellochka.)
ELLOCHA: Ho-ho.
Melody No. 8
Ostap puts the strainer on the table, takes a chair and, bowing gallantly, leaves.
Ellochka with a strainer goes in the other direction.
SCENE 5
PHENOMENON 1
Melody No. 8 (continuing)
Narrators 1, 2.
NARRATOR 1: Just as easily and artistically, the great schemer obtains the coveted chairs from the engineer Shchukin, from the humorist Absalom Iznurenkov, from the editor of “Stanka”, from the poet Nikifor Lyapis-Trubetskoy. However, diamond dreams remain dreams. Time passes, but the treasure has not been found.
Melody No. 9 (clock strikes in the background).
NARRATOR 2: The long absence of Comrade Bender worried Madame Gritsatsueva. She, having read an advertisement in the newspaper that her husband “was run over by a horse... escaped with a slight fright...”, and urgently went to Moscow to search. Seeing his wife, Bender ran away from her as fast as he could and eventually locked him in the editorial office, where the “sultry lady” met the dawn. The couple sorted things out through a GLASS DOOR.
Melody No. 9 (continues louder)
The narrators leave.
PHENOMENON 2
First Gritsatsueva.
GRITTSUEVA(calls tenderly): Su-u-uslik! Gopher! (Worried.) Comrade Bender!
Bender comes out slowly.
BENDER: And... are you here too?
GRITTSUEVA(joyfully): Here, here.
BENDER: Hug me, my joy, we haven’t seen each other for so long. Why don't you come, my chicken? Your Pacific cockerel is so tired at the meeting of the Small Council of People's Commissars.
GRITTSUEVA(fussing, jumping): Gopher. Open the door for me, Comrade Bender.
BENDER: Hush, girl! Modesty adorns a woman. What are these jumps for? Well, why are you tormented? (Strictly.) Who is stopping you from living?
GRITTSUEVA(offended): He left, but he asks! (Cries.)
BENDER: Wipe your eyes, citizen. Each of your tears is a molecule in space.
GRITTSUEVA: And I waited and waited and closed the trade. I came for you, Comrade Bender.
BENDER: Well, how do you feel about life on the stairs now? Isn't it blowing?
GRITTSUEVA(angry): Apostate!
BENDER: A piece of the devil is in us
Confined sometimes!
And the power of women's charms
A fire will be born in the chest...
GRITTSUEVA: May you burst! I stole the bracelet, my husband's gift. Why did you take the chair?
BENDER(Cold): You seem to be getting personal?
GRITTSUEVA: Stole! Stole!
BENDER: Here's what, girl: get it on your nose that Ostap Bender never stole anything.
GRITTSUEVA: Who took the strainer?
BENDER: Ah, strainer! From your illiquid fund? And you consider this theft? In this case, our views on life are diametrically opposed.
GRITTSUEVA: Took it away.
BENDER: So, if a young, healthy man borrows kitchen utensils that she does not need due to poor health from a provincial grandmother, does that mean he is a thief? So would you like me to understand?
GRITTSUEVA: Thief, thief!
BENDER: In this case, we will have to part. I agree to divorce. There's no time to hug. Farewell, my love! We parted. Like ships at sea.
GRITTSUEVA(screamed): Guard!!
Melody No. 10
The heroes leave.
SCENE 6
PHENOMENON 1
Melody No. 10 (continuing)
Narrators 3, 4.
NARRATOR 3: The chair that disappeared in the goods yard of the Oktyabrsky station remained a dark spot on the sparkling plan of concession work. The four chairs at the Columbus Theater represented sure prey. But the theater was leaving on a trip along the Volga with the circulation steamship Scriabin.
NARRATOR 4: Ostap “chose the fatter one out of two birds,” that is, the trip to the theater, announcing to Vorbyaninov: “The last act of the comedy “Mother-in-Law’s Treasure” is coming.” The finale-la-comedy is approaching... In a word, the meeting continues!”
Melody No. 11
The narrators leave.
PHENOMENON 2
Melody No. 11 (continuing)
Member of the commission, caretaker.
COMMISSION MEMBER: Why didn't you tell me earlier?
MANAGER: How could I know that he would get sick?
COMMISSION MEMBER: What the hell! Then go and demand that HU-DOZH-NI-KA be urgently sent to the circulation steamer Scriabin.
MANAGER: Where will I go? It's six o'clock now. Everything was closed. And the ship leaves in half an hour.
COMMISSION MEMBER: Then you will draw yourself. Since you have taken upon yourself the responsibility for decorating the ship, please take the rap as you please.
The commission member leaves.
PHENOMENON 3
Ostap appears.
BENDER(yelling from the audience): Comrade! You! You! Who needs an artist! (Fits.) I am an artist.
MANAGER: Comrade, if you are an artist, we will need the following from you: the execution of posters, inscriptions and the completion of the banner. Our artist started making it and got sick. We left him here at the hospital. Well, of course, a general observation of the artistic part. Can you take it upon yourself? And I warn you - there is a lot of work.
BENDER: Yes, I can take it upon myself. I had to do this kind of work. It will be a little difficult, but I will try. Your conditions?
MANAGER: The conditions are piecework. (Ostap is not very happy.) In addition, there is also a free table and a separate cabin.
BENDER(with a sigh): Well, okay, I agree. But I have another boy with me, an assistant.
MANAGER: I don't know about the boy. There is no loan for the boy. At your own expense - please. Let him live in your cabin.
BENDER: Well, have it your way. My boy is smart. I got used to the spartan environment.
He shouts to Vorobyaninov, who is standing in the auditorium.
Why are you standing there like one who has been wooed? I thought you had been on the ship for a long time. Now the gangway is being removed! Run quickly! Let this citizen through!
Kisa runs to Ostap.
MANAGER(suspicious): Is this your boy?
BENDER: Boy. Is it bad? (Confidently.) Whoever says it's a girl, let him be the first to throw a stone at me! (The caretaker left gloomily.) Well, Kisa, I’ll have to get to work in the morning. I hope you can thin the paints. And then this: I am an artist... you are my assistant. If you think that this is not so, then quickly run back to the shore.
Bender and Kisa sit down.
BENDER: Kisa, I want to ask you as an artist: CAN YOU DRAW?
It's a pity. Unfortunately, I can't either. (Thinks.) Do you know how to write letters?
Kisa shakes her head negatively.
Don't you know how too? Not good at all! After all, we are HU-DOJ-NI-KI! Well, you can dangle it for two days, and then they’ll throw it away. During these two days we must have time to do everything we need: examine the chairs and still try to draw a sower scattering bonds.
Melody No. 12
PHENOMENON 4
Performance to melody 12
Workers bring in a large paper screen and install it in the middle.
Bender and Kisa are working on creating a sower and on the inscription:
“Everything is for circulation! Every worker should have a government bond in his pocket.”
The “artists” draw a sun at the top, and a flower at the bottom.
Instead of a sower, Ostap’s mischievous hand depicted a certain stump with a sugar loaf and thin whips instead of hands.
PHENOMENON 5
Bender, caretaker.
BENDER(to the caretaker who appeared impudently): Well, how's the banner?
MANAGER(shouting): Pack your things!
BENDER: Why such a rush?
MANAGER: CO-BI-RAY-THE things! Out! You will go to court! Our boss doesn't like to joke!
BENDER: No, seriously, don't you like the banner? Is this really an unimportant banner?
MANAGER(shouting): Out!
Ostap and Kisa leave.
The caretaker leaves.
BENDER(examining the creation): Hmmm... the banner turned out pretty wild. Miz e performance. (Thinks.) Let me summarize the situation. Passive: not a penny of money, three chairs are leaving down the river, nowhere to sleep... Active: a guide to the Volga... It is very difficult to create a deficit-free balance... The situation is much more serious than I expected...
Melody No. 13
The heroes leave.
Workers take away Ostap's work.
SCENE 7
PHENOMENON 1
Melody No. 13 (continuing)
Narrators 1, 2.
NARRATOR 1: This is the plight the concessionaires found themselves in in Vasyuki. However, the great strategist found a way out of a seemingly hopeless situation: he arranged a paid lecture at the club on the topic “Fruitful opening idea” and a paid session at the same time e a regular game of chess on 160 boards.
NARRATOR 2: Catching up with the theater, Ostap Bender and Kisa Vorobyaninov ended up in Pyatigorsk, where there was a lot of music, a lot of cheerful people and no one cared about two dirty diamond seekers. It was then that Bender uttered one of his famous phrases: “Eh, Kisa, we are strangers at this celebration of life.” Ostap managed to make acquaintance with the theater fitter Mechnikov, the great O coy.
Melody No. 3
The narrators leave.
PHENOMENON 2
Melody No. 3 (continuing)
Fitter, Bender, Kisa.
INSTALLER(hugging with Ostap): It’s possible, it’s always possible, darling. With our pleasure, darling.
BENDER: Well, ten for the whole thing!
INSTALLER(surprised): Dusya! You make me angry. I am a man exhausted by Narzan.
BENDER: How much do you want?
INSTALLER: Put in half a hundred. After all, the property is state property. I'm a tired person.
BENDER: Fine. Take twenty! Do you agree? Well, I can see in your eyes that they agree.
INSTALLER: Consent is a product of complete non-resistance of the parties.
BENDER(whispers in Kise's ear): Well stated, dog. Learn, Kisa. (To the mechanic.) When will you bring the chairs?
INSTALLER: Chairs against money.
BENDER: It's possible.
INSTALLER: Money in advance: in the morning - money, in the evening - chairs or in the evening - money, and the next day in the morning - chairs.
BENDER: Or maybe today – chairs. And tomorrow - money?
INSTALLER: I, darling, am an exhausted person. The soul does not accept such conditions.
BENDER: But I won’t receive the money until tomorrow by telegraph.
INSTALLER: Then we'll talk. In the meantime, darling, it’s happy to stay at the source, but I went: I have a lot of work. I don't have enough strength. Can you really live on Narzan alone?
The fitter leaves.
PHENOMENON 3
BENDER(thinking): The time we have is money we don't have. Kisa, we have to make a career. One hundred and fifty thousand rubles and zero kopecks lie in front of us. We only need twenty rubles for the treasure to become ours. There is no need to disdain any means here. Hit or miss.
Melody No. 2
The heroes leave.
SCENE 8
PHENOMENON 1
Melody No. 2 (continuing)
Narrators 3, 4.
NARRATOR 3: Ostap Bender, of course, chose P A ON, but to no avail: there were no diamonds in the “theater” chairs.
NARRATOR 4: Father Fedor , deceived by Korobeinikov, he also did not find what he so passionately desired. Fleeing from the pursuit of his competitors, unable to withstand the agony of persecution, he climbed onto a completely sheer cliff, from which he could not get down, went crazy there, and ten days later Vladikavkaz firefighters removed him from there to take the laughing priest to a psychiatric hospital.
NARRATOR 3: In the end, the diamond seekers had one hundred chances out of one hundred.
NARRATOR 4: The last chair disappeared in the goods yard of the Oktyabrsky railway station in Moscow. But he didn’t fall through the ground at all. What's the matter? The meeting continues!
Melody No. 4
The narrators leave.
PHENOMENON 2
Kisa, Ostap.
BENDER(shouting): Ippolit Matveevich! Listen, Ippolit Matveevich!
KISA: Eat?
BENDER: That's the point, there is. Oh, Kisa, damn you!
KISA: Don't shout, you can hear everything.
BENDER: That's right, Kisa, they can hear... A chair in the railway workers' club. (Thinks.) You are an extremely nice old man, Kisa. But I won’t give you more than ten percent. Well, why do you, why do you need so much money?
KISA: What do you mean why? What do you mean why?
BENDER: Well, what will you buy, Kisa? Well? After all, you have no imagination. By God, 15 thousand is enough for your eyes... You will die soon, you are old. You don’t need money at all... You know, Kisa, it seems like I won’t give you anything. This is pampering. And I’ll take you, Kisulya, as my secretary... (Looking at Kisa.) Don't be offended, I was joking. You will receive your three percent. By God, three percent is enough for you, Kisa. Well, my friend, get your pockets ready. We'll go to the club before dawn. This is the best time. The watchmen sleep and have sweet dreams... In the meantime, my dear, I advise you to rest... The meeting continues! The ice has broken, gentlemen of the jury!
Melody No. 2
The heroes leave.
SCENE 9
Melody No. 2 (continuing)
PHENOMENON 1
Narrators 1, 2.
NARRATOR 1: These were the last words of the great schemer. He fell into a carefree, deep, refreshing sleep...
NARRATOR 2: Ippolit Matveyevich approached the head of the head and, putting his hand with the razor far away, with all his might he slanted the entire blade straight into Ostap’s throat...
NARRATOR 1: Then Vorobyaninov went to the railway workers' club to the treasured chair, in which there was NOTHING.
Melody No. 3
The narrators leave.
PHENOMENON 2
Kitty, the janitor.
KISA(coming from the hall): This can't be true! This can't be true! (He grabs his head.) This can't be true.
STREET CLEANER: They walk here, all sorts of people walk here. They walk and walk. And you, comrade, are interested. And rightly so. Our club is, one might say, extraordinary. There is nothing else like it anywhere.
KISA: What is so unusual about it?
STREET CLEANER: I’ve been a watchman here for ten years, and this has never happened. Listen up, soldier. Well, there was a club here all the time... I guarded it. Neg O It was a busy club... But somehow they bought a chair for the stage, a good one, soft... I perched on this chair to unscrew the light bulb, and it rolled, slipped, and the upholstery on it tore. And I look - from under the casing, pieces of glass are falling and white beads are on a string.
KISA: Beads?
STREET CLEANER(admiringly): Beads! And I look further, soldier, and there are different boxes. I didn't even touch these boxes. And he went and reported. I did not touch these boxes and did not touch them. And he did well, because the jewel was found there, hidden by the bourgeoisie...
KISA: Where is the jewel?
STREET CLEANER: Where, where? Here you need to have some consideration. Here they are!
KISA: Where? Where?
STREET CLEANER: Yes, here they are! Here they are! Wipe your glasses. The club was built on them! Do you see? Here it is, the club! Steam heating, clock checkers, buffet, theater, galoshes not allowed!..
The janitor leaves.
KISA(disappointed): So this is where it is, Madame Petukhova’s treasure! Here it is! (He grabs his head.) Everyone is here!
Melody No. 1
Kisa, clutching her head, runs away.
PHENOMENON 3
Melody No. 1 (continuing)
The final performance of the artists.
Used materials
Melody 1 : overture from the film “12 Chairs” by L. Gaidai (music by A. Zatsepin, performed by the vocal quartet “Chord”).
Melody 2 : “Ostap’s Tango” from the film “12 Chairs” by M. Zakharov (music by G. Gladkov).
Melody 3 : “Striped Life” from the film “12 Chairs” by L. Gaidai (music by A. Zatsepin, performed by V. Zolotukhin).
Melody 4 : “My sail is turning white...” from the film “12 Chairs” by M. Zakharov (music by G. Gladkov, lyrics by Y. Kim, performed by A. Mironov).
Melody 5 : march “Vasyuki” from the film “12 Chairs” by L. Gaidai (music by A. Zatsepin).
Melody 6 : twist in a restaurant from the film “Prisoner of the Caucasus...” by L. Gaidai (music by A. Zatsepin).
Melody 7 : “The Union of Sword and Plowshare” from the film “12 Chairs” by M. Zakharov (music by G. Gladkov).
Melody 8 : “Ellochka the Ogress” from the film “12 Chairs” by L. Gaidai (music by A. Zatsepin).
Melody 9 : Madame Gritsatsueva in pursuit of Ostap from the film “12 Chairs” by L. Gaidai (music by A. Zatsepin, performed by the vocal quartet “Accord”).
Melody 10 : the pursuit of Ostap from the film “12 Chairs” by L. Gaidai (music by A. Zatsepin).
Melody 11 : song on the boat from the film “12 Chairs” by M. Zakharov (music by G. Gladkov, lyrics by Y. Kim, performed by A. Mironov).
Melody 12 : “Artists” from the film “12 Chairs” by L. Gaidai (music by A. Zatsepin).
Melody 13 : chase in Vasyuki from the film “12 Chairs” by L. Gaidai (music by A. Zatsepin, performed by the vocal quartet “Accord”).
Melody 14 : tango “Where among the pampas...” from the film “12 Chairs” by L. Gaidai (music by A. Zatsepin, performed by V. Zolotukhin).
Vladimir Ilyichev:“Once, for a very respected person from Sberbank, I was asked to write a script on the theme of “Ostap Bender”, as a prototype of the Jubilee, whose birthday was celebrated...
The fact is that the image of “Ostap” (even with the most gloomy forecasts) is a win-win. And you can use it as much as you like! I got lucky the first time...
The hero of the day was pleased. He himself played the role of Ostap and was happy with how he did it!”
Street:
"Kisa"- at the entrance to the restaurant, he obsessively asks approaching guests for alms with the words “ Give Christ to the leader…»
At the entrance to the premises there is a sign saying “bargaining is inappropriate here.”
« Cash collectors" with bank name badges they sell tickets for the anniversary (with discounts) 10 rubles. per piece
Hall:
Melodies from the film are playing in the hall. “12 Chairs” performed by a jazz band.
Several pairs of dancers dance retro dances.
The walls of the hall are hung with posters:
« Let’s hit the road of sloppiness with the Jubilee.”
“Everything to fight corruption”
“Places in the sun are distributed in the shade...”
“Once you have arrived, there is no need to rush!
They will come for you..."
"Eat as much as you can carry"
“Life dictates its income, but our arms are long”
At the level (height) of these posters on one of the walls of the hall there is a map of the USSR, where the path of the hero of the day is marked (in red ink with dates indicated) (“I remember how it all began”).
From the place of birth - and to Moscow! Each city is illustrated with photographs of the birthday person, family and close friends (photos from different years).
On the other wall there is a poster of the holiday menu/
Aperitif:
Vodka "Stargorodskaya"
Herring “Yesterday”
Bagels "From the kitty"...
and other restaurant delicacies...
Under this poster are set buffet tables, stylized as menus from Ostap's time - old dishes, cut glasses, plates with bagels, a samovar with a boot, jam, black bread with herring, jacket potatoes, vodka, cucumbers, tomatoes, garlic, etc.
In the hall (under the slogan “play chess! Go swearing!")
A session of simultaneous chess playing (on several boards) is arranged on birthday prize!
Two animators sawing a weight, inviting guests to take part in this process...
Friends of the birthday boy sign in the book of guests of honor
“Descendants of Ostap”...
Right there with the guests of the festive evening photo session taking place against the backdrop of recognizable characters from the novel “12 Chairs”!
(In the hall there are cardboard images of the heroes of the famous novel in human size with a hole for the face)
The only “living” character at this opening day is "Panikovsky" with live goose!
He poses and invites guests to hold the goose in their hands with the remark: “Please hold the goose, and I will tell you the story of who Panikovsky was before the revolution!”
At the entrance to the banquet hall, Madame Gritsatsueva, on behalf of “Ostap,” distributes silk white scarves or (“Jubilee”) caps.
Caricature artist draws express portraits of the guests of the hero of the day.
The invitation of guests to the hall is symbolized by the 3rd bell!…
Hall:
On the stage, as an element of decoration, there is a slogan (with a photo of the hero of the day in the center): “I will command the parade!”
After the guests are seated, according to the tickets purchased at the entrance, the hall is plunged into darkness.
The beginning of the film. Captions. Talk show with the birthday boy in TV version format.
Prologue.
Then, the prologue turns into an interview...
"12 questions about the main thing"
An image of the birthday boy appears on the screen, answering questions from a TV journalist.
For example, “What genre would you classify your life story as?”
The hero of the day discusses this topic, gives brief maxims, and describes various situations from life.
And as an element of surprise, in parallel, the image of Ostap Bender appears on the screen in cuts from various films, as if commenting on the text expressed by the hero of the day...
After the final question related to the business biography of the birthday boy, images of various objects (construction and social) to which the hero of the day was directly related appear on the screen. The significance of the individual is revealed through specific deeds. This talk show ends with Ostap’s catchphrase “There will be more to come!” The meeting continues..."
The lights flash brightly on the stage. The birthday boy in a stylized (retro) suit comes out from behind the scenes to the opening chords of the song “My Sail is White and So Lonely” and begins to sing the above-mentioned song. During the song, a dance group dances on stage (also in stylized costumes).
At the end of the song, the hero of the day reads (in the best traditions of Ostap) an appeal “To descendants.” His speech ends with the phrase “The ice has broken!”
A live orchestra on stage solemnly beats each fragment of the evening to enhance the production accents: perhaps it will be the unexpected appearance of new heroes of the evening or the pronouncing of festive toasts.
After appeals The birthday boy invites the hosts of the evening to the stage and introduces Shura Balaganov and Zosya Sinitsina to the guests.
Official part
Shura and Zosya introduce themselves and thank the birthday boy for his address “To posterity.” And then, a representative of the State Agency is invited to the stage to read out the Government telegram. After reading the telegram, the birthday boy speaks fiery words to all those gathered and descends from the stage into the hall to thunderous applause. The point of the congratulatory platform moves closer to the feast.
From the seats (without going on stage) private congratulations are addressed to the hero of the day from those people with whom the hero of the day still works and maintains relationships. These congratulations are interrupted by impromptu guest performances (for example, reading poetry or other performances).
Concert part.
Zosya and Shura notify those gathered about the opening of the concert program, presenting to everyone’s attention the performance of a women’s choir (made up of bank employees)… with the song “Scows full of mullets...”
Thus, through the songs of invited artists, the presenters build the biographical logic of the birthday person’s life line with interruptions for toasts (according to the approved Lists of Guests, observing the order and closeness of family).
The performance of the birthday boy’s favorite songs and their editing in time orbits will fall entirely on the ans. “Chebatukha”, which will cement the harmony of the anniversary program of the evening.
Naturally, the literary summaries to these songs (from the lips of the presenters) will retain the style of replicas from the Great Works of Ilf and Petrov.
For example, songs from the birthday boy’s youth will be presented by the group “Gems”, which will perform “My address is the Soviet Union...”
This song is picked up by the youth friends of the hero of the day, who together with the “gems” sing the immortal hit.
After the performance there is a collective toast, congratulations from childhood friends...
In the same way, blocks of work colleagues at different times will be represented through songs..., family friends of the birthday boy and close relatives.
Concert sections will be divided into special competitions for Madame Gritsatsueva Prize(competition for the best performance of retro dance), and Panikovsky Prize(after all, before the revolution, Panikovsky was “blind”! Contestants blindfolded must definitely find and describe a loved one among five dummies)
Highlight of the evening
The presenters announce in the hall that the jewels that Ostap dreamed of so much have not been found...! There is a 13th chair!…
Whenever a dream dominates the consciousness, there is always a special case in the fate of each person!
The assistant presenters bring 13 (unnumbered) chairs onto the stage and place them in different orders.
Everyone sitting in the hall is given the opportunity to participate in this story. They purchase lots on a competitive basis to guess in which chair the jewels are hidden!
The owner of the lot is given only one opportunity to name the chair number.
Having called the number, the contestant goes on stage and publicly searches the chair...)
If the participant does not guess correctly, then he remains on stage and sits on this chair. So, it continues until the 13th chair is found...
Prize? An expensive set of wine glasses from the hero of the day with a bottle of expensive anniversary wine...!
The birthday boy gives the prize to the winner. A photo for good memory with the laureates (Jewel Finders). Performing a common song.
Dance program.
The dance program opens with four pairs of ballet dancers. In the first round of the waltz they demonstrate their skills, and in the second they invite the guests of the evening to dance...
Thus, they warm up the audience and set the tone for fun...!
The presenters announce the beauty contest “Love will unexpectedly arrive”! list the various nominations by which they, together with the hero of the day, will determine the most, the most... (“to whom the mare is the bride”).
Miss Charm…
Miss charm...
Miss elegance...
Miss style!
Miss inspiration!
Miss grace!
The participants are formed from among the guests…
They walk along the supposed podium...
They're parading...
The presenter comments on the entry of each participant...
In the final round, each participant must charm the birthday boy in 60 seconds.
Exactly the same amount of time is given to women and girls to dance with the birthday boy!
Dancing:
Latin, twist, tango, waltz, rock and roll... etc.
At the end of the competition - the distribution of prizes to the ladies from the hands of the hero of the day!
In honor of the hero of the day and the winner, L. Lyutvinsky (soloist of the group “White Eagle”) sings.
Song "Because you can't be beautiful like that"
Group photo as a souvenir with the student. competition!
The final part.
The hero of the day raises a toast to all the guests who came to his holiday!... Then he invites them to go out to admire the festive fireworks!!!
